“You boys remember when we talked before about Mr. Dickerson coming to court me?” When they both nodded, she continued. “Well, one of the reasons he came to town today was to talk more about it.”
“No,” Eddie said.
Laura patted his leg. “We decided that we would suit and so…”
“NO!” Eddie yelled. “I don’t want you to marry him. I want you to marry Mr. Johnson.” Tears were streaming down his face. Mark was looking between his brother and mother, confusion and distress on his face.
“Eddie, we talked of this before. Mr. Johnson hasn’t expressed a desire to court me.” Laura’s insides tightened as she said the words. She hurt that Hank was just a kind man, a good man, a man Laura wanted to have been interested in her. But he wasn’t. “Mr. Dickerson and I are planning to be married, and we’ll all move to Hawk’s Wing Ranch. He’s foreman and has his own house there. I’m sure he’ll give you horses to ride. And there’ll be cowboys to teach you to ride and rope and shoot.” Laura knew she was trying to entice him with things all boys were interested in, but Eddie didn’t seem to care. He lay prostrate on her bed, sobbing.
Mark began patting his brother’s back. “It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”
Eddie swung his arm around, smacking Mark on the side. “Leave me alone.”
Mark, stung by his brother’s rejection of his comfort, began to cry. Laura gathered him in her arms, hugged him close, and rocked back and forth as a tear slipped down her own cheek.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sunday morning, Laura, Mark, and Eddie were all tired. She’d let the boys sleep part of the night with her, but their tossing and kicking finally had her moving them to their own beds. She hadn’t slept any better, but at least she didn’t worry about disturbing them.
They went through their morning duties mechanically. Laura thought back to the morning after Alan had proposed. She’d shared the news with her family and friends at church; the smile on her face stretched so wide it hurt her cheeks. Such a contrast to this morning. She hadn’t told anyone, and neither had the boys.
Mark had asked her why Eddie didn’t like Mr. Dickerson. Mark thought he would like living on a ranch. He’d miss his friends in town, but having a horse just might make up for that.
Laura had struggled to find words. She knew why. She felt the same. He wasn’t the man she wanted to marry, just like he wasn’t the man Eddie wanted as a father. But he was the one who asked her.
“I think he’ll miss living in town more than you. He’s not as interested in ranches and horses. I think that may be part of it.”
“Oh.” Mark had turned away, maybe not satisfied with her answer but accepting it.
When they went upstairs to prepare for church, Laura drew them into her room and shut the door. “Now, we are going to be happy when we see Mr. Dickerson. We are going to say we are glad he is going to become your father, aren’t we?”
The eyes Eddie looked at her with were filled with despair. “Yes, ma’am.”
Laura took him in her arms and hugged him to her. “It’s going to be fine. You’ll find new interests and lots of things to do on the ranch. Plus, you’ll still be coming to school here in town. You’ll see all your friends, and we can have them come out to play at the ranch.”
“What about Mr. Jo…” Laura placed her fingers on his lips stopping the word.
“I think he’ll still want to have you visit his shop. He wants to teach you to be a barber, after all.”
“You think he will?” Hope sprang into the brown eyes so very much like hers.
“Yes, I think so.” Laura smiled weakly. Hank was an honorable man. He wouldn’t turn a boy who worshiped him away just because his mother was marrying someone else, would he?
~~~~~
Red was tying Ralph’s reins to the hitching rail as Laura and her sons exited the house. She waved a bit and gave him a smile. Mark came running up and lifted his arms to be picked up.
“I want to say hi to Ralph.” The horse was a White Paint with brown markings. Mark liked to talk with him whenever Red came to court.
“What about me? Don’t I get a greeting?” Red lifted Mark into his arms.
“Sure, hi, Mr. Dickerson.” Mark patted Ralph on the forehead.
Red looked at Laura. Had she told the boys they were getting married?
“I think under the circumstances,” Laura said. “You can call Mr. Dickerson, Red. Is that all right with you?” She looked at him, her eyes pleading for confirmation.
“I think that’s a mighty fine idea. What do you think, Eddie?” Red was under no illusion that Laura’s older son was happy with the situation.
Eddie gave a wan smile. “Sure, Red. Mighty fine.”
Mark hugged Red’s neck. “Mighty fine indeed.”
“Come along. We don’t want to be late for service.” Laura took hold of Eddie’s hand, turning to follow the other ladies and children leaving the House and heading to church.
“Have you told your friends, yet?” Red figured she hadn’t since no one came up to congratulate him.
“I thought we could do it at dinner. Is that all right with you?”
“Sure, it’s fine.” It bothered Red a bit that she hadn’t shared the news but then, neither had he told anyone when he got back to the ranch.
They walked to the church and found a pew to sit on. Red made a point to sit next to Eddie. He needed to get to know the boy better. It was abundantly clear Eddie wasn’t happy that his mother was marrying him.
~~~~~
Red made sure he shared a hymnal with Eddie, allowing him to find the page even though they missed singing most of the first verse. He was rewarded with a quick smile. When they sat down again, Red laid his arm along the back of the pew behind the boy’s head. When Eddie didn’t react negatively, he took it as progress.
Pastor Preston came to the pulpit and said, “Today’s Scripture is from the Psalms, chapter thirty-seven, verses three, four and five.
“Trust in the LORD, and do good; so you will dwell in the land and enjoy security. Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act.
“So, do these verses mean that whatever you pray for, whatever you want, He will give to you? We all know that’s not the case. We’ve all prayed, and the answer seems to be a resounding ‘No.’ We’ve lost loved ones we’ve prayed for. Had material losses. Disappointments. Relationships that are not what we hoped for.
“You’ve taken it to God and not found the answers you sought. Your faith wavers, doubt comes in. Then you think of the verses in James that say you do not receive because you doubt, and guilt sets in.
“But let us look more carefully at what the verses in Psalm thirty-seven say. ‘Take delight in the LORD, Commit your way to the LORD, trust in Him.’ These are the key phrases, not the desires of your heart. God must always come first, be first in our lives.
“When we commit our way to the Lord, we are seeking His will and way for our lives. Our desires become what He wants, not what we want.
“Jesus spoke of this. We say it when we pray the Lord’s Prayer. They aren’t just words. They are powerful, life changing. ‘Thy will be done.’ Not my will be done. Also, that we are to seek first the kingdom of God.
“So, what are our desires of our hearts? All through Scripture, God says He doesn’t want sacrifices. He tells Israel that their offerings are a stink in Heaven. He wants justice, mercy, kindness, humbleness. Above all, His will is that none should perish, that all come to the knowledge of the saving grace provided by Jesus and accept Him as Savior.
“I charge you to look at what you think are the desires of your heart. Are they in line with what God wants, or are they merely what you want?
“Trust in the LORD, and do good; so you will dwell in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act.
&
nbsp; “Trust, delight, commit, seek His will, then He will act, and then your desires will align with His.
“Now, does this mean we aren’t to pray for the things we want? Of course not. Verse four tells us He will give us the desires of our heart. We desire things that are both good and bad for us. We want security, love, the best for our children, prosperity, health, the health of our children.
“These are all in line with Scripture. But, it may be that we are to go through trials to learn what God wants us to learn so we can appreciate the blessings we have been or will be given. It may be that it’s not the right time for our desire to be met. It may be God’s mercy that makes it appear He’s said no to our heart’s desire.
“None of that changes the purpose of these verses. We are to examine our motives. Are our desires going to glorify God and His kingdom? Are they only for ourselves? Are they giving? Are they humble? Are they beneficial or selfish?
“Lamentations three, forty and forty-one: ‘Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord. Let us lift up our hearts as well as our hands to God in heaven.’ We need to test our ways, examine our hearts, and pray that our desires are pure. It’s difficult, I know. That’s another thing to pray for, eyes that see the truth of our motives.”
Red thought about the words as they sang the closing hymn. Were his desires aligned with God’s? He’d prayed to find a woman to marry, which he had. That her boys would accept him as a father. Well, that was a work in progress. That he’d earn and save enough to purchase his own spread someday. Were those wrong to pray for? Was he mostly to pray for justice, mercy, and that everyone be saved? He didn’t think he was that selfless. He’d think on it a while, and maybe go ask Pastor Preston once he had the questions sorted out in his mind.
~~~~~
Laura couldn’t get the sermon out of her mind as they walked back to the House. Had she prayed for the right things? For a successful business? A new husband? A father for her children? Was it wrong to pray for those? How could a sermon preached specifically on Scripture, with other verses to bear witness to the concept, leave her so confused?
Mark was pulling on her hand, begging to be allowed to run on ahead with John Basking. His mother was walking with him, so Laura released Mark to go to his friend. Eddie was walking beside Red, which made her glad. Maybe he was beginning to accept him as part of their family.
They hadn’t talked about a date for the wedding yet. Laura didn’t want it to be in the winter. She didn’t know if Red would want to wait until spring. But then again, it was late January, and the cows were already beginning to drop their calves. Red had told her it was a busy time on the ranch. They rode out daily trying to find the newborns, making sure everything was well with them and their mothers. They needed to do the same with the mares. Any loss of life meant dollars worked for but not realized.
Eddie ran ahead when they reached the House yard. He, no doubt, wanted to get out of his Sunday clothes. The other children, especially the boys, were doing the same thing.
“Laura, how do you want to announce our betrothal?” Red’s question sent thoughts of the sermon fleeing from her mind. He reached for her hand, holding it as they walked up the concrete sidewalk to the porch.
“I think over dessert. The ladies will be excited, and that will get the children worked up. We want them to eat a good meal.”
“Sound plan. I’ll leave it to you to decide the time.”
By the time they got into the house, Eddie and Mark were thundering down the stairs.
“Did you put your good clothes away?” Laura asked. Both boys turned and started running back up. “That happens every week. You’d think they’d learn.” She laughed, and Red laughed with her. He really is a very fine man, she thought. I should be overjoyed that he wants to marry me. Please, Lord, change my attitude. Make him the desire of my heart.
Those who had arrived before them were bustling around, setting the tables and beginning to bring the food in from the kitchen. Everything had been prepared and placed in the oven to bake while the service was in progress.
As soon as dessert was served, Laura tapped Red on the arm. They stood. All eyes focused on them.
Red cleared his throat. “Um, I’m not much for making announcements. Kinda scares me to death.” Chuckles and giggles met his comment. “But this one I’m pleased to make. Mrs. Duffle has agreed to become my wife.”
Libby and Gema clapped, jumping up and coming to give Laura a hug. Ruth and Blanche followed a bit more slowly. Laura noted their smiles were more forced. She hoped Red didn’t notice.
“When do you do the marriage?” Gema asked.
“We haven’t set a date. Haven’t even talked about it. He just asked me yesterday.” Laura looked at Red. He winked at her. Why, Lord, can’t I want more to marry him?
CHAPTER TWELVE
Laura closed the door behind her and leaned back against it. No, she wouldn’t cry. Never once had Hank said anything that made her think he’d be interested in her. It didn’t matter what her heart’s desire was. The man did the courting. Women didn’t make the first move or push themselves on a man. They were courted. They didn’t do the courting themselves.
Red had come calling and asked her to marry him. Laura was fortunate to have such a good man want her and her boys. She’d do all she could to be a good wife for him.
Pushing off from the door, Laura took up the paddle and attacked the laundry in the tub with a vengeance.
Several hours later a knock sounded on the door. It opened, and Hank stuck his head in. “May I talk with you a mite?”
“Of course, come in.” Laura set the flatiron on the stove.
“Laura, I’ve been considering. I’m thinking it might be best if you find a different place to run your business from. Red’s my friend, and now that you’re betrothed, well, it’s a bit awkward for you and me to be here most of the day without anyone else around.”
Laura’s jaw dropped. It had never occurred to her that he wouldn’t want her around anymore. It felt like she’d been stabbed through the heart. “Of course.” She turned around trying to think. It seemed her brain had just stopped. She picked up the iron and set it down again. What was she to do? “I’ll be out by tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest.”
“No hurry. Take the time you need.”
“No, it’s best if I get my things gathered and leave. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get this ironing done and begin to gather my things to remove them from your building. Thank you, Mr. Johnson, for allowing me to use your space for as long as you have.”
Hank backed out and shut the door.
Laura placed her fist in her mouth and bit down on the keening cry that threatened to escape and fill the room with her sorrow.
~~~~~
Laura hadn’t a clue what she was going to do. The weather was so cold there was no way she could work outdoors. She knew the ladies would allow her to use the washroom in the House, but that was something she didn’t want to do. They had to be able to use the room for their own needs.
Daily, Chloe or Blanche washed and hung the towels they used at the café. Each of the ladies had a day they did their own laundry. Laura did laundry every day. There simply wasn’t room or time for her to use the House washroom.
Hank had said there was no hurry, but she had no desire to be where she wasn’t wanted. Maybe she could iron in one of the unused bedrooms upstairs. Each one had a small potbelly stove. Eddie could help her move her equipment.
Oh, Eddie was going to be devastated that he couldn’t come to see Hank. Maybe she could talk him into still taking time with her son. At least until she married Red and they moved to the ranch.
Laura nearly ran from the room to ask him. Panic made her heart race. No, Hank hadn’t said anything about Eddie not coming. He just didn’t want her around anymore. She bit her lip. She wasn’t going to cry.
She wasn’t going to cry.
She wasn’t going to cry.
If she wasn’t goin
g to cry, why were tears streaming down her face?
Well, if she was going to cry, she’d might as well do a bang-up job of it. Laura sat down on the floor, collapsed really since her legs had turned to mush. She reached into a basket of clean towels and pulled a handful out. Pressing them to her face she sobbed into them, muffling her cries in the towels.
When her tears were spent, she blew her nose, wiped her face, and threw the towels into the dirty basket. Hank would be short a few clean ones in the morning, but she didn’t care. He’d be short for longer if she couldn’t find a place to do his wash.
Standing, Laura shook out her skirts and pressed out the wrinkles in her apron with her hands, her shoulders stiff and her back ramrod straight. She had a successful business which could pay for room rental. The men would just have to wait for their clothes if she couldn’t get them done on time. Most of them were cleaner than they had ever been before, so going a bit longer between washings wouldn’t be a hardship. If it was and they didn’t want her to do their laundry anymore, well, they could just find someone else.
Laura spent the time before lunch getting what laundry had been started done and hung up. Then, she emptied the tubs and began packing up her supplies in them. She would need help moving them as they were heavy. Well, Ozzie Basking was thirteen. He should be able to carry them across the alley to the House.
Her shoulders slumped. Laura needed to tell the ladies that she had to find a new place to work. Two announcements in two days. She was looking forward to this one even less than she’d anticipated the last.
“Wrong attitude, Missy,” Laura scolded herself. She placed the last bar of soap into the tub and dusted her hands. “Onward to your future.” Taking her coat off the hook behind the door, she put it on, buttoning it against the frigid weather, and left the building.
~~~~~
“So that about sums it up.” Laura and Ruth were in the kitchen doing the final preparations for the noon meal. The children would be home soon. They’d eat and then go back to school for the afternoon session.
Laundry Lady's Love (Ladies of Sanctuary House Book 1) Page 9