“Impossible.”
“Surely not. Name a time.”
“Well . . . it would have to be very early.”
“No problem. I’ll drive up the night before.”
“You’ll stay at the Feathers?”
“If you recommend it.”
“It’s the best you’ll find. All right, Mr. Timariot. I’ll call at the Feathers at eight o’clock on Monday morning. Not too early for you, I hope?”
“Not at all,” I replied, determined to give no ground. “See you then.”
Manoeuvring Howard Marsden into meeting me was one thing. Gaining something of value from such a meeting was, of course, a different matter. I spent most of the long drive up to Ludlow on Sunday turning over in my mind how best to approach the subject of his affair with Louise. That they’d had an affair I didn’t seriously doubt. The tears I’d seen streaming down his face in Butterbur Lane hadn’t been the tears of a platonic friend. And Sophie’s story about Louise’s “perfect stranger” made no sense in any other context. The real question was: had the affair still been going on in July 1990? If not, Howard wasn’t going to be much help to Bella. Fortunately, though, she hadn’t been in touch with me since my return from Bristol. So, if it turned out I was wasting my time, at least she needn’t know.
Not that it was destined to be a complete waste, whatever happened. These days away from the office, arranged at short notice and without explanation, were beginning to prey on Adrian’s mind. He clearly suspected I was playing a deep and devious game. And with his trip to Sydney looming on the horizon, it was no bad thing to let him go on doing so. I felt he richly deserved just as much anxiety as I could contrive to generate for him.
The deep silence of a windless Sunday night was settling on Ludlow when I arrived. I instantly warmed to its steepling streets and cobbled alleys, its timber-framed jumble of old houses and ancient inns. The Feathers was an ideally if not idyllically comfortable hotel of the kind I’d thought English market towns long since bereft. If I’d been looking for a rest cure in a soothing backwater, I’d have chanced on the perfect location. Unfortunately, that wasn’t why I was there.
To prove it, I was still munching a slice of toast and sipping coffee next morning after an early enough breakfast to have caught the kitchen on the hop when word came that a visitor was waiting for me in reception. Howard Marsden evidently hadn’t got wherever he was in the world of agricultural machinery by being late for an appointment.
He didn’t look anything like as forlorn as I remembered. He’d put on a bit of weight and gone magisterially white at the temples. He was on his home ground too, which always bolsters self-confidence. Altogether, in his pin-stripe suit, cashmere overcoat and battered racing felt, he looked about as easy to move to tears as one of the wooden faces carved beneath the gables at the front of the hotel. But what I’d seen I’d seen.
“Shall we take a stroll?” I asked, donning my coat. He nodded in agreement. Neither of us seriously thought we’d do any talking where we could be overheard.
We went out into the empty street and headed towards the centre of town. It was a chilly bright autumn morning, a sharp breeze blowing trails of leaves across the pavements in front of us, sunlight glinting and glaring at us between the rooftops. A butcher arranging sausages in his window looked up and touched his boater at the sight of my companion. “Good morning, Mr. Marsden,” he called, getting little more than a grunt in response.
“You’re well known hereabouts?”
“It’s a small town. And we’re a big employer.”
“Have you always lived here?”
“No. I was in the Navy for twenty years before—” He broke off and looked round at me. “You’re not interested in my autobiography, Mr. Timariot. Why don’t you come to the point?”
“All right. I will. You know quite a lot of people think Shaun Naylor didn’t murder Louise?”
He snorted. “People like Nick Seymour, you mean. Mountebanks, the lot of them.”
“Perhaps. But it seems they may be right. A man’s come forward and confessed.”
“What?”
“The real murderer’s owned up—three years late.”
“Good God.” He pulled up sharply and turned to stare at me. “Surely not.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Who is he?”
“It wouldn’t be fair to name him until the police have investigated his claim.”
“His claim? You mean there’s some doubt about it?”
“Not much. But we’d all like to disbelieve it, wouldn’t we? If we could.”
His frown of astonishment melted slowly into one of utter confusion. “You’re saying Naylor’s innocent? And this . . . other man . . . committed the murders?”
“Apparently so.”
“My God.” He plucked thoughtfully at his lower lip, then squinted at me suspiciously. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I think you may be holding back valuable information about Louise’s movements that day. Information the police have no cause to suspect you possess. They don’t know you were in love with her, you see. But I do.” He flinched and took half a pace back, as if I’d made to strike him. “You had an affair with Louise Paxton, didn’t you?”
“I most certainly did not.”
“Come on. You nearly drove into me that day because you were so upset. And your wife more or less admitted—”
“What? What did she admit?”
“That she knew something was going on between you and Louise. But the state of your marriage is none of my concern. I’m only—”
“Damn right it’s none of your concern!”
“Listen,” I said, holding up my hands to placate him. “I’m not here to judge or condemn anybody. I simply want to know whether you met Louise in Kington the day she died.”
His anger seemed to subside. His hostile glare crumpled into an exasperated scowl. “You think she went there to meet me?”
“She’d walked out on her husband. Who else would she have been meeting?”
“She’d left Keith?”
“It seems likely.”
“Oh, bloody hell.” He sighed and started walking again, more slowly than before. “If only you were right,” he muttered. “If only I’d known.”
“Didn’t you?”
He shook his head. “Of course not.”
“But—”
“There was nothing between us. Never had been. She wouldn’t let there be. Sophie’s well aware of that, damn her.”
We came to the market-place, where traders were already erecting their stalls and setting out their wares amidst a cacophony of clattering poles, flapping tarpaulins and good-humoured banter. Marsden trudged gloomily down one side of the square, oblivious to the bustling scene. And I tagged along.
“Since you seem to know so much, you might as well know it all. At least then you’ll get it right. I was in love with Louise. Still am, in a way. She never gave me any encouragement, though. Nothing ever happened. I wanted it to, God knows. I’d have walked out on Sophie without a backward glance if only—” He sighed. “She’d have preferred that, I sometimes think. Louise’s rejection of me was more of a blow to Sophie’s pride than an affair or even a divorce would have been. The knowledge that her best friend had turned her nose up at me—at her husband—and must have realized as a result what a sick joke our marriage was . . .” A weary shake of the head seemed to sum up more years of discontent and dissatisfaction than he cared to count. “I worshipped Louise. I would have done anything for her. But she didn’t want to know. I was an embarrassment to her. Sophie found that humiliating and unforgivable. Which I suppose it was.”
As one piece of the puzzle fell into place, another fell out. If Howard Marsden was telling the truth—as I felt sure he was—then he’d played no part whatever in Louise’s decision to leave Sir Keith. But somebody must have done. Not Oscar Bantock, as Paul had initially suspected. He seemed more likely to have been her pander
than her lover. Nor Naylor, since she’d only met him when she had by chance. Who, then? There was no answer. But hovering at the margin of my thoughts was the “perfect stranger” Sophie had spoken of. I’d never quite convinced myself she’d invented him. And now my willingness to do Bella’s bidding revealed itself in my mind for what it truly was. Not an attempt to prove or disprove Paul’s confession. But a pursuit of the most elusive figure in Louise’s life. Who was straying more and more into mine.
“You know as much about Louise’s movements the day she died as I do, Mr. Timariot. Perhaps more. You met her, after all, I didn’t. I have no information—for you or the police.”
“No. I see that now.”
“I’m afraid you’ve had a wasted journey.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
We’d reached the other side of the square and were standing at the top of a wide street that led down towards the river. Marsden surveyed the view for a moment, then turned to me and said: “The man who’s confessed. Is there any doubt of his guilt?”
“Not really.”
“Which means Naylor was telling the truth all along?”
“Yes.”
“About Louise? About how they met? And why?”
I didn’t need to answer. The look we exchanged said it all. Each of us wanted to cling to our own memory of Louise. But neither of us was going to be allowed to.
“This will destroy her reputation,” he murmured.
“Yes,” I said, unable to offer him the slightest comfort. “I’m very much afraid it will.”
I was careful to leave Howard Marsden with the impression that I’d be heading back to Petersfield straightaway. But I had no intention of quitting Ludlow without running Sophie to earth first. For reasons I certainly couldn’t explain to her husband.
I’d got their address from the telephone directory at the hotel. Frith’s End, Ashford Carbonell, turned out to be an impressively appointed black-and-white house in a well-to-do village a few miles south of Ludlow. The overall effect was one of prosperity neither flaunted nor hidden, but robustly declared. I arrived just after half past nine, reckoning Sophie would be up but not yet out by then. And so she was, though the pink silk bathrobe, casually sashed over not very much, suggested I could safely have delayed my visit by another hour at least.
She must have been surprised to see me, but only a momentary widening of her eyes revealed the fact. “Robin!” she said with a flashing smile. “Won’t you come in?”
I followed her into a large and elegantly furnished drawing-room, parts of which seemed familiar from her Benefit of the Doubt interview—or else from glossy interior design magazines leafed through over the years in dentists’ waiting-rooms. French windows gave onto a gently sloping lawn, recently mown and sparkling with dew. Beyond, trees turning to varying shades of gold lined a long curving reach of the river. While indoors everything was tastefully immaculate: a soothing mix of gleaming walnut and glittering brass; plump-cushioned sofas and thick-piled rugs; fat-bellied urns and slim-stemmed vases.
I watched Sophie as she crossed the room in front of me, the inviting lines and soft folds of the bathrobe drawing half-forgotten images to the surface of my thoughts. She knew I was watching her, of course. The knowledge pleased her. Her movements were probably designed for an audience even when she was alone. A newspaper, some letters and an empty breakfast cup stood on a low table by an armchair that faced the television, on which two figures mouthed silently to each other in a studio. Sophie must have zeroed the sound when she heard the doorbell. Now, stooping to tap a key on the remote control that lay ready on the arm of the chair, she switched off the picture as well—and turned to face me.
“I don’t like being pestered, Robin. But I don’t like to be neglected, either. I think you might have been in touch before now.”
“What happened in London—” I began, eager to erect a line of defence before it could be crossed.
“Was a mistake? A misunderstanding? An unfortunate and never to be repeated lapse?” Her eyes mocked me. “You can do better than that. You did at the time, as I recall.”
“It isn’t going to happen again.”
“You think I want it to?” She sat down in the chair and studied me with a puzzled frown. “You’re no different from most men, you know. Arrogant enough to believe that what you want is all-important. Pusillanimous enough to deny what it is you really want.”
“What I want is the truth about Louise Paxton.”
“No it isn’t. It’s the exact reverse. You want me to validate your fantasies about her. To say ‘Yes, what you wish she’d been is what she truly was.’ Well, I can do that.” She crossed her legs, artfully judging just how much thigh the bathrobe would fall open to reveal. “If you think it’ll add to the excitement.”
“I’m not here for excitement.”
“Really? All this way for a dry debate about verity and falsity? You disappoint me. You also fail to convince me.”
“Why did you make up that story about Louise meeting a man on Hergest Ridge and planning to run away with him?”
“I didn’t. I’d hardly have suggested you were the secret man in her life if I’d invented him in the first place, would I? That would have been absurd.”
So it would. Which left room for only one conclusion. That there had indeed been such a man. And Sophie had mistaken me for him. “It wasn’t me, Sophie. As God’s my witness, it wasn’t me.”
“No?” Her frown softened. “Well, perhaps not. Even I can make mistakes. Though one I never make is to regret them. But if it wasn’t you . . .”
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know. I felt so sure at first. I felt so certain the mystery of her death would draw him out. That’s why half of me still suspects you, Robin. Still fears you could be cleverer than you seem. There’s something about you. Some impression she left on you, that’s too strong and enduring to explain. Unless you were her lover.”
“I wasn’t.”
“So you say. So you say.” She rose, moved to the window and gazed out for a moment. I saw her flex her shoulders and arch her neck. She tightened the sash around her waist, then turned and walked slowly across to where I stood. “But I don’t quite believe it. And neither do you.”
“It was somebody else.”
“Or nobody else.”
“It wasn’t me.”
“Just like the man who was so . . . insatiable . . . that afternoon in Bayswater . . . wasn’t you?” Her eyes took their measure of me. As the mind behind them judged whether the distance between us could or should be bridged. “Is that what you mean?”
“No. It isn’t.”
“Then why do you keep coming back?”
“I won’t. This will be the last time.”
“I don’t think so. I’m the closest you can get to Louise now. And you just can’t leave her alone, can you? Even in death. Now why should that be? Unless I was right all along.”
“I don’t know. But you’re not right.”
“And not entirely wrong?” She moved closer, smiled and raised one hand to her mouth, slipping first one finger, then two, between her teeth. She bit down gently, then slowly removed them. “Do you want to stay? Or go?”
I wanted to do both, of course. But I knew I couldn’t. If I succumbed a second time, there’d be a third and a fourth and a fifth. Her claws would sink into me, deeper and deeper. Her lies would become mine, her husband my victim as well as hers. How like her had Louise really been? I wondered. Much more so than I could bring myself to admit? Or much less than Sophie cared to pretend? There had to be an answer. But I’d never find it in Sophie’s arms. “I must go,” I said, taking half a step backwards.
“Must and will aren’t the same.”
“This time they are.”
“And next time?”
“Like I told you. There won’t be one.”
But she didn’t believe me. Or perhaps she just wasn’t prepared to let me have the last word. As I walke
d from the room, she flung a parting remark at me with the conviction of a prophetess. “Be seeing you, Robin.”
I drove south down the A49 to Leominster. As far as Leominster, I could tell myself I meant to keep to the homeward route. But must and will, as Sophie had said, aren’t the same. From Leominster I took the Kington road and saw the hills I’d walked along more than three years before rising slowly on the horizon, darkened by shower-cloud and the massing of memories. Always I was drawn back, it seemed. To the point of intersection. The place of meeting and parting. The ridge of no return. But swifter now than before. For now I had a quarry as well as a quest.
I travelled fast, in hopes I should
Outrun that other. What to do
When caught, I planned not. I pursued
To prove the likeness, and, if true,
To watch until myself I knew.
Who was he? There was no way to tell. He wasn’t waiting at the Harp Inn, where I lunched alone and watched a rainbow form beyond the squall-line over Radnor Forest. He didn’t tap me on the shoulder as I stood by the cairn on Hergest Ridge where Louise and I had sat together that lost summer’s evening of long ago. I came and I went. But nobody joined me. The sun shone feebly as the wind honed its solitary edge. And the rain came in hastening gusts, blurring the edges of sight, smearing the margins of perception. There was nothing to give him a name. Or to deny him mine. There was only the doubt, as there had always been. And the still unanswered question. “Can we really change anything, do you think? Can any of us ever stop being what we are and become something else?” Or someone else. Perhaps that’s what she’d really meant. Perhaps that’s what she’d been trying to tell me. All along.
I’m not sure what stopped me driving up to Whistler’s Cot. Stealth? Caution? A touch of dread? Something of all three, perhaps. Something, at all events, that made me park at the bottom of the lane and walk up from there.
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