by Karen Kay
“Yes,” he said. “I will. But for a price.”
“Ah, yes, a price. Of course. I should have known.” Her voice was laced with sarcasm. “And what, Mr. High Wolf, is your price? I must tell you straightaway that most of my gold was lost on that boat.”
Nonchalantly, he picked up a piece of wood and his knife and began to whittle, as though he hadn’t heard her. Although after only a short pause, he said, “I do not want your gold.”
“You don’t? Then what do you require?”
He shrugged. “A kiss might do.”
“A kiss?” She raised an eyebrow. “Now who’s talking about kissing whom?”
Still he didn’t gaze at her. “Perhaps a hug would be good, as well.”
“A kiss and a hug. Singular. One of each only?”
“That will do for these next few minutes.”
“For the next few minutes? How many of these kisses and hugs do you expect me to give you?”
“Twenty a day, I think, should be payment enough.”
“Twenty? A day…?”
Briefly, he gazed up at her and winked. “Is that too many?”
“You know it is.”
“Shame. It is an easy price to pay, and I’m afraid I would enjoy it much.”
“Yes, I’m sure you might. However, the price would be deadly for me, I think.”
“Deadly? I have never heard my kisses described in that manner. Do you mean to say that I might make you faint?”
“Oh, please.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“I don’t think I need answer that.”
He grinned. After a moment, however, he said, “If kissing bothers you, perhaps you might massage my back and my legs, for my legs sometimes cramp.”
“A massage?”
“Haa’he.”
“You want me to touch your body?”
“That is generally how it is done.”
“I think I would prefer the kissing.”
“Good,” he said. “Then you may start now.”
“Now? But—”
“Have I not already saved you?”
She grunted.
“Am I incorrect in my reasoning? If I am, you must tell me the error. For, if I have saved you, and if a kiss is the payment, is it not due?”
She frowned at him. “Very well,” she said, placing her hand to her lips where she kissed it, and extending it out palm upward, she blew the kiss in his general direction.
He grinned. “That is not exactly what I meant. And I do not understand you, Princess. Were you not the one begging me for a kiss earlier? And now that I wish it…”
She grimaced. “How quickly you change. And the kiss is not due you. I have not agreed to the price.”
“Then you wish to massage me instead?”
“I will do neither. You must know that I was only teasing you. You said so yourself. No, I will pay you in gold when we return to St. Louis.”
“I wish no gold.”
“And I will not kiss you—or massage you. At least not now.”
He shrugged. “Then I suppose you will have to cook for me.”
“Cook?”
“If you expect me to help you, you should give me something in exchange, shouldn’t you? You do not wish to give me what I would like, and I do not desire to take that which you offer. I know of nothing else you can do, then, but to cook and clean for me.”
“I’ve never cooked anything in my life, and I’m not about to start now.”
“Princess, Princess, do you wish to find the prince?”
As an answer, she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. At last, a thought occurred to her, and she asked, “Why have you changed your mind? You were set against kissing me earlier. Has something happened?”
At her words, he relaxed, lying back onto the ground, where he commenced to stare up at their “ceiling.” At length, he sighed. “Yes, something has happened.”
“Yes? What?”
“We talked. That is what happened.”
“Yes? And…?”
“I realize my mistake. Had I been more astute ten years ago, our lives might be different. I thought you married the prince, not some stand-in. I was certain of it. Had I stayed…”
What was this? A form of apology? Well, if it was, it was ten years past due. And she said, “You expect me to believe that?”
He blinked, his look unruffled. “It is the truth. Because of our talk, I have changed my mind about you, and I will take you to your servants, and will help you to find the prince. Is that not enough?”
“No,” she said. “That’s not enough.”
He nodded, as though he understood her perfectly.
“Do not do this,” she said into the silence created. “Do not tell me things like this.”
“Why should I not?”
“Because it makes me like you a little, and I do not wish to like you.”
“But—”
“Don’t you understand? I have hated you these ten years past. That hatred has sustained me through some difficult times. I wish it to remain so.”
He came up onto his side. “You cannot possibly wish to give in to hatred. Do you not know that it will eat away at you?”
“Yes, I know.”
He paused. Then, as though only now understanding her, he said, “Did I hear you correctly? Did you say that you like me a little?”
She moaned. “I…suppose so.”
“Liking is not bad.”
“Isn’t it?”
“I, too, have felt hatred,” he said, reaching out toward her to straighten back a lock of her hair. “Though I have done my best to try to understand you and the prince, I, too, have felt the tug of war that enmity casts. I have avoided it only because of my scout training. But I can understand why you might feel as you do.” He came up onto his knees in front of her, and bending toward her, he said, “Princess, I once loved you beyond all other things.”
She turned her head away. “Do not say these things to me.”
“Why should I not? They are words of truth.”
“A truth from the past. I do not wish to live in the past.”
“I do not ask it of you,” he said. “You are here now; I am here. For the first time in ten years, we are together, we are talking, and I find, Princess, that I need you as much now as I did back then.”
“No. It cannot be.”
“It is.”
Sierra turned her head to gaze at him, at his dear face so close to her own, and she said, “Do not say these words to me, High Wolf. Ten years ago I died a little. I am no longer the same person that you once knew. And I am glad of the change. I do not give my confidence nearly as easily as I once did, and I bestow faith in no one until I am certain they can be trusted.”
“And yet there is no way to learn to trust, unless you give a person a chance.”
“I gave you that chance,” she said, leaning away from him.
“And I failed to take it, is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes. And once betrayed, I can never give that person my trust again. Never.”
“Never is a long time, Princess. And I think you will find, if you look around, that ‘never’ is a hard resource to find. In all the universe, there is no perfection. All of nature has its flaws. And yet the very word ‘never’ would have you believe there is such a thing.”
She remained silent.
And he said, “Sometimes people deserve another chance.”
“Not if they—”
He held up a hand to silence her, and he said, “I am sorry that I let you down ten years ago. Know that I have come to realize that I failed you.”
She stared down at the ground, saying, “Yes.”
“But I never stopped loving you.”
Baaa, she thought, though outwardly, she remained silent.
“I would like another chance.”
She turned her face away from him. “How can you say this when only yesterday you told me that yo
u have been away from your true love for a long time?”
Shaking his head, he grinned. “That I have, Princess,” he said. “That I have. Ten long years.”
Stunned silence filled the air, until, at last, she said, “I don’t believe you.”
“I know.”
She gulped, then said, “Then you are not married?”
He shook his head.
“No serious commitments?”
“No.”
“But I thought that Indian men could take more than one wife. Surely—”
He held up a hand. “My heart was given to one woman long ago, and with her it still remains.”
She brought her gaze up to his and stared at him, scouring his features for the truth of his words.
“I’m afraid I have been guilty of teasing you, Princess, for it is completely my intention to help you find the prince, and the truth is that you owe me nothing. I will do this because you were once one of my dearest friends, and because it is I who owe you.”
“You? You admit it?”
“Gladly.”
She frowned.
“Think, Princess. Do I not owe you some happiness? Weren’t we going to live forever? Be in love the rest of our lives?”
“Do not say these things to me.”
“But it did not happen,” he continued. “And had I not made a very grave mistake, it might have had a chance. Do you not see this as true?”
Sierra said nothing, simply stared at the ground.
“I think,” he said, “that for the time we have together, I should do all I can to give you some happiness. Do you not think this is the least I could do?”
She stared at him; it was all she could do. What did a woman say to such a man? If, indeed, anything needed to be said.
Instead of uttering a word, she swept forward, across the distance separating them, and placed a kiss upon his cheek…
Chapter 15
I miss your kindness and your decency,
Your touch, the fun we have, the jokes, the talk;
I miss your smell, your skin and how it feels,
Your smile, your arms and all your robe reveals.
Excerpted from a poem by David Ziff
“Sonnets to a Soul Mate”
But Sierra didn’t expect him to turn his head into the kiss, and before she knew what he was about, his lips met hers.
Ah, sweet, sweet wonder. It was like nothing she had ever experienced. Was this love? Was this ecstasy?
Was this what she had missed all these lonely years?
The kiss deepened, and Sierra lost a little of herself to him. Knee to knee, thigh to thigh, they collapsed into each other. One of his arms reached around her, and placing his hand on the small of her back, he pulled her in even closer.
And Sierra went willingly.
His tongue swept into her mouth, and Sierra met the advance. And they kissed; once, again, over and over, as though with their lips alone, they would commit the act of love.
She couldn’t get close enough, realizing that what she really wanted was to crawl into his skin, and the limits of the flesh seemed suddenly too much to bear.
She needed, she wanted more.
Her stomach had long ago betrayed her, the first to fall victim to the magic of this man’s embrace. At present, she felt as though a whirlwind had been let loose within her, cascading over her nerve endings, reminding her that her body wanted so much more than this…
She needed no such reminder. What she required was a moment of sanity.
In faith, how could she make love to this man? How could she surrender so easily?
She broke off the kiss, inhaling air as though it might be the most precious commodity on earth. And she said, “I can’t do this.”
He nuzzled her neck, saying, “If you say so, but I think that you can…you are…”
“No,” she said. “You…you’re still the man who betrayed me.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, you know it is so.”
He shook his head. “I admit no such thing. I admit to a mistake that made me believe that you had betrayed me. There is a difference.”
“No, High Wolf, I—I…You must let me go.”
“Must I?”
She nodded, although her head still nestled against his shoulder.
“Very well,” he said, as his arms dropped from around her. Yet, still, neither one made the move that would put distance between their bodies. Her curves still fit neatly against the hard planes of his chest. And leisurely, without holding her, he bent down to kiss her yet again.
And beside herself with longing, she welcomed him. In truth, she moaned aloud, so precious did it feel.
“I want you as a man wants a woman,” he whispered against her lips.
“I know.”
“But I will not take from you unless you agree to it.” Bending, he made a trail of kisses from her cheek to her ear.
She whimpered, and that place on her body most personal began to throb, responding to this man as though it recognized him as her life’s true partner, even if she did not. But Sierra was nothing if not strong-willed, and she said, “How could I ever agree to a love affair with you? What would come of it? We are from different worlds, and eventually, I will return to my home, while you…”
“And I would not fit into your world?”
“You would not,” she agreed. “Remember, you tried it once. It did not work.”
He nodded. “Then we should reach out for all the happiness we can gather to us here and now, that we might remember it for the rest of our lives.”
She closed her eyes as she bit down on her lip. “That sounds very well, indeed,” she said, “but I think in practice it cannot be.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” she said, opening her eyes to stare at him, “I might never recover if I were to lose you again after…after we had…”
He groaned. “Then you admit you felt loss when I left.”
“Of course I did,” she said. “How could I not? Just as you say you gave me your heart, so, too, did I give you mine. It was, however, a mistake, and one that I am not anxious to repeat.”
“Even if I promise that I will not leave you again unless you force me to do so?”
“Will you not?” She backed away from him, far enough to cast him a dim view. And she said, “Did you feel forced into leaving me ten years ago?”
He muttered something beneath his breath.
And she continued, “No, I cannot step into that same trap again…not willingly. I must always remember my purpose in being here—and you do not fit into that.”
“Purpose?” he asked, his head coming forward, toward her, where he nuzzled a spot on her neck.
Sierra threw back her head to give High Wolf better access, all the while mentally chiding herself. Had she truly said that? What was wrong with her, that her tongue was running away from her?
And she said, “Y-yes. My purpose in finding Prince Alathom.”
High Wolf’s head came up, and face-to-face, nose-to-nose, he said, “Let us forget about Prince Alathom. Let him remain dead and buried as far as his relations at home are concerned. For if he is not dead, there must be some reason behind his attempt to stage his own death. And so, let us abandon your search for him, and instead, explore each other.”
She shut her eyes. Why did he say all the right things? At the right moment? And why did she want so much to do as he suggested?
But her journey here could not be for nothing. No, she had not endured the past ten years to let go of the sweet taste of revenge—not so easily. Make no mistake, in regard to the prince, she would have her way.
She said, “I cannot abandon my search. How would it be if I made love to you, only to discover that the prince still lives? For if he lives, I will take him back home with me. Married by proxy or not, we are still married.”
“No,” said High Wolf. “You are not married to him. If he has not claimed his right in ten years, he has lost
the chance. You must let it go. You must let him go.”
“I will not.”
But he wasn’t listening to her, and he went on to say, “Do you not see? We have a second chance. Let us live here, the life that we should have lived.”
“No, I cannot. You simply don’t understand all that has taken place. You don’t know what it was like, what I had to endure, the talk, the gossip, the accusations.”
“You are right,” he said. “I know little of all that has occurred in your life since I left, but is it necessary that I do?”
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, it is, I think.”
“Then explain it to me so that I might understand.”
“I—I cannot. It is too degrading, too personal.”
He nodded. “Very well. When you are ready, I will listen,” he said. “But do not throw me away without considering what we once were to each other.”
“High Wolf, please. Don’t you see? You do not fit into the scheme of my life, I’m afraid. Not anymore.”
“Do I not?” he countered.
“No.”
“Then what am I doing here with you now, while the prince…who knows where he is, or if he is still alive? Was it not I who saved you? I who rescued you?”
“Yes, yes, but surely you would not hold that over me?”
He exhaled deeply before saying, “It is wrong of me to do so, yes. But I find the urge to remind you of it is stronger than the need to retain my honor…if it means I have to live without you.”
These were heady words, strong words, good words. And she let out a deep breath, realizing that she was once again beyond her depth with this man. Worse, when seen from her present viewpoint, revenge seemed to be quite a shallow thing, at best.
Alas, was it more important than discovering love again?
But ten years…ten years. Could she put heartache aside so easily? The pain? The distrust? The knowledge that the two people most dear to her had fled? And then there were the rumors, the innuendos, the gossip, the degradation.
No, she could not do it. She had come here with a mission; she had her reasons for it. And, by goodness, she would complete it.
Thus decided, she sat back, breaking bodily contact with High Wolf.
But he followed her forward, and placing his hands on her thighs, he leaned in to kiss her chin, her cheeks, her neck, first with his lips, then with his tongue. And as he kissed her over and over, he muttered, “You are my woman. You have been so since the day we met. I seek only to make it so in deed.”