‘I don’t know how you put up with him, I really don’t.’
‘Actually, something Luca said helped, as it happened. He’s been talking to me a lot about the need to keep calm in an argument. It gives better results. So I willed myself calm. Just looked at him, without saying a word, then went for a walk.’
‘He’s clever, though. Whenever he comes in here with you, his eyes take in everything. Don’t underestimate him, honey. Keep one step ahead,’ Charlie advised.
‘I’m trying. It’s been easier this past month, having you all on my side. The happiest I’ve been in a long time.’
Charlie leaned in, then held her chin gently in his hand. ‘Take a good look. You can be happy again. All of the time. I promise.’
Stella leaned her cheek into his hand and kissed it lightly. ‘Love you.’
‘Stop, you’ll set me off,’ Charlie said, blowing a kiss at her.
‘I’ve got something for you.’ She leaned down and pulled out a small bag from her handbag.
Charlie squealed when he opened it. ‘It’s your Theia couture cape.’
Stella giggled at the expression on his face. ‘When I showed you a photograph of it, a few months back, you were so excited. Well, I thought, a cape this beautiful should be owned by someone who really loves it.’
‘What size is it? Will it fit me? Doesn’t matter, I’ll starve for months to fit into it! How can you give it away? It’s stunning! Oprah wore one of Don O’Neill’s dresses to the Oscars, for goodness sake. He’s a genius!’
‘Charlie, my love, I know all that. That’s why Matt bought it for me. If it’s good enough for the Oscars … but I want you to have it. A small thank you for all you’ve done for me. It’s one size, so I think you’ll be okay. I reckon it will fit.’
‘I’ve done nothing,’ Charlie protested.
‘Yes you have. Rea and you, Luca too, have given me a reason to fight. To want more from life. You’ve made me believe that there’s a chance for a happier time.’
‘Now there’s no way I can stop the tears.’ Charlie’s eyes flooded and he quickly put the dress back into the bag. ‘I can’t have tears dropping on this piece. I know exactly when I’ll wear it. My sister gets married in September. It’s perfect.’
‘Just don’t wear those gold stilettos,’ Stella joked.
‘They are in the bin! It took me nearly a week to recover from that blister.’
‘Imagine how long it would have taken without the healing light!’
When they stopped laughing, Charlie said, ‘In all honesty, are you sure you want to part with this?’
‘Yes. It’s stunning. But it’s not me.’
‘What is you, then?’
‘You know, I don’t really know any more. I spent years just wearing shorts and t-shirts when I travelled. But they don’t feel like me now either, no more than this does. I think I’m somewhere in between the two.’
‘Well, maybe I can help you with that. I feel a shopping trip coming on.’
‘Okay, why not? When?’
‘No time like the present! Let me just have a word with reception and we’ll get going. And, by the way, this hairdo is on me.’
Within ten minutes they were in Charlie’s Mazda 3, whizzing up the Malahide Road towards the Pavillions. ‘There has to be some perks to owning your own business. As long as I’m back for 4.30 for an up-do I’ve got pencilled in, we’re grand,’ Charlie said.
‘I’ll have to be back by then to get dinner ready.’
‘What would happen if his lordship had to cook his own?’
‘Well, it won’t be too long more and he’ll have to find out.’
‘I’m going to miss you when you go. When do you think that will be?’
‘In a week or two. Once my new passport arrives and a few other loose ends are sorted, I’m leaving.’
‘I’ll come visit you, wherever you end up,’ Charlie said, linking arms with Stella as they walked through the carpark to the shops.
‘I’m counting on that. And you have to keep in touch with Rea. Don’t leave her on her own.’
‘I’ll call in every week. Promise. She’s going to be in bits when Luca goes back. Especially with you going too …’
They arrived at Zara and Charlie waved up to the bright entrance, as if they had arrived at the land of Oz. ‘This place is my favourite fashion hit. Doesn’t matter what age, class or style, there’s something for everyone. Kate wore a blue Zara dress the day after her wedding to William, you know. She can wear anything, that woman.’
‘You don’t need to sell the place to me! I’ve shopped here a lot,’ Stella said.
‘Yeah, but always buying cream and white: bland, bland, bland, bland. With himself dictating all the time. Am I right?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Today, I want you to walk around and pick out clothes that you want to wear. Forget about what Matt likes. This is about what you want. My only rule is, I insist it has oodles of colour.’
‘You’re very bossy.’
‘Am I? I’m only warming up.’ Then he hailed the attention of one of the shop assistants. ‘Can we get a dressing room set up please? We plan on trying on a lot of clothes today.’
Stella walked around the store touching clothes as she went. Her eyes kept drifting towards the muted tones she had become accustomed too, but every time she touched one of them, Charlie slapped her hand.
‘Ow!’
‘For your own good,’ he said, smiling happily.
‘You choose for me, then.’
‘Nope. This isn’t about what I want. It’s about finding your own style.’
She picked up a pair of super-soft skinny jeans in indigo denim. Then grabbed a pair in yellow too. A pair of mid-rise biker trousers caught her eye in brown, so she grabbed them.
‘You’d rock these floral palazzos,’ Charlie said.
‘Oh okay,’ Stella frowned.
‘Hold your horses there, Tonto. What’s that frown about?’
‘They’re a bit fussy.’
‘Then why are you picking them up? Stop trying to please others and please yourself!’
She grinned and hung them back up on the rail. ‘I think I’ll get a pair of them for Rea, though, for her birthday. She’d look great in them, wouldn’t she?’
‘Great idea. They are so Rea. I’ll go swap them for her size!’ Charlie said. ‘Back in a tick.’
Stella walked over towards the tops. She loved the look of a denim-and-white-striped camisole and a navy crochet camisole, thinking they would look great over her skinnies. She also picked up a couple of cropped t-shirts and a mustard knot shirt.
‘Right, let’s go try these on!’
The shop assistant had lined up everything on a rail outside one of the changing rooms. Charlie took a seat and, beaming at her, ushered her in.
‘What to choose?’
She picked up the black biker jeans and a red cropped linen top. Charlie handed her a pair of black strappy heels and told her to go in and release her inner biker chick.
‘Wow,’ he said when she walked out. ‘Look at those legs. Skinny jeans were made for you.’
Stella looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes going up and down her body, taking in every angle. ‘These are surprisingly comfy for something that is so form-fitting!’
‘You look smoking. Red is amazing on you. What next?’
Stella grabbed the blue jeans and the blue-and-white stripy camisole. She chose a pair of flat white pumps and when she walked out of the changing rooms, she was grinning from ear to ear.
‘This here, I feel like me in. Jeans and a pretty top. More like the girl I used to be.’
‘Look at your boobs! No bra on and the girls are standing to attention!’
She blushed but let a guffaw out.
‘It’s a nice sound that,’ Charlie said, standing up.
‘What?’
‘You laughing. In all the time you’ve been coming in and out to me to get your hair done, you�
�ve often smiled, but I’ve never seen you laugh properly. It suits you.’
‘I’m having a good time. It’s been a while.’
He stood behind her and placed his hands on either side of her shoulders. ‘Look at yourself. You are only fecking gorgeous. Do you hear me? No more wasting the pretty. That’s what I say. Life is too short. Hey … what’s wrong?’ Charlie asked suddenly, concern all over his face.
‘I miss my mother. Every day, I miss her. When you said don’t waste the pretty, well, it’s the kind of thing she used to say to me too.’ She shuddered as her head became full of her mother. ‘I remember going shopping with her when I was about eight. Just us two, we left the boys at home. And she let me try on anything I wanted. We were in Debenhams. I felt so grown up, choosing my own clothes. And no matter what I put on, she told me how gorgeous I was. Then I tried on these cool blue jeans with little stars embroidered all over them. They sparkled with glitter. And I picked a pink ruffly top to go with it. I felt so pretty as I twirled around for her in that changing room.’
Charlie stroked her friend’s arm lightly, then said, ‘You never talk about your family. Where is your mama, honey? Can we call her?’
‘There’s no phone line in this world that can connect to my mam, Charlie,’ Stella said. She brushed away her tears and smiled, saying, ‘Some things are too painful to talk about. I’ll tell you another day, I promise.’
Chapter 34
SKYE
Patong Beach, Thailand, 2004
They ran through the front of a hotel, the doors now off their hinges. The lobby was full of water.
‘Come, come, this way,’ a Thai man said. A member of staff from the hotel, it seemed, as he was dressed in an ornate uniform that we had become accustomed to in the larger hotels. He beckoned us through the lobby, which now was a river threatening to burst its banks.
We were getting good at dodging the chairs and coffee tables that were strewn in our path. I thought I could hear the water behind, chasing us, like a grim reaper stalking its prey. I kept my eyes forward and didn’t look back, waiting to feel its first touch slam into our backs.
‘Here!’ The concierge opened a door, leading to a stairwell, ‘Up, to the rooftop, it’s safe there.’
We didn’t need to be told twice. We climbed, Sven and Dil, not once pausing for even a second to catch their breath, despite the weight of Alice. Maria held Daisy in her arms, who cried constantly, saying she wanted her daddy. I was at the rear of them, with the concierge behind me. When the door slammed tight behind him, I felt weak with relief.
My mind screamed at the unrelenting horror that was this day. I thought of Dad’s strong, kind face and whispered, ‘Pinkie promise, you said you’d never leave me. Daddy. I need you.’
The sound of the water dulled as it receded, looking for other nooks and crannies to fill, bored of its game of cat and mouse. Dil balanced the stretcher on his hip as he opened the door at the top of the stairwell. We found ourselves on the concrete, grey roof, with bright sunlight piercing our eyes. It made me blink furiously.
‘Well, we’ve found somewhere high, Eli,’ I thought.
The heat struck me, there was no shade up here and it literally slapped us all hard in our faces. This was followed by the weight of eyes that were levelled at us. The roof-top dwellers all watched us, taking us in. We must have looked a right state, I supposed. I raised my arms again and hugged myself. Up until this moment, I’d never been naked in front of anyone bar my parents as a small child. And now, I was being scrutinised by dozens. A woman smiled gently at me and mouthed, ‘It’s okay.’ I think that’s what she was saying anyhow. They were hotel residents, I guessed, who were evacuated to the safety of the rooftop. Were they sleeping when the waves hit? Or having breakfast, perhaps, planning their days ahead. Some moved a step closer towards us, straining their necks to see who the latest refugees were, looking for their loved ones.
Behind us, others spilled through the doors. Like us they had been found refuge by the kind Thai concierge. He’d gone back down once again to help.
Incredible humanity found in the midst of devastation.
Disappointment swelled in the air, as those on the roof realised we were not their missing loved ones. Their faces, full of regret and loss once more. And a little bit of hope eroded, nipped at me. Suddenly I was bone-tired. My side hurt like hell. I looked down and the wound looked angry with dirty brown blood weeping from it. Bruises were already beginning to show on my legs, amongst the grazes and cuts. Mam always said I was a magnet for bruises when I was a kid. I’d go outside to play in the back yard and come back in an hour later looking like I’d done ten rounds with Tyson. But she’d take out her first-aid kit and gently administer plasters and magical kisses that soothed all.
We moved away from the stairwell so that the other rooftop newbies had some breathing space. We found a spot near the edge of the roof that was to become our base for a few hours. Sven and Dil placed Alice down with extreme care and gentleness. Her face was white, with a line of sweat glistening on her upper lip. I didn’t dare look at her leg.
Everyone on the roof, or at least those that could stand, were lined up, looking over the edge. Like coming across a car crash, we couldn’t look away, all compelled to look down at the devastation below us.
Dark muddy waves once again rushed angrily below, slapping against every open space, making the land a canal. For the past week we’d only seen turquoise, calm waters and it just didn’t make sense that they could change so quickly to this. Brown, dirty, humongous, deadly muddy puddles.
‘That poor man,’ Maria said and I followed her gaze.
A man, bald and overweight, was clinging to the side of a car, trying to get his legs up onto the bonnet. But as quick as he got one leg up, a wave would suck it back down again.
‘Come on, you can do it,’ Maria whispered. But he couldn’t, because no sooner had the words been said than he disappeared into the water.
‘Let’s sit down, Daisy,’ Maria pulled her daughter away from the edge. They sat beside Alice, who had her eyes closed. I stayed put, unable to look away. There were palm trees poking up out of the water, sagging with the weight of people as they clung to them. It felt incredible to me that only a short time ago, I was also clinging onto a palm tree. With my parents.
Chaos. Pain. Loss. Our world was filled with it. I felt lightheaded and sat down on the other side of Alice.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
‘Not really.’
‘We need to find you a top,’ Maria said, ‘and I could do with something too.’ Her swimsuit was ripped on one side, she’d tried to tie it together the best she could.
‘My dad would be horrified, “no daughter of mine will go parading herself half naked for all to see!’’’ I mimicked his voice.
‘Dads and their daughters,’ Maria said smiling. ‘Daisy’s will be the same with her one day. I can see it already. She’s such a daddy’s girl. We all are, aren’t we? Don’t you worry, we’ll find you a top soon.’ She scanned the crowd and I half expected her to go grab something off a stranger, bringing it back to me.
‘My husband used to be the same, God rest his soul. With our daughter Anna, fiercely protective,’ Alice said quietly. Her voice sounded thin and stretched.
‘We have to get you some medical attention.’
‘In good time.’ She looked me up and down, then pulled a scarf from around her neck, handing it to me. ‘I wonder … I think this might work! I bought it in the market a couple of days ago. But you’re such a skinny little thing, I bet you could use it to make a sarong dress or top out of it.’
‘That’s a great idea, Alice!’ Maria said.
‘Oh, thank you so much,’ I said and shook it out. It had already dried out in the heat. I wrapped it around myself, sarong-style, tying a knot in the front. Although it only barely covered my bum, I felt less conspicuous immediately.
‘How do I look?’ I joked.
‘You’re ready for
the catwalk, girl,’ Maria said. I sat back down beside Alice and she took my hand between her own.
I took stock of those around us – there were maybe fifty or sixty of us in total. And even though I realised that anyone on that roof would have had a good look at us all as we walked in, I still held my breath. Maybe one of my family was up here, but they could be hurt or injured like Alice. Right this minute they could be resting their eyes, tired from their own war with the sea. But they’d look up any second, see me and then they’d shout, ‘We fooled you. We were here all along, playing hide and seek, waiting for you to come get us.’
‘One, two, three, four …’ I counted.
‘What you saying?’ Maria asked.
‘Five, six, seven, eight …’
‘She’s counting,’ Alice replied.
‘Nine, ten. Ready or not, I’m coming to get you, Eli,’ I whispered and felt tears fall in a salty stream down my face.
‘Ah, you poor thing,’ Alice said and she pulled me into her side, cradling me, stroking my hair. ‘It’s the shock, it’s catching up with you.’
‘Have a good cry. You’ve earned that,’ Maria said. ‘We all have.’
No. I had to pull myself together. If I cried now, I’d be done for. I needed to stay strong. I had to find my family. I scanned the group to my right, to my left for the third time and prayed for a miracle that had no intention of coming.
‘They’re not here, are they?’ I whispered. ‘Mam, Dad, Eli. They’re not here.’
‘No,’ Alice replied gently, ‘I don’t think they are.’ She clasped my hand tighter again.
Maria said, ‘Stand up.’
She pulled me to my feet and she pointed to our left, ‘They may not be on this rooftop. But look, over there.… ’
I followed her hand and saw that on several other hotel rooftops were the shadows of other survivors in the hazy sun.
‘Now look down there.’ I saw people still walking up the hill. More survivors.
I had to believe that my family were out there somewhere too.
‘We’ll find our families. My boys are right this minute wondering how soon they can come get me and Daisy. I know it. Kevin, that’s my husband, he is great at solving problems. A real organiser. I’d say wherever he is, he’s already sorting the group out into search parties! And Alfie, our son, well, he’s a little mini-me of his dad. I can picture them now, standing side by side, giving out orders to everyone, but with one aim in mind. Getting to me and Daisy.’ She smiled and wiped away tears that were falling from her eyes.
The Woman at 72 Derry Lane Page 21