When the valet pulled the black SUV around to the front entrance, Dillon gave him a ten-dollar bill and drove away. It was only half past nine in the morning, and it was also Saturday, so thankfully there wasn’t much traffic. They didn’t have too far to go, at least not by Atlanta standards, since his aunt’s home was just over in Lithonia. It was maybe twenty miles away at the most.
“So, do you miss Atlanta?” Curtis asked him.
“Sometimes, but not really.”
“It’s a huge change of pace. Mitchell is at least ten times smaller. Especially if you count all the suburbs here.”
“True, but I’ve never done a lot of socializing or partying, so living in a smaller town doesn’t bother me.”
“Well, I’ve lived in both Atlanta and Chicago, and sometimes I miss big-city life.”
“But Chicago is so close, you could drive there daily if you wanted to,” Dillon said.
“That rarely happens, though, because I’m always too busy. And don’t get me wrong, I love Mitchell. I’m just saying that sometimes it would be nice to take Curtina downtown to some of the larger plays for children. It would be great to see other attractions, too.”
Dillon cringed. The conversation had been going exceptionally well, so why did he have to bring up that little brat? Why couldn’t he just forget about them? At least while they were down here for his aunt’s funeral.
Dillon changed lanes and tried to act as though nothing was wrong. He didn’t speak, though.
So they drove another couple of miles, but now his dad’s phone rang. Dillon cringed again.
“Hey baby girl,” he said.
Dillon didn’t know whether it was Alicia or Curtina calling, because his dad regularly referred to both of them as his “baby girl,” but that was beside the point. Dillon didn’t want him talking to either one of them.
“So what are you and Phillip up to this weekend…really…sounds like a nice time. You can never go wrong spending the day on Navy Pier. Especially since it’s pretty hot there today. I saw on TV this morning that it was gonna be eighty-two in Chicago. So you can imagine how hot it is here.”
Dillon wanted to yank his dad’s phone away from him. He and Alicia weren’t even talking about anything important, so why couldn’t he talk to her later? Better yet, why couldn’t he call her when he got back home?
“We’re headed to his aunt’s house now. Her friend is meeting us there, and then we’re going to the funeral home…We’re not sure yet, but we found out from the hospital that her cause of death was heart failure. We don’t know the official reason yet, though…Okay, I’m glad you called, baby girl, and I’ll make sure to tell him. Love you much,” he said and ended the call. “Alicia sends her best and says she’s praying for you.”
Yeah right. She didn’t even like him, so why would she care one way or the other about his aunt dying? People did this all the time, telling others they were going to pray for them, even though they knew they weren’t. They said this only because it sounded good and because it made them feel better about themselves.
“Are you okay?” Curtis asked.
“I’m fine,” he said, trying to settle his temper.
“Why are you so quiet?”
“No reason,” he said dryly.
Curtis looked out his window and didn’t say another word. Now Dillon worried that maybe his dad had picked up on his anger and he was annoyed by it. Dillon couldn’t have his dad upset with him, though, not when they’d bonded so perfectly last night, so he did what he could to fix things.
“I was just thinking about my aunt. I still can’t believe she’s gone, and Dad, it hurts.”
“I know. Losing someone you love is the hardest thing anyone has to go through. I remember how I felt when I lost my mother. I was devastated. It also didn’t help that I hadn’t been in touch with her for years. I still regret that to this day, and sometimes the guilt tears me apart.”
Dillon felt the same way about his aunt, but he tried not to think about it. He tried telling himself that he couldn’t call her as much or fly back and forth to Atlanta and also get to know his father the way he needed to. He was sure she’d understood that, though. Of course, she had.
But Dillon did wonder why his dad hadn’t spoken to his mom. He knew his grandmother had passed away a few years back, but that’s all his dad had told him.
“So why hadn’t you seen your mom?”
“It’s a long story, son, but mostly it was because of how selfish I was. I didn’t realize how important family was, and I went on with my life without them. But like I said, I regret it, and I can never change the way I treated her.”
Dillon drove a few more miles and turned into his aunt’s driveway. When he looked in his rearview mirror, he saw a stocky woman with brown hair walking toward them. It must be Tina.
Dillon opened his door and got out.
She smiled brightly and hugged him. “It’s so good to finally meet you. Susan talked about you all the time. She thought the world of you.”
“It’s nice meeting you also. And this is my dad.”
Curtis walked around the vehicle and shook her hand. “Very nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.”
“So how long have you known Aunt Susan?” Dillon asked.
“Only about nine months. After my divorce, I moved in next door,” she said, pointing across the way, “and your aunt and I became fast friends. She was such a kind spirit.”
They made small talk while walking up the sidewalk. Tina unlocked the door, opened it, and disarmed the security system. Dillon wondered why she even knew the code, and that made him wonder if his aunt had been sick for a very long time. The attending doctor had listed her cause of death as heart failure, as his father had just told Alicia, but Dillon had assumed it was the result of a sudden heart attack. That had to be it because had she been ill for months, there was no way she wouldn’t have told him.
“Susan had everything in order, and it’s all right over there in the dining room. We can have a seat if you want.”
Dillon walked through the living room and down the short hall, reminiscing about his childhood. After all these years, the house still looked the same, and it still felt like home. It was amazing how comfortable he felt in only a matter of minutes when he hadn’t been there in more than twelve months.
As they sat down at the table, Dillon looked at the wall of photos, smiling, but then he choked up when he saw the one where his aunt was holding the back of his little red bike. It had been taken the day she’d taught him how to ride it without training wheels. This was more proof that his aunt had been there for him every step of the way, and he could kick himself for not coming to see her every time she’d asked him.
“So had she been sick very long?” Curtis asked, and Dillon almost hated to hear the answer.
“She had. For more than six months. She actually lived longer than her doctors expected.”
Dillon frowned. “What was wrong with her?”
“She had pancreatic cancer.”
Dillon leaned back in his chair. “What? How? And why did the hospital tell us she’d died from heart failure?”
“Because she did. But it was still a result of complications relating to her cancer.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
“I tried to get her to, but she wouldn’t. All she’d say was that she didn’t want to burden you.”
“Had she been sick before she was diagnosed?” Curtis asked.
“No, and when they discovered what she had, she was already in her final stage. This is common with pancreatic cancer, though. No symptoms until it’s too late.”
Dillon was speechless. Why hadn’t she told him so he could have come back to Atlanta to take care of her?
“I just don’t get it,” Dillon said. “When I spoke to her the other night, she sounded a little tired, but she seemed fine.”
“That’s because all that day, she’d seemed better than ever. Almost like she was well
. It was as if she got better to leave here.”
Curtis nodded. “I’ve heard that many times before, so I believe it.”
Dillon had tried to forget about all the messages she’d left him before he’d finally called her a couple of days ago. Actually, ever since learning of her death, he’d pushed those phone messages out of his mind. He could no longer pretend that she hadn’t tried to call him, though, and that there was a chance she might have told him she was dying—if she’d had a chance to talk to him.
“Here’s a list of everything she wants for the service, and she also asked me to give you this.” Tina passed Dillon a sealed envelope.
Dillon was almost afraid to take it, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t sure when he would read it, though. Not when there was no telling what Aunt Susan had written.
They sat discussing the church home-going and burial services, and then prepared to head over to the funeral home. Dillon wasn’t looking forward to picking out caskets, flowers, or anything else relating to his aunt’s death, and he couldn’t wait for this to be over. It was too painful to deal with, but more than anything, he was drenched with guilt and it tore him apart. He’d managed to keep a straight face, but he wasn’t sure how long that would last because what he wanted to do was run outside, screaming at the top of his lungs. He wanted to beg, plead, and bargain with God—anything to bring his aunt back. But sadly, it was much too late. He’d chosen to not come see her, and she was gone. He’d been sure he had plenty of time, but now he knew that not even the next minute was promised to a person—not even the next second.
Chapter 24
Matthew opened his eyes, trying to focus them, and realized he’d slept on the sofa—again. He certainly wasn’t doing it because it was comfortable or because he wanted to, but he also couldn’t take Racquel. Thursday night when he’d gotten home from the bowling alley, she’d been passed out drunk on the bed and then last night when Matthew had gotten home from spending the entire evening with MJ and Aunt Emma, she’d stumbled in after eleven, trying to seduce him. Her advances hadn’t worked this time, though, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling more disgusted. She’d looked and smelled like a drunken streetwalker, and he’d pushed her off of him. He’d expected her to react violently, but instead, she’d laughed at him, wobbled into their room and fallen onto the bed.
He was so tired of this, and though he’d decided it would be best to wait until she wasn’t around, he knew it was time he set a date to move out. It was amazing, too, how he’d seemed to find more courage to do so after seeing Stacey at the bowling alley. He’d tried not to think about her, because he knew he was a married man, but the truth of the matter was, he’d found himself sitting at work yesterday daydreaming about her. He’d visualized himself picking her up and taking her out on a date, and then he’d imagined what it would feel like to be with her romantically. He knew his thoughts were sinful and that his fleshly desires were wrong, but he couldn’t shake them. Maybe it was because he hadn’t tried and because fantasizing about Stacey gave him a warm feeling and placed a natural smile on his face.
Matthew tossed the blanket away from him and stood up. He went into the bathroom, and though seeing an almost-comatose Racquel was the last thing he wanted to do, he pushed the bedroom door open and looked at her. She still had on every stitch of clothing that she’d worn out to the club, and the room stank like a brewery. He wondered what the heck she’d been drinking and how much of it because this was worse than what he’d smelled those times his mom had gotten drunk. Not to mention, Racquel was still driving around endangering people. This bothered Matthew more than anything, and he’d called her parents yesterday morning to tell them about it. They were worried sick, but like him, they didn’t know how to stop her. Matthew had suggested that maybe they needed to try another intervention, but when they’d both gotten quiet, he’d realized they weren’t all that interested in hearing her scream at them and blast them for all their past mistakes.
He closed the door all the way shut, went back into the living room, and picked up his phone. He turned on the television so that there would be background noise, just in case Racquel woke up. Then he dialed Stacey. As he, Jonathan, and Elijah had prepared to leave the bowling alley, he’d debated asking her for her number, but after talking to her during his full lunch hour yesterday, he was glad about his decision. He’d also spoken to her for another hour once he’d left work. So now his daydreams about her had intensified.
“Hey,” he said as soon as she answered.
“Hey.”
“Were you up?”
“Not really,” she said, sounding as though she were stretching. “I’m still on college hours, and on Saturday mornings I’m usually never up before noon.”
Matthew chuckled. “I can imagine.”
“Are you alone?” she asked.
“Might as well be. She’s passed out again.”
“I’m really sorry, Matt.”
“Yeah, well, it is what it is.”
“I was never friends with Racquel, but I knew her well enough to know she never drank in high school. Mostly, she was quiet and laid-back.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I started dating her three years ago, and there were times when she used to criticize people who drank or did drugs.”
“It really must be postpartum depression like you were saying.”
Matthew had shared with Stacey what he and his in-laws thought, and though he didn’t want everyone to know his and Racquel’s business, he felt like he could trust Stacey. Actually, he knew he could trust her because she sounded more sympathetic toward Racquel than he did.
“She hasn’t been diagnosed, but she has a lot of symptoms,” he said.
“Who I really feel bad for is your son. I know he’s only one, but I’ve heard that babies can feel rejection and the absence of their moms right out of the womb.”
“I wish Racquel realized that, because believe it or not, she hasn’t even asked me where he is. He’s stayed with my aunt Emma for two nights straight, and she couldn’t care less.”
“That’s too bad.”
“It is, but at least he has me and Aunt Emma, and Racquel’s parents are gonna keep him for a couple of days, starting this afternoon. They’ve been wanting to spend time with him, anyway.”
“I’m glad he has all of you, too. Poor little thing.”
“So what do you have up for today?” he said, flipping the TV channels.
“My mom and I are supposed to be going shopping, but I’m not doing anything later.”
Matthew heard her response but the word later was what he focused on. It almost sounded like an invitation.
“Maybe I’ll call you after I leave my in-laws. I’m gonna take MJ over there and then have dinner with them.”
“Sounds good to me. Do you wanna go somewhere maybe?”
Matthew wasn’t totally against the idea, but surely she wasn’t expecting him to come to her home. Her parents would never be okay with their daughter spending as much as a few minutes with a married man.
Still, he said, “Where?”
“I dunno. We could just hang out. Drive around and talk.”
Matthew didn’t mind doing that, but he also wasn’t in the kind of financial position where he could burn unnecessary gas. He’d worked out their budget so that he always had just enough to make it to and from work every day and then a few other places, but that was it. Although, since Aunt Emma had already gone out and bought baby supplies, he wouldn’t have to spend as much on that over the next two weeks.
“We can just decide when I call,” he said.
“That’s fine.”
“Are you sure about this, Stacey? Because let’s be honest. I’m married, I have a small child, and you’re still in college.”
“Matt, I already know all that and if that bothered me, I wouldn’t have given you my number. I’m not saying I’m gonna sleep with you, but I won’t lie, I’m still attracted to you and I wanna
see you. Just to talk and have some fun.”
Matthew felt that warm sensation again, the one he experienced just about every time he thought about her.
“I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were dealing with. None of what I’m going through is pretty, and things are likely gonna get worse. Especially when I move outta here.”
Matthew switched his phone to his other ear, but panicked when he heard the bedroom door opening. Racquel walked out with bloodshot eyes and her hair scattered all over her head.
“Why are you looking at me like that,” she said, frowning. “You must be guilty of something. And who is that you’re talkin’ to?”
Matthew’s heart pounded. “Hey, I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Call me when you can.”
Matthew pressed the End button, and Racquel walked closer to him.
“Who were you on the phone with, Matt?”
“None of your business.”
“Excuse me?”
“Racquel, not today, okay. I’m not in the mood.”
“I wanna know who you were talkin’ to. And don’t say it was Jonathan or Elijah, because you looked like you’d been busted for something.”
Matthew flipped the channel again, trying to act normal. “Actually, it was Jonathan. Satisfied?”
“You’re such a liar, and not even a good one.”
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