My brother puts his hand on my shoulder and I shrug him off.
He lowers his voice, “I could help you brother.”
I stop. Maybe he could, and maybe he wants Lola. Damn this place.
I glare at him. “What do you want?”
“Nothing,” he says. “Though I would like to know you.”
I cock my head. “What’s your name anyway?” I ask, realising I don’t know anything about him.
“Bastian.”
“Well, Bastian, you fuck her, and I’ll kill you,” I warn.
My father steps between us and raises his hand to me. “Enough, my son.”
I side step him and wave my hand. “Whatever,” I say, as I walk away with my brother following close behind. “What the hell do you do here?” I ask Bastian.
“We read, sing, tend to the gardens, help lost souls, and care for the children. Would you like to meet them?” he asks.
“Nope. What happened with Lola? Is she a furie or what?”
Bastian falls in step beside me. “She is more than what you believe. She is quite unique brother, and extremely beautiful.”
I stop and glare at him as I point my finger to his chest. “Do not touch her.”
He cocks his head. “I have no plans to touch, or bond with your female. I will wait for my own. Shall I show you to your room? Dinner will be served shortly and father would like you to change.”
“Whatever.”
He laughs. “You’re different, Belial. I thought you’d be more—”
“Pure?” I ask him.
“Yes.” He nods.
I look down at the path. Even the goddamn dirt here is white and sparkling. I kick my foot into the dirt. “You thought wrong,” I say.
“Yes, I’ve noticed.” He points to my forearm. “Have you really killed that many beings?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Yep, want to be next?”
He smiles and extends his hand toward the castle. “Come now, Belial. I’ll show you to your room.”
“That’s a no then?” I ask as I follow him.
He laughs. “Correct,” he says.
TWENTY-THREE
Lola
Heaven
§§§
At the castle doors, a female angel with white wings and long golden blonde hair, braided with silver and white ribbons, extends her hand to me. Her eyes, like Belial’s twin, are bright blue and full of light. She’s wearing a beautiful, long white strapless dress covered in tiny crystals. I take her hand as I gaze up at the castle.
The castle looks as though it’s come straight from the pages of a fairy tale. Dazzling white marble is scattered with miniature silver and blue tiles that reflect the sunlight and create tiny beams of rainbows over the grass and in the air. On top of the castle’s turrets, long silver poles hold green flags that blow in the warm honey scented breeze. The angel tugs on my hand. “Ready?” she asks. She’s stunning, almost as beautiful as the girls at the gates, though not quite the same. “Come, Lola. I will show you to your room,” she beckons.
I nod, wanting to get as far away from Belial as possible. The scenes are still playing in my head, constantly reminding me he’s a killer, and a liar. It’s all so confusing. I need answers and no one will talk.
I sit on a small velvet covered sofa in a bedroom that must have be designed for royalty. There’s a fluffy white rug on the floor, and ornate white marble furniture against each wall. Above one chest of drawers is a large, silver framed mirror. The furniture and fixings are luxurious, and from the ceiling an elegant chandelier hangs with tear drop shaped crystals.
The angel sits beside me as a child runs in. I stare in awe at the little girl with golden curls and shimmering silver wings. Above her head, a round silver halo sparkles and seems to be suspended mid-air like magic as it follows her every move.
She runs to the angel and stops in front of her. “Lani, Lani, is she da morrrtool?” the little girl asks, pointing a chubby finger at me.
The angel, Lani, nods and takes the little angel’s hands. “Sera, this is Lola. She will be staying with us for a little while.”
“Hello, Lola,” Sera says.
I smile and give her a little wave. “Hello, Sera. You have a pretty name and such pretty wings.”
Sera covers her mouth and giggles. “Fank you, Lola. You be smelling of somefing I not like here,” she says. She drops her hands and scrunches her nose. I smile at her cherubic face, tiny pink lips, and sparkling blue eyes.
“Shh,” Lani says, putting her finger to Sera’s lips. Sera gasps and puts her hands on her cheeks, her mouth opens to a little ‘O’ and her blue eyes are wide.
“Oh, a bad one is here in dis Heaven?” Her nose crinkles again and her eyes become darker, as though a cloud of sadness has washed over them.
Lani takes her hands. “It’s okay, Sera. Belial will not harm any angel within the walls of Heaven. Do not worry now. Off you go to mother. She is waiting for you to return,” Lani says, kissing her head.
Sera waves. “Bye, bye, Lola. I hope you have so many days left.” She giggles and runs out of the room, leaving behind a trail of sparkling glitter that swirls around as if it’s still searching for her.
“She’s gorgeous, Lani.”
“Yes, my sister is a beautiful little angel, with much to learn.”
I turn to Lani, hoping she will tell me something. “Lani, I don’t know what to do,” I say.
She puts her hands over mine on my lap. “It is your choice, Lola. Here in Heaven, we cannot sway your path. It is something you must find within yourself.”
I let out a quiet sigh. “Do you know I’m a half-blood?”
“The scent of mortals and half-bloods is strong in Heaven. It cannot be masked by purity alone. Lola, you are more than that. You are unique, and when you discover your inner being and find your balance, you will come to understand yourself. Ayla will tell you more. I’m afraid I cannot,” she says.
I’m still confused and searching for answers. “Did Belial really kill my parents?”
“Lola.” She takes my hands. “I am not at liberty to discuss the Great Lord Belial with you, nor can I discuss your past. I am eternally sorry,” she apologises.
Big heavy tears roll down my cheeks and Lani wipes them away with a silky soft tissue. She hands me an envelope covered in silver dust and sealed with a red wax stamp embossed with the letter, A.
“This is for you, Lola. When you are ready, of course.” She walks out, leaving behind the scent of honey and vanilla.
For a long time, I hold the envelope in my hands, thinking about my parents, my dreams, and the obvious reality that I’ve not remembered anything correctly. It makes me wonder if I’ve misinterpreted everything from my past. My dreams and my reality all seem a charade now. Then there’s Belial. He’s been aware of me from a very young age.
Nothing seems to make sense. Perhaps my past life was a dream. Perhaps I’m dead and this is Heaven, nothing more. I open the envelope and close it again. My thoughts are racing and my heart is heavy. I’m not sure what to do. I need to know who I am, I’ve never felt like I fit anywhere. It’s as though I’ve always been stuck in the place where dreams and reality collide.
Whatever balance Belial believes in, has never been part of my life. I’ve always had one foot in reality, and the other in the empty space where nightmares are real and the darkness threatens to pull me under. This time I take out the letter and read it to myself.
Dearest Lola,
If you are reading this, you have found your way to Heaven. Soon we shall meet again. First, you have much to do on your journey to finding the balance within yourself. There is so much to learn. I cannot give you all the information you seek, for the journey of an angel begins in the heart and soul. There will come a time when you stop and listen to the world around you, it will remind you, you are alive, and with life, comes hope. When you have hope, you will also find balance. Your heart will be stronger, it will beat harder and faster, and I promise
you will understand your journey.
Lola, the moment you were born we loved you with a love we never thought possible. Some call it Angel Love, we truly believe that is what we had with you, darling.
Your father, Adam, was a wonderful man. Handsome, brave, and fearless. Perhaps that is what drew me to him. He had the strength and courage of an angel, yet he was born a mortal. Our love blossomed quickly. I loved your father with all my heart. In the beginning, our love was not allowed. I was forbidden to bond with a mortal. I could not leave him. So, we went to Genesis to request he let me live in the mortal world. My hope was that I could sacrifice my wings and live happily with your father, forever.
We travelled for days heading toward the Gardens of Utopia, where the entrance to Nirvana lies. We came across a pack of wolves and saw Zadkiel struggling to defend his wife. Your father did not hesitate, and because of his unwavering strength and courage, Zadkiel and Ayla were saved.
When Genesis heard about this, he granted your father immortality, and his untainted heart allowed him to become a true, heavenly angel. Not long after we made a sacrifice, and were granted permission to live in peace on earth, disguised as mortals. We were never to enter the heavens again. Genesis took our angel powers, and we were left with only our wings, which we could easily hide.
Zadkiel and Ayla were grateful your father had helped them, and proposed an offer. They declared, if we ever bore a daughter their first-born son would be her bond, her protector, and her mate for life. They swore if harm was to come to her, their son would ensure her survival. We tried for many, many years to have a daughter to bring our families together, and finally, you were born. Even though we had sacrificed our life in Heaven, we promised Zadkiel and Ayla we would honour the agreement.
As your angel bond, their first-born son will protect you. He cannot harm you, nor let harm come to you. It is ingrained into his heart and soul. His angel blood carries the promise that was written many, many years before you were born, as does yours.
Lola, the evening Ayla was to give birth, she and Zadkiel were captured by Hades’ demons and taken to the Underworld. Hades made a deal with Zadkiel, he’d keep the child and they would go free. Zadkiel was desperate, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for Ayla, and he knew the longer they stayed and the closer she came to the birth, the more chance there was of Hades discovering there were in fact two babies.
Hades cast them to earth, and never knowing if their child had lived or died, they could only pray and hope their remaining son, Bastian, would survive.
My darling daughter, there is much you will discover on your journey through life. Some things will come as a welcome surprise. Others may result in immense heartache and pain. Remember Lola, believe in hope, follow your heart, and let the angels guide you through the difficult times. You are so much more than what you believe yourself to be.
Your ever-loving mother, Harmony.
Tears fall from my eyes and drip onto the paper in my hands. The ink spreads and fans out where each tear drop falls. Belial is my bond? That’s why he continues to claim ownership yet remains confused. He doesn’t know why he feels protective. I empathise with his confusion. How could he be anything but conflicted with this imprinting on his blood and yet been used as a pawn by Hades his entire life?
For centuries, Belial has been waiting for my arrival and here I am, a mere nineteen years old essentially waiting for him to claim me.
“I don’t love him,” I say the words out loud. Do I love him? My mind and my heart feel differently. Nothing here makes sense. I need to find my parents. I need to see them if they are alive, and if Belial really did kill them, I need to know why.
Perhaps all of this is why I’ve never felt normal. As a child, I felt as though I belonged in another place. That somehow, I was destined for a life other than the one I was living. After my parents’ death, I thought that place was with them, dead and buried, removed from a world I didn’t understand or care for. I constantly questioned myself and my choices.
I always believed I would eventually have to split myself in two. One half to appease the angels and demons who beckoned in my dreams, the other half to please a society I had no desire to fit in to. I didn’t want to be labelled and crammed into their boxes. I didn’t want the added pressure of trying to be something more than I already was. My heart and soul were always searching for answers, seeking the truth in a world of unknowns.
I think back to the only relationship I had with a boy. His name was Jack Kelley. He had red hair and freckles, and bright green eyes. I was fifteen, innocent, and naïve. We kissed and fooled around. His wandering hands, and my half naked body writhing under the covers of his skull and crossbones blanket. I never wanted to take it further. He wanted sex and I wasn’t interested, or ready. After three short months, we broke up and went back to being friends. Just like that.
In fact, when I think back to my teenage years, I rarely spoke to any of the boys my age. They never held my interest. I always preferred the company of my teachers, and Cress. I was short, thin, and unsociable. Everyone assumed I was traumatised and lacked emotional intelligence. The truth was, my dreams, however much I feared them, often gave me comfort. For it was there I was wanted, and seemingly needed.
I dry my eyes and fold the letter neatly before slipping it back into the envelope. Pressing it against my chest, I close my eyes. Now I have purpose, and a reason to live.
I won’t give up until I know everything.
TWENTY-FOUR
Lola
Heaven
Three days later
§§§
When I think about my journey to this point, I see a mortal human whose relatively short life has been plagued by doubt, insecurity and unimaginable loss. There are times I feel as though I’m still a scared little girl trapped inside the body of a woman unsure of where her heart lies, and of what her purpose is in life. My past haunts me, my dreams haunt me, and I am yet to comprehend the enormity of who I am and what I could possibly become. The ever-present reminder my future was written by the hands of angels long before I came into existence, is incomprehensible, yet arouses part of my mind that has been lying dormant for some time.
I leave the opulence of the Castle of Heaven where voluminous plumes of pearlescent clouds hover in the distance. The unusually soft grass is covered in a thin layer of purity. It catches the light and sparkles, creating a kaleidoscope of colours my eyes have never seen. Above, the sun falls on the horizon, and as it lowers inch by inch, the castle is bathed in a pale pink and amber glow.
Alabaster stones crunch beneath my feet as I follow the path from the castle through a forest of weeping willows. Thin leafy branches sway in the gentle breeze, and carry the sing song tweets of blue birds fluttering from branch to branch.
There’s an undeniable peacefulness here, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Although, I still wonder about Belial. Did he really kill my parents? He does have a demon soul. While I trust Belial with my life, there’s a darkness in him I don’t understand. After all, he was raised to believe he was a demon by the King of the Underworld himself.
Hope. I remind myself. There’s always hope. The winding path ends a few short steps away from the Lake of Redemption, where Lani told me I would find answers about Belial.
My heart is heavy and disorienting thoughts flood my mind. Like a voyeur, I’m about to delve into his past. I’ve learnt a little about Belial’s ancestry since we arrived in Heaven. Nothing though was as shocking as finding out Hades was in fact Zadkiel’s non-identical twin brother. Belial’s true uncle.
Belial was furious, and has refused to speak to anyone for the past three days. Bastian told me the fact Belial still shared the same blood as the King of the Underworld, caused him to question everyone, and everything he ever knew.
§§§
Shimmering silver ripples form on the lake and sparkle like stars have fallen from the sky and landed on its surface. In the middle, an old weeping willow tre
e’s branches dangle into the water. Long tendrils of silver thread hang among the branches in thin twisted vines, much like the vines I saw on the gates where we entered Heaven. Thick bushy reeds grow on the banks where hundreds of bright yellow sunflowers stand six-feet-tall. Their petals close as the sunset fades.
On the other side of the lake, the quaint cottage with white shutters and a small attic window at the top, where Belial’s parents live, is surrounded by a garden full of tulips and daffodils in every colour of the rainbow. A narrow white stone path leads to a bright green front door. Picket fences surround the cottage, and to the left is a large paddock where I count a dozen white horses with long glittering manes. I instantly wonder if they have wings and I imagine riding them into the heavenly skies. At this point, anything is possible.
When I shift my gaze back to the lake, a shimmering silver haze clouds my vision and a cloud of warmth envelops me. A whisper on the wind carries a gentle voice, “Follow me,” it beckons.
I reach out and feel my way around, unsure of where I am, or where I’m going. I don’t recognise the voice but I trust it. My feet sink into puffs of fluffy clouds with each tentative step.
“A few more steps,” the voice whispers. “Now, open your eyes, Lola.”
My eyelids flutter and my vision clears. The surface of the lake is a mirror. My own reflection is staring back at me with a confused expression. I reach down to touch the water, my hand slips right through and comes out dry.
I look over my shoulder searching for the female who owns the gentle voice. “It’s not working,” I say.
“Drink,” she whispers.
I scan the lake and the horizon for any sign of another person. I search for the voice again, there’s no one else here. I kneel on the grass and lean down to scoop up the water. It’s warm and clear, and when I raise my hands, it flows through my fingers and leaves behind a glittering silver residue. I scoop it up again and take a mouthful of the sickly-sweet liquid, then swallow hard against the back of my throat hoping the water doesn’t come back up.
Untamed: Demon Soul Page 17