by Duncan Pile
“I’m so sorry,” he said through his tears, unsure whether he was apologising to the tree, to Heath, or to himself. Pushing himself to his feet, he turned away from the tree and trudged aimlessly through the campus. He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t want to talk to Emmy, but he needed some company. Remembering Taurnil’s invitation to visit him, he set off for the barracks, trudging sullenly down through the city.
He arrived to find Taurnil sparring with Erik, and sat down to wait for them to finish. Taurnil came jogging over straight away.
“You okay Gasp?” he asked, concern evident in his eyes. “I’m not on duty. Erik won’t mind if we stop.”
“No, I need the distraction,” Gaspi responded. “Just carry on and we’ll talk in a bit.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. We’ll be another hour or so. Catch you in a bit.”
Gaspi watched the two guards spar for the next hour, allowing himself to become mesmerised by the thrust and counterthrust of swordplay without really concentrating on it. He knew he needed to meditate and put his thoughts in order, but he felt bruised on the inside and was just too worn out to deal with it properly. He’d think about it when he was ready.
Taurnil finished sparring with Erik and cleaned up before re-joining him in the arena. His hair was still wet and his shirt was clinging to his chest. He sat down next to Gaspi and looked at him attentively.
“So…you wanna tell me what happened?” he asked tentatively.
“It went pretty badly,” Gaspi answered, resting his head in his hands dispiritedly. “I could just about understand how it all happened, but then she defended Everand and I’d had enough.”
“Did you break up?” Taurnil asked when he didn’t continue.
“I dunno,” he answered. “No I don’t think so. I just shouted at her and then went to sort out Everand.”
“I guess she didn’t like that?”
“I didn’t care. I wasn’t gonna sit back and do nothing. I told her that if she tried to stop me it was over, but she didn’t, and I left her in the snug.”
“She’s with Lydia now,” Taurnil said, and Gaspi just nodded. “What did you do to Everand?”
“Nothing, if you can believe that!” he answered. “I found him in his room with a load of his mates. I pinned them down with magic and had him cornered, but I couldn’t do anything. It’s just so confusing Taurn. While I was away I learned a lot of things from Heath, and he would not have been happy if I’d used my powers to hurt someone, even if it’s Everand. It was like Heath was in my head, and I couldn’t ignore him, so I just told Everand to stay away from me and Emmy, and then I left. That’s it.” He didn’t have the heart to tell him about the tree.
“Sounds complicated,” Taurnil said. “What are you gonna do?”
“I honestly don’t know,” he responded. “I hate this. I should probably meditate or something, but I just don’t have it in me right now. I don’t even want to see Loreill. I might leave him with Hephistole overnight.”
“Loreill?” Taurnil asked, confused.
“Oh yeah, you don’t know anything about that yet. Look, I’ll tell you everything another time. Can we just hang out, play some koshta maybe? I don’t want to do any more thinking today.”
“Sure thing mate,” Taurnil responded. “Come with me to get my boots.”
Twenty-One
The next morning, Gaspi awoke with a much clearer head, and he knew there was no putting it off any longer. He had to think his way through the mess he’d come back to. Rising quickly, he left the tower and made his way down to the garden. He wove his way through the shrubbery until he came to his usual spot, and took a seat on the bench. He still felt hurt and shocked by everything that had happened, but it was duller now, like a wound that had started to heal over. He spent several minutes going through his usual relaxation exercises until he felt the main force of his confusion drain away and he was able to look at things with a bit more clarity. In his altered state, he asked himself the question that had stopped him from attacking Everand the previous day - what would Heath say? The answer came back with curious clarity: Heath would tell him that he shouldn’t try and force things to happen the way he wanted.
Gaspi sighed, the last of his painful emotions draining away fully as realisation hit. He was trying to shove everything back into its box. He was trying to make everyone treat him the way he wanted. He was angry at Everand for trying to steal his girlfriend, and angry at Taurnil and Lydia for abandoning Emmy, but more importantly than that, he was disappointed that Emmy had let things happen the way they had. He felt she’d been disloyal by spending so much time with Everand, and even more disloyal by defending him. But being angry and shouting at her wasn’t going to change things. If he was ever going to feel secure about this, she’d have to come to her own conclusions. If he tried to force her, he’d just be controlling her, and she’d end up not being herself with him. She might even end up afraid of him. He shuddered at the thought.
So how was he going to deal with this? Before he did anything, he needed to forgive himself for the almighty mess he’d made of things on his return. He had no chance of making things right with Emmy if he was still angry at himself. Lifting his head to the skies, he made the choice to let go of his guilt. He did it bit by bit, forgiving himself first of all for how he’d behaved in the Rest, then for his instinctive attempt to control everybody, and finally for what he did to the tree. Feeling his burden lighten, he stood up and walked away from the bench. The next thing he needed to do was find Emmy and put her mind at ease. Everand needed to know how he felt but he’d already covered that pretty comprehensively. He’d have to say a few frank words to Lydia and Taurnil, a discussion he’d avoided the previous day, but it should be pretty straightforward and then they could move on. Stunned and gratified by the difference a few moments of reflection could make to his emotions, Gaspi left the garden and headed towards the Warren. It was well past dawn by that time so Emmy would probably be with Lydia.
…
As expected, Gaspi found Emmy in Lydia’s room. She looked shocked to see him, wiping at her tear-stained, swollen cheeks with her sleeve when he walked in. Lydia removed her arm from Emmy’s shoulders, looking at him speculatively. Ignoring Lydia’s presence altogether, he knelt down in front of Emmy and took her hands. Her eyes were wide with uncertainty.
“Emmy,” he started, knowing exactly what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry I got so angry.”
She shook her head vigorously. “No, it’s my fault!” she protested, but he gripped her hands more firmly.
“Please let me finish,” he insisted, and she bit off the rest of her objection, looking at him in surprise. This must be the last thing she was expecting. “I’m not saying I like what happened,” he continued, “but I know you don’t have a nasty bone in your body, and you wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, especially me.” She nodded in mute agreement. “So I’m not going to bully you into changing the way you are.”
“But I want to be a better girlfriend,” she insisted fervently.
“That’s up to you,” Gaspi said with quiet intensity, “and anyway, you’re an amazing girlfriend most of the time.”
Emea stared at him in bewilderment for a moment and then flung her arms around his neck, sobbing heartily into his shoulder. He felt a light touch on his arm and looked up. Lydia smiled at him gratefully, tears welling in her eyes, and indicated that she was leaving. Gaspi nodded, barely noticing when the door swung shut behind her. He let Emea cry until her sobs had diminished to little sniffs and hiccups.
“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling out of the embrace. The neckline and shoulder of his shirt was damp with her tears. He stood up, his knees protesting painfully after being in one position for so long.
“I am now,” she said, sniffling and looking around for a tissue. She found one by Lydia’s bedside and blew her nose noisily. “I really am sorry,” she said, dropping the tissue into a small wicke
r waste basket.
“I know. It means a lot,” Gaspi said, sitting down on the bed. “But I really meant what I said. I’m not going to give you a hard time about changing. I love how soft-hearted you are, and if that means it gets out of hand sometimes then I can live with that.”
“I’ll try really hard not to do it anymore,” she said sweetly.
Gaspi kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks Emmy,” he said.
“So what did you do to Everand?” she asked. “I don’t mind, I mean, it’s up to you,” she added swiftly. “I was just wondering.”
“Nothing,” he said with a shrug.
“Honestly?” Emmy asked, her expression sceptical.
“Honestly,” he said with a rueful smile. “I wanted to tear him up, but when I got there, I just couldn’t do it. I told him what I thought, but that was all. It’s up to him what he does about it.” Emmy was looking at him with naked curiosity. “What?” he asked.
“I’m just wondering what’s happened to you,” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You’ve really changed” she said. “I mean, last year, if this had happened, it would have been much worse. We’d probably have split up, and you’d definitely have hurt Everand! But now, you go off in a fury, and less than a day later you’ve completely sorted everything out in your head.”
“I learned a lot while I was away,” he said mysteriously, and then let the silence extend without further explanation.
“Tell me!” Emmy said with mock ferocity, grabbing a pillow and swinging it at him. He grabbed it, holding it while Emmy tried to wrest it away and have another swing.
“Okay, Okay!” he capitulated. “Just let go of the pillow and I’ll tell you.” When she released it, he put the pillow against the wall and pushed himself back on the bed until his back was resting against it. “I’d better start from the beginning,” he said, and began to tell her about his time with Heath.
…
Hours later, a wide eyed Emmy leant back against the bed-head, letting all the air out of her lungs in one long, slow breath. “Wow,” she said. “That’s just…incredible.”
“I guess it is,” Gaspi said, thinking back on the time he’d spent with Heath.
“And just think,” she continued. “You’re the only magician who knows this stuff.”
“Well technically the druids are magicians too, or they couldn’t be druids, but yeah. They don’t ever use our type of magic, so I guess they don’t count.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Emmy asked, springing up off the bed.
“Eh?” he responded, nonplussed.
“I want to meet Loreill!” she enthused. Gaspi grinned. Of course she would want to meet the elementals. Laughing, he also got off the bed.
“What about breakfast?” he asked, and as if on cue, his stomach growled noisily.
“We missed breakfast hours ago,” she responded. “I just want to meet the elementals!”
“Okay,” he said, grinning. “Just remember they’re not actually animals,” he said wryly. “You can’t make them into pets.”
“I know,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him, but he suspected she would try anyway.
“So, can you really cook now?” she asked mischievously.
“Yes I can!” Gaspi said indignantly, closing Lydia’s door behind him. “And if you’re not nice about it I won’t show you.”
They walked through the Warren and transported down to the Atrium. You couldn’t transport from level to level in the tower, but had to use the Atrium as a central hub. It kept things organised, and meant that no-one popped in on the upper levels of the tower unannounced. They went over to the reception desk, waiting for the receptionist to look up from whatever had her occupied. After a moment she lifted her head, peering at them suspiciously over her glasses.
“Hi Dorys,” Emea said sweetly. “Can we see Hephistole please?”
“He only returned from a trip yesterday you know,” she said tartly.
“We know,” Gaspi interjected. “But can you just ask him please?”
Dorys sniffed and picked up a quill. “Names?” she demanded.
“Gaspi and Emea,” Emea answered. Dorys scribbled their names on a strip of parchment and placed it in an ornately carved box. She watched it intently for a moment until the box gave a small wobble and the lid popped open. Reaching inside, she pulled out a different strip of parchment with stylised, curly handwriting on it. She peered at it disapprovingly for a moment.
“You can go up,” she said with another sniff, jabbing her quill in the direction of the last plinth in the line of twelve.
“Don’t you just love her?” Gaspi said sarcastically as they walked over to the plinth.
“Shh,” Emmy responded with a wave of her hand as they stepped onto the raised platform. “She might hear you.”
Gaspi grinned, grabbing her hand. “Ready?”
“Yep,” she responded.
“Observatory,” he announced, and they disappeared.
When their senses returned, they were greeted by a loud squeak as Loreill darting across the floor. The elemental took his usual route up Gaspi’s legs, his sharp claws digging painfully through his clothing and causing him to wince. The spirit settled himself round his neck, chirruping happily as he nestled into his favourite position.
“So this is Loreill,” Emmy said in amazement. The spirit lifted his head, peering at her curiously with his inhumanly large green eyes. She was clearly delighted and reached out a hand to stroke his head. Gaspi was sure Loreill would draw back from her, but to his surprise the elemental let her run her hand over his fur, and even dipped his head into her hand.
“It took weeks before Loreill would even appear to me, and with you he just gives it up in the first minute!” he said indignantly.
“Don’t be silly,” she said distractedly, transfixed by the soft, creamy fur and perceptive gaze of the spirit. Gaspi snorted. He supposed the elementals had to change their behaviour now they were in bodily form, but still! Loreill made a different kind of chirruping noise, and the other three spirits flapped and ambled from around the corner, followed by Hephistole, who was trailing them like a delighted child, scribbling furiously in a notebook as he went. Emmy was usually shy around Hephistole, but she barely noticed him now as she took tentative steps towards the other elementals.
Gaspi watched with curiosity as she approached them. Loreill seemed to have accepted her right away, but would the other elementals do likewise? They couldn’t just disappear in bodily form like they could in spirit form, but they could certainly retreat from her if they wanted to. The hawk stood proudly on the back of one of Hephistole’s chairs, examining her with a beady eye as she drew near. Its cruel beak and hard stare stopped her in her tracks, and after another moment’s examination, it took off from the chair. With a few flaps of its snowy-white wings, it flew to a higher perch on top of a large, wall-mounted shield.
Emmy didn’t even try to approach the dragon, staring at it in awe. It regarded her evenly with smouldering orange eyes and then crawled into the fireplace and curled up among the ashes. Of the three spirits, it was the water spirit, awkward in its bodily form, that really captured her attention. As soon as they made eye contact, it waddled across the floor towards her as fast as it could go, making the exact same kind of excited chirruping noise Loreill made when he saw Gaspi. Emmy reached down and picked it up, and to Gaspi’s great surprise, it didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, it lay back comfortably in her arms, cradled like a baby. As it looked up into her face, Gaspi felt the distinctive flow of elemental magic, and in his gut he felt something knit together, something that was wholly right; as if it was meant to be. Loreill was watching them too, and he could feel a kind of knowing satisfaction emanate from the earth elemental.
Emmy looked at him with wide eyes. “What’s happening?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m not sure,” he said, as surprised as she wa
s, “but if I had to guess, I’d say the water spirit has chosen to bond with you.”
“Wow,” she said breathlessly, looking into the otter’s brilliant blue eyes. “I can feel him,” she said softly.
“I suppose it makes sense,” he said. “Water spirits are all about healing living creatures, and you’re a healer after all.” As he watched her stare with childlike amazement into the water spirit’s eyes, he realised he’d never seen her look so happy.
“This is wonderful,” she said, looking away from the spirit for a moment to share her happiness with him. “I’m going to call her Lilly.”
Gaspi grinned. Heath would go spare if he could see what was happening.
“Oh come on!” Hephistole said loudly in frustration, making them both jump. They turned around to find him facing the remaining two elementals with his hands on his hips. “Surely one of you wants to choose me! I make wonderful teas you know!” When the elementals continued to ignore him, he sat down in one of his chairs with a loud harrumph. Gaspi exploded with laughter, and Emea tried unsuccessfully to stifle her giggles behind a smothering hand.
Hephistole glowered at them in frustration. “What?” he demanded. “I want one!” This time Gaspi laughed so hard he ended up rolling on the floor. Emea had to sit down and hold her sides, and even Hephistole had to smile.
“I am being a bit childish eh?” he said, not the least bit embarrassed.
“A bit,” Gaspi said between sniggers. “I just wish Heath was here. He’d go mental.”
…
They met up with Taurnil, Lydia and Jonn that night in the Rest. In all the drama of the previous few days, Gaspi hadn’t had a chance to see Jonn, and now that he had, his homecoming felt complete. Jonn, Taurnil and Lydia listened with interest as Gaspi told the story of his time with the reclusive druid, and of course they were fascinated by Loreill and Lilly, who hadn’t wanted to be left behind. The other two spirits were content to stay in the Observatory, which Gaspi figured was probably the best place for them. Late autumn was turning to early winter, so Hephistole could light a fire in his office without making it too stuffy, which would meet the fire spirit’s needs. He’d lit it before they left earlier that day, watching with unrestrained fascination as the dragon transformed in the flames, taking on its fearsome-looking spirit form. The air spirit had pecked at the latch of a small window until Hephistole swung it open. It had flown free in an instant, transforming into spirit form in a brilliant flash of light and disappearing among the clouds.