by Liz Schulte
I kept my face passive, but my heart thumped hard in my chest. "What makes you think that?"
"There’s something sad about you. You seem cool and reserved on the outside, but underneath that you have anger and sadness. A woman scorned vibe."
"You can see what I am feeling?"
"I have some talent towards healing. In order to heal something you have to know what ails it. And I’ve gotten better at reading people's eyes over the years. Your eyes have a lot to say. So how did this guy fit into the mess?"
"I don't really want to talk about it. You know, thank you for lunch, but I can’t do this." I started to stand up, but Femi caught my arm.
“Sit back down. I didn’t mean to pry. Curiosity comes with the territory.”
I sat back in my seat fiddled with the napkin in my lap. “I’m sorry. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.”
“Hell, don’t apologize. I should know better than to ask about something like that.”
She let me have a couple minutes to regroup during which our food arrived. I twirled a fry in my fingers, then dipped it in ketchup. “Why do guardians not talk to Sekhmet?”
“Excuse me?” she said, an eyebrow quirked.
“You said that was one of the ways you knew I wasn’t a guardian, I was talking to you.”
“Oh. It’s just Sekhmet have a long history of siding with the winners in conflicts. We feel no tie to good or evil or any other labels guardians like to put on things. We believe the world naturally changes and evolves, and we back the winners.”
“Or do the people win because you back them?”
“That’s the guardian point. They disagree with many of our choices throughout history, so it’s a mutual avoidance on either side.” Her eyes narrowed. “Do you have a problem with it?”
“No, I actually think I understand. Not about siding with the winners, but about making decisions they don’t approve of. Let’s just say it’s slightly amazing I am sitting here now.”
“You certainly don’t seem like the others.”
“What are they like?”
“You should know. You’re one of them.”
“I’ve only met five. I’m not an expert. My partner, Quintus, another to help with training, a conspiracy theorist who seemed nice, and two who were, well,” I searched for the right words, “different. It probably isn’t fair to judge all of them based on that sampling.”
“I’ve heard of a guardian named Quintus. He’s been around for ages. Cute, dimpled, Italian—maybe.”
“That’s him.”
“He must not be as cute as I’ve heard if you’re still moping around about some other guy.”
“He’s every bit as cute as you heard.” I sighed not sure how to explain. “Have you ever wanted something with every last fiber in your body and soul? You know you can’t have it, you know it isn’t good for you, you know 10,000 reasons why it would never work, yet it’s all you want.”
“No,” she said, “but it doesn’t sound fun.”
“It isn’t.”
“That guy really did a number on you.” She took a large bite of fish and didn’t wait to swallow before she began talking again “You know what you need? A girl’s night out. Does your friendless ass have plans for tonight?”
I laughed. She was brash and nosey, but I liked her. “No.”
“You do now. We’re going to hit so many clubs, have so much fun you won’t even remember that guy’s name by morning.”
“Sounds perfect.” What did I have to lose? I needed friends, and Femi was all but offering to be my friend and introduce me into this bizarre world. After lunch she took me to one supernatural hub after another. I saw creatures I could never have imagined, and she explained everything as we encountered it. Femi stuck to my side and scared away anyone who looked like trouble. My mind wandered to whether or not Holden would like her. Our last stop of the night was the new club that had just opened on the south side, Club Xavier.
I sensed them immediately. The club was swarming with jinn. Femi seemed oblivious to them as she flirted with the jinni bouncer and pulled me over to the jinni bartender, but I knew I shouldn’t be there.
I pulled everything within myself as tightly as I could. If I could manage not to draw attention to myself, then maybe I’d make out of all right. I didn’t touch the drink she handed me. The last thing I needed were dulled senses when I was surrounded by manipulative hell spawns. I had the same reptilian, skin crawling feeling about them as I did the jinni I encountered in Italy. However, despite my natural abhorrence for them, I still caught myself searching the room for Holden. I knew the chances of his being there, out of every other place in the world were miniscule, but a thin string of hope threaded its way through me.
“You okay?” Femi asked, interrupting my latest Holden scan.
“Yeah, I’m great.”
“Let’s dance.” She propelled me to the dance floor. “This is so much nicer than the pit it used to be.” Femi shouted over the thumping music.
We danced for several songs, until I began to loosen up. It was fine, I could coexist with jinn. There was no reason to get uptight about them. Guardians and jinn had coexisted for thousands of years. It didn’t mean I planned on advertising what I was, but I didn’t have to be scared either. If something happened, I could always transport out. Or if worse came to worst, I’d do the blister thing again. I didn’t believe the jinn knew I could do that.
A cool, hard body pressed up against me from behind, and my heart nearly stopped mid-beat. It couldn’t be—it couldn’t be him. I had been watching for him. I held my breath, my heart squeezing in my chest, and turned slowly. I didn’t know if I would slap him or kiss him, if I let my feelings run away. Either one would be a mistake. I had to stay cool. The face that met mine was not the perfectly chiseled face I expected. I couldn’t stop the rush of disappointment that flooded me.
The jinni before me was young and preppy. His blond hair was perfectly tousled and his cornflower blue eyes screamed, “Trust me. Take me home to meet your parents.” He laughed at me as he pulled me closer. “What I wouldn’t give to be the person you expected.”
I felt a gush of energy pour off of him. It felt slimy and unnatural. Is this what it felt like when Holden used his powers on me? I wanted to push him away, shower immediately. I forced a smile to my lips and pushed back. “But you’re not.”
A new, stronger wave hit me, as he pulled me back in, pressing his lips against my ear. “Are you sure about that?”
I didn’t know how to get out of this without making a scene. If I were a human as I was pretending, I’d be swooning by now, but I only felt repulsed. His lips felt like snakes against my ear. All I wanted to do was get away from him. What choice did I have? I pushed him off of me. “No means no, jackass.”
His eyes widened as he looked at me with new appreciation. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises?” He leaned into me again. My hands balled into fists, ready to fight if he laid another finger on me. Another hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me away from the jinni.
“None of that tonight,” Femi said, poking him hard in the chest. The jinni narrowed his eyes and took a step towards her. Femi smiled with a lazy regard that could only be seen as a warning. “You don’t want to upset me, jinni. I’ll eat your heart.”
“Stay out of this. I saw her first.”
“Your tricks don’t work on me. I see you for what you are. A stupid, lonely boy who knows he made the worst mistake of his life agreeing to any of this. You want to make everyone else suffer as you do, and I don’t want your soulless vessel anywhere near me,” I said moving closer to him.
His lips curled back in anger. I knew I should let Femi handle it, but I was tired of being quiet, of biting my tongue. The time for passively watching from the sidelines was over. I’d make my stand and nothing was going to push me around. I gathered energy for a strike against him, but Femi held out a restraining arm.
“No more. We need to go before he loses control and sta
rts a riot,” she said, watching the jinni like a hawk.
The two of us walked out of the door, heads held high. I felt wonderful, victorious. Jinn didn’t frighten me, I could take care of myself, and when I saw Holden again, all of my feelings for him would melt away. I was sure of it now. He’d be just as revolting to me as any jinni in the club. I glanced at Femi as we walked down the street. Her manic grin probably rivaled my own.
“Girl, you’re crazy. What do you think you were doing, pushing his buttons like that?”
“Standing up for myself for once in my life, and it was wonderful!”
“Do you know what jinn do?”
I nodded. I knew all too well what jinn did.
“As I said, you’re crazy.”
“I’m crazy? Do you know what they would’ve done to me if they knew I was a guardian? That was a jinn club you took me to. We aren’t exactly cool with one another.”
“Ah, shit. I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry. I’d heard about the club and thought it sounded fun. Plus it’s geared more towards humans, so I thought you’d like it. I forgot about the guardian thing.”
“No problem. I did have a good time.”
“Yeah, right up to the point where you were felt up by the jinni.”
“Even that. I wouldn’t change one moment of tonight. It was just what I needed. I’m so happy I met you today.” I said, smiling at her.
“How on earth did you become a guardian?” She laughed.
“Born into it.”
“I didn’t know you people could be born.”
“Not many of us are.”
“And everything’s starting to come together.”
I laughed at her. “You think you have me figured out?”
“Sure. You’re different because you were born a guardian. Makes perfect sense.”
“I’m different for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is I was born a guardian. You don’t know the half of it.”
“Yeah, right. Everyone thinks that.”
“I almost became a jinni instead of a guardian. Does everyone say that?” I asked innocently.
Femi stopped dead on the sidewalk. I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head as I continued walking. I didn’t feel like myself tonight. I felt free more open, like I could do anything I wanted to do. I hadn’t forgotten Holden like Femi had promised, but my shell of loneliness was breaking. It was great to have another girl to talk with, but it made me miss Juliet.
Femi quickly caught up with me. “Are you serious?”
“I rarely ever lie.”
“Then this is a story I have to hear.”
“Remember that guy you asked me about earlier?”
“The one you’re so uptight about?”
“I’m not uptight!”
Femi raised an eyebrow in disagreement, but didn’t say anything
“Whatever. He was a jinni. I met him while I was still human and fell in love with him.”
“They manufacture feelings like Hershey’s does chocolate. It should have dissipated when you died. Do you just feel dumb now?”
“No. This wasn’t manufactured. I was actually in love with him. Like give up everything to be with him sort of love.”
“So what happened? How did you end up a guardian?”
“He shot me in the head.”
“What!”
“Only after a demon tortured me.”
She started to speak several times, but stopped. Finally she shook her head. “No wonder you didn’t want to talk about it over French fries. I should have bought you a bottle of tequila. So you were tortured by some demon, shot in the head by the man you loved, then what?”
“Isn’t that enough?”
“Plenty, but where in this did you almost become a jinn?”
“That’s where the story gets complicated.” I rehashed the finer points of the end of my life for Femi, without using names. The less specifics she knew, the safer she’d be.
Femi never responded like she was judging anything I did or said, just listened actively and eagerly to everything I said—and didn’t shy away from telling me when she thought one of my decisions was dumb. Before I knew it we were back in my neighborhood, and I’d told her more about my life than I’d told anyone in a long time.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.”
“Because you might explode if you keep anything else bottled up in there.”
“Death by secrets.” I laughed.
“Exactly. So have you seen him?”
“No.”
“Are you still—” She gestured back and forth between our heads. “Can you still, you know?”
“Hear his thoughts? I believe I can, but I haven’t done it. I’m not ready to open myself up to that again.”
She whistled. “Damn, I’ve been alive a long time, but I’ve never heard of anything remotely like that. Aren’t you tempted?”
“Constantly.”
“Do you want him back or do you want revenge?”
“A little of both.”
“If you tell me his name, I can find him for you. Then at least you’ll know where he is, and you can avoid him or kick his ass, whatever floats your boat.”
“No, it’s best if you stay as far away from this as possible. Plenty of people have already died because of me. I’m not interested in adding anymore tallies to that list. We’ll see each other when—” My vision went black and blind fury drenched my mind. I felt Holden everywhere, and he was livid. My legs gave out and the sidewalk rushed toward me. I clutched my head against the assault. He knew I was back. He’d found me.
The pain released my hold on my light, and it wrapped around me, protecting me from the mental barrage. My vision came back spotty, but at least I could see. His anger continued to course through my veins. He wanted to make someone pay.
Femi’s hand connected with my face, making my check burn. “Olivia. Snap out of it,” she demanded, hauling me to my feet.
“He knows I’m back,” I said weakly and stumbled forward. “I need to get home.”
Femi helped me to my apartment and wrung her hands nervously in the doorway to my bedroom while I crawled beneath my covers, still fighting against his rage—but he was so strong. Too strong.
“I don’t know how to help you,” she said.
“I’m fine. He just caught me off guard. My defenses were down. I just need quiet.”
“That bastard. I’ll kill him if you want.”
“Get the light on your way out, please—” It took all of my energy and all of my concentration, but I managed to fight Holden back out of my head, but not before I felt the hurt that was feeding the fury.
Twenty Four
I stared at my door. I wanted to move, but my feet were planted. They didn't want to move an inch for fear this dream would end. I wanted to smash things, relieve the anger that lined my veins like ice. And rejoice that the evil inside didn’t win. I wanted to fall to my knees and thank God for returning her, and curse Him for keeping her away. My heart felt on the verge of bursting and collapsing. She was alive, and I was as alone as ever.
My mind was blank. I couldn’t react. Every past clue I had dismissed was real. What I worried was delusion was true. The enormity of these thoughts threatened to swallow me. It was her, not my imagination. My mind reeled at the notion. It was her pain, her despair. She had said my name. She was the light in my mind. She really could have been the girl on the street? She came back … just not to me. She was no longer my Olivia.
I sank to the floor, resting my forearms on my knees. Everything had been going so well, except for the fact that the universe seemed determined not to let me sleep. Olivia had stopped occupying my every thought. Work had become tolerable. I had even found purpose.
She didn’t even tell her mother she was back. Her own mother. My mind couldn't reconcile what I knew of her actions with the person I loved. Why didn’t she at least let me know? That's all I needed—just to know she wa
s alive and well. Her safety was all I ever cared about.
I sat stunned for hours. My phone rang, but it barely penetrated the fog and I didn’t answer it. Olivia was back. I could still see her if I wanted to. Finding her couldn't be too hard. I was a jinni for Christ's sake—finding things came with the territory. I could talk to her, get answers. She owed me that. At the least she should explain herself. Why would she let me suffer, her mother suffer? No, now that I knew she was alive, I doubted there was anything that could keep me away from her. I could devote the rest of my existence to finding Olivia, winning her back. And if I decided on that path, there was not one creature of the Abyss who would keep me from her.
But I was always the one going to her. She never came to me, not in all the time I had known her. She came into my subconscious, but I pursued her. Her pain mirrored my own sense of loss, but she had all the power to end the suffering—she had to have known that—yet, she ignored it. She chose to live in agony rather than come to me. I let that realization sink in. Olivia truly didn't want to be with me. I would have crossed Heaven, Hell, and Earth to be with her, and she couldn't even pick up a phone. No, I wouldn't force her to see me again. If she didn’t want to see me, it was time I took a hint. Since the day I met her she was always the one who left me. I wouldn’t chase Olivia for the rest of eternity. Either she would come to me or become a memory.
I never would've imagined that knowing she was alive, but didn’t want me, would be worse than her being dead. I pulled myself from the floor, having no idea how much time had passed. The anger won. All bets were off. The door slammed behind me and my feet hit the pavement at a determined pace. If she didn't want me, if she wanted that ridiculous excuse for a guardian, then so be it. I wasn't waiting around for her anymore. I was done. Maybe I didn't even want her back. No way could she live up to my memory of her—romanticized nonsense. But she owed it to me to tell me to my face, damn it. Not to send her puppy over to piss on my floor. I should have killed him, sent her back my own message.
My knuckles rapped impatiently on the door in front of me.
"Holden, what are you doing here? I tried to call you when you never came into the office. I left the club early tonight," Juliet yammered, hair slightly tousled, probably from sleeping.