‘You’re right. I’ve been a terrible husband. Work has just been so stressful and I’ve taken it out on you. No excuse. But I promise, that’s the end of it. You have my word.’
Every word a lie, Stella knew that. Did he think that she could forget all with just a few trite words? Maybe.
‘Can you ever forgive me?’ He raised his hand and let it hover beside her cheek, palm flat, for a second. Then he caressed her face with his fingertips and Stella shivered in response. His touch now made her body cringe in protest and she knew that she couldn’t wait any longer. Like Rea stepping into her garden, she needed to leave. She had allowed herself to get complacent over the past few weeks. Matt was busy at work, pretending to be repentant following the last beating. It was just so nice, getting to know Rea, Luca and Charlie. It was like being part of a family again.
‘You’ll have to introduce me to your new friends next door. You looked very chummy. Sharing drinks, hugging, kissing each other. What’s her name again?’
‘Rea. And her husband George and son Luca.’
How long had he been watching? The thought of him spying on her and her friends, silently judging her every move, made her shudder.
‘You could have joined us,’ she replied. ‘I’m going to make a cup of tea. Would you like one?’
‘Let me make you one,’ Matt said, smiling. ‘You go sit down, pick something for us to watch. Okay?’
‘Thank you,’ she replied. Two can play at this game. I’ll hide what I’m really planning and thinking. Tomorrow she would go and talk to Rea, she had things she needed to say, to share with her. Then she would leave.
There was enough money in the joint account that she could withdraw and live on for a few months, if she was careful. Then she’d let her solicitor sort out everything else. She’d find a job. Anything. And her aunt in France had said she could stay with her for as long as she needed. She could do this.
Tomorrow.
Stella felt excitement begin to bubble its way up through her. Within twenty-four hours she would be free.
She didn’t hear him coming up behind her until she felt the force of his fist to the side of her head. She staggered from the shock of the blow and it took a few seconds for the pain to register. She tried to get into a position to defend herself, but before she could, he punched her low in her stomach, making her double over, winded. Then he threw her against the wall, her face smashed in hard against the concrete. She felt her eye crunch and blood ran from her nose. Then he flipped her around, so that she was facing him.
‘How dare you lie to me. How dare you sneak around behind my back.’
And then he placed his hands around her throat and squeezed. She felt blood rush to her eyes and she fought to breathe as he squeezed the air from her body. She clawed, she kicked and she fought to stay alive until she had no more fight left and everything went black.
Chapter 45
REA
‘I’m worried. We’ve not seen head nor tail of her since my birthday. That’s two days ago now,’ Rea said.
Luca shared her concern. ‘She was really enjoying the self-defence classes. She wouldn’t just not show up without a good reason.’
‘Could she be sick maybe?’ George asked.
Rea shook her head. ‘If she’s sick, it’s because of him. I’m telling you, George, something’s not right. That girl is in trouble.’
‘I’m going over there,’ Luca said.
Rea wasn’t sure that was the answer. ‘He’d not like that. From everything that Stella has shared with me, he’s extremely possessive.’
‘Fuck that. I’m going to check,’ Luca said, and he ran out the door. He came back a few minutes later. ‘There’s no answer. His car isn’t there, he must have gone out. Maybe she’s gone with him?’
‘Let me ring Charlie, in case he’s heard from her. Right now she could be getting her hair done.’
Damn, it was the voicemail. She left a message, making sure he knew how worried she was.
‘He must be working,’ Rea said, the nagging feeling that something was wrong grew stronger.
‘I want to go for a walk. Just to the end of Derry Lane and back. Will you come with me?’ she asked.
George and Luca jumped up so quickly from the kitchen table they banged into each other.
‘I’ll take it that’s a yes so,’ Rea said, throwing her eyes up to the ceiling. ‘Don’t go throwing another party yet. I’m not promising anything. But I want to try.’
Ever since her birthday, Rea had been building up time spent out in her garden. At first she just sat and drank a cup of tea, right beside the door. She didn’t enjoy the tea in the least, her stomach flipped and churned, but she forced herself to stay put. The sense of achievement when she got up was incredible. Each time she’d make a little progress and yesterday Luca had put on a barbecue and she’d spent over an hour outside.
For such a long time, Rea had awoken every day with a sense of dread. Every moment of her life ruled by anxiety. But this past few weeks, she realised that she was laughing – a lot. And now George was home, he seemed hell-bent on ensuring that laughs were aplenty in their house again.
Life was changing gears for her. And this time she was ready for it. This time, she felt more in control.
‘I’ll go with you,’ Luca said.
‘No, I will,’ George insisted.
‘Oh, to be popular,’ Rea grinned. ‘You can both come!’
They walked to the front door and Rea told herself she could do this. As her heartrate began to accelerate and her breath quickened, she reached out on either side of her, to George and Luca.
‘There’s no rush, Mam,’ Luca said.
‘We’re not going anywhere, love,’ George said.
But Rea knew that it was time to go towards her fear. To walk headlong into it. With every step she was about to take out this door, it was a step closer to that fear. And she knew now that until she embraced it, rather than running away from it, she’d never recover from this Godawful disease. Besides, Stella needed her. She knew she did.
‘I’m scared, but nothing out there can be worse than the loneliness and despair I’ve felt in here,’ Rea said, pointing to her head.
‘We’re here to help,’ Luca said.
She smiled at him, he’d become her rock these past few weeks. Solid, never judging, just there ready to catch her should she fall. And George seemed different too, he was stronger. His time away, his time with that counsellor, had healed some demons for him too.
‘I wish you could take this fear away from me, son,’ Rea said. ‘But I have to do this myself.’
She looked towards the end of her pathway. She focused on the gate at the end that Luca had re-painted yesterday. It looked pretty, loved once more. She wanted to run her hands across the top of that wooden gate. That was going to be her first goal.
‘I can do this,’ she whispered and off she went. When she got to the gate, she resisted the urge to kiss it, but instead said to Luca, ‘You missed a bit.’
‘Where?’ he asked, peering closely at his handiwork.
‘Kidding.’ She smiled at him and he gave her a goodnatured shove.
She looked next door, but it looked like it did every day of every week. Just a house. ‘Ring the doorbell again,’ she told Luca and she watched him do so. But Stella didn’t come to the door. The house remained silent.
‘We’ll try again later, okay? Do you want to go back inside or keep going, my love?’ George asked.
Rea looked up and down the street. The sunlight shimmered through the green leaves on the trees that lined either side of Derry Lane. It cast shadows on the ground below, dancing playfully on the sidewalk. She heard birds singing and the distant hum of lawnmowers while children laughed and played. The red brick of the Victorian houses looked resplendent.
‘Derry Lane. It’s never looked more beautiful,’ she whispered.
‘We’re lucky to live here,’ George replied, pulling her into his arms as th
ey looked around them.
‘I love this street so much. My childhood is part of its history and so is yours, Luca. And Elise’s, even though she’s gone.’ Rea started to walk towards a large oak tree that stood a few feet away. ‘Do you remember, George? Elise learning to ride her bike. And she screamed at you, “Let go, Daddy, I can do this, let go!”’
‘And I let go and she went smack headfirst into right here!’ George rubbed the bark of the tree, smiling at the memory.
‘She didn’t cry, though,’ Luca said. ‘She was never a crybaby.’
‘Strong, like her mam,’ George said.
‘When I walk along here, I always think of you walking us to school every day,’ Luca said. ‘We’d do this game where we had to find something on the street for every letter of the alphabet!’
Rea laughed at the memory. ‘You both loved that game. Even if there was some seriously dodgy words for X and Z!’
‘When I remember us, back then, I remember a lot of laughter. And love,’ Luca replied.
George slapped him on his shoulder and they continued walking till they got to the end of the street.
‘Most of the important moments of my life happened here on Derry Lane,’ Rea said.
‘It’s not done creating memories for us yet,’ George replied.
They stopped, looking at the vista in front of them. The promenade, busy with life, as joggers sprinted down it, while others leisurely strolled with their dogs. Cars whizzed on by, rushing towards their next destination. She raised her eyes and took in the ocean: blue, still, with sunlight bouncing off it.
‘She’s really gone. Somewhere out in that ocean. Never coming home.’
George shook his head, unable to speak. Luca finally answered, ‘Yes. She’s gone.’
‘We have to remember her as she was. Fearless, funny, brave,’ George said.
‘I know,’ Rea replied. She looked at the ocean again. ‘It looks so calm, doesn’t it? It’s hard to fathom the power it has, the ability to murder hundreds of thousands.’
She turned away from it and started to walk back home. She felt tired; she wanted to be back inside her house, her safe cocoon. She willed herself to think of Elise holding her hand, walking home from school. Elise constantly chattering away about her day, her friends, her escapades. That was the Elise she wanted to remember. Not the one who lay in a watery grave off the coast of Thailand.
Chapter 46
SKYE
Bangkok Hospital Phuket, Thailand, 2004
I awoke with a start. A nurse’s hand gently stirring me. The look on her face told me that the news wasn’t good. I sat up, wiping sleep from my eyes, ready to sign a consent form for surgery, or perhaps a transfer to another ward.
But there was no consent form.
Mam had died. She was dead. My mam was gone. It was more than I could bear.
While I slept, she breathed her last. I couldn’t accept it, my mind froze from the torrent of emotions that hit me. She can’t be dead. Not my mam. She was invincible.
I was aware of arms around me, but I forced them away. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, comfort me. I wanted my mam.
I leaned in close to her and whispered in her ear, ‘Wake up. Please, I beg of you, wake up. Don’t leave me on my own here. I need you.’
But she didn’t open her eyes. She lay there, bloated and bloodied. I’d heard people say that when you died, you looked like you were sleeping. That wasn’t true. It so fucking wasn’t true. She looked in pain.
The loss made me want to scratch the skin from my arms. I wanted to pull my hair out into clumps onto the ground. I wanted to bleed. I wanted to end this torture.
I crawled up onto the small hospital bed and lay my head on her bosom, as I’d done so many times in my life, and I held her body close to mine. I breathed in her scent, but it was all wrong. She smelt of the sea, of death and decay. She didn’t smell like my mam.
I closed my eyes, wished with all my might that we were home again. We should never have come here. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but after a while a nurse pulled me down.
‘We must move your mother. I’m sorry.’ Her eyes were full of sympathy. ‘I will clean her for you. I will make her nice.’
No. My body and mind recoiled from this moment. How could this be happening? I wasn’t ready for it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
Anna was hovering, crying into the arms of Corey and I wanted to scream at them. Why are you crying? You have your mam. You have each other. I have no one. NO ONE!!!
‘Daddy, where are you? I need you,’ I cried. ‘Eli, come find me, please. I’m so scared.’
Then the Thai nurse wheeled my mother away and I followed. Because I had nowhere else to go.
Anna ran after me, grabbing my hand, ‘We are taking Mum away later today. Come with us. You’re not on your own.’
‘I can’t leave. I need to find my family.’ My voice was unrecognisable. Flat. Dead.
Maybe I had died too and this was hell.
‘Take this.’ She passed a wad of notes into my hand. ‘You need some money. Find the Irish embassy.’
‘Tell Alice …’ I didn’t know what to say. ‘Tell her I said goodbye.’
She nodded and walked back to her mother, who was unconscious.
The Thai nurse sat me down on a wooden chair and took my mother into a room. Someone sat beside me, another nurse, who asked for details to complete the paperwork. I answered each question as best I could and all the time it felt like I was out of my body. I knew I was present, but it didn’t feel like that.
‘Now what?’ I said to her.
She didn’t have an answer for me.
Then I heard a voice asking, ‘Are there any Irish here?’
I whispered, ‘Me.’
But the man didn’t hear me, he walked past. So I put my hand up, as I used to do in class when I wanted my teacher’s attention. He stopped and asked me, ‘Are you Irish?’
I nodded.
He crouched onto his hunkers and held my hands for a moment. ‘I’m Dan Mulhall. I’m with the Irish Embassy. I’m here to help you.’
‘My mam just died.’
Sympathy flooded his face. ‘I’m so sorry. What was her name?’
‘Mary Madden.’
‘And what’s your name?’
‘Skye.’
‘That’s a pretty name.’
‘Mam and Dad said that they wanted extraordinary names for us. As they had ordinary Irish ones, they wanted to give us something unique.’
‘Well, they picked a great one for you.’
‘I don’t know what to do with mam. But I need to find my dad and brother.’ How many times had I said that? I lost count.
‘Will you let me help with that?’ He held out his hand. I took it.
Overnight, so much had changed outside the hospital. Trucks were constantly transporting families as they searched for their loved ones. Dan told me that my family could be in another hospital or in one of the refugee camps. They could be down on the beach, searching. The options were endless.
Photographs of loved ones were pinned to message boards, with notes begging for news. It was heartbreaking to look at these, these symbols of loss and grief.
The next few hours went by in a blur. A phone was provided so that I could call Aunty Paula. She answered on the first ring, desperate and terrified for us all, as news of the tsunami hit Ireland.
‘Is that you, Mary?’
I couldn’t speak. How could I say the words out loud? Tell her that Mary, her older sister, her best friend, was dead.
‘Who is it? John? Please …’ she sobbed.
‘It’s me,’ I whispered.
‘Oh Skye, my little darling, are you okay, pet? I’ve been so worried.’
‘I’m okay.’
‘How is everyone, put Mary on, darling, I’ve been out of my mind with worry.’
‘Mam … she’s … Mam is.’ I couldn’t say the words.
Silence. Save fo
r the sound of her breathing, as it quickened, then broke on a sob.
‘No. No. No.’ The shock rang loud in Aunty Paula’s voice down the phone line from Ireland to Thailand. I wanted to run. I couldn’t deal with her pain on top of my own.
I heard crying, uncontrollable sobbing, but then eventually she sniffed loudly and said in a steady voice, ‘My darling, it’s going to be okay. Tell me. Is your dad and Eli with you?’
‘I can’t find them.’ I tried my best not to cry, but it was too hard. ‘I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.’
‘Listen here to me, darling. I’m going to get a flight out to you. You’re not on your own. Not any more.’
‘Okay’.
‘Ring me again, as soon as you can, on my mobile, okay? I’ll let you know then when I can get to you. It’s going to be okay. I bet by the time I get to you, your dad and Eli will be with you, you wait and see. Just hold on for a little longer, okay?’
I wanted to believe her. And I suppose I needed to believe her, so I did.
A guy called Tom from the Irish embassy was assigned to look after me. He took my details.
Skye Madden - Alive.
Mary Madden - Deceased. Patong Hospital Morgue.
John Madden - Missing.
Eli Madden - Missing.
A stark status report of my life.
‘We’ll check through all the lists we have of people identified in the hospitals and camps, okay?’ he reached and clasped my hand. It was a gesture that had happened many times over the past twenty-four hours and I would encounter many more times over the coming days. Sometimes I found it comforting. At other times, I wanted to slap it away. Like now.
‘What do I do?’ I asked.
‘You need to sleep. We’ll get a driver to take you to a hotel. Get something to eat and then call us first thing in the morning. We’ll have more news then. We’ll be in touch with your aunt, to tell her where you are.’
So I found myself being driven through Phuket town. As I looked out of the windows, it seemed incredible to me that it could look so normal now. Inland, away from the beach areas, it was far removed from the chaos. Except for the fact that it looked like a ghost town, with hardly a soul to be seen.
The Woman at 72 Derry Lane Page 27