by Tara Mills
He nearly choked on a fry when that thought finally registered, because he’d just failed his own test.
Naturally, after spending last week apart, it was understandable they were impatient to be alone together. What made no sense at all, no sense, was that they had their recovery time. He should be set for a while because they’d just spent an intense and uninterrupted thirty-six hours together. One day back at work, a mere eight hours without her, should not send him into a shaky withdrawal. It shouldn’t.
No, this wasn’t possible. He’d managed just fine on his own for years without adverse effects. He shouldn’t be feeling this miserable at having to go another day, two days, or even another week without seeing Sabrina. This was all happening too fast. How did he go from simply dating the woman to feeling bereft when she wasn’t around? Had he somehow missed the normal route to love and taken the shortcut instead? He should still be enjoying the pleasant leisurely drive along the coastal highway, not getting detoured over to the expressway.
What the hell was the hurry? He wasn’t ready to be fast-tracked, because it came with weight, with responsibility, with kids. He looked at Emma and thought no, absolutely not. He liked her in small doses, but he couldn’t face kids yet. They were fine somewhere in the hazy distance, years off if he was lucky. He could admit it, he cared about Sabrina, more than he expected, given their unorthodox start, but he…but he…Son of a bitch, he was his father after all. Jackson needed Rob. He needed to talk to Rob. Now. His brother would understand.
Chapter 29
Sabrina picked up on the strange vibe coming from Jackson during dinner and it concerned her, but this wasn’t the time and certainly not the place to pursue it. Something was bothering him, though, and she wished she knew what it was.
Walking to their separate cars, Sabrina gave Tanya a private look, silently asking for a moment with Jackson. He didn’t cooperate. Unaware of her intentions, Jackson gave Sabrina a hasty kiss and excused himself, bolting for his car. It was as if he couldn’t get away fast enough.
Baffled, she turned to Tanya with a helpless shrug. “I guess that’s it. Well, let’s get this little chicky home then, huh?” She wrapped her arm around Emma’s shoulders and pulled her in for a smacking kiss on the top of her head.
Tanya smiled. “Sounds like a plan to me.”
****
Jackson pulled off the road, turning into an empty parking lot so he could phone his brother. “You busy?” he asked when Rob picked up.
“I have an hour before my group session. I was just about to go get something to eat.”
“What do you want? I’ll bring it over.”
“What’s up?”
“I’m in crisis mode.”
“Get me a sandwich from Zack’s Deli.”
“Anything particular?”
“The Number One ought to do me.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Rob homed in on the bag in Jackson’s hand as soon as he stepped out of the elevator, while Jackson looked around the quiet reception area. “Where’s your secretary?”
Already digging into the bag and unearthing his sandwich, Rob said, “She gets to work normal hours. Come on back.” He led the way to his office and went around the desk, taking a hungry bite as he sat down. “Mmm, thank you,” he said with a moan, savoring the medley of flavors.
“It’s the least I can do.”
“No shit. Sit down.”
“No couch?”
Rob chuckled. “I find the rocker tells me more about the state of my patients. Have a seat.” He smirked as his tightly wound brother began to rock furiously. “See, it works. What’s on your mind?”
Jackson gripped the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckles were white. “Sabrina, highways versus expressways, kids, sex, Sabrina, commitment, fear, Dad, sex, Sabrina, time.” He looked up desperately while the chair beneath him creaked and strained. “Did I leave anything out?”
Rob grinned. “How should I know? Is she pushing for commitment already?”
“No.”
“Okaaay.” Rob took another bite and sighed as he chewed.
“She hasn’t asked me for anything. It’s me, it’s all me.”
“In what way?” Rob wiped a bit of mayo from the corner of his mouth and sucked his finger clean.
“I really hate this.”
“What’s that?”
“How much she dominates my thoughts. How much I miss her when she isn’t there and how bad I want to gorge on her when she is. I’m not in control.”
“And you like to be in control.”
“It’s who I am.”
“Congratulations on your promotion, by the way. We’ll have to celebrate.”
“Thanks. The thing is, all this is happening too fast.”
“Highways versus expressways.”
“You were paying attention.”
“You’ll get my bill in the mail.”
“Anyway, courtship—can I still call it courtship? It seems like such an antiquated word for something a hell of a lot more complicated these days.”
“Call it what you like.” Rob waved graciously and took another bite.
“Fine. Courtship is supposed to progress at a comfortable pace, right? I always thought so, anyway. I thought I’d meet a woman I really like, we’d pal around for a few years, and gradually I’d fall in love with her. When the time was right I’d give her a ring. After a few more years we’d have our two-point-five children and worry about the Joneses next door. Your basic American dream.”
Rob pursed his lips. “And this is?”
“A race to the moon, damn it. I didn’t sign up for this!”
“Are you telling me you love her?”
Jackson looked out the window for several beats, his violent rocking reaching a critical state. “I don’t know,” he ground out. “But I know I care about her. Sometimes I want her so much it hurts inside. I just don’t want the vows yet, or the house, the dog, the minivan in the driveway, or the two-point-five kids. What if I’m not ready to deal with soccer practice or dance lessons? What if I don’t want to sit and check homework at night? What if I only want her? Is that selfish? Am I Dad?”
“Do you honestly think that by simply admitting your feelings for Sabrina you’re automatically committed to pushing the rest forward? That a house, kids, and the golden retriever have to be acquired instantaneously?”
Jackson sighed. “Sounds stupid, I know, but I can’t stop panicking.”
“Have you even asked Sabrina what she wants in the future? What she might have planned?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should. You care about her, obviously. Take your time and enjoy each other. Set your own timeline—hell, set your own course and forget the norms, as long as it’s what you both want. You’ll know when and if you’re ready to add the rest.”
“I should have brought you dessert, too.”
“I could use it, the celibate’s ambrosia. Now that you’ve worn grooves into my carpet, you should probably get out of here, or I might just put that on your bill, too.”
They embraced. It had been years since they’d shared a hug, but it felt right. Jackson suddenly felt right again.
“You’re a good brother, and a good psychiatrist. How come you’re still single?”
Rob walked him to the elevators. “You really want to know?”
“I’ve wondered.”
“Women always end up unloading on me during dates. They want to talk about their issues with their mothers, their sisters, or the exes. It’s like I never left the office.”
“That sucks.”
“Tell me about it.”
****
Tuesday turned out to be a challenging day for Sabrina. Though Jackson’s odd behavior was always hovering in the back of her mind, she was simply too busy to deal with it. There were orders to make, people to see, and then Mario came shuffling in looking sick enough to fall over onto his grill. She sent him right home before he could share his germs with a
nyone else. Without their head cook, and unable to find a replacement on such short notice, Sabrina was left with little choice but to boot Craig over to the grill and hope for the best. She and Tanya jumped into the fray to do whatever was necessary to get through the shift.
“This still needs sauce,” Craig barked at Tanya, sending the plate back at her. She glared at him but rectified the oversight.
“Where’s the baker? I need a plate here, Brie!” he called, a crazed look in his eye.
Sabrina understood Craig wasn’t actually bossing them so much as shitting bricks trying to keep up with the busy lunch and hold it all together. She could cut him some slack for that. Tanya might chew his ass off later, but he was safe from her.
All in all, when the rush was over, they were pleased with themselves. Only three steaks were sent back, and those simply needed a bit more time on the grill. Craig had erred on the side of underdone, which was what Sabrina asked him to do. When Mario got back, she was going to have him train Craig properly. He was ready to shoulder more responsibility.
Late that afternoon, sapped of energy and moving on fumes, Sabrina and Tanya dragged themselves out the back door. Sabrina felt slick with grease and disgustingly grimy. She looked at her shirt, splattered beyond redemption, and sighed. “I swear I’m five pounds heavier now.”
“Me too, and it’s all in my pores,” groaned Tanya. “I’m going to break out for sure. Thanks for dumping me at the fryer.”
“You had the timing down. What was I supposed to do? Anyway, we did good, considering.”
“Yeah, considering.”
“I get the shower first.”
“Why you?”
“My apartment.”
Tanya accepted that grudgingly. “Think we should get some food to bring home on the way?”
“I’m not cooking.”
“Me neither. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like cooking again.”
Sabrina laughed. “So what were you thinking?”
“I see a big honking burrito in my future.”
“Currito’s?”
“You read my mind. You must be psycho.”
“That’s psychic.”
Tanya grinned. “Don’t be too sure.”
****
There were three laptops open on the conference table and scores of papers scattered between them.
Jackson tossed a stapled packet onto the closest pile and rubbed his temples. “Come on, we’ve been going at this for three hours straight. Let’s break for a bite to eat and meet back here in an hour. What do you say?”
Neil and Joanne agreed, glad to get out of their chairs and move around.
****
Sabrina sighed and closed her phone, stuffing it back into her purse. She patted her leg anxiously.
Tanya glanced over. “He’s not answering?”
“No, but I didn’t really expect him to. Jackson said he’d be in meetings today. I guess I was just sort of hoping he’d pick up.”
Concerned about Sabrina’s tension, Tanya asked, “How’s it going with you two?”
Sabrina shrugged. “Until yesterday I would have said great.” She slumped back into her seat and frowned. “It started out fine. When he chased me down at the soccer field he was playful and affectionate, but everything changed once we got to the restaurant. He was so different—like he couldn’t wait to get out of there and away from me. I swear, it felt like someone flipped a switch off inside him and that was it. I could feel him slipping away.”
“Weird,” Tanya said, moving into the next lane.
“I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but you saw what happened there. He ran before I got the chance. And now, because I haven’t been able to reach him all day, I’ve been stewing over it. Wondering what I might have done. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. Ugh. I wish I could just shake off this paranoid mood.”
“Yeah, he had this ‘oh shit’ look about him when he made his quick escape yesterday. Wonder what’s up.”
“It’s been bugging me all day. I can’t seem to let it go. I keep wondering if Jackson’s already reached that been there, done her stage.”
Tanya laughed. “Been there, done her? I like that. I’ll have to remember it.”
“Knock yourself out,” Sabrina said with a heavy sigh. “I know I’m just letting my imagination run away with me. Other than his strange mood yesterday I have nothing to base my paranoia on, so why am I doing this to myself? It isn’t healthy. God, I just need to get home and relax for the rest of the night and chill out.”
“After a hot shower.”
“After a hot shower,” Sabrina agreed.
****
Kelli was walking out of the drycleaners when she spotted him. “Jackson!”
He brightened in surprise. “Well, hi! How’ve you been?” They met on the sidewalk in front of the strip mall.
“I’m good. Say, I was going to call you because we’re having a little party next weekend and I wanted to extend the invitation. Nothing fancy, just some of our closer friends.”
“I’ll think about it. Would you mind if I brought a date?”
“Not at all.”
He looked at her ripening figure and smiled. “Is it my imagination or are you beginning to show?”
She cupped her growing belly and laughed. “I’m definitely pregnant now. I’m about ready to pop out of my normal clothes. I don’t know how much longer they’re going to hold out. Everything is tight.”
“Just think of all the shopping you have ahead of you.”
“There is that,” she said with a laugh. “I just had my first sonogram. It’s in the car. Do you want to see it?”
“A picture of the baby?”
“Yes.”
“Sure.”
“I’m over there,” she said, pointing down one of the lanes of parked cars.
“Let’s go.”
****
“I think I want chicken, lots of tomatoes, cheese, sour cream,” Sabrina was saying dreamily as they walked toward Currito’s.
“Onion. You’re not seeing Jackson tonight, so you can get onion and peppers, too.”
Sabrina turned mid-laugh and saw Jackson across the parking lot, his head and body leaning intimately close to that of a stunning blonde. All the blood in her body seemed to plummet to her feet, leaving the sound of the ocean whooshing in her ears. Then Jackson and the woman embraced, laughing and talking excitedly, and Sabrina let out a soft injured whimper.
Tanya’s head whipped around and her eyes narrowed on the guilty pair. Automatically assuming the worst, she sneered, “Yeah, right. Too busy to take your calls or see you tonight, huh? Cheating bastard!”
It was bad enough Sabrina was flirting with that possibility herself, but utterly crushing to have Tanya confirm her worst fears. Overcome by the pain of Jackson’s betrayal, she obeyed her inner voice when it yelled, “Run!’” She needed to reach the car. Just get to the car and everything would be okay. She could drive away—put all of this behind her. Forget what she saw and bury it until she didn’t even know it was there.
Blinded by tears and numb to everything but her anguish, Sabrina darted into the path of a Cadillac Escalade without even seeing it. The driver had no time to react. The grille slammed Sabrina to the pavement and the hood bucked violently as the right front tire drove up and over her leg.
Tanya screamed, swayed, screamed, bawled, clutched the nearby post, and held herself upright by terror alone.
The Escalade’s driver exploded out of her seat and started screaming too, grabbing her head and crying over and over, “I ran over her, I ran over her! My god, I ran right over her!”
People came running from every direction, but the instant Jackson materialized Tanya could only look at him. The pretty woman jogging after him didn’t even register. They skidded to a horrified stop and stared at the scene for a second.
Jackson’s eyes flashed at Tanya, then back to the truck, and all the color drained out of his face. “No!” He gl
ared at her, daring Tanya to tell him otherwise, but she couldn’t.
Ignoring the lone shoe in front of the grille, he stepped silently forward, barely aware of the driver right behind him.
“I felt my tire go right over her!” she wailed at him anyway, needing to be heard. “I didn’t just hit her, I drove over her!”
“Turn off your engine,” he said, then kneeled in front of the bumper to take a dread-filled look underneath. “Ah, fuck, Sabrina.” He groaned at what he saw. Poised to crawl to her, he pulled back suddenly, finally realizing that the motor was still running, with the belt whizzing way too close to his head. He turned back to the driver, his eyes flint hard, and barked, “Did you hear me? Shut your goddamned engine off!”
The woman just stared back at him, frozen with shock. Cursing her, he bounded up, tore the door open, and shut the engine off himself. He pitched the keys all the way into the back so the woman didn’t do something stupid in her fragile state, like restart the engine and try to move off Sabrina, inadvertently hitting her again.
Dropping to his knees, he looked over his shoulder at Kelli. “Call nine-one-one.”
She nodded, already speaking on her phone.
Jackson crawled under the vehicle and brushed the hair back from Sabrina’s face. There was an abrasion, raw and blooming individual beads of blood, on her right cheek, and her right wrist was bent and beginning to swell. It looked broken, but at least her head was facing the right way. He couldn’t say the same thing for her left leg. It was turned unnaturally, and her toes were pointed in the wrong direction. He checked the pulse at her neck and heaved a sigh of relief. It was strong and steady.
Stretching out on his stomach beside her, he remained under the car, lightly stroking her face, her shoulder, her arm, and speaking soothingly even though she wasn’t conscious. He didn’t want her to be—he feared it, in fact. The pain would be excruciating if she woke up, her screams impossible to handle.
One of the first uniforms on the scene was Tanya’s policeman, Officer Davies. It was Davies who talked Jackson out from under the truck so the paramedics could take over. Witnesses were being interviewed when Sabrina was loaded into the back of the ambulance.
Jackson’s phone rang, startling him. He read the screen and squeezed his eyes shut. “Jackson. Yes, I know. Sorry, but I have an emergency. Go home. We’ll reschedule.” He cut off the call and walked over to Tanya, who collapsed against him.