by Laura Iding
The PICU nurse rushed into the room. “What’s wrong? Why is he having trouble?”
“We need to increase the medications again,” Holly said. “Instead of cutting them in half, maybe we should have only cut them by a quarter.”
The nurse adjusted the various IV pumps, putting the doses back up so that the drop wasn’t so drastic.
Gabe didn’t seem to notice she was there but continued to sit next to the bed, holding his son’s hand. “Hang in there, JT. Please, hang in there. I need you, buddy. Please, come back.”
Holly’s throat swelled with emotion. No matter who had fathered JT biologically, she knew Gabe was his father in every way that counted.
She stared at the heart monitor, grateful that JT’s pulse had stopped climbing. She took a moment, stepping out of the room in order to page Jeff Konen, to fill him in on the latest development. When she returned she was very glad to see that JT’s blood pressure had come back up to within normal range.
Breathing a little easier, she watched his heart rate slowly drop. Not quite going all the way to normal, but at least it wasn’t as high as it had been earlier. Jeff rushed into the room, staring at the monitor.
“He’s better now,” Holly said softly.
Jeff glanced at her. “So do we try to go back down on the medications in another six hours?”
She bit her lip, unsure. Each rabies case was so different there were no hard and fast rules.
“Yes,” she finally said. “We should at least try. Maybe he just needs time to allow his system to adjust to the new dose.”
“Okay, I’ll write the orders.” Jeff left the room to find the nearest computer.
Holly pulled up a chair next to Gabe. JT wasn’t out of the woods yet. His body might still reject the decreased medication levels.
She wasn’t going to leave until she knew JT was stable.
CHAPTER TWELVE
FEELING completely helpless, Gabe watched JT’s pulse and blood pressure fluctuate like a yo-yo.
Holly directed the nurse to make even smaller changes in the medication dosing. She hadn’t left JT’s bedside in hours. Gabe appreciated her dedication and support but was very afraid that at this rate JT wouldn’t come out of his coma until Christmas.
If at all.
“Maybe he needs a longer time on the medication,” Gabe said finally. “Maybe he’s still suffering the effects of the virus and we’re waking him up too soon.”
“It’s possible,” Holly agreed, a troubled frown furrowing between her brows. “Although from all the case studies I’ve reviewed, a week from the onset of seizures should be enough time for the effects to resolve.”
Gabe glanced at her. “And how many of those case studies discussed patients who were only five years old?”
“None.” Holly let out a heavy sigh. “The youngest child was seven.”
And the seven-year-old child had died. He knew Holly didn’t want to say the words but she didn’t have to.
He’d reviewed much of the rabies literature himself, having read the same case studies she was referring to. He’d been impressed with the comprehensive treatment plan they’d adopted.
Yet all their attempts might be in vain.
He stared down at JT’s tiny face, dwarfed by the breathing tube. How was it possible for one small boy to imbed himself so deeply into his heart in such a short time?
Granted, he’d known JT since his birth. Had tried to give Claire the extra bit of support she’d needed as a single mother. But being there for special events—birthdays and holidays—was as nothing compared to living with him day in and day out.
“JT has always been a climber,” he murmured. “When he was just twelve months old I was watching him over at Claire’s and I walked into his bedroom because it had been too quiet for too long, which always meant he was up to something. Sure enough, when I walked in I found him at eye level, standing on the top of his dresser. He nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“How on earth did he get up there?” Holly asked.
“Used the open dresser drawers as rungs of a ladder.” Gabe chuckled at the memory. “I was afraid to yell at him, I didn’t want to startle him into falling, so I talked very nicely and quietly.”
“He didn’t fall, did he?”
“No.” He shook his head wryly. “But I broke speed records getting from one side of the room to the other.” Unbidden, the memories kept coming. “Then there was the time he climbed to the top of the neighbor’s swing set when he was barely two. And just a week ago he was telling me how he and his buddy climbed up to the loft during their trip to the dairy farm.”
“Gabe.” Holly put her hand on his arm. “Don’t do this. He’s going to pull through. I believe in my heart he’s going to pull through this.”
He momentarily closed his eyes against burning tears. “I hope so. I really hope so. I don’t care if he doesn’t climb anymore, I still want him to pull through this.”
Holly’s warm scent enveloped him when she put her arms around his shoulders for a comforting hug. He grabbed her and held on tight, needing her caring comfort more than he needed air to breathe.
She didn’t say anything for a long time, simply held him. After what seemed like forever but was probably really only about twenty or thirty minutes, she loosened her grip.
“I need to call Jeff. I think we need a new strategy for JT,” she said in a low tone. After instructing the nurse to stop all the medication titrations, she left the room.
Gabe felt Holly’s absence like a sore tooth as he watched the monitor over JT’s head, relieved to see his heart rate and blood pressure settle down a bit.
He owed her so much. She’d picked up on the rabies diagnosis very quickly, and had been working diligently ever since to save his son. Tom’s son.
Her unselfishness was amazing.
By Wednesday morning Holly thought it was possible Gabe was right, that JT needed more time to allow the virus to work its way through his system.
“I think we should send more samples to the CDC,” she told Jeff. “Maybe they can run some virus titers and let us know if we’re making headway or not.”
“All right,” Jeff agreed. “Call your contact at the CDC and let them know we’re sending more blood and cerebral spinal fluid samples.”
“Sounds good.” Holly hung up the phone and then wrote the orders in the computer. She was glad she didn’t have to do the lumbar puncture on JT, she didn’t think she could maintain her objectivity in order to get the task done.
When she’d finished the orders, she received a page from a number she didn’t recognize. Frowning, she picked up the nearest phone.
“Outpatient Dialysis, this is Diane. May I help you?”
“Diane, this is Holly Davidson. Did someone page me?”
“Oh, yes, one of the nurses wanted to talk to you about your mother. Just a minute.”
A wave of guilt hit her as Holly realized she hadn’t kept in touch with her mother as often as she should have recently. Dealing with JT’s illness had consumed a lot of her time.
And battling her feelings for Gabe had kept her preoccupied as well. But none of that was her mother’s fault.
What kind of daughter was she?
Apparently not a very good one.
The music abruptly cut off. “Hello, Holly? This is Angie, one of the dialysis nurses. I’m calling to let you know your mother is being transferred to Minneapolis Medical Center. She had a brief episode of cardiac arrest.”
A brief episode of cardiac arrest? “What happened?”
“Her magnesium levels must have dropped, she went into a rhythm known as torsades de pointes, which is a type of V-fib normally treated with a bolus of magnesium. We were able to convert her very easily back into normal sinus rhythm, but felt she should be admitted to the hospital for evaluation.”
Holly sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was very familiar with torsades and was grateful the nurses there had recognized the rhythm ri
ght away. Treatment was easy if you knew what you were looking at, but all too often torsades was missed. Good grief, she could just imagine how frightened her mother must be. “She’s doing all right now?”
“Yes, her blood pressure is down a bit but we’ve given her a little albumin and she’s coming up nicely.” Dialysis patients couldn’t be given very much fluid as their kidneys didn’t work the same way a normal person’s did.
“Tell her I’ll meet her at the hospital,” Holly instructed. “And tell her I love her.”
“I will.”
She made her call to the CDC, which took longer than she’d thought, and then spent another few minutes finishing her note in JT’s chart. Afterwards, she went back into the boy’s room to find Gabe.
He was right where she left him the day before, seated in the chair next to JT’s bed as if he’d become a permanent fixture in the room. She hesitantly approached the bedside. “Gabe? I just got off the phone with the CDC, and we’re going to send more blood and spinal fluid samples from JT to Atlanta to see if he still has high levels of the virus. After those test results return, we’ll have a better idea of how to proceed.”
Gabe slowly nodded. “All right, that makes sense. Although I hate to see him poked with more needles.”
“I know.” She understood his concern. “But it’s worth it if we can know for sure whether the treatment is working.” She hesitated, then added, “I, uh, have to go but I’ll try to check back on you later.”
Gabe’s exhausted, red-rimmed eyes focused on her face. “Is something wrong?”
How amazing that with everything he was going through he could still sense her own anxiety. “My mother is being admitted over at Minneapolis’s Medical Center. She’s fine,” she added hastily, when Gabe’s eyes widened in alarm, “but apparently she had a small episode of torsades.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
His very sincere offer touched her heart. Why did Gabe always have to be so nice? Even when he’d withheld the truth, she didn’t doubt that he’d done it out of concern for her. “You stay here with JT. I’ll let you know if something changes and she’s not doing well.”
Gabe stared at her for a moment before nodding. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” Holly left, heading over to the large adult teaching hospital located right next to the Children’s Medical Center. As she walked, she thought it was ironic that the one man she’d thought she couldn’t trust was the one who’d offered the most support, even when he was in the midst of his own personal crisis.
Maybe she’d judged him too harshly.
“Mom, how are you?” Holly asked, entering the semiprivate room her mother occupied in the ED.
“Oh, I’m fine.” Her mother’s wan smile belied her easy tone. “Guess my heart went a little funny during my dialysis treatment.”
“Yes, but it looks like your heart is doing fine now,” Holly assured her, eyeing the heart monitor over the bed. Her physician’s eye noted the small changes in the heart rhythm that indicated her mother may have suffered a small heart attack. Concerned, she asked, “Has your doctor been in to let you know what’s going on?”
“Yes, but I told him to wait for you.” Her mother clutched her hand. “Holly, I need to tell you something.”
Her mother’s urgent tone worried her. “What? What is it?”
“You have to forgive your father.”
She frowned. Where had that come from? Had her mother suffered a lack of oxygen to her brain during the episode with her heart? Her father had been dead for eight years, although she remembered her mother saying something very similar during her father’s funeral. Not that it had been easy to forgive him, when his much younger wife and daughter had sat in the front pew of the church. “Mom, don’t worry about it,” she soothed. “I’m fine.”
“No, Holly, listen to me.” Her mother tightened her grip on Holly’s hand. “You haven’t forgiven him, not really. Do you think I can’t tell? You’ve been different since you’ve been home. There’s something wrong and I think it’s because you’re making the same mistake with Tom.”
Holly didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t still hung up on Tom. Gabe’s lies had hurt far more.
“Don’t you see? Carrying around all that resentment in your heart isn’t good for you.” Her mother grimaced. “Believe me, I know it’s not easy, but loving a person regardless of their strengths and weaknesses will only make you a better person.”
Holly bit her lip, trying to understand what her mother was saying. She already thought she was a better person than either her father or Tom—she hadn’t violated her wedding vows the way they had. Yet, even as she watched, her mother’s agitation made her heart rate accelerate at an alarming rate so she tried to put her feelings aside for her mother’s sake.
“All right, Mom. I’ll try. I’ll do my best to forgive Dad and Tom.”
“Don’t just try, Holly. Do it. Tell yourself they were good men in their own way. Every person has good and bad traits. You have to learn to forgive them. If you don’t I’m afraid you’ll never find love.”
Holly breathed in sharply. Why would her mother think she was looking for love? There was no way her mother could have guessed her feelings for Gabe. Could she?
Was her mother right? Was the resentment she carried from the past interfering with her ability to move into the future?
“I will, Mom,” Holly said in a firm tone. “I promise I will. Now, relax, will you? Worrying about me is putting too much stress on your heart.”
Her mother relaxed, as if finally believing her. “Thanks, Holly,” she murmured. “I don’t want to see you making the same mistakes I did.”
Just then the ED doctor came in and explained that he was sending her mother over to the cath lab for a cardiac catheterization. Holly was glad they were doing the procedure, and within moments her mother had been wheeled off.
Leaving Holly to wonder just what mistakes her mother had made in the past.
Despite his worry and fear over JT, Gabe couldn’t help thinking about Holly. She’d come back briefly to explain how her mother had suffered a small heart attack and had undergone a procedure in the cath lab to put a stent in a blocked coronary artery. But that had been yesterday. He hadn’t seen her at all today.
He thought about walking over to Minneapolis’s Medical Center to see how her mother was doing, but didn’t like leaving JT alone.
He could call his mother to come and sit with him for a little while. She came in every day, staying beside JT so he could get something to eat. She’d refused to go back home to Florida, no matter how many times he’d told her to go.
Deep down he was secretly glad she’d stayed. Both his mother and Holly had given him tremendous support.
Support Holly might need in return. As much as she’d been there for him, he should do the same for her.
If she’d let him. But he wasn’t sure she really wanted support from him.
“Hi, Gabe,” Holly said, coming into the room as if she’d known he was thinking about her. “How’s JT?”
“No change. But how is your mom?” He stood and crossed over to her. “Is she doing all right?”
“She’s much better. Normally, they’d send her home after twenty-four hours, but they’re going to keep her one more night, to see how she does during dialysis tomorrow.”
“Great. That’s great, Holly.”
“We haven’t heard from the CDC yet on JT’s blood and spinal fluid,” she told him, glancing at her watch. “I’m hoping to hear something this afternoon.”
Gabe nodded. He’d been hoping the same thing. “Holly, I want you to know that no matter what happens I appreciate everything you’ve done for him.”
“I—You’re welcome. But we’re not giving up yet, not by a long shot.”
“I know.” He was just trying to make her understand how grateful he was that she’d come back to Minneapolis just when he’d needed her most.
Not just f
or her expertise in treating JT but for himself on a personal level as well. He’d learned a lot sitting here, doing nothing but thinking. There was so much he wanted to say, yet the timing wasn’t quite right. First he needed to know JT was on the road to recovery. Then they could talk.
Although he suspected all the talking in the world wasn’t going to change the fact that Tom was JT’s father. Yet there had to be a way to get through to Holly.
Because he wanted more than a professional relationship with her. He wanted it all.
The only problem was figuring out what Holly wanted.
“Dr. Davidson?” One of the PICU nurses peeked her head into the room. “I have a call for you on line one.”
“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Holly hurried away.
Gabe knew the call was probably just Jeff, asking for an update. Jeff and Holly functioned as a pretty cohesive team. Yet he found himself watching Holly out at the nurses’ station, talking on the phone with growing impatience.
He forced himself to look away, checking JT’s vital signs displayed on the monitor. His pulse and blood pressure seemed much less labile today.
“Gabe?” Holly rushed back into the room, her eyes bright with barely restrained excitement. “JT’s samples show that there’s only a very minimal level of rabies virus left in his system.”
He was almost afraid to ask. “So what does that mean?”
She smiled, her face lighting up the whole room. “It means it’s safe to bring him out of the coma.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
HOLLY wrote the orders to back off on JT’s medications, this time at a slower rate than their first attempt. JT’s pulse and blood pressure seemed to tolerate the medication changes better so she decided to take those early indicators as a good sign.
“So now we wait and hope for the best,” Gabe murmured.
“Yes.” She wished there was more she could do, but at the moment they needed JT’s body to do the work of clearing out the medication from his bloodstream.