Star swallows her doubts. I don’t want to stop the game. A tear forms in the corner of her eye and she brushes it away. Cutting will release me. If I change my mind I can obscure the word with fresh cuts and set myself free. ‘No. I’ll do it.’
Lilith watches as Star carves the five remaining letters into her thigh.
The pain is intense. It burns and Star feels sweat trickle down her face and breasts. With the pain comes familiar pleasure. All she knows is the penetration of metal into her flesh. Doubts and worries flee. The mutilation is sensual. This is who I am. Endorphins surge into her blood making her light-headed. Both women watch in silence as the letters rise up from Star’s skin.
‘Now you’ll never forget me.’ Lilith’s voice is a soft purr.
‘I never will,’ Star answers.
Blood flows freely, obscuring the word – Lilith. Red letters swim in Star’s vision, shifting and changing. The writing is strange, foreign, Hebrew, but the meaning is the same. Star’s finger prickles and she holds it towards her face – the same letters, the same name. Struggling to understand, Star looks to her lover for reassurance. Lilith takes the finger and wraps her lips around it, licking its tip and sucking gently. Desire spreads from Star’s finger to her groin. Her train of thought is lost and she floats above the pain and confusion.
‘Maybe you ought to clean that,’ Lilith says, bringing Star back to earth.
‘You do it,’ Star replies. Her breathing is ragged as she stares defiantly into Lilith’s eyes. She feels her own strength and power building. Could I become someone to be proud of in this woman’s arms?
Lilith licks the wounds clean. The desire to be cleansed all over by that tongue tightens Star’s throat. Her next question is asked in a ragged whisper. ‘How many men have you had sex with?’
Lilith lifts her face from Star’s leg. ‘I’m bored of this game,’ she protests and returns her mouth to Star’s thigh.
‘I want to know you,’ Star says.
Sitting up, Lilith asks, ‘Wouldn’t it be more fun to find out the important things about me rather than be told?’
‘Ah, I think you’re just trying to avoid more questions. Do you have something better in mind?’
‘Yes I do,’ she answers, kissing Star once more and pushing her back onto the bed covers.
‘Itchy crumbs,’ Star protests.
‘Forget them,’ Lilith demands.
Chapter 29
Lost in his studies, Satori feels further than ever from the answer. His reading has taken him through the books of the Kabbalah, to Crowley and even Paul’s old favourite—Gilles de Rais, but they aren’t enough, not alone. Eventually he discards Paul’s books and returns to his own. He reads the Necronomicon again, certain the answer lies here, in the words of the mad Arab.
‘Steve, there’s someone at the door, asking for you,’ his mother shouts.
‘Okay,’ he says. He closes the books and pushes them under his bed then runs down the stairs.
‘Raven,’ he says. ‘How are you? Come in, come in.’
He leads her upstairs and into his room.
‘I suppose you’ve heard about Star,’ Raven says, sitting on Satori’s bed and bouncing gently.
‘About her quitting work and disappearing?’ he asks. ‘Donna came round a few days ago. Made a scene. She thinks I’m hiding her.’
‘But you’re not, are you,’ Raven says. Her tone of voice makes it clear this is a statement rather than a question. ‘Freya reckons she’s gone to live with that woman she met.’
‘The one from the club?’ The same thought had crossed his own mind.
‘Yes, her,’ says Raven, smiling. ‘Can you imagine? Meeting someone and moving in with them the next day?’
She watches him closely, looking for chinks in his armour perhaps. He can see she’s enjoying her speech and tries to hide the pain it causes him.
‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘I forgot. I guess you don’t want to hear about her.’
‘It’s all right,’ he mutters.
‘Maybe you’ve moved on. You were always too good for her anyway. Are you seeing anyone?’
He looks at her. She has made a real effort to look good for him. As always her makeup is immaculate. Her hair and lips are dark and full—an extraordinarily attractive woman, in her own way.
‘I just thought,’ she continues. She bites her lip and looks up at him, her eyes wide open. ‘I miss her, and you miss her. Maybe we could help each other. You know…’
‘Feel less lonely,’ he finishes the sentence for her.
‘Yes,’ she says, smiling.
He sits down next to her. Her heavy lashes cast shadows over her blue eyes. He sighs.
‘We’ll help each other,’ he repeats, staring at her face. His pulse races.
‘Yes,’ she whispers.
‘Just for tonight,’ he says.
She doesn’t answer. Instead she reaches across and touches his cheek. Moving her face towards his and opening her mouth, she flicks her tongue over his lips. He opens his mouth to let her tongue slip inside. As they kiss her hands are busy with her buttons, unfastening her jacket, then her top and bra. He reaches forward and cups his hands under her heavy breasts, gasping.
‘You’re beautiful,’ he tells her.
He makes spirals with his fingers towards the centre of each one. He feels metal and stops kissing her to look.
‘Nipple rings.’ He smiles. ‘Do you have any more piercings?’
‘That’s for me to know…’
‘And me to find out,’ he says, lips curling into a wolfish grin.
She licks his cheek and he returns to the kiss. He pulls up her skirt and, with helpful movements from her, pushes it over her hips. He feels between her legs. She is shaven. His fingers find metal. He tugs the piercing gently, and she moans with pleasure. He smiles and does it again.
‘I could do this all day,’ he says. He is filled with lust but his arrogance tells him to wait. Raven has always wanted him, since before Star and he had even met. He wants this bedding to become the stuff of legend, knowing she will be too proud to keep it a secret.
‘Please, Satori,’ she says, her words coming between pants. ‘Whatever you want to do to me, I’m yours completely. Just tell me you’ll fuck me.’
‘I’ll fuck you,’ he promises. ‘And I won’t be gentle.’
‘Oh god, yes,’ she says.
With one hand he squeezes her breast hard enough to bruise it, with the other he tugs on her clit piercing. Her body is arched and her head hangs behind her, her long hair whipping her back. Pain and pleasure flash across her face like the zeros and ones of binary code. He watches her face, marvelling at the magic of her transformation, from icy goddess to rabid animal, ready to tear him to pieces with her excesses should he let her.
‘Bite me,’ he tells her and she lifts her head, sinking her teeth into his neck. The pain makes him shudder. He grinds his teeth and growls. He pants too now. Desire takes over. He pulls away and stands up next to the bed. She looks up at him, her narrowed eyes willing him to return to her.
‘Undress,’ he tells her.
She takes her time. Her eyes never leave his face for longer than a few seconds. She bends her arms behind her to let the open shirt and bra fall to the floor. Her exaggerated posture pushes her breasts upwards. He watches them, transfixed. He loves the way they ripple and the tiny hypnotic movements of the rings bouncing against them. Then she unzips her skirt and lets it drop to the floor. Only her stockings and boots remain.
‘Keep them on,’ he tells her. ‘Now undress me.’
Smiling, she takes a step towards him. She unbuttons his shirt and pushes it up his chest, kissing the skin beneath as she moves it. He bends slightly and she pulls it over his head, then she smoothes his hair back into place. She licks his ear then bites it gently. The silver rings knock against her teeth as she does. With her forefinger she traces the red scar across his shoulder.
‘What’s this?’ she asks him.
&nb
sp; ‘A magical war wound. I’ll tell you later,’ he says.
She nods and moves her fingers slowly downwards. She unfastens his jeans and pushes them over his slender hips. She kneels before him, rolling the denim down his legs to his ankles. The seams leave marks along his thighs, she licks them and he shivers with pleasure. She pauses a moment to unbuckle his boots then removes the rest of his clothing and looks upwards. As she moves back up his body she leans forward so her breasts rub against his legs. His hairs become newly awakened fingers, reaching out to tickle her skin. Remaining on her knees, she brushes her lips against his engorged manhood.
He stands silently. Without his instruction she hesitates. Then she wraps her lips around him and pulls him into her mouth and throat. He reaches down and holds her hair. Wrapping a lock of it around his fingers, he pulls, slowly but firmly. She does not stop her exploration of him with her tongue, so he stands above her, pulling her hair and enjoying the intense pleasure.
‘Stop,’ he tells her.
She stops and looks up at him.
He walks to the bed and lies down. His eager cock is heavy on his belly. Smiling as she turns to face him, he motions for her to join him. After stopping to get a packet from her bag, she follows. She bites through the metallic casing and withdraws a black circle of latex. Slowly she unrolls it over him then straddles his hips. Grasping it in her steady hand, she pushes his member inside her. Her breasts blur into a continual movement as she bounces. With each descent she gasps. He reaches up to her throat and squeezes gently with his thumbs. Opening her eyes, she stares at him, shocked for one moment then groaning softly from the pleasure of it the next. When he eventually comes she falls onto his chest and holds him inside her while he shrinks. He turns away from her and she nestles into his back. Her breath is hot on his neck.
‘So,’ Raven whispers into the back of his shoulder.
‘So, what?’ he replies, then, wondering whether he is being insensitive, he adds. ‘What do you mean – so?’
‘You promised to tell me about your magical war wound.’
‘Ah, yes,’ he says. He turns his body so he faces the ceiling and tries to form the right words. How do I tell her what she wants to know without it sounding like one of those riddles Star would always complain about? He nods a few times, closes his eyes, then taps his lips with his index finger. When the words start to form he points upwards. ‘Yeah. Okay…well, there are some things in magic which are like play time. They’re fun and they make you feel good. But…there are other things…like the Great Rites…which aren’t like play time at all.’ He scratches his cheek and turns towards her.
She nods.
‘If you start the Great Rites you build up this power source. Imagine a rechargeable battery…okay…each day, twice a day, you’re charging this battery. It gets more and more powerful. It’s something separate to you—this other entity, made entirely of power. If you complete the Rites you get the power. It’s supposed to be incredible: so much power. If you fail to complete them perfectly…well…I guess I’m lucky to be alive.’
‘How did you fail?’ she asks.
He closes his eyes. A grin spreads across his face. ‘I overslept.’
Raven laughs. The sound delights Satori. He kisses her on the nose then looks at her face: her full lips now a soft purple, her white powder less obvious than before, and a hint of colour in her cheeks. A soft sigh escapes his lips before he can stop it.
‘Are you thinking about her?’ she asks him.
He strokes her cheek, his momentary sadness now passed.
‘Who?’ he says, smiling.
She kisses him.
When he wakes up she is still next to him. He touches her now cool skin. It feels good to have something real to hold in his arms rather than an abstraction.
Chapter 30
Lilith strokes Star’s cheek. Motionless, the girl drifts off to sleep next to her own restless body. She doesn’t know how much longer she can play happy families. She imagines, instead of stroking Star’s cheek, scratching it, tearing at the soft, innocent skin with her fingernails, stripping away the girl’s shell of lies and exposing her. When they kiss or make love together Lilith is filled with such pure desire that she wonders if this might be what love feels like. Then she looks at Star and sees two people. The one exposed, the lie, is cracked and crumbling like baked earth, unable to sustain or nourish. This is the mask Star holds up to the world, even to Lilith. When Star complains about her life, Lilith feels oceans away from the girl. She wants to smash open the barren cracks and see how deeply they penetrate, destroy Star’s innocence, tear it from her and laugh as she tries to cling to it, watch her run naked, weeping with shame. Lilith is sick of love and needs to be cured of it, but her plan involves Star so she waits.
Star’s time will come. Eventually Lilith will make sure there is nothing left for her to hide behind. Either Star will accept the truth or it will destroy her. Lilith hardly cares which will be the final result as long as it means an end to this weakness, whining and insecurity. The violence wells up inside her again. She presses her thumb against the girl’s throat. Star moans and Lilith releases the pressure. I want to kill you. I want to squeeze your throat and watch your eyes glaze over. Standing up, she moves away from the bed, staring at Star’s naked body through narrowed eyes. I need some air. I can’t stay here and watch you breathe. I need to kill, feel innocence die in my grasp.
Lilith steps out of the room. Her magical step takes her to the edge of a large park. Skeletal trees scratch at the violet sky as if trying to climb towards heaven. A crescent of large houses skirts the edge of the green. They are tall and elegant Georgian townhouses, their golden Bath stone lit from beams of light below. Almost all of them have been split into apartments now, but there is still wealth and power within these walls.
She scans the front of each, moving slowly from right to left along the row. Lives are being played out within them, people fucking, people crying, babies stirring in their cots. Some couples are finishing a meal, others starting one. A few apartments are empty. There. That’s the one. As quick as thought she steps into a bedroom on the second floor of the third house from the left. Inside, a teenage girl gets dressed for bed. Her day clothes lie discarded at her feet and she pulls a nightdress over her head. Her lifted arms reveal small breasts, still forming, her body almost hair-free.
The room in which she stands is huge, with high ceilings and rich furnishings. Her bed is draped with a velvet cover and on it a few soft toys are arranged.
A mass of auburn curls spring up as she pulls the nightdress down. The girl’s face registers shock at seeing a strange woman in her room. Before she can scream, Lilith pulls her through space into the centre of the park below.
The girl shivers in the chill November air. ‘Who are you?’ she asks.
‘Lilith.’
‘What do you want?’
‘I want to hurt you and silence the torment inside my mind, for a moment at least.’
The girl’s eyes fill with tears. ‘My father will pay you well, Lilith. If you take me back. He’s very wealthy.’
Lilith nods. ‘You’re beautiful,’ she says.
The girl shudders and steps backwards. They walk together, one striding forwards the other stumbling backwards, shaking in her nightgown, until the latter falls onto the wet grass.
The girl lifts her arms trying to hold the woman at bay. Lilith watches her, amused. She crouches down next to the girl, avoiding blows and scratches by moving aside as fists and nails are raised. Staring at the girl’s face, she doesn’t see the kick coming and is knocked over. The girl scrambles to stand up. Continually looking back, she runs blindly across the grass towards the house then stumbles and falls to her knees. Muscles strain as she tries to push herself back up. Lurching forwards now, her ankle turning awkwardly with each step, she keeps going, desperate to reach civilisation.
Lilith lets her run. The sweat will smell sweet on her skin. Before she can get close eno
ugh to the road to be heard Lilith is beside her, dragging her by her long red hair to the floor.
The girl crouches in the muddy grass. Her face is bloated with tears, her body shakes, and the chatter of her teeth sounds like applause.
‘Are you a virgin?’ Lilith asks.
The girl stares at her captor’s face. She is silent for a moment as if wondering which will be the right answer, the one which will free her. She seems to decide that the truth is better.
She nods, biting her lip. Tears wet her cheeks and the top of her nightdress. They crystallise into ice on her clothing.
‘Do you want to die a virgin?’ Lilith asks. A cruel grin spreads across her lips. The girl’s fear is nectar to her. Star’s face looks up at Lilith for a moment before reality is re-established.
The girl collapses. Despair has taken possession of her. Lilith imagines the internal monologue, will the answer no be her salvation or will it simply lead to further cruelty?
Lilith watches patiently as the girl tries to move on her belly, writhing like a serpent across the wet grass. When Lilith rolls her over the nightdress is soaked through and covered in green and black.
‘Well do you?’ she asks again, licking her lips.
‘Yes,’ the girl manages to squeak.
Lilith laughs. The girl turns away and stares towards the row of houses she was plucked from, so close and yet still too far away.
‘Right answer,’ Lilith says. ‘I’ll make it quick.’
Holding the girl’s throat in her hands, she watches the child’s limbs spasm as her victim tries to free her self. The child’s windpipe pulses between Lilith’s thumbs, trying to draw the breath that might save her. Eyes glaze over and the body stops moving. Lilith stands up and skips across the grass, bathing in the moonlight. She breathes the night air deep into her body, laughing, before she returns to the musty room.
***
Lilith strokes the polished scales of the snake as it dangles from the willow branch. It blinks at her, its forked tongue licking the air between them. She sighs. The heat is unbearable. She should never have come here this morning. Her cave is much cooler and darker than the shade these feathery branches can offer.
Starblood Trilogy Page 15