Once Charlotte was installed at the Miltons’ home and began to tell the story of her experience since the separation, the full devastation of her life became clearer. If anyone thought that the time elapsed since their parting would be a healer, they were mistaken. According to Charlotte, her family and friends all had something to say to keep her wounds open, to such an extent that at first she found it hard to believe what she was hearing. Charlotte’s sisters had admitted to her that they felt more comfortable now that she had joined the ranks of badly treated women. They had envied her the illusion of a faithful marriage that until recently she had enjoyed. They confided that they had each at various times succumbed to Michel’s advances. Charlotte was sickened at this confirmation of something Thérèse had warned her about years earlier.
“Do you find it normal that they sit on his lap and kiss him?”
“Thérèse! You have a suspicious mind. They are my sisters.”
“Well, I wouldn’t feel comfortable about it,” and – laughing – “you’d better not do that to George.”
When Thérèse asked if she had found anybody else she fancied, Charlotte told her friend that so far, there was nobody and she wasn’t looking. She had been shocked by the hypocrisy shown by several of her married male friends, including her lawyer, who had made her propositions of various kinds. She felt under observation, stalked by all the men who knew her. Johnny Mendes was among the first to advance, as might be expected.
“Actually, Johnny once said something to me which explains a lot. He said, ‘You don’t have to like me to enjoy what I can do for you.’ The trouble is, Thérèse, I do have to like someone before I can enjoy physical sex with them, and I haven’t liked Michel for years. When the trust goes, everything else goes,” then on reflection Charlotte added, “you can’t help who you fall in love with. It’s not a matter of logic – it’s here in my insides. Thérèse, you know, the thing that hurt me most was that all my supposed friends seemed to know what was going on before I did, so I think they are all rotten. Everybody knows and nobody talks except to each other.” She added, “If I wanted sex that badly I would have to find someone completely unknown, otherwise they’d all be discussing it. The men and the women are all just as bad. I don’t think there is a single loving relationship among them. You are lucky Thérèse, but it’s rare. I really thought I had something special too. But now look what I’m left with.” She raised both hands to her face and forced herself not to cry, ending with a wry smile. “They say that friends show their love in times of trouble, so on that basis you’re my only friend, Thérèse.”
The two women discussed what Charlotte should do next, but there were still many unanswered questions. Charlotte was convinced that she had to do something, but what? She had to get above the situation, high enough to see it clearly and completely. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Thérèse everything that had happened since her separation from Michel, but Thérèse knew from phone conversations with Annick in New York that, at one point, her mother was phoning at any time of the day or night to pour out her feelings. She was asking whether it was worth living and she had considered suicide. Annick and Thérèse took Charlotte’s outpourings seriously and understood that she was entering a danger zone. It wasn’t so much a case of what they could do to help besides keeping in close telephone contact with Charlotte, but what could Michel do and not do to help Charlotte move forward. What lay behind his façade? Did he really care about Charlotte? Thérèse considered how the three daughters could intervene usefully. So far, they had avoided communicating any judgements to their father personally, except that until now Annick had used her residency in the United States to stay away from Michel and Sonia. She wanted to stand by her mother and she responded to Charlotte’s need to communicate almost daily without ever losing patience with her.
By contrast, Estelle accepted the situation without bitterness. She was living in Australia with a partner, so she too was able to keep a distance from the daily evolution of events. She wanted to maintain relations with both parents and was prepared to duck the issues in order to achieve that. Lydia was wrapped up in her own life. She saw what she wanted to see, but essentially she wanted to be a wolf. She had become hard-nosed and selfish and seemed to blame her mother, not for the separation, but for not having the strength to cope with it.
In the end it was Thérèse who contacted Michel after many attempts and ignored messages. Since he wasn’t pretending anymore, Thérèse saw no reason to walk around the subject or mince her words. Thérèse first established her credentials to comment by emphasising that everybody in the family was affected and they were torn in their affections. They didn’t want to give up on him although he had done the dirty on his wife, and Charlotte, instead of looking elsewhere for comfort as he had hoped, had decomposed and was contemplating suicide. She was unable to manage her life and was going to pieces, heading for a complete breakdown. Thérèse referred to their meeting in Evreux when Michel had assured the Miltons that he was looking after his wife, and then she finally invited his comments.
At this point, Michel stunned Thérèse by announcing that he would make one more attempt at reconciliation if Charlotte was willing. Thérèse was truly lost for words. It had crossed her mind that Michel might want to return to a normal life with Charlotte at some point, perhaps when his relationship with Sonia had burned out, but she couldn’t see how he could put the events of the last fifteen years in a plastic bag and dump them. To what extent did he truly expect to return to a life of suburban normality? A lot of what Michel had been doing involved enjoyment of risk, whilst being in control. He liked to be the man of the moment, involved in real-life drama. Clandestine adventures were good for his adrenaline. When Thérèse ended the conversation, she could say no more than to invite him to bring Charlotte to meet the Miltons when they were back together, believing that it would be a most unlikely eventuality.
A few weeks later, Charlotte phoned to say that Michel had taken her out to an expensive restaurant and offered a progressive reconciliation at a pace they could both cope with. They would continue to live separately for the time being and beyond their daily dealings at the office, they would find time to share trips and continue meeting the family together. She didn’t say what would happen to Sonia. She then asked Thérèse what she thought. Thérèse remained silent.
“I know what you are going to say, Thérèse, but I felt that it might be better than what I have now.”
“I pray for you that it will work out,” responded Thérèse, “it’s just that all common sense says that you are setting yourself up to be hurt again and I find that very frustrating and very sad. I know it is hard for you to look back at what you achieved with Michel over the years, and what you built together, and think of it as finished. You survived all the business pressures and brought up three lovely girls. Yes, you had a good partnership for that period of your life, but it’s over and it’s no good trying to turn the clock back. What exactly can Michel offer you now? You asked me what I think, and above all else I want you to be happy, but I think there is nothing to be gained by you chasing someone who will never be there for you and who has so little to offer you. He has changed for ever, gone away, and we must all accept that, but for you that is harder than for anybody else.” She could sense that Charlotte was close to tears, so Thérèse moved into support mode and tried to reconcile her with making the best of the situation. She was feeling the frustration of being at two ends of a telephone at a time like this. There were long silences. Charlotte’s pinched mouth prevented her from speaking.
“Remember how you have been feeling and how you feel about it now,” Thérèse whispered. Charlotte was nodding, but no audible sound emerged at the other end.
Then, after a pause, “Yes, I just want life to be better than it is now.” She sniffed and fell silent again.
“We have all suffered with you, so none of us wants to go through this all over again,” Thérèse added.
They ag
reed that the Bodins would come and visit the Miltons as soon as it could be arranged.
When they did, it was for a long weekend and although there were smiles all round, the Miltons struggled to keep an open mind based on what they saw.
“We must have faith,” said George quietly as the Bodins left, “that’s all there is.”
On the flight home, Charlotte had time to think while gazing out of the window of the rushing aircraft. She reflected on recent conversations she had with Thérèse and tried to explain her decision to stay with Michel. She couldn’t say it was because of the children. That excuse expired years ago. The unbearable oscillation between sentiments made her febrile and irritable. Above all she needed stability, and reconciliation with Michel was unlikely to provide the stable platform she needed. She had no idea why Michel had suggested it or where it might lead. She hadn’t dared to ask him too many questions yet, in case he backed away. So, at this point, Charlotte had no inkling of what was really happening or how it might evolve. She preferred not to take account of the obvious signs and attempt to extrapolate them into a picture of what would happen. She was with Michel again now and they would find their way together as they always had.
And so Charlotte maintained her dream.
Chapter Twenty-Five
An Incriminating Connection
Nikko, the chief designer at the Bodins’ business, always started work early. He was an effeminate gay, and was shy in the company of women, so he found that working in an office with several of them was unhelpful to his creativity. He liked to sit down alone in the morning, make himself a fresh coffee, light a cigarette and ponder the current assignment without interruption. That was when he came up with his best innovative ideas. In this field, Nikko was extremely talented and in his opinion he was the main reason that the company did so well. The clients liked his quirky and original designs and appreciated his ability to extract the most commercial value from their workspace. That morning, Nikko made some changes to a plan on his computer and, when he was entirely happy with it, pressed the print button, sending it to the architectural-size printer/photocopier in the machine room. When he went to collect his print, he was dismayed to find the machine damaged and with Michel’s note stuck to it. He saw a paper in one of the output trays and picked it up, but instead of his plan, he found a dark, life-size photocopy of a coupled male and female. It was slightly blurred, indicating that the photo had captured the participants in action. He smiled, folded the document into a small rectangle, and placed it in one of the drawers of Michel’s filing cabinet, where it remained undiscovered for a considerable time.
Months later, after Caroline had left the business, when she was looking for Michel’s carelessly stored expense receipts in his cabinet, Charlotte unfolded the document that Nikko had placed there and immediately closed her eyes to hold back her tears. It didn’t work. She ran out of the office and didn’t return that day.
The attempted reconciliation had lasted only a few months before both parties had proved to themselves that it was unrealistic. Michel resumed his new life plan and eventually brought his mistress Sonia out of the background and presented her to the family in a forceful and arrogant way that brought more diplomatic problems for Thérèse.
“Sonia was not the cause of the break up,” he insisted. He had met her after his separation from Charlotte. He obviously didn’t know that the letter Charlotte found in his pocket had been discussed more widely.
Thérèse and George invited Michel and Charlotte to George’s birthday party. In response, Charlotte phoned Thérèse to say that Michel had already told her he intended going with Sonia. Charlotte therefore declined the invitation.
Sure enough, without saying anything to his hosts, Michel turned up with Sonia and introduced her. It was the first time the family could observe Sonia in detail, and compare her with Charlotte. There was a physical resemblance in that both women were slim, of similar height and had dark hair. Some of the guests, who knew what was going on, thought it strange that Thérèse would have invited Sonia. Other, more distant relatives, who knew nothing about the changes, commented that Charlotte appeared to have aged. At first sight Sonia did look older than Charlotte, though the gap was closing fast as the anguish of her situation gnawed at Charlotte’s looks.
After this party, Charlotte was silent for several months. When Thérèse finally contacted her and asked what was wrong, she criticised Thérèse for inviting Sonia and making her welcome, while she had been left out. It was some time before Charlotte was able to accept that Michel had stage-managed the whole thing and had treated Thérèse with the same disregard as he had Charlotte.
Michel bought one Paris apartment in their joint names for Charlotte and rented another where he lived with Sonia and her son, Claude. The two properties were within ten minutes of each other near the Eiffel Tower. Having recently sold his second business, Michel felt relieved of one part of his burden of responsibility, and was satisfied that he had converted most of his assets into cash. Once again, he was working as a consultant to the new owners, and getting around Paris visiting clients as before on a motorcycle. He invited Thérèse and George to stay with him and Sonia, which they did on two occasions, getting to know her a little better. In their private discussions the Miltons speculated on where the relationship might be heading.
Sonia was at first sight less classy, more lascivious than Charlotte. She behaved more like a slave than a partner, and although publicly intimate conversations between Michel and Sonia were lovey-dovey, Sonia was entirely subjugated by Michel. His behaviour towards her was more oriental than European. Observers got the point that this must be exactly the life Michel wanted, the life he couldn’t have with Charlotte who, although compliant up to a point, insisted on having a voice of her own.
In discussion with Sonia, Thérèse found an opportunity to ask her how she felt now that she had met Charlotte at a recent family gathering, at which the Miltons were absent. Sonia replied confidently that she had no regrets on that score. “Charlotte seems to have understood that it’s a law of nature for couples to become bored, the girls are grown up now, and once she comes to terms with reality she will realise that their marriage was over.” Her tone irritated the Miltons but they accepted that there was some foundation for what she said and they had no immediate intention to argue.
Thérèse and George speculated on Michel’s rationale. He clearly took pride in trying to be avant-garde in some aspects of his life, but that did not include his domestic arrangements where he was conservative, not to say reactionary against current perceptions of women’s roles. They wondered why he had married Charlotte, who wanted to be an equal partner in everything, when in fact he wanted someone who would look after the house, washing, food, children and accounts, and warm his bed, leaving him as undisputed head of the household and free to follow his fancies. When he had allowed Charlotte to participate in the business and use her talents, he appeared to do so without shame, but there must have been some insurmountable inner tension. He was happy to accept the benefits of her participation when it suited him, and looking back, it didn’t seem to bother his conscience that since their separation and until the sale of the business, Charlotte had been meeting him daily at work and running the company administration and their private bank accounts. In his own mind, Michel felt that before the truth spilled out, resulting in their break-up, he had found the right balance with Charlotte; a balance that enabled him to live in his own way at home, and made it easier for him to freely pursue his ‘real’ life outside. He had not considered Charlotte’s sentiments, only the practicalities of home life and the freedom he needed. Only when Charlotte declined to follow him into his new existence was it necessary for him to find a new running mate and somewhere else to live.
Michel thought that until their separation, unlike other men who abandoned their wives or who hid their mistresses, he could bring the two together in a harmonious sublimation of wives, mothers, housekeepers, and lovers
. He would be their benefactor. He was acting responsibly and financially generously towards his wife and the girls. He was resolved that if the rest of the family had difficulty accepting this, then relations may have to become more distant, especially with his aunt Thérèse, who on the one hand he admired greatly, but who on the other hand, he thought, was too drawn towards questioning his attitudes and his behaviour. Though she could know little of the details of his secret life, Thérèse, like Charlotte, had enough intuition to guess the rest, and that was sufficient for her to feel that Michel could not be trusted or believed. This conclusion opened a crack in their relationship. Michel preferred their conversations to be channelled towards theoretical ideas and concepts where he would never lose his sense of humour, whereas Thérèse explored more personal questions that irritated him and made him suffer from an acute persecution complex, making it difficult at times for him to stay cool in the way that Thérèse was always able to do. Also, Michel was fully aware that Thérèse and Charlotte were close and he assumed that they spent enough time on the phone to concoct plots to exclude him and Sonia from the family that he was determined to keep in his grip.
Only Johnny Mendez was a really reliable friend, he thought. He admired Johnny and judged him to have more talent and daring than himself. He had recently become more intimate with Johnny and his family and was confident enough to quote him in discussions at home as if he were an authority on matrimonial matters and life style decisions. He clearly shared a passion with Johnny and maybe with Ayida and their daughter Beatrice, but did Johnny have reciprocal feelings towards Michel? Thérèse thought Johnny incapable of such elevated sentiments. She had no detailed knowledge of Michel’s partnership with Johnny and the investments he made, nor did she suspect that Johnny was willing to involve his wife and daughter to achieve a level of dependency by Michel and others. But Thérèse had previously noted during visits to the Bodins that Johnny would call Michel at almost any time of day or night, and sometimes Michel would put on his motorcycle jacket and leave the house for an hour or more, without explanation. Instinctively, she did not trust Johnny Mendes.
A Clean Pair of Hands Page 15