However, it wasn’t Alana’s retaliation that knocked me on my ass that day.
* * *
The bell for fourth period rang and I was walking to history, my mind on my surroundings. The sight of Jimmy coming toward me through the crowds made me want to stop and turn around, but I figured he’d just follow me. At least here there were witnesses.
I braced myself as he cut through the strolling pupils and stopped in front of me, arms out, blocking my way. I stared at him, willing someone to dump a bucket of water on him so I could watch him melt.
He smirked down at me. “Heads up—Alana’s pissed about whatever ye said tae her this mornin’. Watch yer back. Ye know—” he stepped closer, the smell of cheap aftershave and psychopath making my nose wrinkle “—ye’ve gotten pretty tasty for a geek. I’ll take ma turn soon enough. And I’ll enjoy doing it,” he whispered in my ear.
An awful apprehension kept me standing in the middle of the school corridor as he walked away, questioning if I’d understood what he was insinuating. How could he threaten me like that? Like it was okay. Like it was his right.
And no one seemed to see or care.
I stared around, checking faces through blurred vision, but everyone was just chattering among themselves, not seeing me there, which didn’t seem possible because somehow I was standing in the middle of the school corridor fearful and vulnerable.
And that made me so angry I couldn’t breathe.
A single tear dripped down my cheek and I brushed it aside impatiently as my rage seeped through the threat. Whether he really meant he’d assault me or whether it was said just to terrorize me, like Alana this morning, I wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction of my fear.
I covered my chest with my books, holding them tight to me like a barrier, as I finally came unstuck. By the time I got to class, I was a mass of confusion and emotions. Jimmy’s insidious threat echoed over and over in my head and I think I finally realized that Stevie wasn’t coming back to Tobias and me.
“You look chalk white. What happened?” Vicki said in a hushed voice as I took my seat next to her in history.
Just seeing her, my ally, my friend, the tears threatened and I had to choke them back.
“Comet?” She gripped my hand, leaning in to me. “What happened?”
The whispered retelling just bubbled out of me and by the time I was done Vicki looked ready to kill someone. “Even if he was just messing with you, he can’t get away with saying that to you. Or cornering you when you’re on your own. You have to tell Tobias,” she insisted.
“Ladies, I’m sorry to interrupt what I’m sure is a fascinating discussion but if you could pay attention that would be wonderful.” Our history teacher rolled her eyes at us.
I shot Vicki a quelling look.
But only class kept her quiet. As soon as the bell rang she said, “Maybe you should tell a teacher. Mrs. Penman or Mr. Jenkins?”
“If I tell someone, I have to tell them why Jimmy and Alana are coming after me. It’ll lead back to Stevie and everything will come out. He could go to juvie, Vick.”
“Why are you still protecting him?” She was no longer hiding how beyond frustrated she was with me. “If Tobias knew what just happened he would not protect Stevie, I can assure you.”
“Don’t you dare tell Tobias.”
Her eyes widened. “Comet, this was serious before but now it’s in serious, serious territory.” She hissed under her breath, “Jimmy just insinuated he was going to assault you. Even if he’s just trying to scare you, it’s messed up!”
“Shh!” I glanced around to make sure no one was listening. “Look, what do you want me to do? It’s either we put up with them until they get bored or we tell someone and Stevie gets into trouble.”
“You don’t have to tell them anything about the drugs.”
“He’d still get into trouble.”
“At school. Big deal.”
“The big deal is that his life is hell, Vick. He feels betrayed.”
“That doesn’t mean you deserve this. Stop being a martyr and do something.”
There was a part of me that was angry at her but only because she was speaking to the girl inside of me who wanted to fight. Yes, Stevie’s life was crap right now, but how did his get any better by making my life worse? There was trying to be a friend, and then there was being a doormat. I didn’t want to be the latter. Finally, I sighed. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Stevie.”
“Not without Tobias.”
I scowled at her. “Telling Tobias sort of defeats the purpose of standing up for myself.”
She glowered right back at me, and we walked to the cafeteria in strained silence.
Lunch was painful. Vicki kept throwing me pointed glares that silently told me to tell Tobias what Jimmy had said, and Tobias kept staring at us in suspicion. He grew steadily more frustrated when I denied that anything was the matter. My plan had been to get through the rest of the day and then find Stevie and unearth the courage to tell him to back off.
Thanks to Vicki, I didn’t have time to execute my lame plan.
School was over and I walked out of the building alone, feeling unnerved, full of trepidation, wondering what would come of my confrontation. To my shock, I was confronted. And by my boyfriend.
He hurried out of the school toward me. “You weren’t going to tell me,” he seethed, his tone incongruous to his actions as he pulled me into him for a hug. “I am so done with this. We’re talking to Stevie together.”
I gripped him tight. “Vicki told you.”
“Yes. And Jimmy is lucky I was in class when she did, because it gave me time to calm down. He still gets a threatening warning, though.”
“Tobias, don’t.”
His grip on me tightened, his gaze fierce. “Jimmy likes to act big but he’s a bug, a tiny, repulsive little bug, and I need him to know that if he touches you I’ll squash him for good.”
“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that,” I grumbled, pulling out of his hold.
“Yeah, well I wish bullies could be fought with rainbows and unicorn shit, but they can’t,” he snapped at me.
I threw my head back and let out a yell through gritted teeth.
He cupped the nape of my neck, massaging it gently. I closed my eyes at the feel of his lips on my temple. “I love you, you know that, right?” he murmured, nuzzling me.
Leaning back into him, I sighed. “I love you, too. I just...can’t believe what a day it’s been. And it’s not over. Please...please don’t get into it with Jimmy. Promise?”
“Hey, I think that I have done impressively well up to this point.” Tobias defended himself. “But threatening you like that crossed a line. Don’t pretend it didn’t.”
“So let’s go talk to the ringleader and end this once and for all.”
Determination hardened his features. “He could be at the park where they get high sometimes.”
“What if they’re all there?” I said.
“If we see them all there, we’ll leave and find another time to get Stevie on his own.”
As it turned out, they weren’t all there.
But Stevie and Jimmy were there in the graffiti-covered, run-down old playpark that was strewn with old battered soda cans, empty crisp packets and stubbed-out cigarettes.
Stevie was sitting on a rusted swing smoking a roll up while Jimmy leaned against the metal frame laughing at something his friend had said. Neither of them were dressed for winter, wearing only hoodies and tracksuit bottoms. It hadn’t escaped my notice that Stevie had stopped wearing the hat, scarf and gloves I’d gifted to him. It wouldn’t have surprised me to discover that he had burned them.
The thought didn’t have much time to hang around, however, because as soon as Tobias saw Jimmy he forgot all about staying calm. One minute he’d been at my side and then the
next he was sprinting toward Jimmy like a bull at a red flag. Stevie jumped off the swing, eyes round with surprise. Jimmy turned to follow his friend’s gaze and tensed at the sight of Tobias. It was too late, though. Tobias kept running at him and as soon as he neared him he threw a right hook that hit Jimmy with such force it knocked him off his feet.
“Tobias!” I yelled, my feet finally coming unstuck. I ran toward them, watching as Jimmy cupped his nose and groaned on the asphalt of the playpark.
To my relief, Tobias just stood over him, not making another move to attack. “You come near her again and I’ll kill you. You think ’cos I’ve stayed quiet, let you assholes taunt us, that I’m soft? You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
“What the hell is goin’ on?” Stevie said, looking down at his friend, his mouth slack with shock.
As I drew to a stop by Tobias I gaped at how painfully thin Stevie had gotten. It was more than drug abuse. He obviously wasn’t eating much at all, and I wondered why. Was all the money he was supposedly making doing drug deals going back into his own drug habit, and his mum didn’t know because she was so sick? What about his little brother? Was someone feeding Kieran? My old friend stood and faced us in nothing but a hoodie and jeans, and he trembled. But there was something...twitchy about it. Like it wasn’t from the cold...but from an irritation, an impatience for something. “Whit? Whit dae ye want?”
Tobias got straight to the point. “When is this going to stop, man? After Jimmy tries to rape Comet?”
The word rape seemed to slap Stevie. His head jerked back and his pale skin turned even paler. He looked down at Jimmy who groaned and sat up, wiping the blood from his nose. “He wouldnae dae that.”
“Jimmy’s a repulsive dickhead. He cornered her on her own and pretty much threatened to do it. He does what you tell him to do, and then takes it five million times further.” Tobias strode forward and gripped Stevie’s shirt, causing my breath to stop. But it wasn’t an aggressive move. Tobias’s words became a plea. “I’m your friend, your family. What the hell are you doing?”
Stevie looked so lost and alone, staring up at Tobias, that I couldn’t help but feel for him, despite everything that had happened. I wanted to help him but I didn’t know how without making everything worse. He shrugged out of Tobias’s hold and stumbled back, looking skinny and unwashed and neglected. He stared at the ground for a moment and then finally looked up, staring right into my eyes with his haunted ones.
“I’m sorry, Comet,” he choked out. “I’m so sorry.”
He spun on his heel and began to stride away.
“Stevie!” Tobias yelled.
Stevie started to run. Tobias moved as if to go after him but I grabbed his arm to stop him. “Just give him some time.”
Another groan brought our heads down to Jimmy. He held up his hand as if to ward us off. “I was only jokin’! Whit did ye have tae go and break ma nose for?”
Tobias stared at him in disgust. “It’s not broken. But I can change that. I will if I ever hear of you threatening a girl like you threatened Comet. It’s not okay, dipshit. It’s very far from okay. And I’m not joking. You won’t ever get away with that again.”
“Fine, fine.” Jimmy nodded, looking nothing like the intimidating vile boy who had threatened me earlier. He looked small and defeated. He looked like a coward.
He was a coward.
As if he realized that, too, Tobias gave Jimmy his back, done with him. I held out my hand and he took it, his warm fingers curling around my cold ones. Squeezing it, I turned and started to lead him away from the park.
We didn’t say anything as we walked back through town, but I knew we were both hoping that whatever had gone on in Stevie’s head back at the park, it meant the end to our torment at school.
THE FRAGILE ORDINARYSAMANTHA YOUNG
21
It’s cold here but I don’t care,
We’re surrounded by a million lights.
The glow warms the bitter air,
Our hearts set free like fiery kites.
—CC
As a wannabe poet I looked for the beauty in everything. At least, I’d always thought I had. Since meeting Tobias, however, I’d learned that sometimes my eyes weren’t wide-open when it came to different aspects of my life. The same could be said for the city I lived in. Over time I’d gotten used to it, like you get used to anything that’s in your life long enough. I forgot to see the magic in Edinburgh.
That was, until I saw it through Tobias’s eyes.
It was the weekend before Christmas, and we had our last week at school ahead of us. In all the time we’d spent together, Tobias and I had never ventured out of Portobello. I didn’t know if it was a conscious decision or if we’d spent so much time concealing our friendship that we feared going out anywhere that we might be seen together. Whatever the reason, it no longer existed, and after a week of tentative silence from our tormentors I suggested he and I go into the city for the Christmas Markets and Fair.
I watched Tobias’s face as we got off the bus early that Saturday morning. He hadn’t been happy about me dragging him out of bed at the butt crack of dawn, but the market always got incredibly busy as the day wore on. As we walked passed Edinburgh Waverly train station on Princes Street the sky was still a dark violet blue, making the Christmas lights twinkle spectacularly. It was like walking into another world. White lights sparkled in the trees like Jack Frost had danced all over their branches. The Star Flyer ride, lit up in a million different lights, stood beside—and as tall—as the Scott Monument. The ride was a pole with a flat umbrella top that moved up and down and spun. Attached to that top were bucket seats on a swing. When you were in the seat you were taken right to the top of the Star Flyer and spun out like the hem of a poodle skirt. You could see all of the city from up there—a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree view.
On the other side of the monument was the massive Ferris wheel. With somewhere in the region of twenty thousand lights all over it, it looked like it was covered in sparkling jewels. The wheel was more my speed, with little sheltered carriages to sit in so you could enjoy the view of Edinburgh without feeling like you were going to be thrown out of your seat.
“What do you think?” I asked Tobias as we crossed the street to stand beneath the Star Flyer.
He gripped my hand tighter in his and smiled down at me. “Pretty cool.”
I grinned back and hugged into his side as we continued to walk down the main street of the city. The center of Edinburgh was split into two historical areas. To our left and uphill the roads led to Old Town, the medieval area. Up there was the Royal Mile, where old tenement buildings towered over the wide, cobbled road. In between the buildings were narrow passageways and stairwells, leading to a “secret” underground world. The Mile stretched all the way up to Edinburgh Castle, perched upon its volcanic rock.
From down on Princes Street it felt like the castle loomed over all, majestic, proud, and as I looked at it through Tobias’s eyes, awe-inspiring.
“That is pretty cool,” he said as we stood at the lower end of Princes Street and stared up at the castle. At this time of the morning, warm lights placed strategically in the rock face of the volcano it sat on lit up the castle in a surreal, ethereal glow. The streets were quiet, even of cars, taxis and buses, and for a moment we just stood there, huddled together in the cold winter morning, staring at all the lights.
It felt like we were part of a wonderland. Why had I not appreciated that until I was standing with Tobias, seeing it from his perspective?
From there we walked upward on our right. Here was the other historical region of the city—New Town. It was famous for its eighteenth-century Georgian architecture. Up there, where the expensive shops, nice restaurants and luxury hotels were situated, was George Street, and my eyes widened at the sight we found.
On the west end, bejeweled in gre
en light like something out of Wicked or Disney, was Edinburgh’s Street of Light structure. It loomed as high as the buildings with two towers at the front and two at the back. Connecting those were arches, giving it the stunning appearance of a 3-D castle made up of stained glass. At night choirs and bands played under it, making the whole experience feel so magically Christmassy that it reminded me of how different my own Christmas experience was compared to a lot of people my age.
“Wow,” Tobias said as we stared up at it.
I burrowed closer to him, not just for heat, but because I couldn’t help myself from wanting to be as close to him as possible. Always.
Not long later the fair and markets opened and we strolled back down toward Princes Street Gardens. There was tons of stuff for kids in Santa Land, like Santa’s Grotto, the Santa Train, Christmas Tree Maze and lots of little rides.
At the east end of the gardens were two markets—the European Market and the Scottish Market. There were glühwein stands selling the German mulled wine, and others with traditional German bratwursts. The smells were brilliantly overwhelming as we walked among crowds that were growing by the minute. Soon, after perusing the craft gift stalls, the crowds became too much as we were jostled and bumped and almost separated numerous times. So I bought pretzels for us and we walked along Princes Street and up into New Town to St. Andrews Square. There was a circular ice rink that provided a three-hundred-sixty-degree journey around the large square, plus a bar with hot drinks to heat up skaters when they came off the rink.
For a while we just stood and watched a very small minority show off their skills on the rink, while the majority struggled to stay on their feet.
We laughed at people’s antics, and when we were ready we rented skates and joined in. To my surprise, Tobias—whom I’d assumed because he was athletic would be good at everything physical—was as much like Bambi on ice as I was. We slid and skidded and bumped and clasped on to each other, and all the while we laughed. We laughed so hard that my stomach hurt and I thought I might bring back up the pretzel I’d just eaten.
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