by Linda Warren
Running her hand over the patchwork quilt on the bed, it reminded her of her messed-up life. Thrown-away pieces of material that Gran had pieced together with patience and love to make something beautiful. Maybe she could find the thread of courage to piece the past and the present together to make a beautiful life. Maybe even make it wonderful. Happy. Somewhere in her she would have to find the strength to face whatever future waited for her.
At times she saw no future without Annie. Once again, she had to listen to Paxton. She may not get the little girl she loved with all her heart. If that happened, she would have to be strong—stronger than she’d ever been. But she would keep believing until that happened.
She got up and slowly made her way to the kitchen. Gran sat at the table drinking a cup of coffee, staring at a piece of chocolate pie.
“Where’s Paxton?” she asked, and looked around the room.
Gran glanced at her. “Where do you think he is?”
“Outside?”
“Sweetie, think. After what you said to him, he didn’t feel welcome here.”
“Oh, no.” Remi covered her mouth in shame. What had she done? “I didn’t mean... I was just...”
Gran nodded. “I know, sweetie. You have a lot on your plate right now.”
Remi hugged her grandmother and laid her head on her shoulder like she had when she was a kid. She needed that comfort of long ago to sort through her chaotic thoughts. Straightening, she wanted to cry, to give way to tears that always seemed to be there. Not today, though. She was going to stop the waterworks.
She sank into a chair. “I’ll apologize as soon as I can.”
Her grandmother reached out and caught Remi’s hand. “Sweetie, I think you need to figure out what you’re feeling for this man. Your emotions are all over the place and you need to give yourself some time to know what you’re really feeling. I wish I hadn’t asked him to come into the house that night.”
Remi frowned. “What are you talking about?”
Gran waved a hand. “Nothing.”
“What did you do?”
Gran shifted nervously in her chair and not much made Gran nervous. “You were feeling so down when you got here and I was worried about you. When Paxton arrived, I noticed how handsome he was and I thought he was just the thing to cheer you up. So I asked him to come into the house and give you a compliment to make you feel better.”
“What!”
“Now don’t get your panties in a twist. I asked, but he refused. I don’t know what made him come back. Must be his raising because Kate made sure her boys always respected their elders. And he gave me some bull story about how you’d know the gesture was phony.”
“Gran, how could you?” Remi was mortified. As she thought back to that day, she remembered the shock on his face. It was probably the same shock that was on hers at meeting him again in such a way. And he certainly hadn’t given her a compliment. Just the opposite. So there was nothing for her to be mad at Gran about, except loving her granddaughter too much. And if Gran hadn’t coaxed him into coming into the house, she would never have met him again.
“Because I love you.”
“I know.” She reached out and touched her grandmother’s hand. “I just feel like an ugly duckling or something.”
“I don’t think Paxton sees you that way.”
“You don’t.” She heard the entreaty in her voice and knew it was time to change the subject.
“Now, don’t get your hopes up. Paxton Rebel is a handsome devil and he could break your heart. I wouldn’t like to see that because then I would have to hurt him.”
A smile tugged at Remi’s mouth. “Or I could break his heart.”
“Now there’s a thought.”
Remi looked at her grandmother and thought it was time to broach the subject. “Gran, you really have to stop trying to kill people. I almost had a heart attack when you pulled your shotgun on Uncle Ira.”
“Yeah, but did you see his face?”
“Gran, this is not funny. It’s serious. You have to put the shotgun up—for good.”
“Handsome put it somewhere and I can’t find it.”
“Smart guy.” Remi sat back in the chair. “Where’s the rest of the pie?”
“I gave it to Handsome for helping with the cow, but I saved you a piece.”
Remi picked up the fork next to the pie. “Ruger doesn’t want to see me.”
Gran nodded. “If I thought a good slap would knock some sense into him, I’d slap him senseless. But we have to accept it is what it is.”
She shoved a chunk of pie into her mouth, tasted its sweetness and thought of Paxton and their conversation. “I told him, Gran.”
“Told who what?”
Twirling her fork in the chocolate, she said, “I told Paxton I...I can’t have children.” The words spoken out loud were just as unacceptable as they were real. Maybe if she kept saying them, they would become as natural as combing her hair.
“My, my. What brought that on? You were very adamant about not telling anyone and your parents and I were—”
“I know.” It kind of freaked her out when her parents wanted to talk about it. She had to face the fact that she would never have a child of her own. And she didn’t need her parents continually telling her that she was okay. She had to find her own way. Maybe that was why she had told Paxton. She wasn’t really sure why; the words had just slipped out.
She told her grandmother about meeting Paxton in Port Aransas. “He was curious as to why I was so weak and kept pushing me, so I told him about Annie and just about everything about my life. It was uncanny, but it was good for me, too.”
Her grandmother got up and poured another cup of coffee. “Does this mean you’re going to see him again?”
She noticed the stick propped against the wall and thought of Paxton. She had to apologize, but then, she didn’t know what that would accomplish except to make her feel better. There was no future for the two of them so she should just stay away from him. The temptation was too great, though, and her conscience needed to be clear.
She got up and reached for the stick and an idea occurred to her. “Gran, do you know of anyone in Horseshoe who could make a top for this, like a cane?”
“Willard Wiznowski owns a blacksmith shop and he can make anything. His wife owns the bakery and they’ve been here forever. His shop is off Main and not hard to find.”
“I think I’ll take a trip into Horseshoe.”
“Now, you be careful.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Paxton had said she needed to use a cane and she had been resisting because of her vanity. But now Paxton had given her the courage to step out of that “poor me” mode and be who she was—someone who was different now, yet the same. He had made her aware she was still very much alive and a woman with needs. All it took was one handsome cowboy.
Chapter Seven
It didn’t take Remi long to find the blacksmith shop. She drove through the quaint little country town and glanced at the old brick storefronts. It was like stepping back in time to see a big courthouse sitting in the middle of a square. Two old men sat on benches out front of the building, talking, and people milled around the antiques shops. There was a hive of activity at the bakery. Horseshoe was a place where everyone knew each other and stopped and talked for a few minutes when they met on the street. It felt like home, even though she hadn’t lived here since she was a small child.
She stopped at a building that had trucks and trailers parked around it. A man in overalls and a chambray shirt sat on a stool welding a bumper. Sparks flew everywhere and through the hum of the torch she didn’t think the man could hear her. She didn’t know how to get his attention but she didn’t want to get near the sparks. Sadie didn’t like them, either, pulling back as Remi mov
ed forward.
The man turned off the torch and removed his helmet. “Can I help you, ma’am?” Before she could respond, he added, “You must be new around here. I don’t think we’ve met.”
“I’m Bertie Snipes’s granddaughter.”
The man stood up and placed a baseball cap on his balding head. She noticed all the burn holes in his overalls and shirt. “You don’t say. Your mama took you away when you were just a baby. After the tragedy,” he added as an afterthought. “I bet Bertie’s happy to have you around.”
She held out the stick. “She said you might be able to help me. I’d like to put a top on this, like a cane. Do you think you could do that?”
He ran his hand along the stick. “This is a nice piece of oak and some fine whittling on it.”
“Yes. Do you think you could help me?”
“I’d need another piece of oak to finish it.”
“The person who made this got it from a branch that had fallen from a tree during a storm. There’s still more there.”
He peered at her through wire-rimmed glasses. “I didn’t know Bertie needed a cane. Why doesn’t she just buy one?”
At this point, there were a lot of things Remi could have said or she could’ve just said nothing. But this was where she became the mature adult and admitted out loud what Paxton had told her.
She took a deep breath. “It’s not for my grandmother. It’s for me.”
Mr. Wiznowski looked her over. “Now, a young thing like you, why would you need a cane?”
Her answer required another deep breath. She’d never said the words out loud and for the first time she knew she had to. “I was in a bad accident a few months ago and my left leg was...severely injured. It hasn’t completely healed and I have a problem with balance. The cane helps me with that, as does my dog.”
He adjusted his baseball cap. “I’m sorry to hear that. But why don’t you just buy a cane?”
She pointed to the stick. “Someone made that especially for me and I want to keep it.”
“Well, then, I’ll take a look at that tree branch and see if I can make you a top.”
Remi smiled. “I’d appreciate that. When do you think you can do it?”
“I’ll follow you out to Bertie’s and if the wood is good I can start work on it in the morning.” He nodded toward the bumper. “I have to finish this trailer hitch today.”
“Thank you.”
Mr. Wiznowski followed her back to the house and she showed him the branch, which he started at with a chain saw. The noise startled the geese. He finally held up a big piece. “I think this will do it.” He took out his pocket knife and scraped away some of the bark. “See, the branch forks here and I’ll be able to go up and over and get the top for the cane. I’ll put a long screw in the bottom to attach it to the stick and secure it with a couple of staples. It’ll take a lot of whittling and it won’t be treated or cured wood, but I’ll put a sealer on it to protect it.”
“Thank you.” Remi was happy he could make the cane.
Mr. Wiznowski looked at Remi. “I’ll need that.” He pointed to the stick in her hand, and she didn’t want to let it go. Reluctantly, she handed it to him.
“You’ll take good care of it, won’t you?”
He opened the door of his truck. “You bet. I’ll call tomorrow if I get it done.” He drove toward the corral and the cattle guard.
Slowly, she and Gran walked toward the house.
“You gonna apologize to Handsome?” Gran asked.
“Not tonight. I want the cane to be finished when I do that.”
“Why?”
Remi tightened her hand on Sadie’s collar. “I want him to know how important it is to me.”
“Or how important he is to you,” Gran said without missing a beat.
“I don’t know, Gran. I’m just feeling my way right now,” she admitted.
“Right into a heartache.”
Gran could be right and the fact that she was willing to take that risk meant she was much better. She wasn’t hiding behind the mask of pain or that mask of disability. She was facing life head-on.
* * *
PAXTON SPENT THE rest of the day working with Elias and Jude, repairing a fence that a bull kept breaking. Elias tightened the wires so tight the bull was going to get whiplash if he tried it again. They loaded up their tools and headed toward the barn.
Working with Elias and Jude was an exercise in patience. Elias talked all the time and Jude rarely spoke. He was one of the brothers who’d been shot by Ezra McCray. Ever since that day Jude spoke very little. Their parents had worried about him all the time. But it took a girl to open him up. He met Paige in high school and had no trouble talking to her. They fell in love and they got pregnant. They didn’t know what to do because Paige had a full scholarship waiting for her in California. They kept the pregnancy a secret. Paige spoke to a counselor in school and she suggested they give the baby up for adoption, which they did.
But once Paige had the baby and flew away to college, Jude couldn’t live with that decision. He talked to his mother and told her about the baby and she helped him get his son back. He raised Zane and they all pitched in. Twelve years later Paige returned and found out Jude had their son. She was furious and there were a lot of fireworks, but in the end they reconnected and today Jude was happy.
Elias was driving the Polaris Ranger and he hit a gopher hole, jarring all of them.
“If you can’t drive this thing, let me have the wheel,” Jude said, irritated.
“I’m driving, got it?”
“Then watch where you’re going,” Jude shot back.
But even Jude knew there was no arguing with Elias. He was a law unto himself. He did what he wanted, when he wanted and where he wanted. That was Elias and everyone knew to stay clear when he was angry. Because there was nothing Elias liked better than a good fight.
They made it to the barn without another incident. After storing away the tools, Paxton headed for the bunkhouse. He tried not to think about her all afternoon, but she was right there annoying the hell out of him. Why did he even care? That was what he couldn’t understand. Walking away was always easy. Why couldn’t he get her out of his head?
He sat on the sofa staring at that damn pie. Jericho came out of the bathroom, rubbing his head with a towel. “Where did the pie come from?” he asked.
“It was my payment for helping Miss Bertie.”
“Nice. What’s for supper? It’s your turn to cook.”
“Oh, man. I’d forgotten.” He got up and opened the refrigerator. “How about hot dogs and chocolate pie?”
“Sounds good.”
After dinner, Paxton finished off the last piece of pie and laid his fork in the plate. “Can I ask you a question?”
Rico held up his hands. “No.”
“I just want a yes or no. That’s it.”
Rico pushed back his paper plate. “Okay. I can do that.”
Paxton didn’t know quite how to word what he was feeling. He rolled it around in his head for a moment. “You’ve known me for a long time.”
“Yep.”
“Do you think I’m the kind of man who could love one woman forever? I mean, someone who’s not perfect, who needs someone there to help her occasionally.”
“You’re talking about the granddaughter again, aren’t you?”
“There’s something there that keeps pulling me toward her and I don’t know what it is. I think about her all the time. I don’t want to hurt her. I want to be sure about my feelings and I don’t know what they are. She makes me so mad sometimes and I know I should just walk away and leave her alone.”
“Why don’t you?”
“That’s my problem. She’s living in la-la land and not facing the reality of her
situation.”
“Which is?”
“She has a lot of recovery ahead of her and she refuses to see she still needs help and she’s not completely well.”
“And that bothers you?”
Paxton picked up the paper plates and threw them in the trash. “I’ve never wanted to help anyone in my whole life. Since Dad died, my life has been about me and the rodeo. Of course, I help my mom and my brothers, but I’ve never had this kind of feeling like I have for Remi. I want her to get better and I want her to be realistic. I can’t explain it, but it’s eating me up.” He wiped his hands on a paper towel. “There’s something else. Because of the accident she can’t have children.”
“That’s a biggie.”
Paxton leaned against the cabinet. “Yeah. She’s trying to adopt her best friend’s little girl. Her friend died giving birth. She’s planning on being a single mother.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of problems for a free-living cowboy.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I just want to get her out of my mind.”
“You’ve only known her for a few weeks.” Rico got to his feet. “I said I wasn’t going to give advice, but you need to take some time to figure out what you’re feeling. This girl is going through a lot and is very vulnerable. My advice is to take it slow. And that’s my last word on the subject.”
“But you didn’t say if you thought I could love one woman forever.”
“You’re the only one who can answer that.”
Paxton washed what few dishes there were and decided to stay away from Remi, to give them both time. They barely knew each other. But deep inside he felt as if he’d known her forever. It was the strangest feeling in the world. Yet, it was the best.
* * *
REMI WAITED ALL Friday afternoon for Mr. Wiznowski to call. Gran said he was a man of his word and would call when he had it done and for her not to bother him. It was difficult not to call. But she waited. At six o’clock, the call came.
“Do you want me to varnish it?” Mr. Wiznowski asked.
“Yes. I would like that. Thank you.”