by A. E. Murphy
“Who is?” I take a step back but he follows. I try to divert my eyes and suck my lower lip into my mouth as a way to protect it.
“Nobody, but let me try to be,” he whispers and I give him my cheek.
“I’m not.” I place my fingertips on his shoulders and push him back. “I don’t want this. I’m sorry.”
“Sure you do,” he chuckles, completely ignoring me. “Why’d you bring me up to your room?”
“You’re kidding, right?” I snap and shove him backwards, harder this time. He stumbles, his drunken state ruining his balance. “I thought we were friends, Leroy.”
“We are.” He rubs his eyes and turns to the door. “I’m sorry, I thought… I thought you felt the same.”
“I brought you up to my room to just chill,” I yell after him and follow him into the hallway. “Maybe you should have been clearer about your own expectations.”
“Whatever,” he grumbles, sitting on the top stair. “I’ve had a shit night; you’ve said no; stop talking about it.” I realise that he’s embarrassed and curse under my breath before sitting beside him on the top step.
“We’re still friends, right? I like spending time with you.” I say, scrunching my nose up at his profile. “Well… sober you.”
He stares down at his knees and sighs heavily. “I don’t know how to be friends with a girl.”
“Practise makes perfect.” I grin stupidly and he returns it. “Come on, let me set the guest room up for you.”
“Naw.” He stands and stumbles sideways into the banister. “I’m going to shoot.”
“How are you going to get home?”
“I’ll walk. I only live around the corner.”
He does? I know he doesn’t live overly far away, but around the corner seems a bit of an overstatement.
“What street?”
“Does it matter?”
We descend the stairs and he doesn’t stop to say goodbye before he exits the house. I watch him leave, remembering the slightly bristled kiss that he placed on my cheek instead of my lips. My gut churns with an instinct I can’t place. Something doesn’t feel right about any of this. I have a feeling that my happy little drama free bubble is about to burst.
Dillan doesn’t come in the morning. I’m half grateful for it but also restless, so I decide to get up and exercise anyway. My body feels pumped and ready for the day ahead regardless of my small, lingering hang over.
“I want to start doing my driving lessons,” I say to my mum as she nurses a coffee between her hands in the kitchen.
She beams, looking thrilled and also looking a lot more like me than I realised. “Really?”
“Yes, it’s time. I’m leaving in a few months. It’d be nice to have a car.” Hint, hint.
“Oh, babe, this is great.” She places her coffee on the side and opens her arms for a squish. As we embrace each other, she teases my hair with her fingers. “You’ve lost so much weight, you’re disappearing. We’ll have to get you more clothes.”
“This is becoming an expensive endeavour,” I sigh and take a step back. “I should probably get a job.”
“Not yet. You need to focus on your schooling. Get the good grades; that’s what’s important right now. Your dad and I will take care of your needs.”
“I love you.” I smile and check my face in the mirror. My stomach clenches with pain when I bend to pick up my bag. It’s just confirmation that I pushed myself enough this morning. “I have to go.”
“Need a ride?”
“No thank you. I’m enjoying walking at the moment.”
“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” she laughs and picks up her coffee again.
“Mum, I feel amazing. You have to let me train with you, show you how good it feels.”
“And give up chocolate?” She looks disgusted. “Go. Have fun and leave my addiction out of it.”
Giggling, I leave the house with a bounce in my step.
My mind rushes through the possibilities of things I can study in university. I want to be a midwife, of course. That’s my dream, to bring life and joy into the world, but the possibilities are also endless. There’s so much to discover, so much to learn.
I arrive at school, smiling at my peers and feeling beautiful and happy. This elation, this focus I suddenly have, brings me a kind of confidence I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.
I feel as though I can do anything.
I’m on such a wave of euphoria that even when I meet with Dillan, Leroy and Carl, I don’t feel saddened to see Leona and Dillan chatting quietly and intimately to each other, arm in arm.
Leroy bumps his hip into mine and grins down at me. Any animosity that might have existed because of the night before clearly doesn’t. Weight lifted.
“Your lip is looking better,” I note and touch his jaw gently. “Probably the vodka,” he mutters and I smile and nod.
Dillan watches our exchange with curiosity but doesn’t ask about it.
“Hey,” Leona says to me, now realising that I’m here.
“Hey,” I respond, and smiling comes easier than I thought. “How are you?”
“I’m great. I’m sorry I intruded on your morning workout.
My car isn’t working.”
I wave her off, trying not to look into Dillan’s guilty eyes. “I wanted the rest anyway.” Complete lie considering I spent almost an hour doing sit ups and other forms of body torture.
My phone vibrates in my pocket so I pull it out and open the message.
Mum: Do you want to tell me why I just received an invitation in the post to attend a dinner with Dillan’s grandmother and parents? You’re not pregnant, are you?
Blink.
I hand my phone to Dillan, who takes it and groans loudly. “She’s a nightmare.”
“Who is?” Leona asks as Leroy tries to look at my phone. I pocket it after Dillan hands it back.
“My grandmother,” he responds and laughs with me. “There’s no getting out of it now; you know that right?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “Never mind, it’ll give me an excuse to try on the new dresses my mum bought for me.”
“Is somebody going to fill me in?” Leona asks, flipping her thick, blonde hair over her shoulder tersely. Her blue eyes glitter with annoyance.
“Our families are meeting,” I say and check my watch. I turn to Leroy. “Are you coming to class this morning?”
“Only if I get to sit next to you.” He wags his eyebrows and tugs on my hair. “You smell like strawberries.”
“Touch me and I’ll bite you.” Batting his hand away, I wave to the others and walk side by side with Leroy to class. Did I just flirt a little? Yes, I did. It felt better than I thought it would. Leroy is so easy to get on with.
“Bye then!” Dillan calls after us. Do I detect a tone? I’m sure he sounded annoyed just then.
“See you later, arse wipe!” Leroy shouts, flipping off his friend in a playful manner. “So, you coming to my party this Saturday?”
“Maybe,” I reply.
“You always say that,” he laughs. “Fine. Milkshakes, today, after this shit day?”
I shouldn’t but… “Fine, but I’m having a healthy smoothie, not a shake, and you’re paying because I left my purse at home.”
“You drive a hard bargain.”
“I’ll get it next time.”
“Deal.” He looks pleased with himself and I’m glad. This is what being friends is all about, right? I just hope he doesn’t expect anything more from me again. I just can’t see him in that way; there’s no chemistry. I wonder if that’s how Dillan looks at me too. I’m starting to see things a bit clearer now.
Tyler: When???
Mum: Saturday at six, at that fancy restaurant that Dillan took you too. You’re definitely not pregnant, right? Because if I find out at a table full of strangers you are so GROUNDED.
Tyler: Mum… really?
Mum: Yeah, you’re right, who’d want to sleep with you?
Tyler: You are a massive bitch. I’m telling Dad about how mean you are to me.
Mum: Hehehehehe.
I send a screenshot of the conversation to Dillan, one because it’s funny and two because he didn’t react before to her asking if I’m pregnant. I want to know if he’s repulsed at the idea of sleeping with me. I’m not even sure why I want to know; I just do.
Dillan: Your mum is hilarious. She has a point though…
Tyler: FU! I’m hot.
Dillan: Hehehehehe.
Tyler: You’re worse than she is. You’re supposed to offer me pity sex at the very least.
Dillan: Fine, do you want me to pity sex you up?
Tyler: Ewww. Only if I can put a Henry Caville poster on your face.
Dillan: FU! I’m hot.
I laugh loudly once and my tutor’s eyes fly at me with no small level of chastisement. Gulp. I stuff my phone back into my pocket and focus on my work, all the while ignoring the sniggers of my peers. It’s rare that I get busted. I hate the feeling I get when I am.
At the end of the day I meet Leroy by the back doors which lead to the car park. We made the plans at lunch time.
Dillan and Carl come out not long after us and for some reason they follow us, regardless of the fact they were never included in our plans. It’s after a minute that I realise they think we are walking to Dillan’s car because when they turn and we don’t, Dillan stops and calls my name.
“Where are you going? I’m parked this way?” He points to his shiny car peeking out from between two grubby looking ninety-eight plates.
“We’re off to get shakes.” Leroy wraps his arm around my shoulders and shakes me a little. I glare at him and he moves away, laughing almost hysterically.
“Shakes?” Carl asks, looking interested. “I want a shake.”
“You weren’t included in the plans,” Leroy snaps and Carl grins with raised eyebrows.
“Me too,” Dillan puts in. “I want a shake.”
“Neither of you were invited.” Leroy sounds tense. I don’t want to get involved but I might have to. If this is just an outing between friends then what does it matter if Dillan and Carl tag along?
“So what?” Dillan shrugs. “You’re always coming to places you aren’t invited.” I feel his arm around my shoulders. “Besides, I’m going to Tyler’s in an hour anyway to work out so I may as well stay until she’s done. Right, Ty?”
I don’t remember him mentioning that at lunch time. Why is he holding me around the shoulders? I’ve forgotten how to breathe.
Leroy doesn’t respond but he does glare at them both.
Dillan keeps his arm around my shoulder as we start walking again. I’m not sure what to do with my own arm so I hook my pinkie through the belt loop on the back of his trousers and bite on my lip so I don’t start panting like a rabid mutt.
“What kind of shake are you having?” Dillan asks as we walk side by side, locked together in a peculiar half-embrace.
“I was going to get one of those health smoothies.”
“Good choice.” He grins down at me, his eyes full of respect and pride. “But feel free to indulge. When we started this, I never expected you to give up everything.”
“I’m too scared to remove the barrier.”
“Worried you’ll gain?”
“Yeah,” I admit and release his belt loop as we turn a corner and he finally begins to unwrap himself from my side. “I’m happy right now. I don’t think about it much.”
“You’re amazing,” he tells me and it makes my heart swell. “I mean… your progress is and your willpower. Even I wasn’t this good in the beginning.”
“I have an excellent mentor,” I respond truthfully.
“What are you two whispering about?” Leroy asks, frowning and squeezing himself between us.
“Milkshakes,” Dillan replies, shoving his friend forward. “Don’t be rude.”
“Says the person who just invited himself along,” grumbles Leroy, making me laugh.
“It’s not a big deal.” I wink at him and skip over to the Shake’a’wake café. After opening the door and motioning for them to go through with a wave of my arm and a bow, I finish, “We can finish that vodka or something on Friday.”
“What about my party on Saturday?” Leroy asks at the same time that Dillan snaps, “What vodka?”
Is he upset with us?
“Saturday is the night that my parents are for some reason meeting Dillan’s.”
“This Saturday?” Dillan asks, looking perplexed, and I nod. “Cool. I can’t come either then, Leroy. Sorry, mate.”
“For real?” He looks disappointed and huffs over to the counter. “Triple chocolate and cookie swirl shake, he’s paying.”
Dillan rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest. Why is Leroy acting like such a baby?
“What are you having?” He asks kindly and slides his wallet from his back pocket. I don’t know how guys can do that. I find it uncomfortable.
“The orange coloured one with the little green bits in it. I’ve forgotten what it’s called.”
The woman behind the desk nods and types it into the till screen. “He’s paying,” I jest, pointing at Dillan with my thumb.
He rolls his eyes, though his mouth is smiling so I know he’s not offended. He wouldn’t have let me pay anyway.
“And you?” She asks Dillan, but Carl quickly tells her his order and joins Leroy at the table.
“I’ll just have what she’s having,” Dillan adds at the end and taps his card against the machine.
It beeps and we both join the others. Leroy is still sulking, Carl is playing on his phone and Dillan is scowling at the wall.
“This is fun,” I sigh and pull my own phone from my pocket.
Dillan and I leave the others after an hour and head back to mine where my mum is cooking sausage casserole in the kitchen. It smells great and looks equally as good.
“Are you staying for dinner?” She asks him.
“If it’s not too much trouble,” he responds politely. “It looks lovely.”
“I doubt it will compare with what you get at home but I do my best.”
“It really does look great.” He smiles. “My mum’s cooking is… well it’s really fancy and flashy. It’ll be nice to have a home cooked meal that doesn’t have more than ten herbs I can’t pronounce in it.”
Mum’s shoulders lower and I know she feels relieved.
“You got this; your sausage casserole slays.” I whisper in her ear as I greet her with a hug. “We’re going upstairs to chill.”
“Leave the door open.”
“Too late,” Dillan chuckles. “She’s probably already pregnant.”
“Oh!” Mum whips at him with a tea towel as I shove him from the room and towards the stairs.
“How come you aren’t hanging with Leona tonight? I thought you were both inseparable.”
He shrugs. “I made plans with you.” Plans I don’t remember being made. “After I let you down this morning…”
“Not a big deal, Dillan.” I drop onto my large bed and yawn. “I went to see Zeus the other day. He’s so sweet, I can’t handle it.”
“Yeah, they said you’d been and walked a few of them. Apparently he humped you though?”
“That wasn’t fun. He needs neutering.”
“They won’t let me pay for it,” he frowns and sits on the bed. “They won’t let me keep him there if I pay for him either.”
“It sucks but it’s understandable.” I place my hand on his wrist as we lie side by side on my bed. “They need the space. In the beginning, I thought they were cruel but now I get it. All of those poorly doggies waiting for a space that need help, who might have a chance at a happy life.”
“I just wish I could adopt him.”
“I know.” I turn my head towards him. “Can’t you take him with you to university?”
“Not if I’m in a shared dorm.”
“Maybe consider getting an apartment?”
; “Even then it’ll be hard finding someone who’ll accept animals,” he sighs heavily and rubs his face with his hands, leaving mine to flop onto the bed. “Come on, let’s get started before I fall asleep.”
When he sits up, my left side feels suddenly cold.
“Can’t we just chill today? I worked out this morning anyway.”
He looks surprised. “You did?”
“Yeah.” I nod and lean up onto my elbows. “My stomach is killing me.”
“Then I guess we can chill.” He grins and I can’t help but swoon a little. His smile is so handsome and sweet. “Netflix?”
I wag my eyebrows. “Netflix and chill, aye?”
“Don’t tease me,” he jests, shuffling back onto the bed beside me, fluffing up my pillows behind his back. “What do you want to watch?”
“I don’t mind.” I’m the worst person to ask what to watch. I never know and it takes me longer to choose a movie than it does to watch it. “Just stick something on; I’m going to get a drink. You want one?”
“A bottle of sparkling water if you have any.”
“Lemon wedge?”
“Need you ask?” He responds around a yawn.
“Coming right up.” I run downstairs, grab our drinks from the fridge, cut up a lemon, stuff slices into the bottles and then dart back upstairs. I’m not even out of breath. “What was up with you earlier?” I ask after bouncing back into my spot and handing him the drink. He takes a sip and places it on the desk on his side of the bed.
We’re not even romantic and he has a side of my bed.
“What do you mean?” He doesn’t look at me and his tone is so insincere I know he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“You went all gloomy in the shake place.”
“Nothing.” He shifts in his space and clears his throat. He’s lying and he feels uncomfortable. I can read him like a book.
I stare him out, bringing my leg up so it’s bent at the knee as my arms cross over my chest.
“I was just… I don’t know… it’s stupid.” He rolls his eyes and nods to the movie. I’m not letting this go. “Fine, but it’s hard to explain.”
“Try me.” His eyes meet mine and I let mine explore his face, taking note of the fact that he’s shaved this morning as there are no bristles along his jaw or around his mouth at all. “I don’t trust Leroy with you.”