“Because it was the right thing to do, Racquel. That whole lawsuit craziness was taking a toll on all of us. It was tearing our families apart, and then it dawned on me that if we took Charlotte for everything she had, we’d be doing the same thing to Curtis. And honey, he hadn’t done anything. It was all her.”
“You let her get away with hurting me, Mom, and you never should’ve done that. You should’ve fought until the end, and I never should’ve listened to you. I should’ve kept my part of the lawsuit going regardless of what you decided to do.”
“Honey, it just wasn’t worth it,” Vanessa tried to explain. “It wasn’t worth having MJ growing up and finding out that one of his grandmothers sued the other for everything. Sometimes it’s better to let go and let God.”
Racquel ignored her mother’s last comment and turned to Matthew. “It’s your fault, too. You should have stood up for me, Matt. You should have helped me take that lunatic mother of yours to the poorhouse. We should have taken her for everything she had. But like I said, you’re a spineless idiot.”
Matthew still didn’t say anything. He knew he was acting like a wimp, but what no one knew was that his pain was slowly turning to rage and he’d had just about enough of Racquel for one evening.
“But you know what?” she said. “That’s all beside the point. I’m putting that drama behind me and moving on. So all I need to know is whether the two of you are still gonna pay for my education the way you promised.”
Matthew stared at her in amazement. What nerve. Here she’d sat, calling her father the biggest whoremonger in the country and then spoke to her mother like she was her greatest enemy, yet now she wanted them to pay thousands of dollars for tuition? Not to mention room and board? Matthew didn’t even know who Racquel was anymore.
Neil and Vanessa looked at their daughter but didn’t speak.
So she asked them again. “Well, are you? Because I’ve already spoken to MIT admissions. I talked to the woman who’d worked it out for me to start last fall, and she’s pretty sure she can get me back in for this September. I also told her that you’d be paying cash for everything.”
Matthew scrunched his forehead. Did she really think they were going to just up and send her away when there was clearly something wrong with her? From the look on her face, though, he could tell she did. She saw not a single thing wrong with what she was asking.
Neil still said nothing, and Matthew could tell he was livid about those infidelity accusations. Vanessa finally answered her, though.
“If you’re really ready to go back to school then we will totally support you, but only after you see a doctor.”
“What kind of doctor, Mom? And for what?”
“A psychologist.”
“What you mean is a psychiatrist. A doctor who sees crazy people.”
“We just want you to sit down with someone. Let them counsel you.”
“Counseling is for crazy people, and I’m not crazy.”
“We’re not saying you’re crazy. But the fact that you no longer want to have anything to do with MJ means something’s wrong.”
Racquel looked at her mother, then at her dad, then at Matthew. “Oh, I get it. The three of you think this is some kind of intervention, don’t you? Well, you can intervene all you want, but not with me. So please leave,” she said, standing up.
“Really?” Neil said, getting to his feet. “Our own daughter throwing us out. After all we’ve done for you.”
“Honey, I’m begging you,” Vanessa said. “Please let us help you.”
“I said, get out, Mom!”
Vanessa stood up and broke into tears. Neil took her by her arm and led her to the front door. Matt walked into the hallway with them.
“I’m sorry,” he told his in-laws.
“It’s okay, son,” Neil said, rubbing his back. “This isn’t your fault, and no matter what we all say or do we can’t make Racquel get help. As long as she’s not a danger to herself or anyone else, we can’t force her to see anyone.”
“I just don’t understand what happened to her,” Vanessa said, sniffling. “I always thought she was depressed and that’s why for months now, I’ve tried to convince her to get help. But I’ve never heard of postpartum happening a whole year after a child is born.”
“But it is possible,” Neil said. “I spoke to our head of psychiatry this afternoon right after you called me, and he said he’s seen this before. It’s not as common, but he’s had a couple of patients who seemed to love their babies more than anything in the beginning, but then they became so overwhelmed with the responsibilities of motherhood that they eventually distanced themselves from their child altogether. He said Racquel may have somehow decided that MJ is the reason she doesn’t have the freedom most young people do. She might even be blaming him for not entering MIT when she was supposed to.”
“But that’s crazy,” Matthew said. “MJ didn’t ask to come here. Racquel and I decided that for him.”
“I know, but women who suffer from postpartum depression can’t see it that way. So all we can do is pray she’ll agree to see a doctor and keep a close eye on her…and you definitely shouldn’t leave MJ here with her during the day, so taking him to your aunt Emma’s was the right thing to do. We’ll be glad to pay her.”
“I can keep him sometimes, too,” Vanessa said.
“Thank you both,” he said, hugging them.
“We’re here for you, son, day or night,” Neil assured him.
Matthew watched them walk down the stairway, and then went back into the apartment.
Racquel started in on him immediately. “I know you called them over here.”
“I never asked them to come anywhere.”
“Liar!”
“I’m not doing this with you, Racquel,” he said, picking up his keys.
She jumped in front of the door. “You don’t have a choice.”
“Get out of my way, Racquel.”
“Wimp.”
“Please move, Racquel.”
“Idiot.”
“I’m asking you nicely, Racquel.”
“Coward.”
Matthew felt himself getting angrier by the second, and if she didn’t move soon he was going to explode. He’d never hit a girl in his life, but this name-calling was pushing him too far. He was trying to ignore her, but this was the only way out to the parking lot and he needed to go pick up MJ.
“Please move out of my way, Racquel!”
“Or what?”
Matthew reached for the doorknob, but she shoved him into the sofa table, and the lamp crashed to the floor.
“What’s wrong with you?” he screamed.
Racquel ran up to him. She slapped the side of his face so hard he had to shake it off. At five-nine, she was five inches shorter than him, but it felt like a man had struck him. The forceful impact of her hand had left his jaw stinging.
She swung her arm back again, but this time Matthew grabbed it. “Stop it, Racquel. Stop actin’ crazy.”
“Get your hands off me!” she said, turning and twisting and trying to get loose.
“Then stop it,” he said, gripping her arm tighter than before.
“Fine, just let me go.”
“Are you gonna settle down?”
“Yeah, now let me go!” she said.
Matthew wasn’t sure if he could trust her, but thankfully when he released her, she stormed out of the living room and into the bedroom. Still, he stood there trying to catch his breath. Mostly, though, he wondered how long he’d be able to put up with this kind of insanity. He loved Racquel, but he wouldn’t keep living like this. He knew she wasn’t herself, but what if MJ had been there with them a few moments ago? What if he’d seen his mother acting psychotic? He was only one, but he was still noticeably impressionable and very much aware of his surroundings. Matthew was going to pray for things to get better, but if they didn’t, he’d have to figure out something different. He’d have to pack up MJ and move elsewhere.
<
br /> Chapter 12
After leaving the church, Dillon had driven around for hours. At one point, he’d found himself eighty miles away in a tiny town just south of Mitchell, but now that he was home he still didn’t feel any better. If anything, he felt worse about his relationship with his father. He’d replayed their entire conversation over and over in his mind, but for the life of him, he couldn’t see where any of his father’s words had been genuine. He’d apologized to Dillon for not telling him about his announcement to the congregation and then explained that their relationship was still “evolving,” but Dillon hadn’t viewed his father’s sentiments as anything more than theatrics. It was as if he’d said all the things he’d thought Dillon wanted to hear, yet he wasn’t planning to do anything to make things right. He didn’t seem to care about all the concerns Dillon had laid out for him.
Dillon sat in front of his laptop computer in the bedroom that Melissa had turned into office space. Actually, it was sort of a family room, too, and it was a little overcrowded, but this was where he spent a lot of his time when he needed to think and didn’t want to deal with her. However, his locking himself away never seemed to stop her, and when he looked up, he saw the door opening.
“Can I get you anything, baby?” she asked.
Dillon turned back to his computer screen. “No.”
“Are you sure? I made some shrimp fettuccine, and I know you like that.”
Dillon ignored Melissa’s last comment, pressed a few buttons, waited for the Google search engine page to appear, and typed in the words Deliverance Outreach.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” she continued.
Dillon sighed and then frowned at her. “Melissa, why can’t you just take a hint? Why do you have to keep harassing me when you know I don’t wanna be bothered?”
“I’m sorry. I’m only trying to be here for you.”
“Well, right now, I wanna be left alone.”
Melissa eased the door closed. She was starting to irritate Dillon more and more, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take it. He didn’t want to kick her out on the street, because he knew she had no place to go, but eventually something would have to give. What she needed to do was find a job and find her own place to stay.
Although he understood all too well what it was like to not want to take just any job that came your way, because he was sick of his father trying to get him to do that very thing. He didn’t want to work at the church, and although he’d never come straight out and told his father that, he wished his father would stop pestering him about it.
Dillon glanced over at a bronze-framed photo of him and his mom. It had been taken the day he was born. Oh how he wished she’d lived a lot longer and that he’d been old enough to remember her. His aunt had done the best she could for him, and he was grateful for that, but it still hadn’t been the same as being loved and raised by your own mother. He knew this because he’d spent years trying to imagine what it would have been like to receive a mother’s love.
Dillon pulled up the church’s website and then clicked on his dad’s bio page. The first thing he saw was an official family photo that included his dad, Charlotte, Alicia, Matthew, and Curtina. Of course, this was an older photo, so Dillon was nowhere to be found, and he wondered when his father would have a new one taken. When would he include Dillon so that the world would know there were four children in the Black family and not three? But then, Dillon was sure his dad would never want to take down a photo of his precious Matthew. It wasn’t like he’d be able to get Matthew to take a new one with all of them, not when Matthew wouldn’t have anything to do with them. Which to Dillon was plain ludicrous. He’d been thinking this for a while: why worry about a son that no longer cared anything about you when you had another son who loved you and thought the world of you?
Dillon stared at the Black family photo and suddenly thought about his aunt Susan. She’d left him several messages over the last week or so, but tonight, he needed to hear her voice. He needed to be comforted and told that everything would be all right.
He leaned back in his chair and dialed her number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Auntie, how are you?”
“Dillon? I’m fine. How are things with you, honey?”
“Okay, I guess. Could be better, though.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound too good.”
“I just wish I’d met my dad way before a year ago. It would’ve made such a difference.”
“I wish you had, too, but at least you were able to meet him when you did. And on top of that, everything turned out fine.”
“But that’s just it. Everything isn’t fine, and I’m not sure what else to do.”
There was dead silence, and Dillon wondered why she hadn’t commented.
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m here.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
“No, I guess I’m a little shocked to hear this. I thought things were going great…although you know I never thought it was a good idea for you to move there. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“Well, the only reason I’m hurt is because of my two sisters and the memory of a brother who never comes around. They’re always in the way, and that interrupts the time I could be spending with my dad.”
“I’m sure you won’t understand this, but can I be honest?”
“Go ahead.”
“I know you want things to be great between you and your father, but I don’t think you can ever expect him to love you the same as he loves his other children. He’s been with all of them since the day they were born.”
“Not Matthew. My dad didn’t meet him until he was seven.”
“Still, he was just a little boy, and your dad has loved him and been around him ever since. Your dad is also married to your brother’s mom.”
Dillon cringed at the thought of Charlotte. “But none of that should matter. I’m just as much my dad’s son as Matthew. Actually, I’m his firstborn, and that should mean everything.”
“But you don’t have a lot of history with him. You haven’t known him long enough to have the kind of relationship fathers and sons usually have. Not the kind when they’ve been together for years. Relationships take time, honey, and simply having the same blood running through your veins isn’t always enough.”
“Well, it should be. Family is family, and I’ve loved my dad from the moment he accepted me. As soon as he acknowledged me as his son.”
“I understand that, but you can’t expect your dad to feel the same way. For your sake, I wish he did, but honey, he’s human and he can’t help it.”
Now Dillon hated that he’d called her. She wasn’t saying any of the things he needed her to, and he was becoming a little tired of all this negative chatter. He loved his aunt, but if she didn’t change her thinking very soon he’d have to hang up.
“If you ask me,” she continued, “I think you should leave there and come back to Atlanta. You need to come home.”
“This is home, Aunt Susan. I don’t have a mom, so home is where my father is.”
“But look how you’re feeling. Look how upset and sad you are.”
“It won’t always be this way. Eventually, my dad will come around. He has to.”
“I know you want that, but I think you need to be more realistic about this. As it is, you’ve been there for a good while, and nothing’s changed. And Dillon, honey, you haven’t even been here to see me in over a year.”
“I have to go, Aunt Susan,” he said matter-of-factly. It was bad enough that she was insisting his dad would never love him, so he certainly didn’t want to hear anything about his choice not to visit her in Atlanta. Didn’t she know he had other priorities right now and that he would get back down there when it was convenient? Couldn’t she see how important his father was to him?
“Honey, I know you’re upset, but I wish you’d listen to me. I wish you’d think hard about this and then
move on.”
“It was really nice talking to you, Aunt Susan, and I’ll try to call you next week, okay?”
“You take care of yourself, honey,” she finally said. “And know that I love you. I never had my own children, so to me you were more my son than you were my nephew. I couldn’t love you more, even if I’d given birth to you, so please don’t forget that.”
“I love you, too,” he forced himself to say, but he was glad the conversation was over.
When he laid his phone down, he felt like bursting into tears but he fought back the urge. No matter how hurt he was, he wouldn’t punk out like some weak little kid. Still, he couldn’t help thinking about the way everyone always seemed to abandon him. First his mom had committed suicide, something his dad had driven her to, and now his dad acted as though he didn’t care about him—at least not as much as he’d seemed to care about him when they’d first met. But then Dillon thought about something. The only way for a person to ever get what he or she wanted was to take it. The only way to get his father to pay more attention to him and love him more was for Dillon to take drastic measures—maybe not drastic per se, but he had to do something that would get his dad to take notice and see him as his most important child. He needed to prove to his dad that he was the most loyal of his offspring, the one his dad could count on until death. Then, once his dad realized this, life would be good. Everything would be perfect, and Dillon would finally have the kind of fatherly love he’d always wanted—the kind of love he deserved.
Chapter 13
Matthew sat inside his office, gazing into thin air, trying to figure out how all this had happened. He’d made the mistake of having sex before marriage, made the mistake of getting Racquel pregnant, and made the mistake of dropping out of college and getting married to her. But he’d never imagined that things would spin so utterly out of control. It was a new day, but he still couldn’t forget what had occurred less than twenty-four hours ago. Racquel had treated her parents like villains, she’d hauled off and slapped him like a heavyweight champion, and she was still blatantly ignoring her own son. She’d done so again last night when Matthew had brought MJ home, and this morning she hadn’t as much as come out of the bedroom while Matthew was getting him dressed. At first, Matthew had considered saying something to her, asking her why she was treating MJ so badly, but he’d decided against it. On the one hand, he’d thought it might be good to engage her in conversation, thinking that maybe it would help her, but on the other, he realized it might be best just to leave her alone. He also had to admit that he’d worried all night about what she might do next—what she might do to him, or heaven forbid, to poor little MJ. Matthew didn’t want to believe she’d go that far, but as it was, she’d already shown a side of herself he hadn’t counted on, so he needed to be careful. He needed to be much more cautious when it came to Racquel than he had been.
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