by Debbie Gould
Colin sat up, threw his legs over the side and pushed up off the bed. Pulling on his boxers and slacks, he stepped out onto the balcony and leaned against the barrier wall. God, how he’d missed the connection, the bond a man and woman shared. She’d made him feel alive again. She also made him want to give her things he couldn’t. Maybe it was selfish, but he couldn’t risk his heart a second time, and he wouldn’t let another woman down.
Storming back into the room, he finished dressing and left. The night before had been a mistake. Emily wasn’t a one-night stand woman and he wasn’t available for more than that. He’d find some way to patch things up between them. There had to be a way, because even if he couldn’t have her the way they both wanted, he couldn’t see his life without her in it at all.
***
Colin sat on the white sand staring out at the Gulf of Mexico. A week had passed since his night with Emily and he hadn’t had the balls to go see her yet. The more time that passed, the more excuses he made to himself for his behavior, but they weren’t cutting it anymore. The ache in his gut to see her, to hold her in his arms burned through him night and day.
Shit this hurt. He felt empty now, and he missed her like he missed a piece of himself.
Damn Bobby for putting him in this position. This time he’d crossed the line from meddling to causing damage. Emily had been hurt because of this stupid stunt, and their relationship forever changed. He’d seen her tears, heard the pain in her voice, and it killed him. Enough was enough. Time to confront the man and show him exactly what he could do with his interfering ass.
Twenty minutes later, Colin pulled his car into the parking space next to Bobby’s shiny red Ford F-150. Storming up the stoop, he pounded the door with his fist, took a half step back, and waited.
Sixty seconds later, the grumble of Bobby’s voice sounded. “Who the hell is it?”
“Me. Open the fuck up.”
The door cracked a few inches, and Bobby peeked around it. “Aw, shit.” He opened it further and stepped aside to let Colin in. Shutting the door behind him, Bobby stood in his living room, sleep ruffled hair, eyes half opened, wearing only his boxers. “Wondered when you were going to show your face.”
Colin rounded on him. “God damn. What the hell goes through that pea brain of yours? I want to beat your fucking ass right now.”
Bobby shoved a hand through his hair. “I could say those same words to you. It’s been a fucking week, dude. That woman has been trying to get your attention for a year now. She asked for my help, so I obliged.”
He threw his arms up. “Never mind the fact that I’ve told you a hundred times I couldn’t have her. I can’t have anyone.” Damn, would the man ever listen? “Fuck. The little prank you pulled has consequences. We can’t even go back to the relationship we had before now. Emily and Isabelle will be even further out of my grasp.”
“I’m so sick of hearing that, Ghost.” Bobby rubbed his eyes and sat on one of the stools in front of his bar. “It’s all a bunch of self-pitying bullshit. You’re fucking scared is what you are.”
He stalked a few steps forward, bringing him within striking distance. “You wanna repeat that, Bobcat?”
Bobby slid off the stool, threw his shoulders back, his neck straightened and chin tilted. “Sure, you’re fucking scared.” When Colin drew his arm back, Bobby shoved him. “It’s about time you man up. Even if you don’t think you deserve her or the home she can give you, you’re what Emily wants—though fuck if I know why. You’re a grade A asshole sometimes. But you’re it for her, so if you give a damn about her, go make her happy…or I’ll kick your ass.”
Colin let out a long breath and backed down. He traipsed through the living room and sank onto the couch, head hanging.
Bobby crossed the room and flopped in the recliner. “I don’t get it. Your family is right there waiting for you.” His voice sounded much softer than before. “All you’ve got to do is reach out and take it.”
“Don’t you see? I had it all once. Everything I wanted. A job I loved, the best woman a man could ask for, a baby on the way. I blew it. All because I couldn’t get my priorities straight. I won’t make that mistake again. I can’t do that to Emily or me. And Isabelle? Do you think I want her growing up to be disappointed in me for making the wrong choices?”
Bobby raised a brow. “So, this is all about you and how people see you?”
Colin slammed his hand down on the couch. “No! It’s about me not letting down the people I love. If I’m not in their lives, I can’t disappoint them.”
“But you are in their lives, regardless, and already disappointing them by staying away.” Colin slid to the edge of his seat. “So, tell me, are you saying you would do everything the same in a new relationship?”
“No. I.” He shook his head. “Hell no, I’d do it all different.”
“Then the only other explanation is you’re a dumb fuck. Christ, get your head out of your damn ass. This is it. This is your chance to do it all different, to make the right choices this time. Not all of us are lucky enough to get a second chance.”
Colin stared at the ceiling for a long moment. Lord he’d love nothing more than to accept what Emily offered. A home, love, the two females he ached for every day could be his. Bobby was right, he was an idiot and scared shitless. It would kill him to lose everything all over again. But damn it, he wanted Isabelle, and he wanted Emily.
He glanced back at his friend. “And what if I fuck up?”
“That’s easy.” He grinned. “I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”
***
Emily had kept herself busy throughout the day. She’d taken Isabelle to the Gulfarium, the ten-thirty a.m. sea lion show was her favorite. From there, they’d gone to lunch, done some Christmas shopping, and tackled the weekly grocery purchases. Back home, she’d found a delivery of boxes from some on-line purchases and set them in the living room. Once the groceries were put away, they baked cookies, played games, and basically wore each other out.
By the time the dark shadows of night had settled in, Isabelle was down for the count, but Emily couldn’t yet face her empty bed. Changing into old sweats, she jammed a ball cap on her head, climbed up into the attic, and brought down the four big boxes that contained her Christmas decorations. Today was December first, time to put yesterday behind her and move on. Last week had been a gift.
The only thing that would have made it better would have been if she had convinced Colin he could find happiness with them, but he seemed determined to continue to punish himself. She couldn’t fight him anymore. The thought brought fresh tears to her eyes. So much for putting it behind her. Lord she’d messed everything up horribly this time.
She hadn’t heard from him, not that she’d expected to, but he still hadn’t seen Isabelle since he’d been home. She’d thought for sure he would at least want to see his daughter. Maybe she should call Bobby. It was obvious Colin wasn’t going to contact her. It might be better if he picked Isabelle up and took her to her daddy’s for the day. Bobby could arrange it all, and Colin wouldn’t have to see her. He would distance himself from them now and she didn’t want Izzy to miss out on him any more than she already had.
Making the decision to call Bobby tomorrow, she set about the job of decorating for the holiday season, hoping it would put her in the mood for Christmas and the coming new year. How did one go about giving up on a dream, especially when that dream seemed all too real a little over a week ago? She wasn’t sorry about the night she’d spent making love to him. Just the opposite. At least she’d fought for him as hard as she could, and she would have her memories forever.
Looking around the living room, she tried to map out the decorations in her head, what to put where, but a room full of boxes made it hard to decide, and her heart wasn’t in it. She’d done a darn good job of not thinking about Colin all day, but it was much more difficult after the sun fell.
Her chest tightened. The decorations, trying to get into the ho
liday spirit, why bother? She’d never felt more alone. Plodding over to the couch, she flopped down, resting her head against the cushion. For Isabelle, that’s why.
She had to find a way let him go. It might not happen tonight, or tomorrow, but soon. She needed to figure out how to fall out of love with him.
The doorbell sounded, and she glanced at her watch. Nine p.m.. Nobody usually stopped by this late. Moving to the door, she peered out the side window, and her heart hitched. She yanked the door open. “Colin.”
“Hi.” He stood there, his eyes scanning her.
“Um. Isabelle is already in bed.”
“That’s okay. Do you mind if I peek in at her?” He kept his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight from one foot to the next. “I promise not to wake her.”
“Of course.” She widened the door. “Come in.”
Bending down, he grabbed a large paper bag she hadn’t noticed before and strode into the living room. He stopped short and pivoted on his heel to face her. His mouth open, the color drained from his face. “Are you going somewhere?”
“What?”
He gestured to the mess she’d made of the room. “The boxes. It looks like you’re packing.”
“Oh, no. My Christmas decorations are in half of those, and the other half are deliveries.” She perched on the arm of the sofa. “I would never leave without telling you. No matter what happened between us, you’re still Isabelle’s father. That’s the one thing that will never change.”
He nodded and set the bag down, grabbing a white, stuffed Christmas bear from it. “Do you mind if I run this up to her?”
“Not at all. Do you want something to drink?” she said, unsure if he would be sticking around or not.
He gazed at her and smiled. “A beer would be great if you have one.”
Her heart did a cautionary dance. At least he wasn’t shutting her out the way she’d feared he would. “Just so happens I do.”
“Great.”
He bounded up the stairs to Isabelle’s room, and she made her way to the kitchen. Retrieving a couple long neck bottles from the fridge, she opened them and brought them back to the living room.
She couldn’t imagine why he’d come and prayed it wasn’t bad news. Five minutes later, he flew down the stairs and stood before her out of breath.
“Good Lord, Colin. Did you have a monster chasing you?”
He chuckled. “No, just in a hurry I guess.”
“A hurry for what?”
“It feels like I’ve been trying to get here for a year. Now that I am, I don’t want to waste any more time.”
She frowned. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Digging in the bag again, he stuffed something in his pocket and moved closer to her. He took her hands and pulled her to her feet. “I’ve been such an ass. I’ve been having a huge pity party and beating myself up for things I couldn’t change. I’ve neglected the one true miracle in my life, Isabelle, and I’ve been blind as a bat when it came to seeing what was right in front of me.”
Emily closed her eyes. Afraid of what he might say next, afraid of what he might not say. “Colin, I––”
He covered her mouth with his, the kiss gentle and warm. “Open your eyes, let me finish.” He cupped her face in his hand. “I’ve made such a mess of everything, Em. I’ve hurt the people I love because I was afraid to lose again. It took a couple of good friends to make me realize I was losing it all anyway.”
He searched her eyes, his full of hope. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I need you and Isabelle in my life. I need you.” He placed another kiss on her mouth, and then traced her jaw line to her ear. “I love you,” he whispered and pulled back.
She gasped, tears spilling down her cheeks. Wiping the fallen tears, he replaced them with more soft kisses.
“I love you, Emily. I don’t want to waste any more time. I’ve already missed so much. I can promise you, with everything I am, I won’t make the same mistakes. You and Isabelle will come first in my life.”
“Oh, Colin. Don’t make promises you can keep. Promises I didn’t ask you to make.”
“I’ve realized my family can come first, Em. I love what I do, but it’s not who I am. Not anymore. I’m a father, and I want to be your lover, your best friend. Your husband. Will you marry me?”
He took the ring from his pocket. A beautiful, solitaire round cut diamond with a silver band sparkled in his hand.
Emily blinked from the ring to Colin. Heart pounding, hope and caution warred within her. “Are you sure?”
Colin sank to his knees. “Oh, God, Emily. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Please, marry me.”
Emily let the tears run freely and tugged on Colin’s hands, bringing him off his knees. “Then of course I’ll marry you.”
Colin let out a whoop, lifted her off her feet, and swung her around. “Lord, woman, I love you.”
Emily laughed and threw her arms around his neck. “I love you, too.”
He glanced around the room. “Come on, let’s decorate this house. We’re gonna have one hell of a great Christmas.”
~ABOUT THE AUTHOR~
Born in Wichita Falls, Texas, at the age of two Debbie and her mother moved to New Jersey, spending many happy years on her grandparents' horse farm. You'll sometimes find this setting as a backdrop in her work.
As a teenager, she and her mother found a new home in Vermont, where she currently resides. With a daughter in the Air Force (along with Debbie's six-year-old grandson), and two sons working for the family Well Drilling business, Debbie now shuffles her time between a husband, full time job as a nurse and her writing career
About seven years ago, while looking at over three hundred treasured books lining her shelves, she realized there was a multitude of stories of her own clamoring for release. Since then, she's seriously persevered in keeping the keyboard in constant motion.
You can visit Debbie at:
www.authordebbiegould.com
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