“I know what you mean. I’m the same way. Whenever I sit around and have nothing to do except think about the bad things that have happened, things always end up worse.”
“I’m glad you’re here. You know, when it happened, I was so tempted to drink again. I wanted to, more than anything. But I thought about you. I thought about what you gave up last time, how hard you’ve worked to get over your own addiction, and that made me stronger. I didn’t want to ruin another one of your games, and knowing that you’d gone through the same struggles and overcome them made me know that I could do it too.”
“I’m glad I could be of service. But no matter how much you think it’s thanks to me, ultimately the decision was up to you. You were the one who resisted, and you’re the one who’s all the better for it.”
* * *
The next day I got a phone call from Mindy asking me to come in and sign the documents for the restraining order. I told her about my visit with the cops, and she nodded.
“I got the file faxed to my office by Officer Hastings this morning. It will be good evidence at the hearing. I’m filing the papers today, we should have a decision about a temporary order in a day or so. The judge has two business days to decide whether or not to grant it, but I suspect he’ll make that call pretty quickly with the police report. Hang tight, Kylie. I’ll keep you in the loop.”
I thanked her and left. I was still getting calls, although Sally had apparently given up on me answering and was only calling two or three times a day. When, the following day, I got a phone call from Mindy telling me the restraining order was granted, I was more relieved than ever. Sure enough, the phone calls stopped completely. I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
Meanwhile, the Sea Lions made it through the first round of the playoffs, winning in five games. I was thrilled for Daniel. One round down, just a few more to go.
Between studying and hockey my life was more hectic than ever. In a way, it was a good thing. I didn’t have anything even remotely resembling time to think about the impending lawsuit and to think back on the memories that caused me so much pain. I absolutely didn’t have the time.
The second round of the playoffs came and went, the Sea Lions winning in a thriller that went to overtime in Game 7 before Daniel got an assist on the game winner by Jamie Porter. I screamed like I had never screamed before when I saw the goal light go on and the puck sitting in the back of the net. The Sea Lions were in the Western Conference Finals, playing San Jose.
When they won that series as well, a nail biter that went to seven games like the previous series, I was thrilled. Exams had started, they went through the end of the second round and the whole conference finals, and once they were finished I knew I could focus all of my energy on Daniel, on doing anything I could to help him win. I had also received news from Mindy Chan that the discovery process in the lawsuit was ongoing, but that she was submitting a claim to have the lawsuit thrown out almost immediately.
All in all, everything was going well. Our freezer was filled with trays upon trays of ice cubes that I made sure to keep full: sometimes after games or practices Daniel would come home and want an ice bath, so I would fill up the bathtub with cold water and dump all of the ice cubes into it. Every time I saw Daniel do it my legs would cringe at just the sight, but he swore it made him feel better, and I knew the science behind it was sound, so I did it. I just knew I would never do it myself.
The night before game one, as we lay in bed in the hotel room in Pittsburgh, my exams finished so I could be here with him, Daniel and I spoke about the game the next day. He had his arm wrapped around me, I was nestled in the crook of his arm, leaning into his chest, my hands gently stroking his hard pecs.
“I’m so lucky to get the chance to get to the Stanley Cup finals twice in a row. It’s a really rare thing to happen to teams. I’m not going to squander this second opportunity.”
“Absolutely not. I mean, when was the last time the same team made the finals two years in a row?”
“I’m not sure, really. Boston did it two years out of three recently, but before that, I don’t know.”
“I know you can do it, you can win it this time.”
“You’re right. I know we can. My focus is better. I’ve felt the tragedy of losing. I know what it feels like. The other guys know what it feels like. We’re going to do whatever it takes to overcome that. We’re going to do whatever we need to in order to be faster, stronger, better than Pittsburgh.”
I could hear the steely determination in Daniel’s voice. I could feel his muscles tensing underneath me just as he thought about it. I knew he was ready. I absolutely knew it.
“You’re going to do this. You’re going to fight like hell, and you’re going to win.”
“You’re damn right.”
While Daniel went with his team to partake in the light morning skate and some team building activities, I visited the city. I was on edge the whole time. I wanted Daniel to win this game so badly. Sabrina was texting me constantly, telling me about how she was going to watch the game at a bar, how much she was hoping Daniel would score, that sort of thing. It was nice to talk to her about it. I was so thankful that she was my best friend through all of this.
I had bought some tickets to the game when they were first released, and made my way to the arena, proudly sporting my Sea Lions’ jersey with the name ‘Ross’ on the back with the number 41. There was some friendly ribbing from Pittsburgh fans, but I never came across anyone actually being mean on the night.
When the players came out for the start of the game, the energy in the arena was electrifying. The arena was empty, music was blaring, lights flashed around the stadium and I waved my towel along with all the other fans as the players came out to play.
As always, I focused on Daniel. The instant he jumped out of the doors and onto the ice, my breath caught in my throat. He seemed so intense, it was like he was on fire. I knew him so well now, I could sense he was ready for this. It seemed like his muscles were all tensed, like he was a bullet in the chamber, ready to be fired. He was ready to go.
The instant the puck dropped, Daniel was on it. He passed to a winger, who carried the puck into the attacking zone and dumped it in behind the net. The game continued, and it was intense. Both teams were known for their offense more than their defense. The game was quick, tough and scrappy. The more I watched Daniel play, the more I wanted him. By the end of the first period, I knew my panties were soaked. I wanted to run into the dressing room and give him a quickie before the game continued. He was so sexy, so strong, so masculine compared to everyone else on the ice, I felt like I just had to have him. I needed him. My heart began to pound faster every time I saw him, every time he jumped onto the ice, and when he glanced up and grinned at me skating by on his way to the bench after a shift, I felt like I was going to melt. That man was mine.
When the buzzer sounded and the Sea Lions had officially lost game one, some of my vigour was gone, but I still knew I had to have Dan. I wanted to give him everything I had, just like he’d given everything he had.
He came out of the dressing room disappointed, but not defeated.
“A few bad bounces led to a loss, but I’m still confident. We still have six more games, we just need to win four of them.”
In a way, I was really, really thankful that the playoffs were happening at the same time as Mindy was dealing with the brunt of the lawsuit. Since she got the restraining order I hadn’t heard anything at all from Sally Kerr, and apart from that I was letting Mindy deal with everything. That, combined with the fact that I was doing my best to help Daniel do his best in the playoffs meant that I had no time to think about anything else. My weakness from before was gone. I didn’t think about the past, so I didn’t feel the urge to drink. That was gone. I was focused on Daniel. I was focused on the present, focused on the future.
Mindy called me about three hours before game six was supposed to start. The Sea
Lions were behind by one, this was a must win game.
“Kylie, are you available to talk?” Mindy asked.
“I am, yes.”
“I have good news. I submitted to have the entire case thrown out as being vindictive, and the judge agreed with me. You’ve won!”
I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.
“Really?”
“Yes. The judge agreed and berated both the Kerr family and their lawyer for taking on the case. He said that it was obvious that you were not at fault for the accident, that it was entirely because of the late Mr. Kerr that the accident occured, and that you were in no way responsible for anything that happened that night.”
“Thanks, Mindy. Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem. I was happy to be able to help.”
As I hung up the phone, my smile quickly turned into a grin. It was all over. I wasn’t going to have to worry about the Kerr family anymore. I immediately called Daniel and told him the good news. I wanted him to know before the game.
“That’s amazing, Kylie. Awesome news.”
“Definitely. I’m really thrilled. Hey, good luck tonight.”
“Thanks.”
When Daniel netted the game winner, I screamed like I’d never screamed before. They were going to game seven. This was a repeat of the year before, an exact repeat of it. I kissed Daniel when he came out, congratulating him on the win. I could see the focus, the desire in his eyes, but also a little bit of fear. I knew what he was facing. He was now in exactly the same situation he had been in the year before. He didn’t want to hurt himself again. He wanted to conquer his demons, he wanted to win so he could move on from that night a year ago. I knew exactly how he felt.
“Hey, it’s going to be fine, ok?” I asked, taking his hands in mine. He smiled at me lightly.
“I know. I keep telling myself the same thing. But you know, it feels like such déjà-vu, and I know exactly what happened the last time.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“We’re going to fly to Pittsburgh tomorrow, get settled into the city before the game two nights from now. Shit, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next 48 hours. I already feel like I’m going to puke. My instinct is to go work out, but I don’t want to wear myself out too badly before the game.”
“Well let’s go home and I’ll make sure you do some light exercise yourself,” I teased with a wink, and Daniel grinned.
“That sounds awesome. Shit, I was going to grab my lucky teddy from my locker before we went, mind if I meet you at the car?”
“Your lucky teddy?” I asked, noting a opportunity to tease my boyfriend.
“Yeah, that’s right. I used to keep it in my bag when I was little, now he lives in my locker. His name is Bear.”
“That’s creative.”
“Well I got him when I was four, what do you expect?”
“Fine, I’ll meet you at the car. If he’s been with your hockey gear for twenty years Bear has to ride in the trunk though.”
“I wash him,” Daniel argued before turning back to go get his lucky charm, and I laughed as I headed towards the car. I was alone in the underground parking area, and knowing where Daniel always parked, I hummed a tune to myself as I walked in the middle of the path. There was no one around, Daniel was always the last of his teammates to leave the rink.
Heading towards the car, I got this weird feeling that I wasn’t alone. I looked around, but didn’t see anyone. Figuring it must just be my nerves, I kept walking. Suddenly, someone emerged from the shadows. I would have looked at his face, but my vision was first focused on the gun he was pointing at me.
I could only stare. I looked up into the face, a face I vaguely recognized, but couldn’t place. He was in his 20s, with stubble. Suddenly, I recognized him.
“Jordan. Jordan Kerr.”
“So, you recognize me.”
I nodded. He was the older brother of Jeb Kerr, he had been in a few of my classes in high school.
I had no idea what to do. I was frozen to the spot.
“What do you want?”
“Revenge. You know what you’ve done to my family? My mom just cries every day, my brother is gone, and it’s all your fault. We tried to take you to court, but your lawyer made sure that never happened. I’m never going to get any justice for my brother.”
I thought I was going to throw up. This was supposed to be over. Mindy had called me and said it was all over. Now here was Jeb Kerr’s brother, brandishing a gun. Was he going to kill me? A year ago, I would have begged for it. I wanted to die. I thought I deserved it.
But now, things were different. I realized as I faced my own mortality that I wanted to live. I wanted to keep living my life. I wanted to live my life with Daniel.
I wondered where he was. A part of me wanted him to come and save me, wanted him to rescue me. Another part of me, the less selfish part I guess, wanted him to stay away. I didn’t want him to have to suffer because of something that happened to me.
“Please don’t kill me. Please, I don’t want to die.” I begged for my life, hoping I was making an impression. Tears streamed down my face. Bile rose in my throat. It felt exactly like it had on that night when I realized what had happened. The fear was overwhelming.
“Please,” I whispered, my voice failing.
“My brother also didn’t want to die, I’m betting.”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to kill your brother!” I cried. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I was willing to say anything to stop this man from shooting me.
Jordan Kerr’s hands were shaking. I couldn’t stop staring at them, I couldn’t stop staring at the gun he was holding in them. I could practically feel his finger trembling against the trigger, knowing that just one millimeter too far and I was done.
“Please. Please. Please just put the gun down Jordan. You can leave. I promise you, I won’t tell anyone what happened. It’s not too late. Your brother wouldn’t want you to do this,” I told him, trying to keep my voice down.
“YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO TELL ME WHAT MY BROTHER WOULD WANT,” Jordan bellowed, coming towards me. I put my hands up and stepped back.
“Ok. Ok, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
That seemed to calm Jordan down slightly, and I started to breathe again rapidly.
I was so terrified, I didn’t know how I managed to stay upright. I wanted to collapse into a heap, I wanted to roll into a little ball, hide away from the reality that I was facing right now.
“I’m going to do this. I’m going to kill you,” Jordan muttered, almost as though he was trying to muster up the courage, as though he was egging himself on.
“No, please no. I want to live. Please, let me live,” I cried, the tears coming even stronger. Suddenly, there was some movement, and the gun went off. I screamed and ducked down instinctively. I covered my face, when a moment later I realized I wasn’t hit, and I opened my eyes.
Daniel had come back. I could see him struggling with Jordan Kerr. He knocked the gun from Jordan’s hand and it fell to the cement with a clatter.
I paused for a second, not knowing what to do, before realizing I had to get the gun. I ran forward and grabbed it carefully, making sure not to touch the trigger. I didn’t know how guns worked, and I didn’t want to find out right now.
Running to the side, I watched as Daniel struggled with Jordan Kerr. Well, in reality, it wasn’t much of a struggle. One was a guy with a bit of a gut who probably spent most of his day lying on the couch watching TV, the other was a highly tuned professional athlete.
Daniel punched Jordan, over and over, until the man lay bleeding on the cement floor of the parking garage, moaning in pain, blood spurting from his obviously broken nose.
“Kylie, are you ok?” Daniel asked, coming towards me when he had finished beating Jordan to a pulp.
I nodded. “Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Oh my God, you saved my life.”<
br />
Daniel took the gun from me, gently, then put the safety back on it.
“Hey, it’s ok Kylie. It’s ok. You can calm down, it’s all going to be fine. I’m going to call the cops, ok?”
I nodded, still in shock from what had happened. I couldn’t believe it. Had this really happened?
Daniel made the phone call then came over and wrapped his arms around me.
“Hey, it’s going to be alright,ok?”
“Yeah. I just, I think I’m in shock. I can’t believe he... I can’t believe that...”
“I know. I know. It’s ok, Kylie. Just breathe, ok? He’s out cold now, he can’t hurt you anymore. The police will be here in a few minutes.”
“You saved, you saved my life,” I whispered, the realization of just what Daniel had done dawning upon me.
“I doubt it, I don’t think he would have dared to shoot you. You would have been fine. It’s just scary, I know.”
“Yeah. It is scary.”
That’s when I broke down and started sobbing. I thought this was over. I thought I was done with it. I didn’t want to have to keep reliving that night over and over for the rest of my life.
Strangely enough, though, I realized I wasn’t really reliving it. The memories of that night flashed through my brain, yes, but they didn’t come with any of the accompanying pain. I couldn’t feel the absolute devastation that ran through me when I had realized that I had killed my little sister. I couldn’t feel any of it. It was like it was a memory in someone else’s life. If I didn’t know better, I would almost say I was moving on.
A couple minutes later the police showed up. Daniel stuck by me the entire time, his arms wrapped around me, a warm, comforting cocoon. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to do this without him.
I went through with the officers what had happened, almost as if I was on autopilot. I was in a daze. I still didn’t understand exactly what had happened. I had almost died. I had almost been killed. That would have been it, the end of my life. I would have never been with Daniel again.
Although the paramedics tried to get me to go to the hospital, I refused. All I wanted was to go home. I wanted to forget this had happened, I wanted to erase it from my mind. I was exhausted.
On Thin Ice 3 Page 5