“Like you did with me on the train,” he said proudly and kissed me on my cheek.
I nodded in agreement with him and continued. “He only stayed for ten minutes. I was so afraid he didn’t like me. Next day, Sandu told me he invited me to a movie. I was in heaven again. I should have been angry, after all, he invited me through Sandu, not personally. All I remember was the fire teasing my body. I felt it during the movie as well. While we were watching the movie, he tried to touch me. He kissed me on my neck. I was in Heaven. Until he started to play with my breasts, and then I pushed him, more as a reflex.” I paused.
“Why did you push him?” he asked, surprised.
“It all happened too fast. I wasn’t ready. I don’t know. Or my instinct tried to tell me something. I couldn’t enjoy it. It felt cheap. I wanted him to get to know me, I needed romance, intriguing talks, flirt. It was strange. I was turned off in one second. He didn’t try anything else, and we watched the movie till the end, and he brought me home. I didn’t hear from him for a long time. After half a year…”
“Wait! You let six months pass without seeing him?” Alin asked, unconvinced.
“Yes. I knew it was over. I knew he only wanted sex. I didn’t get his attention in the way I wanted it. I knew he would sleep with me and discard me.
He looked approving. “So what happened after six months?”
“It was winter. I was together with the boring guy again, making plans for a New Year’s Eve party. I couldn’t decide which party to go. I didn’t want to go to his party — I never hung out with his friends. So we decided we’d both go to different parties, and we’d meet at midnight at a third party. You know how it was. We use to hit all the parties in town. We knew where the good parties were, and we’d go there.”
“We did the same. The party with the best music or best chicks would win. And of course, the best food.” We laughed.
“My first party on the list was at Sandu’s place. Gabriel was there. I was happy again. We danced. I simply enjoyed the moment. Because it was my moment. I knew we were watched. All the girls envied me, and the boys envied him. We danced. We kissed. We dance again and we kissed a lot. Felt like an eternity. A good eternity. But a short eternity.
After midnight, I was supposed to leave. We found a relatively private corner. Then Gabriel grabbed my hand and said to follow him. I remember we entered a room where two guys were watching TV. The only light was something on TV. The next room was empty. He pushed me against the wall and violently kissed me. I loved it. My mind was empty. My mind was never empty before. I didn’t think of what would happen next. I was simply enjoying the moment until I heard him saying, “Switch off the lights!” I froze. I knew he wanted to have sex with me. Real sex.”
“Why did you freeze?”
“Can you imagine, the time I spent with him, even in the moment I was alone with him, I didn’t think of the sex as real sex. I didn’t think what it will be after. I was simply happy. I guess this is real happiness — you don’t worry what’s next. You live the moment, without nothing else clouding your thoughts. Anyway, I wasn’t ready. Not like that! Not in front of everyone. I got scared. No to mention, the magic was gone. I couldn’t move or speak, and my mouth got dry. Bitter and dry.” I saw him nodding and stopped. He gestured me to go on.
“I told him I wanted to go home. But he told me if I didn’t do as he said, he’d call the other two guys from the next room, and they would join us. He promised he wouldn’t hurt me. He kept his word; he didn’t hurt me. He did kill my soul. But, that didn’t count, did it? The sex was quick. He knew what he was doing. I didn’t even feel pain. No kissing, no touching. I was still scared he would do other things with me. And I prayed no one would come and see us. I hated it! The smell, the feeling. I left the room, ashamed.”
“Fucking asshole,” Alin said angrily.
I closed my eyes. Suddenly, I felt his hand gently brushing my hair. I opened my eyes, and I saw his smile.
“It’s so unfair. One moment in your life, one stupid mistake damages you forever. I’ve blamed myself since then. I should have screamed. I should have tried to run. No day passes without me asking, ‘What if?’ You have no idea how hard it is when there is no one to blame but yourself.”
Alin tried to take my hand. I pushed it away.
“Mona, you were in love… your first love, as you said. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Of course it was. I will always hate myself. I should have trusted my instincts. They never let me down. Instincts, or guts, or whatever you call it, is your soul trying to talk to you. I didn’t listen.”
“When did your instinct warn you?”
“I told you, at the movie. When he touched my boobs.”
“What happened after…?”
“I went home, didn’t tell anything to anyone, and continue dating my boring boyfriend again. He must have found out, but he never talked about it. One night, we were at the bench, in the park, and I couldn’t bear it anymore. The same talks, the touching. I simply told him it was over.”
“What about the fucker?” He asked while trying nervously to light his cigarette.
“No idea,” I said.
We stayed silent the whole night. I wanted to go to bed early, and he tucked me in like a child. Then he went to the balcony to smoke another cigarette. My parents never read me a book or sung me a song before bed. Never tucked me in. Before I fell asleep, I reminded myself to call my mother and ask her why.
CHAPTER 12
SILLY STUFF
I got used to Alin’s villa, except for the noise. Alin’s place was loud in the morning. It seemed the band was conducting all their business and socializing in the living room/kitchen, during breakfast time. Sharing a place with so many roommates was testing my patience day by day.
One morning I woke up alone. Alin was not in the room. I took a shower, and I realized I might need to bring more clothes to the place. I went into the living room. Geta was fixing Alin’s hair. Vladi was reading some magazines; his hair was light brown today. Teo was eating. Again. He was eating the famous and delicious Sibiu Salami.
He is always eating and he is the skinniest one. Where is that food going? I asked myself and went over to get some salami as well.
I felt I’d known them for ages.
Geta was done with Alin’s hair. Teo took Alin’s place and let me finish his plate.
“I need my coffee,” Jony said. “Before coffee, I hate everybody. After coffee, I feel ok about hating everyone.”
Sudden cheers. The door opens and a young adult entered the room. Good looking, short haircut and sunglass on his neck. I knew he was Victor, Ema’s brother. Do you have eyes on your neck? Who wears sunglasses like that?
“Hey, look who’s here. What did you do, you stupid moron?” Teo asked with affection in his voice. I remembered about the girl he’d made pregnant.
He looked half proud and half ashamed. “C’mon, guys, I had enough from Ema and from my mother.”
“When did you have time to make Mirela pregnant? I thought you were together with Sanda,” Jony asked with curiosity.
“I broke up with her a couple of weeks ago,” he said, distracted.
“Why?” Teo asked while Geta was arranging his hair.
“She was living on the fourth floor. I hate the stairs,” said Victor neutrally. Elevators were close to non-existent in Romania.
I giggled.
“What’s next, Victor?” Geta asked with a motherly touch.
“What? Girls are everywhere,” concluded Victor.
“You don’t break up with someone because of the stairs,” Alin said.
“Or because she didn’t have a boiler at home.”
Victor cut him off: “Of course you do. I need to take my shower.”
“Wait, it was another one, the one who thought Michelangelo is a singer. Or the one who sneezed weird,” Teo said.
Victor was more amused than ashamed. “Guys, some things are a turn off for me. Besides
, you are exaggerating things.”
“Are you?” I asked the group.
“Nooo!” they chorused loudly.
Victor laughed. “They blame me, but what about, what was her name? Madalina? She kissed her father good night on the lips.”
“Yeah, that’s creepy,” they all agreed.
“Damn, she was sixteen, and she was still walking around the house in underwear.” Victor continued. “I have a new joke guys,” he said: “Why is it not recommended to open the windows during the winter time?”
Silence. We were waiting for his answer.
“Because pedestrians will catch a cold when they pass by your house.” Victor exclaimed with a satisfied smirk. It was a good joke for us. I hated the freezing winters, trying to warm up with lot of blankets and always with cold feet.
After I spread jelly on both pieces of toast I headed toward the door. “I have to go to the radio station.”
Alin walked with me all the way there. We decided to meet later at the Summer Theatre so that I could hear the band’s rehearsal. I told him I was looking forward to hearing my song played by the guys. He gave me that devilishly charming smile and kissed me deeply, and I groaned with satisfaction at the feel of his tongue in my mouth.
Work was boring. Moving papers from place to place and answering the phone. George T. always had interesting radio guests, and they had a good show. I caught a few snatches of the interviews and comments which were the high points of my day. Ema came later and told George T. she needed me, and we left early. It seemed no one cared if I left or stayed.
I told her the day before about where I was staying; she drove me to the place and I packed some things. After a couple of hours there and just hanging down at the resort, we went to Alin’s place. Geta was home, doing her nails. We changed and got ready to leave. By the time we arrived at the theater, the rehearsal room was packed. I recognized the new song, my song. The doldrums brought on by the day’s monotony disappeared; I felt much better. Life is good. Don’t worry, you will find your way. You always do!
Alin looked like he was trying to ignore me. He was waiting for an answer if I was going to move in with him. I had an answer. But I knew he wouldn’t like it. I didn’t want to give up my life. It wasn’t a decent life, but it was mine. I couldn’t afford to lose my world. That was the only place I knew, and I didn’t want to change it.
After the rehearsal, we went to dinner. The waiter overcharged the bill. Geta noticed it and told the group. I’d never had to pay for my food in a restaurant. Men always paid for the women, no matter what. I knew the experienced waiters tended to overcharge the bill. There were no automated cashier machines, and the bills were handwritten. Customer service was awful in those days unless you were “somebody.” Geta showed Teo the bill, and he checked it out. After a few moments, he called out to the waiter – a cheeky guy, around twenty, with a cunning smile on his face.
“Hey, boy, what’s your name?” Teo asked him in a friendly way.
“Sergiu, at your service,” he answered in a way that implied the opposite.
“Sergiu, do you know who we are?” Teo asked, still with food in his mouth.
“Yes, of course. We are very pleased to have you here.” His cunning smile was getting bigger.
“So you thought, maybe because we are famous, that you can overcharge our bill?” Geta, visibly irritated, interrupted him.
“Kind of.” Now the waiter was laughing.
I couldn’t hide my giggle. He saw it, and he winked at me. Alin saw and smiled, too. In fact, we were all amused except Geta.
“What’s wrong with you guys,” she said. “This little punk here is laughing at us, and you don’t seem to care.”
“Dan, can you please enlighten us and tell us what ‘B’ means. ‘6.49 Lei for B’?” Teo asked, curious.
“Oh, it’s the bread,” he said cockily, watching Ema from head to toe.
“Really? No one charges for the bread,” Geta said, shaking her head in anger.
“I know; we also don’t charge for bread. I made an honest mistake,” he said, shrugging.
“It doesn’t look like you’re sorry. You didn’t even apologize for that,” Geta said.
“Oh, I didn’t? My mistake!” His presumptuous smile was all over the place.
“Unbelievable. He still didn’t apologize.” Geta was shaking her head, annoyed.
Ema broke in: “He won’t, Geta. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t give a shit about his job. He’s messing with you.”
The waiter changed his expression and smiled in a wrong, seductive way to her. “May I say, miss, that you look gorgeous. Do you have a boyfriend? “
I was amused by the situation and asked him calmly: “What about 03.08? For what was that?”
“That’s only the date,” he said.
Everybody laughed at the waiter’s audacity.
“So we have to pay for the date? That’s hilarious,” I said.
“Thank you. Actually, I thought it was genius.” Sergiu tried to be a smartass. “Look, guys, can you please just call the manager over and complain about me. You know, bad service, blah, blah, blah. I need to be at the Decadent Disco, and I’m already late. You don’t have to pay the bill; it’s on me. Everyone steals like hell in here, so one bill, more or less, won’t matter.”
“You know they’ll fire you,” Ema told him.
“They won’t. Two girls already quit; they both found some Norwegian sugar daddies. And if they do, I don’t care. I just made some money. Some stupid foreign Scandinavian tourists. I just changed their dollars into lei. But — oops, I just made a mistake. It seems I just gave them newspaper money.”
Tourists from Scandinavia loved our country. Old women came for the handsome Romanian womanizers. And old men came for the gorgeous Romanian girls. Scamming the tourists was a custom. “Look, this is more than I will ever make all summer. Look around. I would be a fool if I continued to work,” Segiu said, looking at Ema. He obviously had a crush on her.
Alin asked, falteringly, “Aren’t you ashamed?” He saw Sergiu’s look, and he gave up. “Of course not.”
All of a sudden, Sergiu showed us a long, yellow-gold necklace with a big heart pendant. “Last night, a lady from Sweden gave this to me. A present,” he said impudently. “I am selling it very cheap.”
Ema quickly answered that she was interested. She made a great deal. Almost for free.
We left for the Summer Theatre from the restaurant. Alin hold onto my hand, and I was happy. After the show, Alin insisted I stay by his side while he was talking with the fans. Geta noticed that. She nodded to me, and I knew what she meant. I was officially Alin’s girlfriend.
CHAPTER 13
CEAUSESCU’S DARLING
“I need to tell you something, Mona. I am so freaking happy. I slept at George T.’s place last night, and we came here together. Can you imagine?” Ema told me this when we met a couple of days later. She was talking fast. Unusual for her. She caught my look and said, “It took me years to finally get to sleep at his place and bring some stuff there. But he never goes out with me, and we never walked to his workplace together. Until today.”
I didn’t know what to say. Her arms gesticulated, emphasizing her excitement, but I could tell that she wasn’t happy.
“You think I am stupid, don’t you?” She said woefully.
“Ema. Love turns you into a different person. So are you happy? Is it what you want?” I asked even though the answer was already inferred.
“I want him dead. I want him out of my life. Forever,” she stated in a quavering tone that seemed suddenly contradictory to her excitement a moment ago. “He is poison for me. I should be happy; maybe he is ready to admit that we are a couple. But I am not. It’s too late to enjoy it. It’s like I waited for my train to come, and it took so long, and I am exhausted, and the train is there, but I can’t get in.”
I tried to help. “Then, don’t get in. Take another train. Or no more trains for you…for a w
hile.”
“Who the fuck does he think I am? His slave? Maybe I don’t want to be a couple. Maybe he is only a good fuck for me,” she replied, her voice stiffening.
I saw George T. watching us through the studio glass. He seemed to have noticed her anger. He gave us an “I didn’t do anything” look. I smiled back at him. One personal look from him and I felt like we’d been friends forever.
Ema was facing me; she couldn’t see him. Then she looked over her shoulder. “Shit, he knows I’m talking about him. Let’s go. I told him last night I want to spend time with you, you can go.” I knew my days at the radio station were numbered. Besides, I didn’t want to work anymore. I wanted to have fun. I left with no great sense of loss.
We went to the beach. Later on, we decided to go to Summer Theatre and the concert. The group wasn’t there when we arrived, but the guys at the entrance remembered us and let us in, anyway. I thought it was kind of cool to be recognized as the girlfriend of a rising rock star.
Alin and the others finally arrived, but we didn’t have much chance to socialize before the concert, as everyone was scurrying around getting things ready. During the concert, I listened intently to the music of Silent Delusion, sometimes closing my eyes and it was like my soul was absorbing Alin’s voice and the words he sang. It was great.
After the group performed, the groupies came backstage. I recognized one girl Jony had an affair with and noticed that he seemed to ignore her. She noticed it too, so she diverted her attention to Teo. I became curious and watched her, knowing full well what she was doing. She started to talk with Teo, with all the flirtation and giggles that young girls use in high school and college.
Teo conversed with her with obvious interest, and cast a furtive glance at Jony a few times, who was busy talking with the girls. Teo smiled at her, and they separated from the group. Jony finally looked at Teo as the latter was walking away. He saw the blond girl, hesitated a second and nodded affirmatively. Teo nodded back thankfully.
Men are nasty little pigs, I looked vehemently at them. They had no idea I was watching. Passing your hot little torch to the next user.
Just a Monumental Summer: Girl on the train Page 10