by A. E. Murphy
My mouth drops open, “And I haven’t earned your trust yet?” What an arsehole.
“Just drop it would you?” He looks at me briefly. “Whatever happened between Caleb and I is my business. It’s not for you to worry about.”
I glare at his profile when he faces the road once more, my arms folded across the top of my belly, “What about what you said to me?”
“What are you talking about now?”
“You told me to get rid of the baby whilst I still had the chance. Why would you say that?”
He doesn’t respond, he stares blankly ahead, his hands gripping the wheel tightly.
“Nathan.” I persist, wanting him to explain.
“I apologize for saying that.”
“Clearly I’ve forgiven you already. But I’d like to know why you said it.”
Like before, he doesn’t respond, I rest my forehead on the glass. Out of the corner of my eye I see him look at me as if wanting to say something, he shakes his head and looks back at the road; his lips a thin white line and his jaw tense. “I have a meeting with my solicitor tomorrow in the city, I’ll be away until the weekend.”
“Don’t do that,” I snap, feeling my anger rise. “Every single time we have a heated discussion you take off. Maybe I should just leave, then you won’t have to keep doing that every few days.”
“That’s not why I’m leaving.”
“I’m calling bullshit.”
“Don’t swear, it’s not attractive.”
I laugh humourlessly, “Seriously? I’m not trying to be attractive.”
“Just don’t swear and don’t leave. It’s not why I’m leaving.”
Eye roll. “I’m always the reason you leave. It makes me feel guilty knowing I’m in your house and you feel forced to stay elsewhere.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
Am I? It doesn’t feel like it. “Whatever.”
“I’m serious,” he remarks, stopping the car so he can look at me. “That house… it holds some painful memories for me. That’s why I leave on occasion.”
I’m sceptical. “Why do these memories only resurface when you seem to be pissed at me?”
“Stop swearing.”
“Sorry,” I say this flippantly and continue on as before, “I don’t get it, Nathan. Do you want me to leave? Tell me honestly, I don’t want…”
“Stop reading into things that aren’t there,” he cuts me off; his tone is louder than it was a moment ago, it startles me.
“Like you can talk,” I mumble and instantly regret it.
Pain flashes through his features before vanishing behind a hardened mask. “Is there something you’d like to say to me?”
My chest tingles and my eyes widen slightly, I look away and shake my head.
“Really? It sure seems like there is.”
I shake my head again.
“Go on, I’m waiting.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek. Should I say something? After what happened when he rubbed my lower back things have been good between us but also awkward. Should I? Yes. “You tried to kiss me.” My heart starts pounding against my chest.
“It won’t happen again.”
“I know that,” this is so awkward. “Why did it happen in the first place?”
He shrugs, “I felt like it.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” I scoff, almost slamming back into my seat as he starts up the car once more.
We drive in silence for a while, he has to give me more than that. He can’t just not explain this to me.
When we pull into the driveway I ask again, I can’t help myself. He climbs out of the car, slamming the door with a bang, not even bothering to look at me or even help me out like he usually does.
“Nathan.” I say sharply and grab his arm. “Don’t walk away from me.”
“What do you want me to say?” His brown eyes narrow on my face. “You’re like a dog with a bone, just drop it. I’ve apologised. Let it go.”
“I’d like to understand.”
“Fine,” he laughs once. “You honestly want to know?” I nod slowly. “I was aroused, you were available. Nothing more and nothing less.”
A loud breath leaves me and I release his arm, “Seriously?”
“Yes,” he starts to turn. “I won’t do it again, you can be sure of that.”
“I would never do it with you anyway,” I clip and stroll past him. “Do you have any idea how wrong that is? I’m pregnant with your brother’s child. Yet you’d try and use me because you’re horny? That’s unforgiveable.”
His eyes darken, he lowers his face to my ear, his presence dominating and a little frightening, “I don’t want your forgiveness.” He moves back slightly. “You mistake yourself if you think I look at you as anything more than my brother’s whore.”
My anger gets the better of me, it’s fuelled by hurt at his words. My hand connects with his cheek, stinging my palm and instantly turning one side of his face a deep shade of pink.
“You struck me,” he whispers, his face a mask of shock.
A tear falls from me eye, “You struck me first.” Pushing the door open I head inside and race up the stairs, wanting to put as much distance between, Nathan and I as possible.
I hate him.
He doesn’t follow me which I’m grateful for. So I get to cry in peace. How did this day turn out to be so bad?
His brother’s whore.
I was his brother’s fiancée, Caleb loved me and this baby.
I’ve never been called a whore in my life! I was a virgin until Caleb and even then I made him wait for it. After wallowing for a while I have a shower and freshen up. Powering on my laptop I flick mindlessly through websites about babies. I should really research the whole baby thing. There’s no use putting it off.
The doorbell rings, I hurry back down the stairs as is habit. Nathan never usually answers the door as he knows I’m closest when he’s upstairs, so I’m shocked to see him pulling it open and greeting a very attractive Lorna.
She gives me a little wave and a smile as Nathan takes her coat. Nathan looks up at me, his expression emotionless and his eyes dull. The brown in them has lost their usual sparkle. I don’t care.
“Hey,” Lorna grins and stops in front of me. “How are you and the bump?”
“Good,” lies, all lies. “Yourself?”
“I’m great, we should totally go for coffee or something tomorrow. I have the day off and there aren’t many people around here that are our age.”
I’m about to say sure but Nathan cuts me off, “She can’t, she’s leaving in the morning.”
“Oh no,” Lorna says looking as shocked as I feel. “Where are you going?”
“She’s decided her mum’s is a better option for the duration of her pregnancy,” And there is strike two, he’s just gutted me with a blunt knife. “Come on,” Nathan grips Lorna’s arm and tugs her towards the stairs. I see he’s found his next object to relieve his arousal. Well at least he won’t be kissing me any time soon.
“That’s okay Nathan, it won’t take me long to pack my things,” my fists clench by my sides. How can he be so heartless and mean? What did I do exactly, other than question him over his own actions? “I’ll leave now.”
“I’ll take you in the morning,” he orders, his tone clearly stating I’m not allowed to argue.
“No thanks, I’ll call my mum, I wouldn’t want you to have to suffer a three hour journey in a car with your brother’s whore.” I stomp past him. “Nice to see you again Lorna.”
She doesn’t respond to me but I hear her whisper, “What just happened?”
“Go up to the room, I’ll be with you in a moment,” he orders and I hear his footsteps close behind me.
I push open my bedroom door and pad into the closet, my eyes tingling with the preparation of releasing tears, “You know?” I begin and pull my suitcase out, still not looking at his frame lingering in the doorway. “If you wanted me to
leave, you didn’t need to be such a dick about it. I would have left if you’d asked.”
I get no response.
“What do you want?” Grabbing a few items, I fold them neatly and place them in the open case.
He takes a step inside and shuts the door, “Nothing.”
“Then why are you watching me?”
He sighs and pulls the door back open, “When you’re ready to apologize, I’ll be waiting.”
Me? Apologize? I’m about to shout at him when I notice that he’s left the room. Grrr. I want to slap him again.
I fill my case with the essentials and wheel it into the hall. Getting it downstairs proves to be difficult but I manage it. My anger rises with every step.
I notice his keys on the desk near the door and snatch them without an ounce of guilt. Call me immature but I’m taking his fucking car.
I feel naughty, my heart is racing and my adrenaline is pumping. Spinning the car around I take off, putting my phone on charge via the console in the middle whilst putting as much distance between me and the house as possible. This is so bad. What am I doing?
My phone rings, it’s Nathan. I ignore it and head towards the village. I’m going to need a map if I want to make it out of here, let alone all the way home. The baby lies still which I’m grateful for, it’s irritating when he moves while I’m trying to drive.
I know there’s a post office around here somewhere, they’ll do maps surely.
I only make it twenty miles out of town when I’m being pulled over by a god damn police car. No! He wouldn’t.
He would.
I have to sit and listen to the officer talk about taking other peoples cars without permission is stealing, but fortunately Nathan isn’t pressing charges.
Fortunately… scoff.
A red car pulls up ahead of us and Nathan climbs out, he strolls over to the officer but makes no move to shake hands. It’s a conspiracy, they know each other clearly. They talk quietly for a few minutes. The officer even invites Nathan for dinner. I hate villages!
“Move,” Nathan demands when he makes it around to the driver’s side.
I clamber out and pull open the back door.
“Get in the front,” Nathan orders.
I ignore him and slide onto the backseat.
A muscle jumps in his jaw but he doesn’t say anything, he waits until I’m buckled in before climbing into his seat directly in front of me. I chose this seat so I wouldn’t have to see him.
I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.
“I’m sorry,” Nathan says as we start to drive.
“I’m not,” I whisper and wipe my hand under my eyes. “I hate you.”
His breath catches. “You’ll get over it.”
I laugh once, although I don’t find anything funny. “You’ve completely humiliated me.”
“You did that yourself. I told you to wait until morning.”
He is so infuriating, “I’ll wait until morning then.”
“You aren’t leaving,” he states firmly and now I’m just frustrated and confused. Leave, don’t leave. What the hell is wrong with him? “And don’t bother trying. I won’t let you.”
“Are you suddenly collecting whores?”
The car lurches to the side as he pulls over, he waves at Lorna who was behind us to motion that she keep going. She does. I’m not relieved. In fact, I’m the opposite. Now I have no female support.
The car door opens and Nathan is half dragging, half carrying my squealing form out. He lifts me, much to my annoyance and carries me around the car. Placing me on the bonnet, he stands in between my knees and wraps my long, black hair around his hand. Tugging it slightly so my head tilts back.
“You’re not a whore,” he says, his eyes dark and furious. “Nor will you ever be a whore. I said a bad thing when I was angry. Nothing more and nothing less. As for leaving, I don’t want you to go. I said yet another moronic thing out of anger.”
“Get off me,” I beg, but he only moves closer, his face inches from mine.
“As for why I kissed you, I couldn’t resist, I’m a man and you’re beautiful,” my breath hitches at his words.
“That’s a crap excuse, now let me go.”
His eyes smoulder, their intensity startling me. “I wasn’t lying when I said to you that I enjoy your company. I enjoy it very much. Too much.” His body sags a little. “More than I should.”
“Nath…”
“I promise I won’t threaten to make you leave again,” his free hand rests on the curve of my neck, his eyes now kind and full of… something I’m clearly imagining. “You have my word. Please, accept my apology for upsetting you.”
“No,” I shake my head and look at my parted knees pressed lightly against his hips. “I don’t want to.”
“I’ve earned it, don’t you think? I deserve forgiveness.” His eyes now glitter with regret, his hand tightening in my hair. “Please.”
My lips pinch together, I swallow the lump in my throat and try to push him away with a hand on his chest between us. He moves even closer, I feel his heat all over. It makes me hum in places I shouldn’t be humming. “Stop.”
“I don’t want to. Not until you say you forgive me and startle me with that beautiful smile,” he whispers, his breath fanning against my lips.
“Step back Nathan,” I warn as his hands hook under my knees and pull me to the edge, my body almost pressed against his.
It’s useless, I try pushing at his chest but he won’t move. His hands grip my wrists and he clasps them behind my back with one hand whilst grabbing my hair again with the other. “Forgive me.” He presses his lips to my jaw, I gasp and a shiver runs through me. “Forgive me,” he repeats and places another gentle kiss further along my jaw.
“Don’t,” I beg, but it comes out breathy and not too convincing.
His lips hover over mine, his eyes flicking back and forth, scanning my face to see my reaction. “Forgive me.”
He’s going to kiss me, if I don’t say yes, he’ll kiss me. Why am I not saying yes?
His face gets closer. My eyes get wider.
“Okay,” I blurt, my body tensing. “I forgive you.”
“You have my word,” he whispers and I feel his top lip brush against my own. “I won’t touch you again, not unless you want me to.”
His hands release mine and I’m being tugged into his body. My belly gets in the way but I still feel his groin against mine briefly as he lowers me to the ground. My entire body spasms with it, heats with it, aches for it. I pull away abruptly and keep my head down.
What the fuck just happened?
Chapter Seventeen
Life has been settled for a while now. Which is a relief, I got tired of constantly walking on eggshells. Nathan has cheered up a lot it seems, although I’m quick to touch wood whenever I think this, because I’m scared my words will jinx it.
The nursery looks amazing, I spent an entire day: washing, drying and ironing baby clothes before putting them away. Everything has a place. It looks like something out of a catalogue. Perfect.
My mum has been calling me every couple of days for updates. I still have yet to tell her who I’m staying with and I’m not sure why I’m postponing the inevitable. It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. Am I?
Nathan is spending more and more time downstairs, which I’m enjoying. He’s even helped me cook a few times. I’m not sure why there’s a sudden change in him but I can’t say I don’t like it.
Sasha and Tommy are due any minute now, I’m nervous. I’m scared they’ll see how much I’ve changed. But as promised, I have made Tommy a meal fit for a king. Sasha too but it was Tommy’s idea.
The dining table is full, the wine is poured. For them, not for me, I’m having juice. I hope they don’t have trouble finding the house. That would suck.
“Something smells good,” Nathan comments as he walks into the dining room. He reaches for a muffin but I slap at his wrist. The smile he gives me is che
eky, it’s one I haven’t seen. He starts backing out of the room, his hand that I didn’t slap behind his back.
“Nathan,” I warn my brow quirked. “Care to tell me what you’re hiding?”
“Nothing,” he shakes his head, his lips still twitching.
“Food thief,” I joke.
His mouth drops open, “I paid for it.”
“Details,” I try to grab it again but he swiftly twists out of my way. I relent, my energy gone after cooking for so long, “Just let me know how they are.”
He brings his gloved hand around and takes a large bite out of the blueberry and white chocolate muffin. The groan that comes from him does things to me, I instantly feel guilt and look away, hoping he didn’t see that sudden flash in my eyes that would have surely told him of my brief, impure thoughts. “Amazing.”
“Really?” I was a bit worried about the new recipe that I fooled around with.
“Better than those chocolate ones you made two weeks ago.”
“You mean the ones that were there when I went to bed but gone when I woke up the next morning, like all of the others before them?”
He shrugs, “Far too moreish.”
There’s a knock at the door, I smile and race towards it, almost bowling Nathan over on my way past.
I pull it open, still bouncing on the spot, see Sasha and we both cling to each other like monkeys to their mother.
“Oh my god, you are huge,” Sasha pulls away and looks at the boulder between us. “How long now?”
“Ten weeks,” I reply and move her out of the way of the door so Tommy can step through. He sees me and smiles, it reaches his eyes. “Hey you.”
Strong arms wrap around me and squeeze me tight, “You look great, Gwen.”
“So do you,” I step away and look at them both. They both look so different yet the same, older and more attractive. Tommy’s hair is longer than it was and Sasha’s is a few inches shorter. They look great, they look happy. I wonder what they see when they look at me. “Come on, dinner is served.”
“Where’s Nathan?” Sasha whispers as she glances around nosily.