by Leigh Lennon
His big calloused hands lead me past the kitchen and away from the bedrooms on the living room side of his house. Through a small hallway, it’s no time until we’re in his room and he has me backed against the wall. Again, the windows draw my attention for a brief second but between his hand lifting my lightweight t-shirt and his other hand that’s resting between my thighs, my gaze falls only on him. Breaking contact with me for the briefest of moments, his shirt finds passage over his head and to the floor, then his hands are back to the positions they’d been only seconds earlier.
I draw an invisible line across his chiseled jaw and his five o’clock scruff. Our mouths hover just millimeters from one another when his bottom lip twitches. Drawing in a deep breath, he exhales then whispers, “Buttercup, if we do this, no midnight departures. If we do this, you’re telling me you’re mine again. If this happens, you and me, you’ll never want or need for anything. More importantly, I’m marking you forever.”
The tone brought with the words so many meanings. It’s certainly a warning. It’s a declaration and more so, it’s a promise.
“I’m yours, Iz. I’ve always been yours.”
“No fucking words have ever been more true.” With that, his lips are now invading me. It’s predatory, voracious, greedy, and I can’t get enough. My hands surround the pure muscle of the Adonis Iz has always been. My own hands are grasping at him, unable to get enough, to get close enough. Even if I were to crawl into his own body, I’d need more. I’m going to fucking take more.
Releasing the grip on him for a moment, my hands work his belt and his low belly chuckle tells me he knows I’m struggling. “You going to fucking help me so you can bury your dick inside of my mouth?”
“Oh, fuck, Liz, you dirty, dirty girl. You have not changed and thank fuck for that.” His hands undo his belt and his pants and boxers pool at his feet when I drop to my knees. I should feel guilty. My daughter is in ICU but this is the release I need. No, it’s more. It’s the security I have in Iz.
He senses my hesitation for a brief second and perceives it when his hand lifts my face. “I know, Liz. Don’t think and if Lang needs us, he will have SOFIE alert me over the intercom.”
Nodding my head, as my hand finds its way to his thick and beautiful shaft, I smile and continue my plan. I take him quick with his hands netted in my hair. “Oh, I missed this. Shit, Liz, you’re a pro, a fucking pro.” But just for him. The truth is I hate blowjobs, but not with Iz. With him, as sappy as it sounds, it’s an honor to bring him to ecstasy. Placing my tongue on that one very sensitive section on the under part of his cock, I lick it up and down, squeezing his balls. “Enough,” he orders and I won’t lie, I’ve missed the demanding man he’s always been during sex. There’s something that causes his hotness to quadruple when he takes control in the bedroom.
With Iz’s eyes glossing over and softening, he pulls me so gently by the shoulders up to his level. Peppering kisses down my collarbone, his body moves close to me. In a matter of seconds he’s slung me over his shoulder, hysterics escaping my mouth.
“If you’re mine, Buttercup, I plan to start worshipping your body right this minute, and let me tell you, I won’t ever fucking quit.”
Playfully hitting his back, I don’t want out of his embrace when I’m saying, “Let me go.” But in my mind, I never want him to let me go. He’s forgiven me for all I’ve kept from him and he’s still the man I loved all those years ago. Albeit, he may be several million dollars richer, but it’s not changed my Iz.
“You never want me to let you go.” I nod in agreement when his muscular body places my own on his bed. “Liz, I never stopped loving you.” He’s fanning my locks away from my face, allowing his eyes to absorb every part of me. “Man, there are days I want to wipe away the past and make you mine as though I can erase all this hurt for the both of us. But as much as I want that, I wouldn’t because that would mean I’d live this life without Nevaeh and that’s a life I never want to imagine.” Oh, how I understand his sentiments. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want this second to be the start of our future.”
“There’s more I have to explain to you, though, Iz,” I interject.
He places his index fingers at my lips. “Do you love me again?”
“No,” I say plainly. With a tilt of my lips, I proclaim, “It’s impossible to love you again because I never stopped.”
“The past is something we’ll deal with tomorrow or when you can, but tonight, we start our future and I’ll be damned if we talk. Tonight, I need to feel.” He crawls over my body like a tiger on the prowl and his fingers linger right above my skin. “Tonight, I want to feel this,” he tweaks my nipple, “and I want to feel this all over me.” He laces his one hand around my own hand. “I want to hear you scream my name as I pound so many orgasms out of you, it’ll be one for the record book,” he says, kissing my lips. “And though I want to feel and touch and lick and bite every part of your entire sexy body, I need this to clench around my cock as I cum inside of you tonight because you and me, we’ll never say goodbye to our future. Ever. Fucking. Again.” With the last of his declarations, he takes two fingers deep inside of me, finding that happy spot that loves him as much as I do. I’ll prove him right, screaming his name so loud that I’m afraid it will activate his stupid fucking security system.
15 years ago
Cambridge is a lonely place. The only saving grace in my life is the little girl I could never raise as my own. I thought I’d loved him when I gave him part of me. Who thought you could get pregnant the first time you had sex? I was so young, just fifteen, and I’d made him use a condom, but something happened. He disappeared quicker than a rabbit in the hands of Houdini.
But looking at Candace coloring at our little dining room table, just off campus from Harvard, was enough to convince me that wonders do come from shit encounters.
Daddy thought he could buy my forgiveness by letting me take Candace with me to Massachusetts. It really has been a catch 22 because I’ll never forgive or love him remotely close to the way I had, even though our relationship had never been strong. I have Candace now, though I never want to think of it as sacrificing one child for the other.
When I really want to torture myself, I turn on college football and watch Iz in his jersey, doing the one thing he loves and that’s throwing that ball. But in interviews that have aired of him on screen, I recognize that same sadness that creeps from the corners of his eyes. Once full of life, they are the shadows of what Iz used to look like bubbling with excitement over a big win.
Life goes on and my daughter—though I rarely allow myself to think of her as that—is my focus. It’s about making a life for her; away from the evilness of my family back home in the city I love.
“Sissy,” Candace calls to me, “will you color with me?”
Her eyes are more convincing than her words; though those have swayed me, too. “Of course, sweetheart.” As I sit with Candace, only this little perfect child of mine matters. My happiness will have to wait.
28
Israel
Her body is the engine and mine is the accelerator and together we can create friction within each of us; that’s only because our bodies enhance each other. Her screams can be heard around the penthouse and it causes my already very active rod of pleasure to become more alert.
Hovering over her, I know what she needs. “I’m safe, Liz; never been without…”
“Fuck me, fuck me bare, and fuck me raw. Fuck me until I can’t think and when you’re done, fuck me again.” Liz has always been my dirty-mouthed wonder both in and out of bed. When she wants me, her words are filled with many curses that again have me ready to plunge inside of her.
As my cock sits at the base of her opening, I snicker, understanding what a tease I’m being right now. I’m baiting her and I know at any second, she’ll take it, hook, line, and sinker.
“Fucking do it already, Israel.” Winking at her, letting her know what I was waiting for, I
plunge into her ferociously. And because she’s sopping wet, it’s smooth but hurried as I slam her deep and with each moan, I swear I find some way to thrust into her with more resolve. She’s tight, so tight, with enough pressure that I’m about to explode. In an instant I stop. I don’t want this to be over in a matter of seconds and with Liz’s concern written all over her face, I smooth my hands over her ivory face.
“Buttercup, I want to be inside of you as long as possible. Just give me a second.”
Leaning down, I take her with my mouth crashing into her. With my tongue in her mouth and my cock in her pussy, I can’t wait a second longer and my speed increases. We rock back and forth, talking silently in the language we know too well; our own private Iz and Liz speak that revolves around lost opportunities and a future I won’t fucking ever let go of.
When I finally explode inside of her and she screams my name again, I know this is the most complete I’ve been since she was last in my life fifteen years ago.
Caressing her cheek and our hands interlaced, we lie in silence, nothing can be said. Nothing needs to be said. We have each other and that is all we need in this moment.
Still without a single syllable uttered, I lean in to drop a kiss on her forehead when we both startle out the loud intrusion to our private and quiet moment.
“Mr. Laita, a delivery has been made in your drop box for Ms. Parker. Please retrieve it at your discretion,” SOFIE roars through the house.
Giggles escape from both of us and Liz finally is able to speak through her laughs that have now turned into hysterics. “I really think I may already loathe this other woman in your life.” We begin laughing and nothing else has seemed this perfect in a long while.
We both doze off for an hour. I wake suddenly as the bed shifts and I open one eye to Liz scooting out of bed. “Um, Buttercup, what are you doing? No running, remember?” As she prepares to leave me, I feel as if my breath has been knocked from my lungs like it did whenever I was sacked.
Twisting her head around, her lips part in a sexy smile with just a little more glitter in those violet eyes I love so much. She reaches for my hand and brings it to her lips. “No, Iz, I’m not running. I’m going to shower. I need to get back to the hospital before Candace wakes.”
My arms reach out to encircle her before she’s escaped the bed and I bring her back to me, next to me, where she belongs. “Liz, it’s not even midnight yet.”
“Iz,” she warns, “what if that was Nevaeh?”
“You won’t get much argument, Buttercup, but give yourself one hour. After I enjoy staring at and holding your naked body, WE will both get dressed and head back to the hospital.”
I pull her down near me, where we’re face-to-face. “I want to know more about the miscarriage.”
Her face changes suddenly to an ashen hue, but it doesn’t stop her from answering my question. “You know, when I found out about our baby, we were so young. But I knew with you by my side, raising our child would be something we’d be good at.”
I can’t help but take a cleansing breath. The miscarriage of our child is still a subject I’m searching my soul to truly understand. Under natural circumstances, it would have hurt but to find out her dad killed my baby inside of her because of race, that fact unleashes the darkest of visions protruding to the depths of hell, where there’s a special place designated for her “daddy.” In this apparition, I see a way where pain finds him constantly, torturing him from a physical and mental agony that will follow him for infinity.
My embrace around her tightens as if I can somehow go back in the past, protecting her from the shove that ended the life we created in beauty. She continues after giving me a few moments to comprehend what she’d just shared.
“I had only known for an hour at the most before Daddy confronted me at the top of the steps. But in that hour, I’d planned our future. I could envision our baby, what she looked like. We’ll never know what the gender was but in my mind, I was positive I’d give you a girl to love and protect. We named her Isabella as we’d always planned. In my little daydream, I’d seen the first couple years while you were playing ball in college and it was still a little rough on us as I finished my degree. But you’d be picked up in the draft and we’d be okay financially. If we hadn’t gotten Candace back by then, I knew once you had the money, you’d fight tooth and toenail to get my daughter out of the clutches of Daddy and the step-witch.” Her sniffles turn to sobs but she doesn’t stop. “How can I miss something I never knew? How did I create this whole life in my mind for something that was destroyed in a matter of seconds?”
“Because everything you imagined was true, except I would have never left your daughter alone with that racist bigot.” I can’t continue the conversation about my child. This is a loss I’ll grieve for some time, as everything Liz shares with me is too raw. I need to change the subject.
Adjusting my large body as I sit against the frame of my bed, I bring her body into my side, pulling her hair from her face. Though I only have a side view of her, the lights from outside playing off her naked ivory skin and the twinkle of her eyes makes it almost impossible to think clearly. But I have questions, so many questions, and although I won’t push, I still need to ask.
“Liz, sweetheart, how did you give up Candace?” That’s a loaded question. Of course, I know about the boy that stole her heart, promised her the world at a young age, and then found out her father’s money was not something she’d plan to carry with her into her adult life. He’d left her so quickly. When she’d shared this with me as we got more serious, why she was scared to take a chance with us, I never understood the depths of what this boy did to her. Though I want to know who this man is, there is so much to explore.
“You know about the guy that left me because I’d never planned to take Daddy’s money with me. I always knew it came with too many conditions. Well, when he found out I was pregnant, he’d mentioned we’d have the money from my daddy. He left me when I told him I’d never wanted it.”
She pauses, wiping tears away. “It’s funny,” she begins, “and you probably saw this with Nevaeh. We love our babies and have that physical connection right away, but it wasn’t until her little aquamarine eyes caught mine that I knew a love worth dying for.” I examine every smile and grimace like she’s reliving that memory in her mind, comparing it with the remembrance of when Nev was placed in my own strong arms. No one could rip her from me.
She clears her throat, letting me know she’s ready to continue. “Of course, Daddy swooped in demanding I give the baby up for adoption.” She turns to face me. “I couldn’t even live at the house while I was pregnant. My aunt lives in New York and I was shipped there; no reason to tarnish the Declan name.” Her voice, laced with sarcasm, changes again. “But Mama, for once, put her foot down. She was so good and she told him she’d live with me at my aunt’s and come home, passing Candace off as her own.”
Liz nuzzles into my neck. “I wasn’t going to tell you. I mean, I was after telling you about our own baby, just so you’d understand, but then when I saw Candace I had to protect her. So I was going to say goodbye to us and go on living without you.”
I’m quiet as I thank the heavens for divine intervention, but there’s so much more Liz hasn’t opened up about. I let her share as little or as much as she’d like but I’m quiet as I, too, am processing it all.
She stretches her lean arm over my chest, turning my face to hers, kissing me softly on the cheek. “If we were to be together, Iz, I knew I had to tell you everything, and I just can’t hurt Candace. But I also can’t keep this from her either, now that you know.”
Making the assumption she’s shared as much as she will today, I sit up and lift her in my lap. Holding her, my only desire is to make her feel more secure than she has been in years. The hell that has been heaped on my girl is insurmountable, yet she has survived; proof to me she’s stronger than she knows. Pressing a kiss on her nose, I ask the one question I’ve had bottled up sinc
e the bomb has been revealed.
“Buttercup, I don’t understand why you’re scared to tell her. She knows your dad is a POS. Plus she knows how much you love her, it’ll all make sense.”
Her eyes dart around the room and I’m about to get the final piece of the puzzle. The what to the equation is so huge and I'm betting it’s awful, while sorrow is painting on her face as if Michelangelo created the masterpiece I see positioned in front of me.
She finds my hand and gives it a small but very intimate kiss. Raising her eyes to mine, she simply replies, “Because of her father. If I tell her I’m her mom, she’ll want to know the name of her biological dad, and I can’t do that to her.” One lonely tear falls from her eyes and she leaves the bed quickly; so swiftly I can’t catch her.
12 years ago
My senior year of college is almost over and I see a future—one I’ll take without Liz. For six months, I tried to contact her. All her emails came back as a disabled account. I’d tried her home at various school breaks, only to be verbally slapped with many threats from her dad.
In the three years since Liz, I’ve fallen for another woman. Kendra may not be the love of my life, I think you only get one and unfortunately, Liz took that title along with a piece of my heart. I do love Kendra deeply, though. My future is with her as I look at the platinum ring I plan to give her tonight. When I place it on her finger, I’ll be saying goodbye to Liz Declan forever.