by O E Tearmann
Tweak's entire body seemed to flinch. Carefully, she disconnected her headphones, turned off her console and stood. "He okay?"
"You'll have to judge that for yourself, when you see him," Kevin stated distantly, turning on his heel. "Commander, Dozer's got the truck ready. Topher's going to drive us."
Aidan turned to thank Kevin, but the man was already gone. Damn it. Were they ever going to have a minute to talk and work things out, or had he really shot this relationship in the face? Honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if he'd permanently screwed up. That was why he hadn't had a relationship since he transitioned. He always fucked it up.
And that was an intrusive thought brought on by stress. Okay. No time for that bullshit.
He took a deep breath, tugged the wrinkles out of his shirt and glanced over his shoulder at Tweak. "We're leaving in five minutes. I expect you to be on that truck."
"Yeah." Tweak's word was a whisper. "Okay."
Aidan nodded and headed for the motor pool, his boots thudding on the pre-fab floor. In minutes, he, Kevin and Topher were crammed into their one working truck, Topher in the driver's seat and Aidan sitting beside Kevin, their shoulders pressed together to make room. Tweak squeezed herself into a ball on the other seat, tab in her lap and 'buds in her ears.
It was a long ride. At first, they chatted and joked with Topher. Kevin tried to plug in his music player and was forced to defend rock music yet again, which made Topher put in his 'buds. When he stopped talking, silence fell. Tweak hadn't moved in her seat or looked up from her tab since they left. Journey's soft playing didn't shut out the silence in the cab.
Aidan breathed in the silence, trying not to let it weigh on him. It was hard. With the others engrossed in their activities, it was just him, Kevin and the cold gap between them. His hands were tight on the arm rests as they bumped through the Dust.
Several times he started to try for a conversation, but the words stuck in his throat like pieces of glass.
The truck juddered over another rock.
"These people are my family, you know." Kevin's voice was a jolt in the silence, quiet as it was. "Did you really think I'd risk their lives for baubles and treats?"
Aidan stared at the scuffed seat in front of him. When he spoke, the words came out disjointed. "I don't know, Kev. I didn't want to believe it, but… Well, I'd thought Tweak was past her 'hacking our own files for the hell of it' phase and didn't… With Shultz screaming at me right then, I just…" He sighed and shook his head, "I was scared that I would tell myself it couldn't be you, because you're my... because it's you."
"I thought you knew me better than that." Kevin's voice was almost a whisper.
"I've known you for less than six months," Aidan replied just as quietly. After a moment he added, "People do stupid things, Kev. I'm sure no exception. And I… Well, I've had shit judgment in relationships my whole life. Part of me just-just figured I'd had my time with you and it was over. Good things don't last."
Kevin let out a long, slow sigh. "Aidan. You're an idiot, you know that?"
Despite himself, Aidan smiled weakly. "Yeah. Been told that before. It's a goddamn miracle I made Commander."
Kevin stared out the window. "I'd die before I hurt the people I love. For future reference."
"Good to know," Aidan muttered. Watching Kevin's profile, he sighed. "Kev, I-I'm sorry. For what it's worth. I just…didn't think clearly."
"Obviously," Kevin rejoined, ice in his voice. Then he sighed. "Maybe I should apologize as well. But damn it all, Aidan, that hurt. Rather a lot. I thought you trusted me."
Aidan's hands ached from gripping the arm rests. He forced his grip to loosen a bit and focused his eyes on movement as Topher flipped the windshield wipers on for the little good it did against the dust. His voice was barely audible over the sound of the truck rumbling on the rough ground.
"I do. I mean, I want to. So much. You're one of a very small group of people who know what my parents named me. I'm so fucking used to people I trust stabbing me in the back, or going batshit, or-or whatever, that I just… I guess I just assumed you'd be like all the others, eventually. And that-that's my fault, not yours. I'm sorry. Really, I am."
A hand rested on his thigh.
"Can you learn to trust me in time?" Pebbles rattled and pinged against the passenger side window, nearly drowning Kevin's quiet words. "Do you want to?"
Aidan peeled one hand off the arm rest and wrapped his fingers around Kevin's. Even that small touch was comforting after days of distance. "Can you be patient with me?"
"Yes." The word was just loud enough to hear. Kevin's fingers squeezed his. When he spoke again, his tone had nearly returned to normal. "Trust me, by this point I'm an aficionado of delayed gratification."
Aidan chuckled weakly, trying for one of those word plays Kevin liked so much.
"A lot of which comes from my hand. Lucky you."
It sounded stupid, but Kevin's finely cut lips turned up in the tiniest of smiles. "If you'll come to my room tonight, we'll see about whose hand does what."
"That sounds like I'm in for it," Aidan added quietly, though a wry smile curved his lips. He risked a quick glance down the seat at his oblivious charge, glanced at his preoccupied junior transport specialist, and had to fight the urge to lean over and kiss Kevin right then. He had been so damn certain they were over. Now… now there was still hope.
Kevin caught his eyes and smiled, a real smile instead of the brittle thing he'd been substituting for days. He winked. "It gets rocky up ahead. Hang on tight."
Event File 35
File Tag: Course Correction
Timestamp:11:00-9-18-2155
They arrived at the hub compound without fanfare, piling out under the slick tarp in time for Shultz to come bustling up.
"You took your time. Inside, now, you're expected."
"What an honor," Kevin quipped dryly.
Shultz eyed him. "Don't push it McIllian. You're already in deep."
"Good thing I know how to swim then, isn't it?" Kevin replied tartly. The older man's frown deepened.
Aidan tried not to wince. Well this was getting off to a great start already.
He glanced at Tweak as they stepped out of their transport.
"Tweak. Come with us, will you? I think you should be part of this debrief. Topher, you can hang out with their motor pool guys if you want or come along, but it's going to be a lot of yelling. Heads up."
"Do I got-" Tweak began, but fell silent under three sets of staring eyes. She tugged her heavy leather jacket's collar up around her throat. "Whatever," she muttered, falling into step.
"Good luck!" Topher called behind them.
Aidan repressed a snort. Luck. Yeah right.
Aidan stayed beside Kevin, two steps behind Shultz, and focused on his breathing. Magnum knew him. Magnum knew about Tweak.
Look on the bright side, he told himself. Nobody's allowed to punch you any longer. They can shout at you, they can make your life hell, they can even demote you. But they can't touch you.
Stepping into his commander's office, he saluted crisply. "Commander Magnum, sir."
The big man looked up, surveyed the little group and gave a long, slow sigh.
"Well, that explains everything. I was wondering. McIllian? I guess you got hacked. Insubordination I expect from you, but not stupidity."
"Thank you, sir." Kevin replied, bland as milk.
Magnum turned to Aidan with tired eyes. "I'll find another base for the girl this week. Or are you turning her over for decommissioning and drop off?"
Tweak's shoulders hunched.
"With all due respect, sir," Aidan replied quickly. "I didn't bring her to get rid of her."
Magnum's black brows rose. "Really. After a stunt like this?"
Aidan shrugged. "I told her she had a spot with the Wildcards, sir, and I've taken that
to heart. She needs a bit more polishing, but I have no doubt she'll make a fine addition to the team. I just brought her out here to remind her of some things. If it's clear with you, I want her to meet the injured and figure out what she can do to repay this sector."
Every eye turned on Tweak, staring down at her boots. After a breath, Magnum cleared his throat.
"Well, Headly. You are sure about this?"
Aidan swallowed a slightly hysterical laugh. Sure about it? Oh hell no. But he knew Tweak wouldn't make it anywhere else, and all of the Dusters were screwed if they lost her talent. He forced himself to nod. "Yes, sir."
He turned as Tweak stepped forward. But she kept her eyes on her boots and her voice, when she spoke, was tiny.
"I wanna see him. Guy got shot. Pay dues."
"In a minute, Tweak," Aidan agreed quietly. He looked back to Magnum. "Before that, sir, are my logistics officer and I off the shit list? And is there anything you can think of that Tweak can do to help repay her debt?"
Magnum looked between them for a long, long handful of heartbeats. Then his lips twitched under his brush of a moustache. "I'll have your new credentials in an hour, McIllian. And, Headly? I'm impressed. As for what you can do, Miss Tweak? I want easy-use back doors into the Net for every commander in the Sector by the end of the month. Untraceable."
Tweak shrugged. "Sure. Then I figure out code scrambles for sur-r-r-rv-veilence. QR code. Print on c-clothes. You guys asshats. Walk around like targets. Fix. I go now?"
Magnum held up a finger. "I also want a researched discussion of command etiquette and protocol with reference to what it does for morale and compound cohesion. By next week."
Tweak made a face, opened her mouth, then caught Aidan's eye and sighed. "Yeah. Whatever. Okay."
Aidan nodded and gave Magnum a grateful look and another salute. Thank God for this guy. A few months ago Aidan had hated his guts for putting him in the middle of this. Now he realized how lucky he was.
"Thank you, sir. Will that be all, sir?"
"Dismissed," the older man agreed.
"And, Headly?" he added just before Aidan filed out behind his men. Aidan turned.
"Sir?"
Magnum tipped his head slowly."Nice job."
Aidan smiled tightly and nodded. "Thank you, sir. Let's hope it pays off."
His Sector Commander's lips twitched. He waved a heavy hand.
"Go catch up to your people. I don't want that girl loose in here."
Aidan caught up just as Tweak warily stepped into the hub compound's med bay. "Um, gonna sit with Winston?" she eked out in the direction of the medic on duty.
The medic gave her a startled look, then caught Aidan's eye over her shoulder. Aidan gave the man a nod and a thumbs up. The medic smiled and pointed to a bed in one corner.
"Over here folks."
"We'll wait back here," Aidan added, leaning on the wall and pulling out his tab. Beneath his lashes, he watched Tweak walk forward.
Winston was a small, dark man. Sitting in the medical bed swathed in white sheets and a flimsy medical gown, he looked even smaller. He glanced up from his tab as the stranger approached and blinked at her. "Uh. Hi. Commander says I'm on med leave for another week, so I really can't help out on anything."
"No, I…" Tweak stared at her boots. Then she gasped in a breath and jerked her head up. "I'm off the base with the d-dumb fuck who g-got y-y-you shot. We c-came to say sorry. See how you w-w-were. Felt b-bad."
Winston shrugged against his pillows. "Nah. I'm the one got myself shot. Should've dropped the goods and ran when I had the chance, 'stead of trying to drag it out. But, thanks."
Tweak shrugged. "Um, you w-want a c-couple b-b-b-bottles? H-help y-you feel g-g-good."
Winston blinked at her, then laughed. "Yeah? Never had vodka before. You from somewhere all high-up? You had stuff that expensive before? Hundred and fifty bucks a bottle, can you believe it?"
"That? That's nothing." Tweak waved a hand. "W-wine? Four thousand fifty a b-bottle. Stole one once."
Aidan filled out paperwork and listened as Winston whistled in appreciation. "Seriously? Was it good, or just over-priced?"
Glancing up, he caught Tweak making a face.
"Eeugh. Tasted, put water in, sealed lid, sold it. That tells you."
"Think you can get me some one of these days?" Winston asked with a grin. "Love to taste it, just once. My folks used to swear by it. Always said they wanted to find a way to make real wine out here in the Dust some day."
Tweak raised her eyes to his, giving him a small smile. "Get you a b-b-bottle two w-weeks."
"Seriously? Hot damn. Wish we could work that fast up here!" His grin grew wider and he laughed until the wound in his back pulled and he winced instead.
Aidan gave up pretending to do paperwork and watched as Tweak's smile faded. She licked her lips. "W-W-Winston? S-seriously. S-sorry."
"S'okay," the man in the bed replied, shifting in an effort to relieve some of the pressure on his back. "I made it home. Did the job, got home in basically one piece. Good run. Butthanks."
"Yeah," Tweak agreed quietly. "S-sure. I g-gotta g-go. Leave your b-bottles with someb-b-body? Who?"
"Uh, Jack. My brother. Looks just like me, can't miss him." Winston smiled weakly. "Thanks."
Tweak shrugged. "Yeah. I owe you."
She was quiet on the drive home, and her tab stayed in its bag. She was still quiet when they pulled the truck in and started unloading her goods.
She started to lift a box. Then she set it down, straightening. "Boss?"
"Yeah?" Aidan asked, heaving a crate onto one shoulder. He watched as patiently as he could while Tweak glanced everywhere but at him.
Finally, she gasped in a breath."Not l-like b-b-before. C-can't just c-c-code and g-get stuff l-like b-b-b-before." She gave a tiny laugh. "G-gonna suck."
Aidan dredged up a small smile. Jerking his head, he sidestepped into a quieter part of the garage. The girl followed him.
"I guess it will suck for a while," he agreed quietly. "And you're going to have to learn to hide your shipments better if you want special stuff. You're a great coder. Now you just need to learn how to be a decent Duster."
Slowly, Tweak nodded. "Guess. You mean that shit?"
"Which shit now?" Aidan asked, wishing like hell the girl had a clearer way of speaking.
"Said it to your boss," Tweak explained haltingly. "Fine ad-d-d-dittion to team. Said you was keeping us. Said you w-wanted us."
"Yeah," Aidan agreed, holding her eyes as he nodded, "I meant it."
She cracked a tiny grin, tossing her head in a little 'I wasn't worried anyway' gesture. "You guys need me anyway. Need to get over y-yourselves. I help."
Aidan shook his head, but he couldn't help a tiny smile in reply. "Yeah. Maybe. Just start doing that like Lazarus and the girls do, not by ordering half a ZonCom warehouse. Deal?"
Tweak jerked her head in a nod. "Deal."
Event File 36
File Tag: Reciprocity
Timestamp: 22:00-9-18-2155
Long after lights out, Aidan knocked hesitantly on Kevin's door. The bottle of Tweak's vodka was slippery in his hand. He hoped his body heat hadn't melted the chocolate bar in his jacket pocket.
He did his best to breathe normally. Kevin had invited him. He shouldn't be this nervous. They'd done this a dozen times by now.
But not yet after a fight.
The door opened, and Kevin leaned against the doorframe, studying his lover. "Good to see you," he remarked, but his smile didn't quite reach his wary grey eyes.
Aidan's smiled felt weak and crooked. He hoped it looked honest. He lifted the bottle and chocolate bar. "Can I come in?"
Kevin's lips quirked, and he opened the door fully. "Who am I to deny the requests of a superior officer?"
"Are you letting me in because I'm your commander or beca
use I'm your boyfriend?" Aidan asked as lightly as he could as he stepped into the familiar room. It should have been comforting to be allowed in here again, to smell Kevin's aftershave and watch the light from the screen showing old paintings wash everything in soft colors. Instead, he felt like a mouse creeping into a cat's lair.
Kevin closed the door, his back still turned.
"Boyfriend? Is that what I am to you?"
"Yeah?" Aidan managed, his heart hammering in his throat. "At least, that was what I thought. Did you think… something else?"
Kevin was silent for too many heartbeats, standing rigid against the door.
"You know where I grew up, they used to tell all the girls 'never date the boss'." His laugh sounded brittle. "I suppose now I know why. Things become rather complicated, don't they?"
Aidan bit his lip and shifted, unsure whether he ought to sit on the edge of the bed or stay standing, if he was going to stay or be told to leave. He swallowed, licked his lips and forced the words out.
"They don't have to be. I never meant to complicate things."
Kevin's sigh seemed loud. He leaned his forehead against the door. Silence thickened in the small room.
When Kevin spoke, his words were strangled. "You really think that little of me? You really believed I'd be that reckless? That selfish?"
Aidan closed his eyes instead of watching Kevin's back, tracing the tight shoulders with his eyes again and again. His hand tightened on the bottle of vodka. "I didn't know what to think, Kev. I wanted to talk it over with you before I made any judgments, but Schultz kept screaming at me and I just got overwhelmed and let the bastard talk me into it. I was- Like I said. I was scared I'd be acting biased if I didn't consider it."
Kevin's eyes, when he turned, were a little too bright behind his glasses. "I put my life on the line every day for my base. For nearly a decade. And tomorrow, I'll get up and do it again. Did you think I do it for fun? Because it's a job? What? I'm not-" He opened his mouth to say more, but looked away. "Sorry. I thought I'd let this mess go, but…" He shrugged helplessly. "I know you're stressed. But damn it, Aidan. If you can believe that of me, what am I to you?"