by An Na
“Uhm, oh, I thought my aunt had already spoken with you.” Joyce pointed at her eyes. “The eyelid surgery.”
Dr. Reiner nodded. “Yes, your aunt did express her desire for you to undergo blepharoplasty.”
Joyce tried to say that silently in her head. She was too nervous to ask him to repeat it.
“However, what your aunt wants and what you want might be two separate things.”
Joyce nodded. “Well, I think I would like to get the folds.”
Dr. Reiner swiveled around and reached for his clipboard. He flipped through a few pages before handing the clipboard over to Joyce. There was a series of before and after photos of Asian eyes that had undergone the surgery. Dr. Reiner pushed off from the floor and he and his chair rolled over to the large poster of the face. He pointed to the upper eyelid on the face.
“Let me go over the procedure and then we can talk about the complications and risks involved.”
Joyce cringed at the words risks and complications.
“There are a number of ways to achieve a more defined pretarsal crease. While Asian eyes do have folds, the muscle is just attached to the eyelid at such a low point, it is hard to see it. Your eyes are not going to be necessarily bigger with the surgery,” he said, widening his eyes as far as possible. “But what we will do is reattach the muscle higher so the pretarsal crease will be more substantial and give a fuller, possibly rounder, look to the eyes.”
Joyce nodded.
“Now, since you are a teenager, there are certain considerations that you must take into account.” He paused for a second, studying the poster before pushing himself off and rolling over to where Joyce was sitting. “You are still growing,” he said with serious concern narrowing his eyes. He pointed to his head and then his heart. “Mentally, emotionally, not to mention that your face and body might still be changing.”
Joyce blushed and prayed that he wouldn’t ask when she started her period.
Dr. Reiner thoughtfully held his bearded chin. “Many teenagers come to my office with requests for breast augmentation and liposuction and blepharoplasty. And when I see these young adults, I wonder if nothing but a good dose of self-confidence, exercise and a lesson at the makeup counter might not be all they really need. Do you understand what I’m saying, Joyce?”
Joyce nodded. “So you might not agree to do the surgery?”
Dr. Reiner sighed. “It’s not that I won’t do the surgery, but I do encourage my young clients to seriously contemplate why they might want to alter their appearance. They have to know with as much certainty as possible that this is what they want. There are risks involved, as with any kind of surgery. Complications such as infection or a reaction to the anesthesia are possible. Double or blurred vision, asymmetrical healing or scarring are other complicating factors to consider. And the very real possibility that there might not be pixie dust at the end of a hard road to recovery. Not everyone has the same reaction after cosmetic surgery. For some people it’s worth it. For others, the results might not be what they expected, or their life doesn’t change in the way they want it to. I try and encourage as much thinking and questioning as possible before making the final decision.”
“Does it hurt a lot?” Joyce asked in a tiny voice.
Dr. Reiner put his hands up and looked like he was trying to gauge how to catch a football that had just been tossed into the air. “Well, that is a hard question to answer only because people have various levels of tolerance for pain.”
“But there is pain.”
“Well, yes. Anytime you cut and sew your skin, there will be pain. It’s just a matter of how you mentally take on that challenge and also how your body heals. Luckily, the plus side of being a teenager in regard to surgery is the repair rate, which is much faster for young cells like yours.”
“Great,” Joyce said, without much joy. The part about cutting and sewing was still on her mind. “How much cutting do you have to do?” Joyce could still picture the surgery photos that she had found on the Internet. Her stomach jumped at the image.
“That depends on what procedure you choose to undergo to achieve the crease that you want. Some opt to cut and secure the fold to the tarsal plate, which is the most effective way of making sure the folds do not disappear. Others opt for a laser cut, which has a faster rate of healing. And others, with young skin such as yours, might only need a few stitches to hold the skin back, but there is also a higher possibility that the fold might not stay in place.”
Joyce mulled over all the information. “What hurts the least?”
Dr. Reiner smiled. “I take it you have a low level of tolerance for pain.”
Joyce grimaced and nodded.
“Well, I would recommend, based on your age and lack of complicating conditions, to try the stitches. Always best to go with the least invasive treatment and see if that works.”
“Otherwise, what do you have to do?” Joyce asked.
“We can always go back and operate again.”
“Are you going to put me to sleep?”
Dr. Reiner was looking down at his clipboard, filling in some information. “Sleep?”
“Put me under. So I don’t feel anything.”
“Oh. No. We’ll just use local anesthesia.”
“You mean I’ll be awake for the whole thing?”
“Yes, Joyce. Is that a problem?” Dr. Reiner put down his clipboard and looked very concerned.
“No.” Joyce waved her hands. “No. I mean. Can’t you just make me go to sleep and then I won’t have to worry about anything?”
“There are more risks involved when we fully anesthetize someone. And for a procedure like this, I wouldn’t recommend taking any more risks than is necessary.”
“Okay,” Joyce said weakly.
Dr. Reiner opened up a drawer under the sink counter. He pulled out a hand mirror, which he handed over to Joyce, small tweezers and a bottle filled with some clear liquid. He set all the equipment on the counter and then rolled the small table with the laptop computer over to Joyce.
Dr. Reiner pointed to the sheet with the eyes. “If you’ll notice the difference in appearance in each set of eyes. Some choose to have a larger, more defined crease. Where the crease begins and how you want it to taper or not taper off is a very personal decision. I can do any of the creases that you see there on the sheet.”
Joyce scanned through all the eyes but didn’t really see a difference. Dr. Reiner pointed to one set of eyes.
“This person wanted her crease to be as understated and natural looking as possible. See how narrow the crease is compared to the eyes in this photo. And the ends of this one taper down as opposed to flaring out.”
“Oh,” Joyce said, finally noticing the difference. “How do you know what looks best on me?”
Dr. Reiner sat up in his chair and reached over for the small table with the laptop. He turned the laptop slightly toward him and punched in a few commands. Magically, Joyce’s face appeared on the screen. Dr. Reiner zoomed in on Joyce’s eyes. He turned to Joyce.
“It depends on how you want your eyes to look,” Dr. Reiner said. He fiddled with the keys and moved the cursor over to Joyce’s eyelids. Slowly the image changed so that Joyce could see her eyes opening slightly and a narrow crease appearing where there had been none before. Joyce raised her fingertips to her eyelid as though the same crease was engraving itself into her skin. Dr. Reiner glanced at her and smiled. Joyce pretended she had a bug bite on the side of her face.
“Now, we could make your creases more substantial,” he said and manipulated the image some more until Joyce had two very distinguishable lines above her eyes. Joyce gasped. That was really weird looking.
“I would recommend trying for something more subtle, but it depends on your taste.”
Joyce stared at the foreign eyes on her face. “Yeah,” she said, “I think subtle would be better for me.” Joyce thought about the Korean mothers’ grapevine going into overdrive when they saw her with huge s
an-gah-pu-rhees on her face. At least if the line was more natural, people might not notice right away and then they might think the folds had always been there.
Dr. Reiner decreased the size of the crease and let Joyce have a look.
Joyce studied the eyes staring back at her. She stared down at the sheet with all the eyes. The various pairs seemed to be saying pick me, pick me. Moving the sheet of eyes closer then farther then closer to her face, Joyce tried to distinguish the differences between the creases, but ended up feeling overwhelmed. She could feel Dr. Reiner waiting and yet she didn’t want to rush and pick just any old pair of eyes. This was worse than trying on clothes at the department store. If only Gina were here.
Dr. Reiner wheeled forward. “Let me suggest trying something for a trial basis. We can glue back part of your eyelids to create the effect of the defined pretarsal crease and then you can see if you would like to go bigger or smaller.”
“You can do that?” Joyce said.
Dr. Reiner picked up the small bottle. “Very common in Asian countries for women who do not choose or can’t afford the permanent route to glue or tape their eyelids back. It’s not unlike women here gluing on fake eyelashes.”
“Cool,” Joyce said. After a second she added, “There isn’t any pain involved?”
Dr. Reiner smiled as he put on his rubber gloves. “No, Joyce.”
Dr. Reiner applied a thin layer of glue on one eye and carefully used his tweezers to lift up a portion of the skin on her upper eyelid until Joyce could see a crease forming in the mirror she held up to her face.
“That is so amazing,” Joyce said when he was done. She turned from side to side to check out the results. Only one eyelid was up but Joyce could see what a difference it was making. Dr. Reiner held a small ruler to her eye and noted the exact measurement.
“Let’s do the other one,” Dr. Reiner said and Joyce moved the mirror to one side so that he could do the other eyelid.
Joyce couldn’t stop staring at herself in the mirror.
“Wow! This is crazy! I didn’t really think a small change would make this big a difference in the way I looked.”
Dr. Reiner dropped all his equipment into the sink and threw away his gloves. “The glue should keep your eyelids in place for a day or so. Use warm water and soap if you want to dissolve the glue. And I wouldn’t recommend vigorously rubbing your eyes.”
“Okay,” Joyce said, still reveling in her new appearance. She felt like she was looking at someone she knew but didn’t know. Someone familiar and yet different. Who did she look like?
“Joyce,” Dr. Reiner said. “Joyce.”
Joyce looked up from the mirror.
“So you like what you see?”
Joyce grinned so wide, she worried her creases might pop off. She dialed back the wattage of her smile. “Thank you, Dr. Reiner!”
Dr. Reiner picked up his clipboard. “I’ll make a note of the size crease you have and when you come back in for the surgery, we can talk about whether you want to keep it to that size or go bigger or smaller.”
“So the next time I see you, I’m going to make this permanent?”
“Only if you decide that is the right decision for you.” Dr. Reiner shook Joyce’s hand. “It was nice to have met you, Joyce. Why don’t you come out after you’ve had another minute to look at the handout of the different sets of eyes. I’ll just check in with your aunt.”
He left the handout on the counter before he closed the door. Joyce walked over and picked up the sheet, studying each crease carefully and then comparing it to the crease that she had in her eyelids now. Joyce rejected a few for looking too big and puffy. She noted that the bigger the crease the thicker the skin looked around the eyes. Maybe this is what Sam is doing, Joyce thought. Was he going to put a bunch of shots together of people’s faces? Joyce would have to check in with him about what he was going to do with all the photos he was taking of her.
It felt so odd to be looking into a mirror and not feel dissatisfied with her image looking back. Joyce studied her face from all angles and still she couldn’t stop grinning. She was stunned by the difference. Stunned at how happy she felt staring at her face. Even her skin looked better with her new eyes. Finally, after she had made as many faces as she could think of—happy, sad, moody, mysterious, alluring—to see how her eyes looked, Joyce set down the mirror and left the examining room. Out in the hallway, she passed the nurse who had checked Joyce in. The nurse gave her a bright smile. Joyce smiled, feeling a zap of confidence pulling back her shoulders, an arrogant swivel swinging her hips as she strolled toward the door. She stepped out into the waiting room.
“Joyce!” Gomo said, standing up. “I knew the procedure would make you look different, but I had no idea it would make you look so much like Helen.”
Joyce touched the side of her face. “Helen?”
Gomo walked over to her and stared into Joyce’s eyes. “You look wonderful. Dr. Rie-ne-or said that you were very happy with this preliminary result. How do you like it?”
Joyce stepped away, her hand still touching her temple. So that was why Joyce recognized herself but didn’t recognize herself. She whirled around to face Gomo. “Do I really look like Helen now?”
Gomo nodded. “Beautiful.”
FOURTEEN
joyce stepped into the apartment and threw open her arms.
“I’m back!” she announced. No one came to greet her. Not even Andy peeked out of his room to make a comment.
Uhmma and Apa had to be at the restaurant, but where were Andy and Helen? Joyce walked to her room. Helen was still in bed, her covers over her head.
Joyce stood at the doorway. “Helen, where’s Andy?”
Helen didn’t answer.
Joyce walked over to the mirrored closet door and checked her reflection. Her eyes were still amazing. For once, Joyce was excited at the thought of getting ready for the beach. Joyce reached in and pulled out her red tank dress.
“Too bad Dr. Reiner didn’t lipo my knees,” she said out loud. Well, it didn’t matter. She was feeling too good about her face to worry about her knees. Besides, Joyce told herself firmly, she was going to exercise and get rid of the fat pockets.
Helen turned over onto her side. “Are you talking to me?”
“I’m just talking to myself.” Joyce stepped away from the closet and waited for Helen to comment on her transformation. Joyce blinked slowly and purposefully.
Helen’s mouth twisted to one side. “I see you got your eyes done.”
“Actually, these are only temporary, but I have an appointment next month to make them permanent.” Joyce stepped toward the mirror to examine the creases. “Do you think I should have the folds be bigger?”
Helen sat up and pushed herself out of bed. “I don’t think you should have them done at all.”
Joyce frowned. “You know, Helen. You could be just a tad more supportive of me. I mean, ultimately, if it makes me happy, then what’s wrong with that?” Joyce said, feeling like she was an echo for a second.
Helen stood up and walked to the door. “There’s nothing wrong with being happy, but if it’s built on false pretenses, then the only person you’re fooling is yourself. I can’t believe you would be so superficial in your values.”
Joyce whirled around. “Just shut up, Helen. You have no idea what you’re talking about. False pretenses. Just because I want to look pretty, I have no values? Why do you always have to be so high and mighty? Who are you to judge me?”
“I’m not judging you. I just think you should give this whole plastic surgery idea some more serious thought. There is no such thing as a miracle cure.”
“Oh, so now even a miracle won’t save me.” Joyce threw up her middle finger. “You know, Helen, I might not be pretty, but I am not the ugliest person out there.”
“That’s not what I mean. You’re in high school. You don’t know yourself well enough yet. So many things could change.”
“Just because I’m not so
me goal-oriented dweeb who has wanted to be a doctor all her life doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make a serious decision.”
“Joyce, you’re being a drama queen right now. We can talk about this later. I have to shower or else I’m going to be late for my meeting.”
“Well, I need the car, and you said you’d cover for me today,” Joyce said firmly.
Helen simply shook her head. “I’ll cover for you after my meeting. You have to talk to Uhmma and Apa if you want the car today.”
Joyce stared at Helen reflected in the mirror. All the anger she had been harboring was unleashed.
“You know, Helen. You’ve been a moody, selfish bitch ever since Su Yon left,” Joyce shouted. “Maybe she left because she couldn’t take being a friend to someone so self-centered. Maybe she didn’t leave the city at all but left the restaurant so that she could dump you as a friend.”
Helen’s face froze. She stepped back into the room. “You saw her? But I’ve searched everywhere. I’ve driven so many miles.”
Joyce pretended she hadn’t heard Helen and held up the red dress against her body.
“Please, Joyce. Just tell me where you saw her.”
“I need the car.”
Helen’s eyes narrowed in agitation. “Fine. Take the car. I don’t care. Just tell me where you saw her.”
“I didn’t see her,” Joyce said.
Helen crumbled to the ground. “But you just said that you saw her. You just said. You just said you saw her in the city.”
Joyce felt guilty for having led Helen on, but still, it served her right. Joyce grabbed the car keys from the top of Helen’s dresser and raced into the hallway with her red dress.
“I said maybe I saw her,” Joyce called out before slamming the bathroom door.
The door to their bedroom was shut when Joyce emerged from the bathroom wearing her red tank dress. She went to call Gina from the kitchen.
“Hey, guess who has the car? I know, I know. I’m going to drive us to that beach volleyball practice. And guess what else? I’m coming over with my new eyes, so get your makeup bag ready.” Joyce pulled the phone away from her ear just as Gina shrieked. She hung up the phone and danced her way across the living room and out the door.