The door to Ivan’s room opens and the box is lifted from her arms. ‘Why didn’t you call me sooner?’
‘It isn’t heavy. I just can’t see the stairs.’
‘No problem, Sis. Allow me.’
She follows him down the stairs. Her eyes trail up and down his back.
‘It’s gonna be quiet here without you,’ Ivan says without turning. ‘I’ll miss you, you know?’
‘I’ll miss you too. You’ll visit us, right?’
‘Course. Look, Freya. Are you sure about this?’ Ivan asks.
‘What?’
‘Moving in with Rob? He’s a lovely guy, but…it’s just so quick,’ he says.
‘Do you think he’s wrong for me?’ Freya asks.
‘I’m not saying that. It’s just…do you know him? Does he know you?’
‘I think so.’ Her reply is a whisper.
‘Guys sometimes see what they want to see. Look…if it doesn’t work out…you will come back, won’t you?’
‘Yeah,’ Freya says.
‘I hope it does work out though, for both of you.’ Ivan smiles.
‘Thanks, Bro.’
Together, brother and sister remove all trace of Freya from her room. Only her scent remains and even that will fade with time. She feels Ivan’s sadness and the desire to hold him returns. Is it mine or hers? Is there any difference now? Freya’s fingers reach out to touch his hand. He accepts it and they look at each other. A tear snakes slowly down her cheek.
Ivan offers her a half smile. ‘You’ll be okay. You’re strong,’ he assures her.
‘Is that enough?’ she asks.
‘As long as you believe in yourself, it will always be enough,’ he says.
She smiles back, but lets her tear continue its journey down her face and throat.
The doorbell shakes her from her reverie and she lets go of Ivan’s hand. Looking towards the door, she feels a gulf open between this life and the next and wonders for a moment whether she really has the strength to cross it. Ivan and Freya stand motionless. Their bodies held in stasis, only the beating of their hearts reminds them they are real. Sucking air into her lungs, Freya breaks her trance and steps towards the door and Rob. Ivan’s eyes follow her then she feels him look away.
Her hand shakes as she opens the door. Rob’s face is the sun and warmth radiates from his smile. He kisses her forehead then looks beyond her at her brother.
‘I’ll keep her safe,’ Rob promises.
Freya glances back to see Ivan nod.
Her father steps out from the living room. ‘You better had. I’m relying on it. No one is more precious to me than my little girl. Remember that.’
‘I will. I promise. Is this everything?’
‘Yes, but I want to say goodbye to Mum.’ Freya tells him.
Rob nods. ‘Take your time. I’ll get these into the van.’
‘You’re back?’ Lorraine’s eyes are wide.
‘I haven’t left yet,’ Freya tells her.
‘I mean…’ Her mother shakes her head. ‘I’m sorry.’
Freya sits on the edge of the bed. ‘It’s okay.’
‘I haven’t told you yet.’ Lorraine’s face looks agitated.
‘Yes you did. Don’t you remember?’ Freya pats her mother’s hand.
‘I told her, but not you.’ Lorraine stares at her daughter.
Freya smiles. ‘I’ll miss you.’
‘I missed you.’ Lorraine says.
Freya nods. ‘I missed you too. Will you be okay?’
‘Of course. I have my two men.’
‘And I have my one.’
‘Love is important, Freya. Cherish it.’
‘I will, Mum.’
‘Promise me you’ll try to be happy. Keep each moment safe and remember the good times,’ Lorraine says.
Freya grasps her mother’s fingers. ‘Don’t worry about me.’
‘You’re my little girl. I need to know…’
‘I’ll look after him, Mum. We make each other happy. This life we’re building together will be a good life.’
‘Don’t look back, Freya. Keep looking forward.’
‘Okay, Mum…I have to go.’ Freya leans forward and kisses her mother’s cool forehead. ‘I’ll see you soon.’
‘Bye, Baby.’
‘Bye, Mum.’ Freya stands up. As she turns away from her mother, tears form in her eyes. The desire to squeeze her mum’s weak body tight to her own makes her pause and she stands, staring at the open doorway, listening to her mother breathe. Then her paralysis breaks and she steps towards her new life.
Chapter 53
‘I love you too.’ In that moment Sarah knows her words to be true.
She looks at Satori through her third eye and sees chaos inside him. He knows he should help her, but he is terrified, not only of Lilith, but of her too. He shakes like a baby. She wants to calm him, reassure him that everything will be okay, he simply has to believe, but she cannot find the words. Instead she warms him with a ray of sunlight. He smiles, and she wonders if he understands.
‘She’s coming.’ The urgency of Sarah’s voice causes Satori’s head to dart left and right. She realises he cannot see Lilith. Sarah points to her left. ‘From there.’
He stares blindly.
Sarah can see Lilith perfectly. Today she is dressed as a young woman once more, in skin that had once excited great desire. Now Sarah feels nothing but resentment. She sees Satori shrink back and knows he can see Lilith at last.
‘Hello my darling,’ Lilith says, glancing up at Sarah. ‘We’re delighted you could join us at last, Magician.’
‘Lilith.’ Satori nods respectfully.
Sarah bristles with pride. He might be terrified but Satori’s voice sounds strong and defiant.
‘As you can see, you had no reason to fear. Star has been well looked after.’ Lilith’s smile is cruel. It mocks them both.
Sarah reminds herself that anger leads to fear and she cannot afford to let the toad back inside her.
Satori looks up at Sarah again. His eyes are wet and his lips tremble. She wishes she could hold him and make him strong, but he is too far away.
‘Lilith, I’ve come for Star. Allow me to take her and we will leave without any fuss,’ he says.
As Lilith takes a step closer Satori shudders. Keep strong, Sarah wills. Show her no fear. He holds his body still and straightens his back. He is as tall as Lilith and his body looks almost as strong.
‘I have another plan,’ Lilith replies. ‘Star stays here and you give yourself willingly to me.’
‘Why would I do that?’ Satori asks.
‘Because otherwise you will endure torture you cannot comprehend. Ask Star. Better still look at her. Do you think that you…you feeble, arrogant man, could endure so much? I am interested in you. You remind me of someone I once knew, and you have power. You are strong…for a man. If you give yourself to me and make me your goddess we can share this world and others. We will create wonders.’
‘No. I am here to rescue Star, or to join her, whichever is my fate.’
‘Stupid boy! Change your mind and beg my forgiveness. I am merciful.’ Lilith lifts her hand. Her palm severs the air before her.
Satori screams.
‘Satori!’ Sarah shouts.
As he looks towards her, his face a mask of pain, she throws his dagger towards him. He catches the dagger and whispers syllables in a language Sarah does not comprehend. A whirlwind surrounds him. It crackles with energy. Lilith frowns then laughs, but Satori does not seem to notice her dismissal. He keeps whispering and Sarah watches with wonder as a tornado widens around him, gathering speed and fury. It ruffles her hair.
Siloth shrinks back, afraid of the storm. Sarah tries to calm the wyrm, but it is too afraid. Leaping from its trembling jaws to the ground, she whispers. ‘Bury yourself, Siloth. Until the storm has passed.’
The baby clings to her. Sarah wants to place it on the ground and free her arms, but its claws sink into her
flesh, clamping itself to her body. She scolds it and tells it to leave. Gritting her teeth against the pain, she tears it from her breast and drops it on the floor where it cowers behind her.
‘You presume to use the black alphabet against me, Magician. It’s all just pretty fireworks, my sweet. Don’t you know that I am the source?’
Sarah watches Lilith’s hair move around her face. The wind surrounds her, but her body is strong. Satori cannot overwhelm her. He will lose. She looks between the two figures, through the chaos of movement and light. Neither gives ground. Neither pause to look her way, so focused are they on each other.
Sarah feels hot. Bright light radiates from her mind through her body, warming every cell until she reaches an intense heat. Her flesh does not burn, instead she becomes light. Her skin thins and vanishes. Her form disappears. She is pure energy, bright, blinding energy. Lilith and Satori turn towards her.
The ball of energy, the true core of Sarah’s being, rises above the ground. As she ascends her heat grows ever more powerful, her light brighter, the sphere larger until Sarah becomes the sun.
Below her the whirlwind ceases. Lilith and Satori are on their knees. Their faces turn upwards towards her and their open moths move in silence. Lilith raises her arms towards the sky and Sarah. A tear blossoms in Lilith’s left eye and rolls down her cheek.
Sarah speaks and her voice echoes around them. She tries to speak softly so the sense of her words will not be lost in the deafening volume. Satori covers his ears, but Lilith stares, arms outstretched; rivers of tears fall from her wide eyes.
‘I do not envy you, Lilith,’ Sarah says. ‘Neither do I hate you. We are light. Merge with me and become complete again.’
Lilith smiles. She mouths the words thank-you. The demon’s shape changes and she becomes a white orb: the moon. Rising towards Sarah, the moon grows brighter. The lovers merge and a wave of light blows out across Binah cleansing the world. Sparks of fire hit the ground below them and in all planes of existence. On earth a second sun rises in the east. People bow their heads in fear and pray.
Sun and moon glow and spit fire. The warmth heals both woman and goddess. Their light dims as their flesh absorbs the flames. They descend. Sarah and Lilith stand together wrapped in each other’s arms. Lilith kisses Sarah’s forehead, weeping.
‘Thank you,’ Lilith whispers. She falls to the floor and covers her face with her hands.
Sarah reaches down and places a hand on Lilith’s shoulder. She looks towards Satori who blinks in confusion. Sarah holds a finger to her lips and shakes her head.
‘My love,’ Lilith says at last, uncovering her face. ‘After all I have done…after the terror and horror I have sewn within so many hearts…you forgive me?’
Sarah nods. ‘I forgive you, Lilith.’
‘You are both free to go or to stay. You have given me more than you could ever understand, more than I deserve.’
‘Before I met you I was trapped inside the shell of a frightened child. What I have given to you is no more than I have received. Live well Lilith. Look after our son for me.’ Sarah lifts her hand from Lilith’s shoulder and walks towards Satori. She extends her arm towards him, and he grasps her fingers and rises to his feet. Hand in hand Sarah and Satori walk towards a veil of mist that hangs across the horizon. They do not speak. There is no need of words.
A final step takes them from the twilight land of Binah and into Satori’s cell. Naked they lie together on his tiny cot. Not even a sliver of air separates their bodies.
Black Sun
Carmilla Voiez
Published by
Vamptasy Publishing
www.vamptasy.co
Chapter 1
The baby watches, spellbound. His mother lies before him on the soil, her body torn and her stomach open. The hilt of a dagger extends above the wound. His nostrils widen to drink in her scent, a heady aroma of blood and milk.
He crawls towards her and nudges her cheek with the crown of his head. Other than a gentle rocking in response to his pressure, she does not move. She has never opened her eyes, never held him in her arms or spoken his name. He isn’t even sure he has a name, but he knows her name. Lilith told him. His mother’s name is Star and she is beautiful.
He gives up trying to wake her and nestles between her inert arm and her breast. Clamping his teeth around her nipple, he sucks. Blood and milk mix and they nourish him. When his stomach is full he falls asleep beside her.
***
Star moves. She is some distance away from him and he only catches the movement of her arm from the corner of his eye, but he is sure he doesn’t imagine it. His mother is awake.
He crawls closer and watches. Her body rests as always with both hands on either side of her torso at exactly the same angle as yesterday and the day before. He sniffs the air. She smells different. In addition to her usual scent of blood and milk he identifies an extra ingredient, the whiff of perspiration. He watches eagerly, frightened to move and miss anything.
She touches her stomach. Her fingers shake as they probe the dagger in her belly. The pressure of her touch makes the blade wobble. Bubbles of blood erupt from the wound and she screams. Letting go of the knife, she touches her lips. She stretches her tongue and licks the blood from her fingertips.
‘Am I dead?’ she asks.
He crawls closer.
‘Who’s there?’ She waves her arms. The movement is weak and she only manages a few jerks before she gives up, panting.
He shuffles toward her. Star digs her hands and feet into the earth and tries to push herself away. Her efforts are slow and torturous. Unable to talk to her and calm her, he nudges gently against her cheek. He extends his tongue to lick her, to show her she has nothing to fear. She recoils at his touch and his chest feels heavy with the pain of her rejection.
‘What are you?’ Her hands flail wildly around her face. He backs away to avoid being hit. Her fingernails tear at her eyelids and blood flows between her lashes. It congeals on her temples and in her hair.
He tries to lick her face clean. ‘M-m-m.’ Frustration bubbles inside his throat as he tries to form the word – mother.
‘What do you want?’ Her voice sounds terrified.
Tears burn his eyes. This isn’t what I want. Why do you fear me? ‘M-m-m.’ He tries again, but he cannot make her understand.
Frustrated, he decides to let his actions speak for themselves. Perhaps then she might understand and accept him. He clamps his mouth around her breast and sucks. Warm milk squirts into his mouth. Piercing her skin with his teeth, he feeds on blood and milk. For a moment she is silent and he believes she understands at last then she screams.
He continues to feed until his belly is full then moves away. Today he does not wish to sleep nestled against the arm of his mother.
***
‘What should we call the infant, Siloth?’ Lilith asks. ‘His mother refuses to name him. I suppose we should.’
‘You want me to name him, Missstressss?’ the wyrm asks.
‘Of course not, Serpent,’ Lilith shrieks. ‘I want you to suggest names so that I might name him.’
Siloth bows his head. ‘Well, may I sssuggessst a name that represssentsss both hisss mothersss?’
‘Okay,’ Lilith says. ‘Like?’
‘Moonssstar or Edensssun?’
Lilith sucks air noisily and taps her clawed fingertips against her knee. Her brow furrows and she looks across at the baby. He returns her gaze.
‘Edensun.’ She nods. ‘Edensun. I like it, Siloth. It suits him. Let’s go and visit your mother, Edensun.’
Edensun crawls behind Lilith, down the bank of earth away from the villa and towards Star. Lilith’s stride is too fast for him to keep up, but she remains in sight and he knows the route he must take. He has travelled the same way at least three times each day since he was born.
Lilith reaches Star and halts. Edensun overhears their conversation as he hurries to reach them.
‘Good mornin
g, Beautiful,’ Lilith says.
Star’s voice trembles as she replies. ‘Why am I here?’
Lilith laughs. ‘You branded yourself as mine. Of course you came back to me.’
Edensun reaches the women. His eyes follow the direction in which Lilith’s finger points: a jumble of white scars on Star’s thigh.
‘What happens now?’ Star’s voice sounds stronger and steadier than before.
‘Lie back and enjoy yourself. You’ll find a wonder and beauty in the pain if you allow yourself to feel it,’ Lilith replies.
‘Never.’
‘Then suffer.’
Lilith kicks Edensun, pushing his body towards Star’s breast. He glances up in confusion and sees Lilith’s frown. He understands that look and knows it means she wants him to do something. Shaking his head, he struggles to imagine what he is supposed to do. Milk dribbles from Star’s breast. Ignoring the pain in his back, Edensun puts his questions on hold and clamps his mouth over his mother’s breast. Star’s arms shake and she tries to push him away. His teeth are clamped around her and he pulls her nipple with him, stretching her breast. Star moans in pain and stops pushing. Edensun returns to her side and drinks.
‘It has to feed.’ Lilith’s voice drips mock anger. ‘What kind of mother are you?’
Edensun continues to suckle at his mother’s breast.
‘That’s better,’ Lilith croons.
***
Edensun crawls towards Star. She has changed beyond all comprehension. She no longer lies on the ground. Instead she stands within the jaws of Siloth, towering high above him.
He looks up at her and senses that she sees him too. The thought makes him smile and he grins at her. She shudders. Tears swell in his eyes. He disgusts her, his own mother. The sharp pain in his stomach reminds him that he hasn’t fed in a long time. Lilith kept him locked in the villa. He had cried out, not understanding his banishment. Now he can see the reason, although he does not understand. Wondering how things can change so quickly, he weeps with the knowledge that he will no longer sleep on the ground next to her.
Starblood Trilogy Page 47