by Tara West
"I like the pay," I tell him. I know I'm evading the question, but it's true. I do like the money. My wife and child will be provided for as long as I've got this job.
He eyes me with a knowing expression. "Besides the pay, do you like your job?"
I exhale a frustrated breath and shake my head. Though the truth hurts, I've got to admit it to someone. I think holding it all inside is what's causing a lot of my stress. "No. When I was in the army, those soldiers were my brothers. I could count on them to watch my back. Here, it's every man for himself."
The doctor eyes me thoughtfully. "Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know." I shrug. "It's just different. I'm not their brother, you know? I'm their boss. I don't even get to work on cars, I'm so busy doing paperwork."
"Do you miss dodging bullets and landmines?"
"No." I can't keep the edge of bitterness from my voice. Why the hell would he think I miss dodging landmines? "I miss doing something other than sitting on my ass looking at numbers."
Doctor Barnes sets down his notepad, steeples his fingers together in front of his drawn mouth and regards me for a long moment. "Have you told your uncle this?"
My heart stops at the thought. "I can't."
"Why?" I don't like the incredulous tone in his voice. As if he thinks it would be so easy for me to crush my uncle's dreams.
"I don't want him to think I'm ungrateful," I answer with a groan. "He's giving my family financial security. He's giving my child a future."
The doctor leans forward, eyeing me intently. "What about your future? Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
"Tired, stressed, stuck in a job I hate."
As Dr. Barnes assesses me, he doesn't have to say a word. I know what he's thinking. If that was my future outlook, I'd be having nightmares, too.
Chapter Nine
Christina
Andrés doesn't get home from work until seven, so we're running late to dinner. It's really hard not falling asleep during the ride to his aunt and uncle's house. By the time he helps me out of his truck, he almost has to drag me to the front door. I keep thinking of Andrés's comfy bed in his old room upstairs, and how nice it would be to lie down for a little nap, although I'm so exhausted and my neck is sore from sketching ideas for my dress all day, I probably wouldn't wake until morning. Luckily, I'm so hungry my stomach feels like it might implode on itself. I know I need to eat something before I even think about sleeping.
I only hope his aunt made tamales. I don't know why, but I'm also craving coleslaw and tiramisu. Hopefully, Tia has them. If not, maybe she's got brownies and ice cream. I could go for that, too.
I wrap my scarf around my neck and hug my coat to my chest as an arctic blast hits me, burning my eyes and cheeks. I close my mouth to keep my teeth from chattering. Andrés wraps a warm arm around my shoulders and we walk to the house. The two story ranch is aglow in lights. A giant wreath with the words "Feliz Navidad" scrolled across the top in festive red ribbon hangs on the front door.
My senses are accosted by all kinds of good smells when we walk through the door, and I groan as Andrés leads me toward the dining room. When we pass through the living room, I smile at the tree. Every single branch is weighed down by what looks like homemade ornaments and Christmas crafts. I remember being shocked after Tio put it up a few weeks ago. Tia told me it took her an entire day to decorate it mostly with Christmas crafts her boys made when they were little plus several hanging bulbs imprinted with school pictures of Andrés and his cousins. Tia's tree isn't designer by any means, but I think it's possibly the best kind, one decorated with love. Tejano holiday music filters in from overhead. I'm not sure what they're saying, but the festive beat lightens my mood, despite the fact that my insides are churning.
Andrés's family is sitting around a large dining table, most of them with cleaned plates. His Tio and Tia are there, along with his other aunt and uncle, Arturo and Inez, and his cousin Marie.
I was hoping Christmas Eve dinner was just going to be with his Tia and Tio. I really didn't want a large audience when we told them our news, especially not the baby part, but I guess I should consider myself lucky the rest of Andrés's extended family isn't here. I fight the urge to run when they all turn in their seats to look at us. Andrés must sense my nervousness, because his grip on my hand tightens. I look up and when he winks at me, and I flash a weary smile. I have to remind myself everything will be okay. I've got Andrés, my rock, my pillar. He's been there for me through some difficult times, and I know he'll get us through tonight.
Tio leans back in his chair and pats his swollen stomach. "Sorry, mijo. We couldn't wait any longer."
Marie looks up at us with a scowl. "What took you so long?"
Marie is a few years older than me. She's, pretty, with large chestnut eyes slightly tapered and thick, wavy hair cut in a bob just below her chin. It always seems like she's in a pissed off mood. I don't know if she's normally a bitch or if she doesn't like me. Either way, she makes me uncomfortable, but since she'll be my family soon, I guess I'll need to learn to put up with her.
"I had to finish the timesheets." Andrés groans as he rolls his eyes at his cousin.
She answers with another sneer. Then she focuses her eyes on me, and I shift uncomfortably while she gives me the once-over before looking away.
Okay, she definitely doesn't like me. What the hell did I ever do to her?
"You're piling too much work on him." Tia arches a trimmed brow and then points a fork at Tio across the table. I like Andrés's aunt, whom he affectionately calls Tia. Andrés told me she has had some plastic surgery, but nothing I'd call excessive. Just a little tightening around the eyes and mouth. She looks to be in her early forties though she's almost sixty, and she carries herself like a confident woman. She raised four boys mostly by herself while Tio worked late hours, and her love for her boys is obvious. I hope I can be half the woman and mother she is.
"What are you talking about?" Tio shrugs before taking a swig of his longneck beer. "He took all morning off."
I have to remind myself to keep my tongue in my mouth as Tio swallows the cool beverage. No more beer for me for at least another eight months.
"Slacker."Marie laughs as she reaches across the table and stabs a steak with her fork.
I try not to get upset when I see she's taken the last steak off the platter, and she's already got a clean T-bone on her plate. I settle my hand over my hollow stomach as it growls in protest. I could have so gone for a steak right now.
Andrés squeezes my hand and leads me to the end of the table, next to Tia and across from the bitch cousin.
"He had to go to that military shrink," Tio says loudly and then belches into his fist.
I tense as I look up at Andrés. I think I feel his hand shake before he tightens his grip.
"Andrés, what's wrong?" Tia gasps as she drops her silverware onto her plate. "Are the nightmares back?"
Just when I think Andrés is about to crush my fingers, he releases my hand and pulls out a chair for me. "It's nothing, Tia," he mumbles.
"Christina." Tia looks at me with fear in her wide eyes. "Is he having the nightmares again?"
Andrés stands behind me and settles his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him and place my hand over his.
Tia screeches so loud I think she's ruptured my eardrums. "Omgiod! The ring!" She squeals as she jumps from her seat. "She's wearing the ring!"
She throws herself into Andrés's arms, jumping up and down as she squeezes him to her chest.
My chair is pulled back as Tio pulls me up for a hug. Before I know it, the rest of his family is hugging me, too. By the time Tia grabs me in a vice grip, her eyes are red and swollen from crying. After several more tearful congrats, Andrés and I sit down.
Marie gapes at us from across the table. "My cousin's getting married," she says in a monotone, cold and devoid of emotion, before she stabs her meat with a knife.
Andrés doesn't seem to be pha
sed by her reaction as he scoops some enchiladas onto my plate.
"Have you set a date?" Tia pops open a bottle of champagne and fills our goblets to the top.
I warily eye Andrés as he smirks at me and pushes my goblet to the side. He hands me a glass of ice water.
"We think February first but we're not sure yet." Andrés piles my plate with guacamole and sour cream. My mouth waters at the heaping chunks of avocado and tomato. Andrés knows how much I love toppings.
"Why so soon?" Tio asks with a note of accusation in his voice.
I feel my face flush ten shades of red as I avert my gaze and reach for my water.
Andrés clears his throat as if to speak, but when I look over at him, he's got this deer-in-the-headlights expression I've never seen before.
"We were going to wait until spring, but we've had to adjust our plans." His voice cracks at that last part, and I am embarrassed for him. For us. I fight the urge to crawl under the table.
I knew telling his family I was pregnant wasn't going to be easy. I never planned for it to be this uncomfortable.
Tia clears her throat loudly, waving her champagne glass in the air. "The sooner the better. I've been bugging them to get married, anyway." She winks at both of us.
I raise my water glass as his uncle recites some sort of sappy congrats. I'm so numb from apprehension, I don't even remember what he says. When everyone says "salud" and clinks their glasses, I notice Marie sitting in her seat with her hands fisted by her plate.
She can't even toast us. What the hell is her problem?
Everyone downs their champagne and then the table breaks into a chorus of chatter. Tia leans across the table, saying something to me about wedding preparations. I know I need to tell her my mom is handling everything, but Tia is so excited, I hate to let her down, especially here in front of everyone... in front of Marie.
Andrés nudges me several times during dinner when he sees me picking at my enchiladas. I mumble that I'm not that hungry as I push food around on my plate. Then Andrés's gaze travels to his cousin, who's been shooting eye darts at me the whole time. My stomach churns when I see them locked in a stare-down.
Finally, Marie gets up, thrusts her chair against the table, and stomps away. Andrés doesn't say a word, but he squeezes my hand tight before leaning over and kissing my temple. That's his way of apologizing for his cousin. And though I appreciate him trying to soothe me, it doesn't change Marie's attitude. It's obvious she doesn't like me. I only hope she keeps her opinion to herself and doesn't try to ruin this wedding.
***
Tia and I clear the dishes, along with Andrés's other aunt Inez. The guys go into the den to watch football. I notice Marie follows them and doesn't offer any help in the kitchen. Andrés's aunts keep telling me to go with the guys, but I can't leave them with all these dishes. Besides, I've never been a fan of football. That's what I tell myself, anyway. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I don't want to be in the same room with Marie. I suspect she's probably giving Andrés a hard time right now. The more I think about the way she reacted at dinner, the more my insides burn with anger.
I rotate my sore neck and set another platter on the drying rack. I shouldn't have sketched so long today, but I was so enamored with those little flowers, I couldn't stop drawing them. I can't wait until this dress is finished. I can already tell it will be beautiful.
"You should have Andrés rub that kink for you." Tia winks before bumping me with her hip.
"Ohhh, I like a good kinky rubbing," Inez says with a throaty growl as she fans her heavy breasts with a dishtowel.
Tia laughs so hard, she snorts.
Oh, gawd, I'm flanked by two horny old women. I can't help the blush that creeps into my cheeks, flaming my face like wildfire.
"Now that the dishes are finished, we'll open a bottle of wine and start planning this wedding." Tia smiles broadly at me as she nods toward a barstool at the counter.
"Arturo and I will do the catering," Inez says matter-of-factly as she stacks the last dry dish and wipes her hands on her apron. "You like Mexican food, don't you, Christina?"
"Of course she does," Tia says as she grabs a bottle of wine from the fridge and two glasses. "Haven't you seen the way she scarfs down my tamales?" She sets the glasses on the counter and pops the cork, then flashes me a knowing grin. "You can't drink, can you, mija?"
"No." I shake my head as I dry my hands on a towel. I didn't think I could get any redder, but I feel the flush all the way to my toes. Both of Andrés's aunts are looking at me with smirks and raised brows.
Inez comes up to me and places a chubby hand on my belly. When she leans over, breathing against my neck, I can smell the strong residue of wine on her breath. "Pssst," she whispers rather loudly to me before nodding her head toward Tia. "Her oldest boy was born seven months after she married."
"Inez!" Tia shrieks before throwing a towel at her.
"What?" Inez shrugs before slanting a sideways grin. "I didn't always pay attention in school, but I can add seven plus two."
Tia's tanned cheeks flush pink. "He was premature."
Inez rolls her eyes. "He was ten pounds!"
"Enough," Tia holds out both hands before picking up her glass and gingerly taking a sip. "We need to plan the wedding."
"Uh," I say as I anxiously eye one woman, then the other. "My mom hired a wedding planner, and I'm not sure who she's getting to cater the wedding."
Inez looks at me with an arched brow. "Find out who she's using and cancel them. The Cruz family caters all of our own weddings. "
"I'll let them know," I say with a hesitant smile, though I already suspect what my mom will say. She was pretty adamant about those shrimp puffs.
Tia looks at me expectantly with one hand on her hip. "Your mom is planning the whole wedding?"
"Most of it," I barely manage to squeak.
I don't like the accusation in her voice, like I've done something wrong. If Tia only saw my mom take charge, the unstoppable wedding express, maybe she'd be more understanding. I heave a sigh as I lean against the kitchen counter. My special day has turned into a runaway train, and all the details are racing further and further away from me. Soon, I'll be reduced to a spectator at my own wedding, just doing what others tell me. Thankfully, I managed to wrest control over the dress—my dress. A smile tugs at my lips when I think of it. I might be forced to eat seafood pastries, but at least I'll look amazing while I'm retching up my meal.
"What about your dress?" Tia asks.
My mouth falls open at the expectant look in her eyes. No, she will not have any say in my dress. Nobody will. It's the one thing I've got left.
I swallow hard before averting my gaze. "We found a gown today."
"You got a dress? You didn't tell me."
I spin around to see Andrés standing in the doorway. He's holding an empty chip bowl, looking at me with a slack jaw.
I heave a frustrated groan. I'm tired. My neck hurts. What's the big deal about the dress? "You've been at work all day."
"You could have sent me a message." He flashes a crooked smile, one I guess could be considered playful, but I'm not in the mood to play right now.
"You never answer my texts," I say in an accusatory tone that sounds too severe even to my own ears.
I cringe when he takes a step back, looking at me as if I've wounded him with a verbal knife.
I know my fuse is short, and I fear it may get even shorter unless Andrés takes me home. It's been a long day and I want to go to sleep, so I can be rested for our drive to San Antonio tomorrow.
He shrugs. "I guess it doesn't matter. I'll see it when we get home."
Inez gasps and crosses her heart before muttering something in Spanish. "No, you can't see it. It's bad luck, Andrés."
"I'd like to see it." Tia steps forward, squaring her shoulders.
When I look at the hurt in her eyes I feel like a balloon has popped in my chest. I hate that Tia is upset, but I don't unde
rstand why she would be.
"It's at the apartment. You can come by and look at it anytime." I reach behind my head and rub my sore neck and shoulders. Why did I think planning this wedding would be fun? So far, it's turning out to be a big pain in the neck—literally.
"I'll come with you, Tia."
I stifle a gasp as Marie steps from behind Andrés. She leans against the wall in a casual pose, one leg crossed over the other. She's got this smug look on her face, and I swear the glare she gives me is hot enough to melt lead. Oh, this is so not good. I don't want Marie to come to my apartment. In fact, I don't want her anywhere near my dress.
The image of that bride pointing her cigarette at me flashes through my mind. And now I know exactly what she was trying to tell me: this runaway train is heading for disaster.
Chapter Ten
Christina
"What's wrong, mija?" Andrés grips the steering wheel as we drive down Highway 35. He keeps his gaze focused on the road, but I can tell by the way he works a tic in his jaw he's got a lot on his mind.
"I'm tired, Andrés," I say on a sigh. "I just need some sleep."
I know work has been stressful for him lately. The last thing I should do is unload on him, even though I feel like I may break under the pressure of this wedding planning. I lean against the headrest and massage the tension building in my neck. No matter how much I rub, it seems to get worse.
"You didn't look happy tonight. Did my family upset you?"
When Andrés takes one hand from the wheel and laces his fingers through mine, my thin thread of composure starts to unravel.
My throat tightens with emotion when I look over at him and see his eyes darken with concern. I don't want to burden him with my troubles, but he probably should know what's going on, anyway. I turn away and look out at the highway.
"Your aunts are hurt they don't get to help and your cousin does not like me." I hate the whine that slips into my voice. Damn. Why'd I tell him?
Andrés releases my hand and grips the wheel with white knuckles. "Yeah, Marie. I was hoping you didn't catch that."