by Barb Han
He mumbled an apology before sliding the key into the lock.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m not.”
He turned, smiled and offered his hand. She took it, electricity and awareness zinging through her. Brody was the excitement of an electrical storm blowing right through her. It was strange how safe she felt with him even though he turned everything inside her upside down.
In the porch light, she could see his face clearly. A face she’d thought about so often over the years. Remembering his features had calmed her when she woke from nightmares.
“I missed you, Brody,” she said softly.
He responded by hauling her against his chest. So close, her body flush with his, she could feel his racing heartbeat against her breasts. Awareness trilled through her. She reached up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck.
He blew out a warm breath as his hands looped around her waist. “The problem isn’t how much I want you, Rebecca. You know that, right? I’m sure sex would blow both of our minds.”
This close—her breasts against his muscled chest—her nipples beaded.
“I haven’t done casual sex since returning from my first tour, and I have no plans to start now. Especially not with you.”
Those last words stung. She pulled back, embarrassed that she’d given in so freely to her feelings. Rather than analyzing that to death, maybe Rebecca should be relieved she felt that way at all. If Brody could unlock those feelings, then surely someone else could. “I think you misunderstood. I wasn’t suggesting—”
“You might not have been, but it’s been on my mind ever since I saw you this morning. And I think it’s been on yours, too.”
Or maybe Brody was and would always be the one she felt secure enough with to let go. And look how that had turned out, two broken hearts.
She didn’t want to look into his eyes while she felt so vulnerable. He lifted her chin and that’s exactly what she did—looked into those blues. Why was it the only time she felt home was when she looked at him?
Hope of another man igniting those same feelings inside her fizzled. Brody was her weakness, her hot-fudge sundae when she was supposed to be on a diet, and maybe it was time to admit he would never be more to her than a temporary treat.
“Doesn’t mean we have to act on it,” she said.
“Nope. Sure doesn’t.” He didn’t immediately move.
They stood there holding each other in the moonlight, staring for long moments as though cast in stone and neither could move if they’d wanted to. She wanted to lean further into the feeling, into him, and stay there as long as she could in his arms.
“We should probably go inside,” she said, losing herself in his crystalized blue gaze.
Everything about Brody reminded her of being a woman, which was something she’d neglected for so very long.
She rose up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’ve done a lot for me, Brody. More than you’ll ever realize. I didn’t know what to do with that when we were kids, so I pretended breaking up with you was to save you. And part of it was. The other part, the part I still don’t want to admit, has to do with me. I’m trying to get over what happened, and I get close. Then, he just reaches up and takes me back down. Whether it’s in a nightmare or like now, he’s always going to be there, holding me back, unless I do something to change it.”
His body tensed as though every muscle was fighting against the words forming in his thoughts.
“I understand,” he said. “I’m sorry for what happened to you. But when this case is over, we’ll go back to the way our lives were before. Yours involves taking care of your mother and working at the radio station. Mine’s here on this ranch. The horses. And we need to keep that in mind before we do something that’ll burn us both. No use going down that path again, wasting time.”
So many objections charged through her mind, but she couldn’t go there. He was right. This case would be over soon, one way or the other. That jerk would end up where he belonged, in the ground or in jail. She refused to believe he’d get to her. And they would each go back to their respective lives. Rebecca would care for her mother in her final days, and Brody would go back to his business.
And all that was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not.
She couldn’t control the future. But they had now, this moment, and she didn’t want it to end. She shifted her weight to the other foot, stared him directly in the eyes, and said, “I hear what you’re saying and I won’t argue. But I do object to one thing you said. Time spent with you is never wasted.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know exactly what you meant and I understand where you’re coming from. I’m grateful for your help, so I won’t push for anything else.” Even though she wanted him more than she wanted to breathe. She also recognized what a huge mistake they’d be making if things went any further. As long as her mother was alive, Rebecca was tied to Mason Ridge. From the looks of her mother’s condition and refusal to take medication that could save her, that wouldn’t be long. Rebecca had every intention of leaving and not looking back when her mother’s long battle came to an end. Whereas Brody’s life was right there, doing something he loved. Everything he was building for his future was inside that county. And she admired him for knowing where his place was, where he fit. Chicago had been wonderful, mostly because it was far away from Mason Ridge. She had yet to figure out where she belonged.
Rebecca turned toward the door, easing out of Brody’s grip. “I love that you bought this place. It suits you. The work that you’re doing is amazing. You seem happy here.”
“It’s been good for me.” He led her into the house and turned on the light. “No one’s here and my housekeeper doesn’t show up until Tuesday so we won’t be bothering anyone by being here. Make all the noise you want.”
The open-space living room was massive. An oversize log fireplace anchored the room on one side, and the image of a fire, glasses of wine and a bunch of throw pillows on the floor in front crossed her mind. She shook it off, instead focusing on the wood beams across the ceiling. The place was comfortable and masculine. It had that warm lodge feel to it with comfortable furniture she could sink into. Everything about the space was a true reflection of Brody. She clasped her hands together, trying to conceal her overflowing pride. Brody had done good. Better than good. “It’s perfect.”
His smile shouldn’t make her heart flutter, and yet that’s exactly what it did.
“The place has two wings, one is made up for guests and the other’s mine. You can stay in the guest bedroom unless I can convince us both one night in my room would be worth it.” He grinned his sexy little smile where barely the corners of his lips upturned.
She hoped he didn’t notice the flush of excitement those words brought. Because right here, right now, if he seriously invited her into his bed she’d say yes.
“I’ll grab a towel so you can shower.” He motioned toward the long hallway to the right.
A shower sounded like heaven about now. She suppressed another yawn. “I doubt I’ll be able to sleep.”
“There isn’t much more we can do until morning, anyway. We’ll be fresh and ready to go after a good night’s rest,” he said.
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll grab your suitcase, so your clothes will be waiting.” He stopped long enough to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll figure this out, Rebecca.”
Brody had always been able to see right through her. “I know you’re right, it’s just...”
“You want so badly to give your mother good news.”
She nodded. “I want to give her something to fight for.”
“You already have. She has you.” He paused. “Besides, anything happens tonight and I promise to wake you. But you’re sleepwalking at this point and you need a few hours of shut-eye before you make yourself sick.”
He had a good point. And when she really thought about it, exhaustion weighed heavil
y on her limbs. Thoughts of a shower and sleeping in a bed were almost too good to be true. She stood and followed him down the hall. He stopped in front of a linen closet, pulled out a fresh towel and pointed toward the first door on the right.
“You’ll have all the privacy you need in there.”
Probably more than she wanted about then. “You going to bed, too?”
He’d already started toward the front door when he stopped and turned, sexy smile securely in place. “After a long, cold shower.”
* * *
BRODY HAD BEEN awake for three hours. He’d tended to the horses, eaten breakfast and polished off a cup of coffee. He’d wanted to go inside Rebecca’s room to check on her a half dozen times just to make sure she was okay but didn’t. He knew better than to trust himself with her while she was vulnerable. She needed some reassurance about life, and that’s most likely why she’d made it clear last night she wouldn’t mind a little fooling around.
He, on the other hand, couldn’t risk it. His heart couldn’t take another hit.
Brody made another cup of coffee, using one of the individual cups from the single-serving machine that his housekeeper had practically forced him to buy. He settled in at the kitchen table, studying the file again. Surely something was there he could work with.
His phone vibrated. He checked the screen, found a text from Ryan wanting to know if he could stop by.
Brody responded with a yes and said the front door would be unlocked.
Ten minutes later, Ryan showed. Tension radiated from him in waves.
“That was quick.” Brody glanced at the time. It was almost noon and still no sign of Rebecca.
“I was in the area,” Ryan said, heading toward the kitchen. “Mind if I grab a cup of coffee and join you?”
Considering Brody lived twenty minutes from the nearest store, Ryan couldn’t have been close. Brody didn’t need to see the worry lines on his friend’s forehead to know something was up. “You know where everything is. Make yourself at home.”
“What is this? Almond mocha?” Ryan wrinkled his nose as he picked through the little pods.
“My housekeeper forced me to buy the variety pack. Said it was good to try new things. As it turns out, I’m not so much of a flavored-coffee guy. I like mine straight up and strong.” Brody finished the last of his, noticing the dark circles under his buddy’s eyes.
Ryan made his own cup, joined Brody at the table and took a sip.
This close, his features looked haunted. An ominous feeling settled over Brody.
“We need to talk about something Rebecca said last night. Is she up yet?” Ryan asked.
“No. She’s still asleep. At least I think she is. I haven’t seen her yet this morning.” Brody glanced toward the guest hallway. He didn’t like the way Ryan’s face muscles tightened when he’d asked about Rebecca. This was disturbing.
Ryan stared into his cup for a long moment. Then, he looked up at Brody. “Are you okay?”
“You want to talk about how I’m doing?” Brody asked, surprised.
“That’s not what I came here to talk about but bear with me for a sec.”
Brody checked his watch. “Good. Because I have a lot to do today and I don’t like where this conversation is headed.”
“Fair enough,” Ryan obliged. “How are you doing with all this?”
“Fine. Why? Do I seem like something’s wrong?” Brody finger-combed his hair.
“Thought I picked up on something last night and you look tired this morning.” Ryan shrugged.
“So I tossed and turned a little last night. I’ve gone days without sleep on missions. This is nothing.” Brody swirled the rest of the contents in his cup. “And the reason I didn’t sleep last night is because the Mason Ridge Abductor is back.”
“I’m not talking about that kind of okay and you know it,” Ryan said plainly.
Brody didn’t immediately defend himself.
Ryan took a sip of coffee. “I’m not trying to get you riled up or dredge up the past.”
“Then don’t.”
“It’s already here. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t speak up when I thought I should?”
“I know what you’re about to say and I appreciate your concern.” Brody could almost hear the next words spilling out of Ryan’s mouth and he hoped to preempt them.
“Because I don’t think you do, I’m not going to shut up yet.” Ryan gripped his mug. “Things were bad before.”
“I lived it. You think I’ve forgotten?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m not trying to put you on the defensive. I’m offering to help. We can find a safe place for Rebecca to stay without her staying here.”
“You think I can’t separate my emotions long enough to take care of business?”
“I saw the way you two looked at each other last night.” Ryan rubbed the day-old scruff on his chin. “Everyone noticed.”
Brody had already admitted to tossing and turning all night. He’d told himself it was because of this case and not because she slept under his roof. “She was special to me a long time ago.”
“And an elephant doesn’t forget. Tell me something that I don’t know.”
“I don’t feel the same way toward her anymore. Whatever we had between us died when she walked out. You know what I’m about.”
“Loyalty,” Ryan said without hesitation.
“Exactly. If someone can’t stick with you during the tough times, then you gotta keep walking, because life is going to dish more than you can handle sometimes. Last thing I need is to be with someone I can’t trust to be there when it all goes south. You know that about me.” Brody’s tone was a little more emphatic than he’d planned for it to be.
Ryan nodded. “Even so, there’s a connection between the two of you. And that kind of link doesn’t listen to reason.”
Didn’t Brody already know that. Last night had been a prime example of hormones trying to take control, but he’d been strong. Of course, another few seconds of her body flush with his, her heart beating against his, and he knew the story might’ve turned out differently. And that would’ve led to all kinds of awkward today. He didn’t want to think about what might’ve happened if he hadn’t practiced restraint. He didn’t want to talk about this. He wanted to focus on the case. And he knew Ryan had shown up to discuss more than just this. Brody figured he needed to throw his friend a bone. “I’d be lying if I denied having feelings for her. Believe me when I say that I know what’s good for me in the long run. And the woman sleeping in the other room is not it.”
He pointed toward the hallway where she slept and his gaze followed.
She was standing there, chin up, defiance in her stare. The exact look she gave when the pain was more than she could process.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
A few other choice words flashed through his mind. Brody hadn’t meant for her to hear what he was saying. Truth was that he didn’t know exactly how he felt about her. Yes, he had feelings. Yes, they were strong. Yes, he wanted to take her to bed more than he wanted air. But he had to consider the possibility that this need could be nothing more than residual hurt from a wounded teenager. He’d been destroyed when she’d broken it off with him.
At eighteen, he couldn’t think of a future without her. His plans to go into the military, to come back and buy the ranch, all of this, had been to create a life for her. He could see the fault in that plan now. Both parties needed to be on board. He had never shared his ideas with her. And he was still asking himself why he’d returned to Mason Ridge when those plans had been blown to high heaven. He told himself that it was to be close to his father, but Brody could’ve gone anywhere after the military. When the time came and his father couldn’t take care of himself, Brody doubted it would matter where they’d settled.
Rebecca had wanted to be out of Mason Ridge as soon as she came of age. She’d said that she’d broken up with him to save him from himself. Had it really been to free herself
so she could get out of this town and not look back just like his mother?
Plus, it wasn’t like she’d come back for him. She hadn’t reached out once since she’d gone. The only reason she was here now was to be near her ailing mother in her final months. Mrs. Hughes looked to be barely hanging on. As soon as death took her, Rebecca would disappear again. Just like his mother. And there Brody was, just like his father, waiting for a woman who could walk away so easily.
There was no denying that Brody and Rebecca shared feelings. There’d be no point fighting the fact that those feelings, whatever else they were, were strong. But it was probably just unfinished business between them. And even if it wasn’t, no good could come from acting on it. Period.
Rebecca hadn’t even stuck around for graduation. The last day of school, she’d gone home, packed her bags and caught a flight north to go to school.
Brody knew because he’d stopped by, lovesick, about to ship out but unable to go without seeing her one more time, without being sure that’s what she wanted.
She was long gone. No goodbyes.
It had hardened Brody in a good way. Made him suck it up and endure basic training. Falling into his bunk every night exhausted had been a welcome relief to the living hell of realizing the one person who was everything good in your life didn’t blink an eye about boarding a plane without a backward glance.
In some ways, he owed his elite status to her. It was because of Rebecca he’d worked his tail off, preferring to punish himself day after day in training so he could fall into bed numb every night. She was the reason he’d maintained focus when others couldn’t wait for leave to see their loved ones. Because of Rebecca, he’d kept everyone but his father at a safe distance ever since.
No distractions.
And all those feelings dissolved as she stood there for a long moment, in the hallway, not speaking. Brody’s oversize T-shirt long enough to hit midthigh. Then she said, “That one of those pod coffeemakers?”
Ryan’s gaze bounced between Brody and Rebecca, stopping long enough to relay an unspoken apology to both. “I better head home. There’s something else I’d like to discuss with you, Brody. I’ll give you a call later.”