by Andrea Joan
If he had slapped me it would have hurt less, but I don’t stop. I can’t until he hears me. “How can you possibly be mad at me? I’m using your logic here, Liam.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“If your dad hadn’t gotten you into boxing, then you would have never been in Atlanta. Never put Darius in a coma. His psycho whack job brother would have never darkened your world by taking your loved ones from you and putting his marks on you.” I point directly at his bare chest.
As the silence ticks on, I think that maybe I’ve gotten through to him. He roughly drags his hands through his hair. Those eyes I’ve grown to worship are trained at the ceiling as if they hold the words he’s searching for. When he turns his back on me and starts toward the bedroom door, I hang my head down in defeat; I seriously fucked up.
My heart shatters like shards of glass, the pieces splintering my chest and causing pain I’ve never felt before. I can’t find the will to even move, to go after him and stop him from leaving. The loud thud, the one that sounds like a fist meeting drywall, confirms that he is in fact done with me.
Then I look up.
Where I thought I would see only vacant space, I see him. His hands are braced in the doorway, not looking for an exit, but looking in, at me. Before I even register that he hasn’t left, he destroys the space between us until he’s right in front of me. He buries his hands in my hair and tilts my head up so I’m forced to look into his eyes.
“That is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, Sky.” I don’t know how to respond or if I’m even supposed to. I’m not sure if I’m witnessing a breakdown or a breakthrough. When his lips descend to mine harshly, I almost burst into tears because I know.
He gets it. Finally, he understands.
“I know,” I say the second his lips release mine. “It’s so stupid.”
“It wasn’t his fault.”
“No.”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
I smile big as if he’s just given me the biggest gift. “No, slugger, it wasn’t.”
He continues kissing me, raw with passion, as if he’s releasing five years of guilt. His hands roam wildly as if he’s desperate to touch my skin. I didn’t even realize we were moving until I feel the mattress hit the back of my knees. When I fall backwards onto the bed, he finally releases my lips. Standing to his full height, he reaches behind his neck and pulls off his shirt.
God, that is sexy. He really is a sight to behold. There is something beyond just looks, something in the feral way he moves, the way his dangerous eyes appraise me, and those same eyes flash with a moment of vulnerability, an emotion I haven’t witnessed in him before. I only have seconds to appreciate the rare sentiment because his warm, rough hands are now under my shirt, caressing my skin with a gentleness I have yet to experience with Liam. In fact, everything he does after is nothing but soft caresses punctuated by his tongue and mouth slowly tasting my skin. When he finally enters me, it’s with a gentle thrust, and every movement after is made with care and passion.
This is different.
He is different.
And though I have no experience with it, and the thought of it once seemed liked fiction to me, I would almost describe it as what I imagine making love is like. Like he wants to possess me. Learn and own me. Force me to desire and need him by creating an addiction with his attentive touches and whispered words of how perfect and beautiful he finds me. When he comes, he doesn’t curse before groaning my own name at me. Instead, he whispers and praises it. As if he’s thanking me and assuring me that I am only meant for him.
When we finally have fucked to the point of exhaustion, he can’t even find the strength to grab a towel to clean me, which he has always done before. Instead, I just curl up against his chest and he holds me close. I graze my fingers across his scars, tracing and memorizing each one, even daring to run my fingers across the ink on his arm, over the names of the loved ones he lost. It isn’t until he falls asleep that I let the tears fall. Because I know there is no way this can last. I’ll never be able to measure up to his first love, or be as perfect as Ali was, and once he finds out my secret, it will be made crystal clear to him. Liam can do better than me, and after what he has already been through, he deserves better because I’ll be nothing but a burden.
But until that moment comes, I’ll live in my denial and soak up every second I can with the man I’m in love with.
“SKYLAR JOY BARRETT, STOP hanging off your man like a damn octopus and get your ass in the pool right this second before I get out and throw you in!”
“You’d have to get past my bodyguard first, Erik!” I wrap my arms around Liam’s firm waist as he flips the burgers on the grill. I slip my hands under his shirt, wanting to touch his skin, wishing he could take his shirt off like Noah and Erik, but he’s not ready for the questions or stares. And frankly, I don’t blame him. I’m a little sad that I can’t openly gawk at his godlike body—scars and all, but I get it.
Since Liam’s admission and subsequent breakthrough, I’ve been incredibly happy and carefree, so I decided on the spur of the moment to have some of my friends over for a small get together. Noah, who’s been spending more time at Erik’s house than ours, brought him along. I’d forgotten how much fun I always have with Erik around. Winter brought Amber, well not so much brought Amber as Amber decided to bring herself as she tends to do. That girl is like herpes in human form. No one wants it around, but surprise! Here it is to ruin your party. And if she keeps eye-fucking Liam I’ll deflate one of her implants with her ridiculous heels.
“That’s right, baby.” Liam turns slightly, slaying me with that wicked smile of his, before placing a light kiss on the tip of my nose, making those butterflies take flight in my stomach. That is, until Amber speaks and massacres every one of them with her annoying voice.
“Well, if that’s all it takes to get manhandled by Liam, I’ll gladly toss you in the pool, Skylar.”
“Letting that slut flag fly a little early today, aren’t we, Amber?” Noah snaps at her from the lounge chair where he is currently tanning himself. He doesn’t even bother to open his eyes to spare her a glance either.
“Did you just call me a slut, Noah?” She actually looks offended, though I’ve no clue why. He never misses a chance to joke about her whorish ways.
“Cut the innocent act, Amber. Everyone knows your vag has accepted more semen donations than a sperm bank.”
“Oh shit.” Winter chokes on a laugh and a little of the beer she just sipped. I try and hide my smile behind Liam, who’s currently shaking with silent laughter.
Amber purses her lips, and if it weren’t for her oversized sunglasses, I’m sure we would be able to see the daggers she’s shooting at Noah. “Why do you always have to be such an ass to me?”
“Now, children, let’s not fight. This is supposed to be a fun day, remember?” Winter chimes in playfully, throwing her arm around Erik’s shoulder.
Noah finally sits up, sliding his sunglasses to the top of his head. They’re sitting on opposite sides of the pool, but he’s glaring at her like she’s five feet in front of him. “Amber, you came to Skylar’s house uninvited and then proceeded to hit on her man. Maybe start to show her some respect and I’ll be less of an ass.”
“Oh whatever, it was a joke. You knew it was a joke didn’t you, Liam?”
The way she addresses him and not me only goes to prove Noah’s point, and has me finally speaking up. “What are the odds she’s like a T-Rex? If we stand still and don’t speak is she still able to see us?” I direct toward Liam.
“I heard that.”
“I would hope so,” I say directly to her so there is no confusion.
I’ve never been a big fan of ganging up on one person; it all seems a little too Mean Girls to me, and I of all people can sympathize. But when it comes to Amber, I can’t seem to give a shit. The girl is what I like to refer to as TST.
Tabloid Socialite Trash.
/> She gets off on being in the tabloids in any capacity. The only reason paparazzi care about her in the first place is because she’s related to Hollywood royalty. Her uncle, Winter’s dad, is a legendary director. She was merely famous by association for years until a sex tape of her banging a married A-list actor was mysteriously “stolen” and sold to a porn company. But she failed where the Kardashians didn’t. Turns out Amber didn’t even have enough talent to get a reality show off the ground, so instead she just kind of created her own reality show using the paparazzi as her cameramen and her absence of morality as her director.
“Whatever. You were never this touchy when it came to Cass.”
Oh yeah, and she slept with Cass.
It’s not that I was jealous and it was after I ended our friends-with-benefits arrangement, so thankfully nothing that was ever in her touched me, but it just shows you the kind of girl she is.
“Speaking of Cass, where is our moody little rock star? Isn’t he supposed to be here today?” Winter asks as Liam slams his beer down a little harder than necessary but wisely keeps his mouth shut on the matter.
He had plenty to say about it last night when he found out I was inviting Cassiel to this impromptu pool party. I get why he has a problem with Cass; they didn’t exactly look like they were eager to become besties the first time they met. Cass came out of the gate with his full on I don’t give a shit attitude, and if Liam thinks that behavior was reserved only for him, he has so much to learn about Cass.
Cassiel constantly spits that trademark indifference my way, too. Liam thought his behavior that day at breakfast stemmed from some unrequited longing for me; that he was jealous seeing me there with Liam, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Liam doesn’t know Cass like I do and trying to explain it to him would do more harm than good.
So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided what better way to fix this than to invite Cass? I can show Liam firsthand why he has nothing to worry about because I need them to at least be civil to one another. I won’t abandon Cassiel; he will always be a part of my life. He’s earned my loyalty and I know that sooner rather than later I need to explain why to Liam.
“He should be coming. He texted me last night and said he was in, but you know Cass. It’s like he’s allergic to reliability.”
Liam grunts before saying, “With any luck, he’s allergic to barbeques, pools, and you.”
“Liam,” I say in slight warning.
Despite those hot as hell aviator sunglasses he’s wearing, I know just by the slight rise of his eyebrows that he’s daring me to fight with him on this. Last night he told me he would “allow” Cass to come over, but that he didn’t have to like it. Then I proceeded to inform him that he doesn’t “allow” me to do anything, which led to an aggressive argument punctuated by sex. Angry, passionate, life-altering sex that had me forgetting my own name and screaming his.
And this arrogant bastard knows just how much it affected me judging by the smirk that was on his face and the way I practically panted his name while I was attempting to scold him with it.
Tugging on his T-shirt, I pull him directly in front of me and stand on my tiptoes so I can whisper, “Stop. We don’t want a repeat of last night. Not when I have friends here.”
“Speak for yourself, baby. If I had my way, I’d kick them all out, drag you inside, and bend you over the couch.”
“What is up, my people!” a loud voice bellows through my backyard, quickly breaking us apart. A quiet fuck slips from Liam’s lips before he grasps the back of my neck and kisses me. Hard. Because he knows who just walked into my backyard and this is his way of pissing on me so that there is no question of who I belong to. But as suspected, Liam has nothing to worry about because here Cass stands, arm slung around his girlfriend, the beautiful, yet seemingly shy Paige. She is one of the reasons I wanted Cassiel to come. There is rarely a time when he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Cass typically only does relationships. They last a few months, then for reasons unknown to me they end abruptly and our arrangement would kick in again.
“Speak of the devil,” Winter says, pulling herself out of the pool to greet Cass with a hug.
“That’s angel, sweet pea, and don’t you forget it. You’re getting me all wet here, darlin’. That’s my job,” he flirts, kissing Winter on the cheek.
“Don’t be a pig.” She shoves his shoulder before giving a hug to Paige, who seems completely unaffected by his comment to Winter. If Liam said anything like that to a girl in my presence, I would have thrown his ass in the pool, after I drained it.
But that’s just how Cass is, and his girlfriends always seem blissfully pliant. Noah gives a lazy wave toward them and continues to get his tan on while Erik gets out and gives him a man hug while mentioning it’s good to see him again.
Then Cassiel lifts his shades and aims his devious gaze towards me. “Where’s my hug, Speedy?”
Shit. There’s that nickname again.
I hate everything it represents, and the fact that he knows it and still continues to use it bugs the hell out of me, but I refuse to acknowledge it today. I’m happy, I want to have a good time, and I want Liam and Cass to at least play nice. If Liam believes I’m uncomfortable with something Cassiel has done or said to me, I know he will not hesitate to shut him up.
So I squeeze Liam’s hand in reassurance, giving him a quick wink and a smile before I make my way to Cassiel, feeling his eyes burning through my back with each step I take.
“Cass, glad you could make it.” He lets go of Paige and walks toward me in that slow, cocky way that only he can. I even take a second to admire how good he looks. Board shorts hanging low, a black vintage Bowie concert tee, the one we found together at a thrift store when we were seventeen, stretching tight across his chest. He looks good. Healthy. Healthier than the last time I saw him which means he’s probably clean again. When he hijacked our breakfast weeks ago, I suspected he may be using again—he gets nasty when he uses—but by the look of it, he’s now flying straight.
“Damn, I’ve missed you,” he says, picking me up and spinning me around.
“Missed you too.” I separate from him quickly. Funny how I can be comfortable having sex with him, but that intimacy factor, something even as simple as a hug, has my muscles tensing like I was just thrown into a tub of ice water.
Except with Liam.
“Hey, Paige, nice to meet you finally.”
“Hey, Skylar. Nice to meet you, too. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Of course! You guys can head over to the bar. There are beers in the fridge and a pitcher of vodka lemonade on the counter. Liam’s grilling up some food now.”
“Why don’t you go get us a drink babe?” Cass points Paige to the bar before turning his attention back to me. “So, bodyguard got a promotion to cook, then,” he says low enough that only I can hear.
“Cassiel.”
“Skylar.”
“Knock it off. Don’t be an ass. I want you two to get along. Please.”
He flashes me a grin before conceding, “You got it, Speedy. You know I can never have enough friends.” He saunters up to Liam. When he gets to him he shoves his hand out.
“Good to see you again, bodyguard.”
Liam stares at Cass’s hand as if it’s infected with Ebola and he would rather gnaw his own hand off than shake it.
“Well, okay then,” Cass says before pulling his hand back.
Cass looks over at me and shrugs before heading to the patio bar.
“You could have been a little nicer to Cass.” I poke Liam in the ribs trying to take his attention away from the damn barbeque.
“I could’ve been,” he replies dryly, his attention still on the grill. “Hand me the cheese slices, baby.” I pick up the package of deli cheese and shove it hard into his chest. “Jesus. What the fuck, Sky?”
“Stop being an ass and try to be nice. He brought his damn girlfriend for crying out loud. There’s no reason to be all dickish with him.”
<
br /> “I am being nice. For me, this is nice. If I wasn’t being nice, his ass would be at the bottom of the pool after I drained it.” Holy shitballs. Can he read my mind or something? “And you’re delusional if you think he is even remotely serious about that girl. He gave you a hug like he hadn’t seen you in years and he just found you during a zombie apocalypse. Meanwhile, he just made her get her own drink in a house she’s never been in, at a party with people it seems she’s never met. He still hasn’t introduced her to anyone else here except you. Look at him now. He’s over there talking to Erik while she’s standing back at the bar looking like a lost little puppy.”
I take a quick glance over and, sure enough, Paige is staring blankly into her glass at the outdoor bar while Cass chats up Erik near the pool. I’ve seen Cass go through his share of girlfriends, but his inability to stay committed has nothing to do with some unrequited love for me, that much I know. But I’m sick of trying to defend myself. I just want to have a good time.
I’ve been craving some excitement for a few days now. It’s been itching at me, the need to do something crazy and dangerous. Mix it up a little. That’s why I wanted this pool party to begin with. I’m starting to feel antsy and fucking ready to party. I need a release.
“Hey!” I take a sip of my drink while everyone around me stops what they’re doing to look my way. Even Amber, who I wish wasn’t here, but whatever, in for a penny, in for a pound and all that. “So, I was thinking, now that we’re all here, we should go to Vacancy on Saturday. I think we’re long overdue for a night out.”
Noah chokes slightly on his drink, while Cass and Winter just give me a blank stare. You would think I just told them I plan to birth an alien baby on Saturday.
“Um, are you sure you want to do that, Skylar?” Concern laces Winter’s tone.
“What is Vacancy?” Liam asks before closing the lid on the barbeque.
“It’s a club,” Noah says.