by Gabi Moore
“It’s David!” said Alex.
“Ok, well, you both have your bags ready? I don’t see them by the door.”
The boys exchanged glances.
“Oh for heaven’s sake. Didn’t I say that everything must be ready and packed by the time Mr. Segal came?” she said and walked into the room to sit a few feet from me. The kids scuttled off upstairs and she looked at me warmly.
“Sorry,” she said, “they’re like goldfish, their attention span’s like, two seconds.”
She looked beautiful. She had this easiness in her body, this air of comfort that was just so enchanting. I couldn’t have explained it at that moment, but there was just something about the way she folded her legs underneath her as she sat, and the way she tossed her hair out of her eyes and looked straight into mine. I can’t explain it, but I think I felt… intimidated.
“Uh, no problem. They’re pretty cool actually. Talkative.”
She laughed.
“Oh yeah? I think they’re pretty excited. Thank you, by the way, for this.”
“Oh it’s my pleasure,” I said, and realized that actually, it was kind of fun.
“So, they told me at the center that Alex was eight and Ben was…”
“Five. He’s just turned five,” she said quickly.
“Woah. So you were a really young mom.”
Her face changed.
“I just, I mean you must have had them when you were pretty young,” I said, then realized that that didn’t make the situation any better. But she soon laughed again.
“Uh, just how old do you think I am?”
I gulped and put my hand to the back of my neck. I had been in this woman’s company for only a few minutes and I already felt like she had me pegged.
“Damn,” I said. “Stuck my foot in it there. This is a losing game, right?” I said cheerfully and then bam, there it was: that sweet, sweet eye contact again.
“A losing game?” she said innocently. “Why’s that?”
“Well… OK, fine. I guess you’re… you’re 28,” I said and inwardly winced.
“You’re trying to flatter me, aren’t you?” she said, tilting her head like she was seeing into my very soul.
“Yeah, kind of.”
“Well, I’m older than that, not that it matters. I’m 40. And you look…” here she tilted her head to the other side and gave me a long, slow look up and down. I felt my body zing to life under her gaze. “You look… young enough to get hung up on age,” she said with a self-satisfied nod.
“Yup. I’m 25. A total immature asshole, that’s me right there,” I said. She was laughing.
“You’re funny. People in this town can be so serious, but you don’t take things seriously, do you?”
Her words were just casual small talk, but the way she spoke… I felt like we were sharing some naughty secrets with one another. I’d never been interested in a woman older than me before. But she was beginning to make me question why.
“Hey um… this is going to sound out of the blue, but I guess I’ve already put this out there once before, right?” She lifted one curious, playful eyebrow at me. “But uh, do you wanna really go and get that ice cream some time?”
She looked like she held a million little secrets behind that twinkling smile of hers.
“Ice cream? Um… I’m not really an ice cream kind of woman,” she said slowly and carefully, but she was still having a hard time keeping a straight face.
“Oh… what kind of woman are you then?” I asked with a suggestive smile. She wasn’t the only one who could be flirtatious. She sighed and looked around the room.
“Me? God, I’m a mom, I’m just happy when I leave the house each morning and my socks match and both my kids haven’t killed each other,” she said with a laugh, but there was a sadness in her eyes.
“What? No way, don’t say that. You’re like, one of those cool moms. You’re the mom all the high school boys get a crush on, I promise, just wait and see.”
She laughed out loud. I loved that I had involuntarily made her blush.
“Well, since you were a high school kid only two minutes ago yourself, maybe you know what you’re talking about, right?”
“I do,” I said, suddenly more serious. “I do know what I’m talking about.” I held her gaze for a split second longer than was strictly decent, and she instantly stopped giggling and gave a are-you-serious face and for a quick, hot moment it felt like my heart was going to gallop free from my chest.
“Uh, yes, well!” she said nervously, slapped her thighs and got up to pace the room. “Where are those little bastards?” she said with a laugh and then yelled for the boys. They both came tearing into the room and we carefully avoided one another’s gaze while everyone bustled towards the door.
“Ok, mom, you can stop worrying about us, Ben isn’t afraid anymore and we’ll be fine,” Alex said, his thumbs linked into the straps of his little red backpack.
“I wasn’t scared!”
She leaned over to kiss both of them and then there was nothing to do but look at each other.
“You okay?” she said and we shared a glance that definitely didn’t feel like the kind of thing you should get away with when there were, like, two little kids right there.
Was I ok? Fuck, I didn’t know. I was undergoing a second puberty or something. I couldn’t stop thinking about her slender waist under that thin sweater. My whole face felt warm whenever she looked at me, and I was jelly all the time when she wasn’t looking at me, waiting for her to say something again, to look my way. I was usually the bad boy in this picture, the one who sat back and waited for chicks to throw themselves at my feet, knowing that the less interested I was, the harder they wanted it. But now I was the one being teased, and I was taken aback at how swiftly and easily she disarmed me, how she gracefully deflected my gaze and left me hanging. Fuck, I’ve had whole relationships that felt less complex than the last ten minutes we had spent talking about nothing on her sofa.
“Yeah, perfect,” I said. “We’re going to have a great time, aren’t we guys?” I looked down to see the little one clutching absent-mindedly at the edge of my pants pocket. It damn near broke my heart.
“Let’s go!” Alex said, hugged his mother for the last time, and ran outside.
“Ok, so, I’ve written everything on that list, and like I said before, they’re good kids. Ben can get a little excited, but I think they’ll be fine. They do really well with outdoor activities. Just, uh, tire them out as much as you can,” she said with a laugh. “And …you have my number” she said.
“I do.”
We both took the next moment to think about that.
Chapter 5 - Ally
Just three days in, I was already like Pavlov’s dog every time I heard my phone ping. You’d think at my age I’d be over the drama of texting, but what do you know, each time I saw his name pop up onto my screen it was like a thrilling shot of something so addictive I was already trying to wean myself off of it. Fawning and giggling over flirty messages was just not something a mature, responsible woman did with her mornings. And yet, here I was, texting back and forth with someone who was most certainly not my type.
And I wasn’t his type! Let’s just say that he didn’t exactly look like the most monogamous, commitment-keen guy in the world. I would have suspected some kind of ulterior motive in the attention he was suddenly giving me were it not for the fact that he seemed just as surprised as me that it was happening at all. He was politically conservative, I was way left-leaning. He was single and had that player vibe to him; I was saddled with kids, a mortgage and two low-paying jobs. I was old and he was young. I was a little soft round the middle and hadn’t been to the salon in almost a decade, and he was a pretty-boy with magazine abs and a smile that seemed to make me desperately aware of what was going on between my legs. What I’m trying to say is that we weren’t the most natural match in the world.
My phone pinged. It was him. I couldn’t resist the big,
stupid grin that popped up on my face. We’d been chatting all day.
David: Easy on me? They kicked my ass! You must have some serious black-belt skills to put up with them, they’re absolute demons.
I replied quickly.
Ally: Adorable demons though, right?
David: Yup, they must take after their mum.
My insides turned to hot jelly.
Ally: Don’t you think this is against the rules?
David: What, me being so charming? Probably. I have been banned from several countries for having charisma outside of legally accepted limits you know.
Ally: Haha! Seriously though. Maybe it’s breaking some big brother code of conduct for you to be messaging me like this.
David: I love it when you talk ethics baby.
Ally: You’re unbelievable!
David: Unbelievable enough to come on that date with me?
Ally: You know, I haven’t been on the dating scene for a while. Is every single person these days as plucky as you are?
David: Oh absolutely. It’s mandatory. But don’t worry, you’re doing fine.
Ally: I am?
David: Oh yes. I’ll help you out, just stick with me.
Ally: Ok. I trust you. What do we do next then?
David: Well, it’s customary to move onto sexting and sending nudes, but even I’m too old for that.
Ally: Aw. I’m disappointed now.
I couldn’t believe I’d hit send on that one. And to make things worse, he was taking his time responding. Fuck.
David: Well, if you behave yourself, I’ll see what I can do.
Ally: Oh my God.
David: I’m a man of my word, ma’am. You want pictures? You get pictures.
Ally: I’m… kind of excited.
David: Of course you are. I’m warning you though, it can be a little overwhelming at first. A bit big sometimes.
Ally: Hahahaha, I’m sure I can handle it.
David: I’ll thank you to get your mind out of the gutter. I just meant sometimes the file size is too big to send over a text, that’s all.
Ally: I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. Am I really getting a dick pic out of this?
David: If you’re lucky. And I like the way you think.
Ally: Hahahaha. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with a guy your age who I met on a big brother program of all things.
David: Oh, you’re having it all right. And you’re still pretending to be shocked.
Ally: I AM shocked!
David: Hey, you’re the one talking about dick pics here.
Ally: Very funny.
David: So I’m going to assume it’s a yes on the date then?
Ally: Oh my god, really? David, we can’t go on a date. That would be so weird.
David: Don’t worry. I love weird girls ;)
Ally: I’m not weird! I’m boring! Besides, I’m not your type.
David: Ok fine. Playing hard to get. Old school, I like it.
Ally: You’re unbelievable.
David: You keep telling me!
Ally: I have to go. The boys will be back from school soon.
David: Do you really think they had a good time on the weekend?
Ally: Absolutely. They loved it. They keep asking me when you’re coming over again.
David: Tell them Sunday evening, to pick up their mom for her date.
Ally: No way!
David: Ok, a compromise then. We’ll start slow with you sending me the naughty picture you’re already thinking about sending me. Then I’ll return the favor and we’ll go from there. Deal?
Ally: I’m NOT sending you a naughty picture, oh my god.
David: Ok, sure you’re not going to do it. You’re probably NOT going to do it right around 9 this evening. And I definitely won’t be waiting for it or anything.
Ally: David, I’m not sending anything…
David: I know. Of course not. You won’t want to be naughty and see what happens if you do. That’s ridiculous.
I stared hard at the words on my phone and tried to imagine that they were right that moment being sent by a real human being. A real, hot human being. Was this normal? I hadn’t really seen anyone since my ex. I mean, a picture? Of my flabby ass in some frilly underwear acting a fool? He had to be joking.
Ally: David, I have to go. Chat later?
David: :)
I tossed my phone on the counter and tried to pinpoint exactly where it was that I had gone insane and thought texting some hot young jock was a good idea. And yet, I couldn’t wipe the dumb grin off my face. It was silly and foolish and ill-advised and probably almost definitely against the big brother program rules. But it was also fun, that much was true.
The kids came home pretty soon after that but my mind was all over the place. Everything in my life suddenly took a back seat to thoughts about him. After a few disastrous attempts at romance after Ben was born I learned very quickly that men turned on their heel and ran a mile at the awful suggestion that you had ‘another man’s child’ in tow. I still remember how it felt to tell them about my kids as though they were some terminal, contagious illness. It seemed like just dating as a single mother at all was admission not only that I couldn’t keep a man, but that I was probably neglecting my children by looking for another one. I was bitter, sure.
And I knew better than to be so giddy. I went to the kitchen to fix some snacks for the boys and tried to think. He was probably just some jerk looking to take advantage of a down-on-her-luck woman. And he was probably just after sex, wasn’t he? But the more I followed that line of thought, the more distracted I got.
I cut up some apple slices and lay them on a plate, then started to put a couple of sandwiches together. He was certainly attractive. Stupidly, annoyingly attractive. Broad shoulders, thick arms and pecs that made life seem unfair. He was obviously just some young, dumb fool looking for trouble. But what was I looking for anyway?
Ben traipsed into the kitchen and began sparring with imaginary foes with his plastic sword.
“Ben, baby, what’s that?” I said as a strange yellow splotch on his arm caught my eye. Ben tried to pull the sleeve of his shirt over this new, second bruise. This was too much.
“Baby, another one? Who did this?”
I could see Alex pause and prick his ears in the background, then he skedaddled away towards his bedroom.
“Alex, come back here right now.”
He skulked back in.
“Alex, did you do this to your brother?”
“No way!”
“Do you know who did? Who’s doing this to Ben?”
Ben just stared at the floor. That child had a will of iron, that’s for sure. If he didn’t want to speak, nothing in the world would make him budge.
“Well, who doesn’t? Everyone picks on Ben because he’s such a baby,” Alex said.
“Am not!” said Ben, his plastic sword pointing limply to the floor now.
“Ok boys, that’s enough. Bullying is not acceptable. Ever. Just because someone is bigger than you it doesn’t mean they can do what they like. I’ve had enough of this. I’m calling Mrs. Jacobs right now and getting to the bottom of this,” I said and stood to fetch my phone.
“Mom, no!”
There was a tiny, sparkling line of tears clinging to the lower rim of Ben’s lashes.
“Please don’t, mom. Mrs. Jacobs never does anything. It’ll only make it worse.” His little face broke my heart. I looked at Alex, who seemed for a second far older than his years, and back at Ben again. This was my worst nightmare. People were hurting my children and I didn’t know what to do to stop it. Ben had been targeted for months now, but I hadn’t taken it seriously, clearly. He had always begged me not to make a big deal of it, that it was just an accident, that he didn’t mind.
“Baby, if someone’s bullying you, you need to tell me so I can stop them, right now.”
“But you can’t stop them,” he said.
That stung. But
he was right. What was I going to tell him, anyway? That bullies always get what they deserve? The old lie that bullies are just sad and misunderstood and ignoring them would help? I had let his own father bully me for years, and he was walking the streets scot free. Hadn’t the divorce court basically told me the equivalent of “it doesn’t matter who started it”?
I pulled him in for a hug.
“You’re a good boy, Ben. You know that right?” I whispered into his ear. His little arms folded softly around me as he hugged back. If I had had a hundred lives I would have given them all to protect that little body, that little heart I could feel beating in his chest as he let me hold him. I didn’t want him to ever grow up and stop being my baby. But if I couldn’t even keep him safe from the world, what right did I have to his love?
“If you need my help, you come talk to me, OK?” I said, inwardly deciding I would speak to Mrs. Jacobs regardless, and get to the bottom of this bullshit myself.
“You don’t have to, mom. They’re gonna be sorry…”
I pulled back and looked at him.
“What do you mean?”
The look on his face said it all.
“Ben, you know what I said about contacting your father. You remember the promise you made to me, right?”
He stared at the floor again.
“Jesus, Ben!” I yelled and then tried to regain my composure. This time Alex succeeded in disappearing form the room. I forced myself to keep calm.