by Ruby Madden
That’s odd, it’s eleven already? Where’s Greg? She thought to herself.
As she padded into her kitchen to open the fridge and reach for her Brita water pitcher, she saw the bag of bagels on the table, and the envelope next to them. She poured herself a glass of water and drank thirstily. Settling down onto one of her kitchen table chairs, she opened the envelope. As she read, she gasped.
Then she started to cry…
Dearest Grace,
This very well may be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. It’s time to do the right thing, the honorable thing. We need to go our separate ways…
I’m falling in love with you but I know the feeling isn’t mutual. I know you enjoy our sexy fun-time together, but I can’t help but to notice that not all of you is present, when with me. Please know that I’m not angry or upset. Just sad as I now know that I have no choice but to move on.
I want you to be happy and this means getting out of the way. So you can have what you really want. What you deserve.
There is a man I met recently named Clay who would very much appreciate it if you called him. I’ll leave it to him to explain how I came to make his acquaintance. His cell # is 503-247-#### and his office # is 503-247-####.
All the best,
Greg
p.s. Like me, he likes you exactly as you are…
Grace walked back to her bedroom and crawled under her covers. Stunned, she stared at the ceiling. Her body, heart, mind and stomach were feeling so many contradictory feelings. She’d been burying her hope, desire and longing so deep that it took a bit of time before she felt an inkling of that initial passion that Clay had ignited.
She knew enough to give herself some space and time to let the idea of Greg ending it with her sink in. Grace picked up the phone and called work to let them know she wouldn’t be in to work and that she needed to take a couple of personal days off.
“Hello, thank you for calling...” Sebastian, Grace’s favorite co-worker, answered the phone.
“Sebastian, it’s me. It’s Grace.” Grace said interrupting him.
“Oh hi honey, how you doing?” Sebastian asked.
“Why are you answering the phone? Where’s the front desk staff?” Grace asked, puzzled that the hotel’s executive chef was answering the phone.
“Oh honey, it’s a zoo here. Don’t bother coming in, I’m doing you a favor, believe me.” Sebastian said.
“Actually, that’s why I’m calling. I need to call out for a couple of days. Can you let them know?” Grace squeaked out, feeling guilty.
“Oh honey, of course. Everyone knows you work your ass of around here doing OT all the time. I’ll be sure to give them the message. You okay? What’s going on with my Gracie?” He asked.
“Man troubles, that’s what’s going on. Why couldn’t I have been a lesbian?” Grace said.
“Oh darling, let me tell you what… Being gay, lesbian, homosexual or whatever, makes no difference. Love and sex does a number on our poor human hearts. You take care of you and I’ll tell them you had a family emergency. Just a tiny white lie for our Gracie.” Sebastian cooed into the phone, attentively concerned for his favorite co-worker.
“Thanks Sebastian, you’re the best. I appreciate it, I really do.” Grace said.
“I know you do hon, call my cell if you need, ok?”
“Alrighty.”
“Gotta go, this place is a zoo!” Sebastian said.
Grace could hear the other lines ringing in the background. Despite feeling horribly guilty about not showing up for work, she knew that she’d be utterly useless if she did go. There would be no faking it. Crying through one’s tears while helping a guest just didn’t go over well. At all.
Grace then pulled the covers back over her head and drifted back to sleep. It seemed the only thing she could do.
* * *
Sunday and Monday came and went.
Grace was suspended in a place of non-time. Two days of not showering, sleeping as much as she could, ordering food in and watching back-to-back movies and TV shows, had finally lost its appeal as a safe cocoon and driven her out of her apartment for a brisk walk to get some fresh air.
She walked for an hour, and found her smile returning as passerby’s smiled back at her.
Inwardly, she was building up the courage and strength to call Clay. Now that she had his phone numbers, she could reach out to him at any time.
Her only worry is that he would be understanding and forgiving about why she hadn’t been able to contact him sooner.
Before she knew it, she was headed in the familiar direction of her favorite place. Momentarily forgetting that she had a very important call to make, she went inside the chocolatier shop and stepped in line to order her favorite drink. Happy thoughts percolated in her head as well as embarrassing ones. Her curiosity rising to new levels.
How in the world had Clay and Greg made each other’s acquaintance? How did Greg figure out that Grace was in love with a virtual stranger? What made him think there might be a chance for her, her and Clay?
These thoughts and many more were a merry-go-round in her mind. When it was her turn to place her order, she heard a man from behind her offer to pay for her drink, to pay it forward. She turned to see who the kind stranger was, but had already recognized his voice.
Clay!
Grace was stunned, in awe actually. She had literally been thinking about when and how she would find the courage to call him. She never thought, had not believed it possible that the forces of fate would be so kind as to allow them yet another chance to meet.
Yet, here he was, standing right behind her. This time, he wasn’t getting away.
Not now, not ever again.
{ CLAY }
“Clay!!” Grace nearly squealed, the biggest smile in the world spreading across her face.
He peered down at her, the warmest expression on his face. Clay quickly handed the cashier his credit card and focused his attention on the now blushing and semi-embarrassed Grace. He loved how she had just opened up to him, despite being in a public place.
It was part of her charm, she opened to him like a flower needing his warmth, his energy.
“Grace, I am so glad to run into you again…” He said warmly.
“Me too…” Grace said quietly, almost gushing.
The packed chocolatier shop felt even smaller than usual. Yet again, they were lacking privacy. Clay didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing, opting to wait until they could find a spot to talk. Grace stayed mum too. He wasn’t sure if it was from sensing the same awkwardness that he felt or if she was tongue-tied. Maybe both.
Once the cashier handed back Clay’s card and receipt, Clay stepped away from the counter. But first, he gently clasped Grace’s hand. He could barely think of what to say, her exuberance at seeing him was so genuine, so unmistakable.
He needed to know. He needed to know why she’d never called.
Rather than letting her hand go, he held it. To his delight, she didn’t pull it away.
They waited quietly, holding hands and waiting for their drinks. Once the barista called out their beverages for pick up, Clay guided her outside to a private spot where they could talk. They sat down at the small corner table. As much as Clay wanted to just pick her up and squeeze the life out of her momentarily, he needed to know. He needed to understand what it was that was happening between them, right here, right now.
“Grace, why didn’t you call me?” He asked gently.
She closed her eyes slowly and firmly, took a deep breath and explained how her phone, the same day they’d run into each other again, had dropped into a puddle and then proceeded to be smashed to smithereens. She shared her dismay at not knowing enough about him to be able to find him.
Then she explained how she’d been seeing someone else casually and that he’d broken it off with her just two days earlier.
This hit Clay like a bat to
the gut and he stood up.
“Grace, I can’t pursue this right now, knowing you just ended a relationship…” He said.
“You don’t understand. It was casual between us, we weren’t serious. He ended it with me because he met you. He wrote me a letter and explained that he’d figured it out…”
“Met me? Figured what out?” Clay asked, peering at her with confusion.
Grace looked like she was about to swallow her tongue. She took a deep breath, “He figured it out that I had feelings for someone else.” She said, somewhat ashamed.
“Who?” Clay squinted at her, his mood suddenly changing from elation to anger.
“No, Clay! It’s not what you’re thinking.” Grace was stammering, looking alarmed. “It’s because he knew I had feelings… for you.”
“Me?” Clay repeated back to her.
Grace nodded, a very soft, demure smile on her face. “Yes, you.”
Clay was mystified. He tilted his head, “What’s his name?”
“Greg.”
The name hit Clay like a bullet. “Tall guy, excellent baker? Works at the G. Club? Is going to culinary school? That Greg?”
Grace nodded, watching Clay’s face with eager, concerned anticipation. Clay raised his hand to his brow and rubbed his forehead with earnest consternation.
“Wow.” He said.
“I know…” Grace said meekly, allowing the full weight of it to sink in, for both of them.
They sat there, the space and silence both heavy and empty at the same time.
Clay felt so many conflicting emotions, he wasn’t sure exactly what to do or say next. As he processed what Grace shared with him, he felt uncertain on how to proceed. There was only one thing that would help – time.
As much as it pained him to have her slip through his fingers, yet again. He’d provide some space and time for them both. He knew she wouldn’t like it. But he needed to respect the situation.
“Grace, I think this situation needs time. I need time. To process. I think you do too…” Clay stammered out, startled by his own words. He watched as Grace’s facial expression went from surprised hopefulness, to dismayed hurt and embarrassment. It was awful to witness. He didn’t like that he was the cause of it, but he was.
“Let’s exchange our numbers, where we work, and our full names. Then, in a month or so, we can meet up. Does that sound okay?” Clay offered up, gesturing deference with his hands.
Grace appeared crest-fallen. “Okay.” Was all she said, her gaze looking away from his face.
Clay pulled out his phone. “What’s your number?” He asked.
Grace remained mute, just staring off, appearing numb. Instead of answering, she pulled out a piece of paper from her purse and quietly began scribbling down all of her information. Her full name, her phone number, her email address, her place of work and her home address. She slid the paper to him and then stood up, leaned over, and kissed him on the forehead.
“I look forward to hearing from you Clay.” Grace stepped away, walking fast, leaving behind her beverage on the table.
Clay watched her walk away wondering if he’d just completely train-wrecked the chance to be with her. He knew better than to follow her. She needed her space.
{ GRACE }
A few weeks came and went. The pain of Clay requesting some time, and her decision to give him all of her contact information and then walk away, was finally subsiding enough for Grace to feel as if she could re-enter the world of the living again. Losing Greg and the possibility of Clay, all in the same week, had been almost more than she could handle - emotionally.
As such, she’d decided some much needed distraction and escape was in order. It was time to go to Powell’s and find some new books to read. After perusing the shelves for nearly two hours, taking time to sit in the adjacent coffee shop and read a couple of chapters to ensure she wanted to purchase her selections, she stepped into the cashier line to wait. Grace smiled when she noticed that her favorite clerk, Angela, was working.
As usual, she allowed other customers to pass her up in line so she could specifically have Angela ring her up.
“Hey girl! How’ve you been?” Angela asked cheerfully while scanning her books.
Grace wasn’t really sure what to say, so she told the truth. “I’ve been better. I definitely need some distraction. Hence the books.”
Angela clued into Grace’s somewhat somber mood. “Does this have anything to do with that handsome gentleman I saw you with the last time you were here?”
Stunned, Grace didn’t know what to say but finally managed to find her voice. “In a way, yes. Yes, it does.”
“Oh honey, did he break your heart?” Angela asked.
Grace peered around her, suddenly aware of the people around them. “Do you happen to have a break coming up?” She asked.
Angela caught on and nodded, “Yes, actually. I was going to take lunch in a half hour. Want to meet me? I’m going just around the corner to the sandwich shop.”
“Yes, this may be silly, but I feel like I can talk to you about this.” Grace smiled sweetly at Angela.
“Nothing silly about it at all. I often have this effect on people. Let’s get your books paid for and then we can continue our chat. It’s thirty-seven and ninety-eight.”
Grace swiped her card and waited as Angela put her new books in a bag. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Ok, just a half hour. I’ll be there in a bit.” Angela smiled warmly.
* * *
Grace bought herself a sandwich, a Pellegrino and a bag of chips to eat for lunch. While eating, she opened up one of her newly purchased books and began reading. As usual, her long curls got in the way so she pulled out a hair-band and wrapped her curly tresses back and off of her face in a messy bun. She quickly became absorbed in the story, losing her sense of time.
Before she knew it, Angela was sitting down next to her. “Hi.” She said, smiling warmly.
Grace startled a bit, “Oh hi! Gosh, time goes by so fast when you’re reading a good book.”
“Right?” Angela said, opening up her sandwich wrap and then taking a big bite. She began chewing. Her eyes twinkled with a bit of mischief and concern.
“Thanks for meeting up with me, I feel so silly…” Grace said sheepishly.
After swallowing her bite, while shaking her head furiously, Angela replied. “Stop right there. I want to be here. How about you talk and share while I eat?”
“Okay, thank you.” Grace said, a big sigh escaping her. “Where to begin?”
“At the beginning.” Angela quipped, then taking another bite of her sandwich.
Grace summoned up her courage to share with Angela as much as she could stuff into the next twenty or so minutes. As she talked, the bitter-sweetness of it swelled and carried her away within herself. The hope, the excitement, the fun, the despair, the frustration… and all the desire.
Grace elaborated on why Greg was so important, how he was the one who’d reawakened her carnal desires but that her heart wasn’t as drawn to him as it had been with Clay. Grace was surprised by the amount of intimate details she shared with Angela, stuff that she hadn’t even touched upon with her therapist.
Throughout Grace’s share-all, Angela listened intently and seemed earnestly invested in what Grace was sharing with her. Done with eating her sandwich, she placed her hand on Grace’s.
“Honey, this is fascinating to me. You two are destined for each other. But time, fate, destiny – whatever, seems to be playing one hell of a whammy with you guys.”
“You think so?” Grace asked, curious and somewhat mystified.
Angela began rummaging around in her purse and then pulled out a business card. She placed it on the table. “He came to see me. A while back. Asked that the next time I saw you, to give this to you. He was so sweet, you should have seen it. I’ve never seen a man with so much hope and hunger in his eyes, Grace. He was completely be-spot
ted with you.”
Grace was in awe. Wow, Clay had been searching for her too…
She picked up the business card tenderly. Lovingly, running her finger around its edges, entranced. Almost mesmerized.
Angela paused giving Grace the moment to absorb it, then she continued. “Hang in there honey, you’ve just a bit more of a ways to go. It seems you both were wrestling with yourselves in different ways. The timing needs to be right. There is something that speaks to a bit of justice in all of this.”
Grace tilted her head, confused.
Justice?
“What makes you say that?” Grace asked.
“I dunno. Just can sense it. That’s how I am. Sometimes it’s crystal clear and sometimes it’s hidden. Usually for a very good reason, though. Trust that. Trust me.” Angela said.
“Justice…” Grace said out loud, repeating the word back to Angela. She had no idea what to think. What did justice have to do with anything?
“Sometimes, with this type of intuitive insight, I don’t know the particulars, but I’ve learned to trust my gut, over the years. For now, just go about your life and keep that flame of hope alive and burning bright. Try not to dwell on what could have been and keep walking towards what still yet might be.” Angela said gently, ending her wise sharing with a warm pat on Grace’s hand and a charming wink.
Grace knew the chat was over, as much as she didn’t want it to be. Besides, what else was there left to say? She took in a deep, calming breath.
“Okay, I trust this. I believe you. Now what?” Grace asked.
Angela giggled, “Go out and play. Have a girl’s night. Get dressed up, get some drinks, do what women do. Ya know? Have some fun!”
{ CLAY }
Philip Stanton and his Sales Managers were in Portland to meet with Clay and his team. Both sides were working on a nation-wide sales strategy that stood to make quite the profit.