by T. T. Kove
But even if the panic squeezed his stomach tighter, he couldn't help but feel the butterflies fluttering nervously, in anticipation. Frey couldn't get himself involved with anyone in a sexual way, but maybe they could grow to be friends? Frey didn't have many of those, and having Jørgen as a friend... that would be good enough. Right?
Chapter Two
Frey was mixing dry food with liver paste for Kosmo when there was a knock on his door. Kosmo's ears perked up, but his eyes were firmly fixed on the bowl. Frey put the bowl on the floor and the little dog was all over it in a second.
Frey smiled at him then went to answer. His stomach knotted the closer to the door he got. He knew it was Jørgen on the other side. That it was time for their trip. He paused with his hand on the knob, then he took a deep breath and opened the door.
"Hi, Frey." Jørgen smiled at him and Frey's heart skipped a beat.
"Come in." Frey stepped back to allow Jørgen to come inside. "I'm just going to put on some more clothes, then I'm ready to leave." He hurried into his bedroom to put on the thick jumper he'd laid on his bed and an extra pair of wool socks.
He smiled nervously at Jørgen when he came back out. Jørgen seemed calm. He was leaning against the doorway of the outer door, looking around Frey's little flat with curiosity. Frey quickly wrapped his scarf around his neck and pulled a cap down over his ears. He pulled on his snowsuit and zipped it up, then bent down to lace up his boots. He grabbed his gloves next, then stood for a moment just looking at Jørgen.
"Ready?" Jørgen's eyes travelled down Frey's body, his friendly expression not changing. He nodded slightly, seeming to be satisfied with Frey's clothing.
"Yeah." Frey nodded to emphasise it.
"Where's your dog?" Jørgen asked, looking around again.
"Busy gobbling up his food," Frey said with a chuckle.
Jørgen's eyes moved back to Frey and there was something in them Frey couldn't decipher. But Jørgen just smiled and turned to open the door without a word, leaving Frey confused at the sudden emotion he had seen in his eyes.
Jørgen had driven his car over and Frey got into the passenger seat. They didn't talk much when Jørgen drove towards the horse centre; Jørgen was busy focusing on the road and Frey was busy looking out at the colourful houses they passed. He liked that the houses of Longyearbyen were painted in different bright colours. Looking at them instantly brightened his mood.
The horses were calm, steady animals. Jørgen seemed to be accustomed to horses as well as anything else here up in the arctic, but Frey felt a bit safer now, because he too knew his way around horses. Frey's mare, Skalm, dutifully did everything Frey asked of her and never once fought his control. Jørgen rode a gelding named Sleipnir.
"Are your friends into Norse mythology?" Frey asked, steering Skalm up to the side of Sleipnir as they rode towards Adventdalen, away from Longyearbyen.
"No, not really. Why?" Jørgen looked at him, puzzled.
"The horses have Norse names," Frey explained, shrugging his shoulders. "Sleipnir was Odin's eight-legged horse and Skalm was the first Icelandic horse known by name."
"I really don't know how they came up with the names. I never asked." Jørgen stared at him in surprise. "You interested in Norse mythology?"
"I-I guess." Frey felt uncomfortable being stared at like that and so he started stuttering again. "I've lived with it all my life. My parents are very interested in it. They both graduated with Norse as their majors and they gave their sons Norse names."
"If I remember correctly, Varg means 'wolf'? And Frey was a Norse god, if I'm not completely mistaken?" Jørgen looked to him for confirmation. "I can't say I remember much of Norse mythology from school." Jørgen grinned wryly.
Frey nodded. "Y-yeah, it's correct." The god Frey's real name was Freyr, but his parents had been kind enough to skip that last r. He couldn't imagine how much more crap he would've got in school if they'd given him the proper Norse name. Kids tended to be cruel, and Frey had experienced that more closely than most.
They continued up the sturdy landscape in silence. It was white all around them now, everything was covered in snow. Frey felt his nervousness ebb away slightly as he looked around at the beautiful landscape. He swayed slightly from side to side as the mare trudged on, and he relaxed his grip on the reins.
"Mind if I ask you a question?" Jørgen suddenly asked, breaking the silence.
Frey glanced at him curiously.
Jørgen looked back at him. "Why did you move up here?"
Frey looked down, his mind going blank. He fastened his eyes on the saddlebags that lay across Jørgen's gelding's back part. He did not know what was in them, he hadn't wanted to ask. The only thing he knew for certain was that Jørgen had brought a rifle, because it stuck out slightly. It made Frey uncomfortable, but he knew that it was a necessity. Everyone that moved outside the settlement had to bring a rifle and be able to use it. Frey did not know how to use it, but he hoped they wouldn't meet an angry polar bear.
"I-I wanted to move somewhere more desolate. Oslo is too much." It was part of his reason, but it was a very small part. So he wasn't exactly lying, he was just leaving the other parts out. Still, his guilty conscience reared its head. Jørgen had been kind enough to go on this trip with him, to show him more of Svalbard.
"That's true. I never liked Oslo."
"Did you live there before you moved up here?" Frey asked.
"Yeah. I grew up in Oslo, but never liked the city much. And after Karina's accident... She wanted to get away, Sara suggested Svalbard and I went with them."
Frey blinked in surprise. "Accident?"
Jørgen's smile was sad this time and he looked down, seemingly lost in thoughts. "Karina was a jockey, she lived for it. But on Derby Day that year... it was horrible to watch how the horse fell, how she landed underneath it. The ambulance came quickly and they shipped her away to the hospital. Sara was in shock, I had to take care of her. And the horse, it had to be put down immediately. It was too injured, it couldn't heal from it. It broke Karina's heart, she loved that horse, but she had her own recovery to focus on. She could never go back to being a jockey, but she still wanted to work with horses, so we moved up here. Sara actually grew up here, her parents owned the stable and they sold everything to the both of them. Horses are Karina's passion."
Frey felt his chest squeeze at the story Jørgen had told. He had only met Karina briefly, didn't know her at all, but he felt truly sorry for her. It was clear in Jørgen's face and voice just how much he loved his best friend.
"Life's good here though," Jørgen continued. "I don't think any of us will ever move away."
Frey looked out over the snow-covered landscape ahead of them, at the white mountains and glaciers. "I won't either," he mumbled.
Jørgen smiled. "There's no place on earth like Svalbard."
Frey couldn't agree more. The calm, steady pace of a small town in the middle of this snow and ice covered wasteland had been his safe shore. He didn't ever want to move away from this.
*~*~*
Jørgen drove Frey home late that evening and walked him all the way up to his door. Frey hurriedly unlocked it, then to Jørgen's surprise, motioned for Jørgen to follow him inside.
"I had a really nice time with you today," Frey told Jørgen in a low voice, glancing shyly up at him as he took off his gloves and cap.
Jørgen smiled widely. He was glad Frey thought so, because Jørgen certainly did. They'd spent the whole day up on the snow and ice-covered tundra. They'd seen glaciers and craggy mountains, reindeer and polar foxes, as well as several different species of arctic birds. The only thing they hadn't seen was a polar bear, but Jørgen hoped they would be able to see one another time. That Frey would spend more time with him.
His nervousness had slowly subsided during the day and in the end he had looked rather comfortable. Even when they'd sat down to eat a midday meal, which Jørgen had had packed down in his saddlebags. They'd talked loosely all day, and Fre
y had even laughed a few times. Jørgen had been completely mesmerised by his smile and his laugh, and he was only falling harder for Frey.
"Me too," he replied softly. "I hope we can do it again."
Frey blinked rapidly and Jørgen felt like a weight had been dropped into his stomach. But then Frey smiled slightly. "Yeah, I hope so to."
Jørgen felt happiness bubble up inside him as the weight disappeared. "Svalbard has so much to offer. Today was nothing compared to what is left."
"I can't wait to see more of this island."
Jørgen gazed at him, deciding to get something settled right there and then. "Two years ago I worked as a guide during the light winter and spring months. There was a really neat route that shows a lot of what's out there. Barentsburg, the Russian settlement, for one. It's a beautiful trip—one that simply has to be experienced. I'd really like to show you all that." Jørgen hoped he wasn't being too forward.
Frey's eyes were slightly wider than normal when he looked up at Jørgen. "How much will it cost?"
"Not much." Jørgen grinned. "But you don't have to worry about that. It will all be on me."
"I couldn't let you pay for me," Frey protested weakly, his voice low.
"I want to show you this. I'm asking you out. I do believe there's an unspoken rule that the person doing the asking pays for the one being asked out."
Frey blinked again. Jørgen had noticed he did that a lot when he was nervous. "O-ok," came the eventual answer. Frey quickly looked away, but not before Jørgen saw the blush marring his cheeks. "I'd need to ask for a few days off, it might be a little while till I can get them."
"Brilliant!" Jørgen smiled widely. "There's no hurry. I need a little while to plan anyway. Just let me know which days you get. You do have a license?"
"Yes. Why?"
"We can't take this trip on horseback, it'll take too long. So we'll be driving snowmobiles."
"Oh." Frey nibbled at his lower lip. "I've never driven a snowmobile before."
"No worries, I can teach you. It's pretty simple once you get the hang of it."
Frey looked doubtful and Jørgen smiled again. "I look forward to spending more time with you."
Frey's moss-green eyes came up to stare at him. Jørgen felt his heart skip a beat at the brilliant colour of those eyes, at the mix of emotions swirling in them.
It was all very clear to him; he was falling in love with Frey.
*~*~*
The sun rose higher in the sky for every day, bringing with it longer days and lighter nights. Migrating birds were slowly returning to Svalbard, giving new life to the mountainsides.
It took three weeks before Jørgen and Frey could get the same two days off, but at the very end of March they were ready. Jørgen could tell that Frey's nervousness was back and when he got too close to him while teaching him how to run the snowmobile, he flinched away.
Jørgen didn't mention it, but he was surprised by how much it hurt. He had thought Frey had become more comfortable around him after their horseback riding trip, but apparently three weeks apart had caused him to retreat back into his scared old self. Jørgen hoped he could draw him out easily enough this time. He did not like that Frey seemed so afraid of everything, especially of him.
Once Frey had got the hang of the snowmobile, they were off from Longyearbyen.
Svalbard was still in winter and it was freezing outside, but Jørgen enjoyed feeling the cold wind against his face anyway. He loved driving a snowmobile over the snow-covered tundra, loved the adrenaline it gave him. He didn't go as fast as he usually did, because Frey was not as used to it as he was, but it was fast enough.
It had only been a couple of hours when they reached Barentsburg. Jørgen smiled to himself as he watched Frey climb off the snowmobile, his body clearly stiff after sitting for so long.
"You hungry?" Jørgen asked. "We can go eat at the hotel here." He had parked outside it on purpose.
Frey nodded and followed him inside, looking around curiously.
Barentsburg was not big. Only about four hundred Russians resided there compared to Longyearbyen's over two thousand. The buildings around them were sturdy, but the colours were duller than in Longyearbyen. While Longyearbyen consisted of houses in a blur of different colours in red, yellow, blue and green, all the houses here were brown.
"Jørgen!" someone called behind him and Jørgen turned around to see Radimir Kaminski coming towards him.
"Hey, mate." Jørgen switched over to English—Radimir had never learned Norwegian, and Jørgen had certainly never learned any Russian. They shook hands and moved into a one-armed hug. Radimir was taller than him and buffer, with short blond hair and brown eyes. Jørgen remembered several late nights in bed with the man. They'd hooked up once in a while, when Radimir was in Longyearbyen, before Frey's arrival in the settlement.
Jonathan had just been a fuck-buddy; everything between them had been sex. He'd never even kissed him, because if there was one thing about Jonathan it was that he did not kiss. With Radimir there had been more between them for a while. They'd had a very good time together, but Radimir had never been able to forget another man he'd been in love with for a very long time, and now Jørgen had met Frey.
"How're you doing?" Jørgen asked, smiling. They were still good friends, even if they didn't have sex anymore. Radimir was a good bloke. It wasn't his fault he couldn't get over the other man. At least he had tried and they'd had good times together.
"I'm doing great!" Radimir grinned. "Have a few mates from Russia visiting. Three of them are out racing with the snowmobiles right now though. Only Lesya is in town."
Jørgen knew that nickname and he raised his brows in question. Radimir shrugged his shoulders lightly, but Jørgen wasn't fooled.
"You're an idiot," Jørgen murmured.
A wry smile appeared on Radimir's face. "Don't I know it."
Radimir looked over at Frey, who had been standing silently behind Jørgen all the time.
"What're you two up to?" Radimir asked, but Jørgen knew that that wasn't the question he really wanted to ask.
"I'm showing Frey around Svalbard, and after we've eaten we're headed towards Van Mijenfjord and the Fridtjov glacier."
"Excellent trip." Radimir nodded. "Have fun." He smiled, then brushed past them and was gone.
Jørgen smiled tentatively at Frey as they sat down at an empty table. "Radimir's a friend of mine." He had been more than that, but Jørgen wasn't sure how to tell Frey that, so he kept quiet. He didn't want to lie, but what had been between him and Radimir was over. And besides, Frey and he probably didn't have anything except perhaps a tentative friendship forming, so it wasn't like he was keeping valid information.
Frey just nodded, but he didn't meet Jørgen's eyes.
*~*~*
Jørgen sat on the seat of his snowmobile, which was parked right next to Frey's. Jørgen would've preferred moving over to Frey's seat, to sit next to him, but he didn't dare be so bold. That might scare Frey off completely.
Frey's focus was on the Fridtjov glacier. He seemed to be completely mesmerised by the majestic view. Jørgen had seen the glacier countless times, so he turned his head to gaze out over the Van Mijenfjorden. He spotted a polar bear far away, lumbering on the pack ice.
"Look," he said, drawing Frey's attention. He pointed towards the bear.
Frey sat up straighter and leaned forward slightly. "It's a polar bear." An excited smile appeared on his lips.
Jørgen smiled at the sight of Frey's excitement, but he didn't want to stare so he too turned to look at the bear. As they both sat quietly watching the enormous animal, the bear suddenly lashed out with a paw into the water and dragged a seal halfway up on the ice.
Frey jerked back with a gasp and a gloved hand shot up to cover his mouth.
"That's two things you don't see every day," Jørgen muttered, just as shocked as Frey at the sight ahead.
Frey turned to him in confusion.
"It's not every day you se
e a polar bear," Jørgen clarified. "And it's certainly not every day you see a bear hunt seal." Jørgen had never seen it, so that sight was just as new to him as it was to Frey.
Frey's eyes flickered back to the bear, who bent his head down and bit into the trashing seal, dragging it further up on the ice, blood trailing behind.
"I don't ever want to see that again," Frey murmured stiffly, turning his head away from the sight.
Jørgen found it more fascinating than anything, but Frey's discomfort had him straddling his snowmobile again. "Should we leave then? Ready to head back home?"
Frey nodded and straddled his own snowmobile.
"You ok?" Jørgen asked. "That came as quite an unsettling surprise."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Frey met his eyes. "Thanks for asking."
Jørgen smiled. They'd had a good time today. Not much talking as they'd mostly been driving, but just being in Frey's company was enough for Jørgen. Seeing Frey's obvious awe and appreciation of the arctic landscape around them made him fall all the more for him, and Jørgen wished he could draw this time out even more. But he knew he couldn't. They had to get back to Longyearbyen before dark.
They drove back towards home. It was getting late. The sun was getting lower in the sky, but the season of the midnight sun was upon them so they would have quite a while yet to reach Longyearbyen. It wouldn't be complete dark, even in the middle of the night, not anymore. The darkest it would become was twilight.
Jørgen was so deep in thought and the feel of the wind ripping against his clothes, he almost did not notice that Frey had stopped. Jørgen turned his snowmobile around on the open tundra and drove back to where Frey had parked, worried that something might have happened to him.
"What's wrong?" he called.
Frey didn't answer and neither did he look at him. Frey's gaze was locked somewhere to Jørgen's side, and Jørgen frowned in wonder.
"Jørgen. Is that—" His breath hitched and Jørgen quickly turned to see what it was that had Frey so worked up.