by Clare Lydon
Sophie nodded. “She’s fine — just a couple of stitches in her ear. I couldn’t get hold of you at first, so she’s been in there a while. The vet gave her a little anaethestic, but she’s come round now and should be out any minute.”
“Oh thank goodness,” Tanya said, before taking Sophie in fully. “And you’re okay? No injuries?” She took Sophie’s hands and held them both out to the sides to get a good look at her.
Sophie shook her head again. “No, Barney only had eyes for Delilah.”
“He’s a bloody menace, that dog.”
“It’s not his fault,” Sophie replied. “I don’t think Susan’s got a handle on him, yet.”
“That’s for sure,” Tanya replied, blowing out a long breath. When she held out her hand, it was shaking. “I’m just so relieved you’re both okay. I’ve been conjuring up all sorts of ideas in my head, and none of them have been pretty. If the outcome is you and Delilah are both fairly unharmed, then none of what I’ve been thinking has come true. Which, after all the drama of the past few weeks would be a result.”
Seeing Tanya’s shaking hand, Sophie took it in her own and kissed it. Tanya’s knees buckled, her defences falling just as quick, too. She almost collapsed into the nearest seat, and Sophie sat next to her, holding her gaze, a smile on her face.
“To tell you the truth, Delilah was standing up for herself. She smacked Barney in the face after he’d terrorised us.” Sophie began to giggle as she retold the story, wiping her eyes as she did. “For a little dog, she’s kinda feisty — she made me proud.”
Sophie’s giggle was infectious, and Tanya soon joined in, all the emotion bubbling out in a flurry of laughs. The whole waiting room was suddenly lighter, like a blast of pure oxygen had been pumped in.
Alice leaned over, patting Tanya’s leg. “You see, I told you Delilah could look after herself — she’s your gran’s dog, after all.”
Tanya hiccupped at that. “She is,” she said. “So it was more Delilah making trouble than Barney?” Tanya asked Sophie, hiccupping again. She took another deep breath, but that only made it worse.
She pulled away from Sophie, reaching in her bag to find a tissue, but Sophie was one step ahead of her, pressing a clean tissue into her hand. Tanya took it gratefully, a blur of emotions swallowing her as she laughed, cried and hiccupped anew.
“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s just, I was fearing the worst. I couldn’t face going home and telling my parents and Alan that Delilah had died. It’d be too much. And how could I tell Gran, too?”
Fresh tears spilt down her cheeks, and Sophie took her in her arms. “You’ve been through quite a lot in the past month, haven’t you?” Sophie whispered, kissing Tanya on the cheek.
A familiar barking broke the moment, and when Tanya looked up, Delilah was trotting over to her. She had a plastic cone jutting out from her collar, but otherwise, she looked just as she had when Tanya left her this morning.
Tanya got down on her knees and hugged her, looking upwards when a pair of black leather shoes came into view. The vet was a woman around their age, and she had a broad smile on her face.
“Delilah should be fine, just a couple of stitches to seal up the wounds — but it wasn’t a bad injury, just a lot of blood, as Sophie knows.” She smiled at Sophie as Tanya stood up. “We’ll leave the collar on till the stitches heal.”
“So anything I need to know about looking after her?” Tanya asked.
The vet shook her head. “I’d say, just carry on as normal, but avoid that dog if you can, just in case she has a bad reaction over the next few weeks. Just keep up your normal routine so Delilah doesn’t have time to dwell on this. She should be fine, but she might be a little nervous around larger dogs, maybe a little more defensive. But other than that, there should be no lasting damage. Just keep her quiet today and make sure she drinks water.”
“Thanks so much,” Tanya said, relief sweeping through her. “We’ll take good care of her from here on in,” she added, realising too late she’d used the plural pronoun. But when she glanced over at Sophie, she was nodding right back, her eyes still swollen.
“We will,” Sophie said. “She’s going to be the most fussed-over dog in south east London.”
Tanya picked Delilah up and hugged her: she hoped Delilah knew how loved she was. She grinned over at Sophie, and then glanced at Alice.
“You coming back with us or are you taking your spoils home?” Tanya asked.
Alice pursed her lips. “I’ll come back with you and go home from there. Jake’s out tonight, so no rush.”
“Let’s go home, then,” Tanya said, taking Sophie’s hand in hers.
Chapter Forty-Six
A while later, Sophie knocked on Tanya’s door, freshly showered and changed, now totally blood-free. She was wearing her ripped jeans and a sky blue top that really brought out her eyes, and in turn brought Tanya up short.
“You look beautiful,” she said, pressing her lips to Sophie’s and feeling it everywhere. She inhaled her scent, which was quickly becoming one of her favourites; Tanya wanted to press her face to Sophie’s neck, but she held back for now.
“So do you,” Sophie said, as they pulled slowly apart.
Sophie kicked off her shoes and Tanya led her out to where Delilah was sitting in her now usual position at the edge of the glass balcony, watching the world from up high. Tanya had been amazed at the length of time Delilah could sit there, but she was tickled she’d found her favourite place in her flat already.
“Hello you,” Sophie said, getting down to pet her. “How’s the cone of shame?”
“She doesn’t seem too upset yet,” Tanya replied.
“Give her time,” Sophie smiled.
On the balcony table was a bottle of Bollinger in a bucket of ice, two glasses by its side.
Sophie gave Tanya an appreciative look. “Wow, you’re pushing the boat out today,” she said. “Let’s not tell our friends, shall we?”
“Is Alice still downstairs?”
Sophie nodded. “She is, and Rachel is showing her all her favourite cookbooks. They could be there for days.”
Tanya grinned. “I knew they’d get on — Alice is mad about food, always trying new recipes.” She paused. “So Alice is not even coming up to say hi?”
Sophie shook her head. “There were lots of shared looks when I suggested that,” she said. “I think they both know we might need a little time to ourselves. They were talking about going down the pub in half an hour when I left.” Sophie raised one eyebrow. “I say, if they knock, we ignore it.”
Tanya laughed. “I couldn’t agree more,” she said. “I bought the champagne to celebrate my house move, but this seems like as good an excuse as any to open it, doesn’t it?”
Sophie nodded. “Absolutely.”
They sat down, the sky above a perfect pastel painting of pinks and blues, with wispy white clouds. The sun wasn’t due to set for another hour at 8pm, but it was getting lower in the sky and turning a golden, burnt yellow already.
“Also, I wanted to say thanks for helping out with Delilah this week, and apologise for, well, me.” Tanya popped the cork and poured the champagne, offering a glass to Sophie, who took it. “I’d like to explain, if you’ll let me.”
“I’m listening,” Sophie said, taking a sip of her drink, her eyes never leaving Tanya. “What happened in Sturby? And why did things change after we slept together? I’m hoping it was nothing to do with me.”
Tanya shook her head, reaching out for Sophie’s hand and kissing it. “You’ve been dragged into it, but this is all me, nothing to do with you.” Then she smiled. “I mean, you’re involved… am I making sense yet?”
Sophie laughed. “I’m hoping you will any minute.”
Tanya gave a big sigh. “I’ll cut to the chase. When I was home my mum had a go at me — it’s a skillset of hers she’s honed over the years.” Tanya took another swig of booze to boost her courage. It worked.
“S
he told me I was just like her, that I didn’t let people in and that I was judgemental. And she questioned why I’d never been able to hold down a steady relationship. And that cut me to the core, you know?”
Sophie nodded her head. “I can imagine it would.”
Tanya’s nerves bristled as she continued. This was the moment where Tanya could be brave, lay it all out.
“And the thing is, there’s an element of truth in what she said. I’ve only had one long-term relationship, and I’ve been single for nearly two years. And yes, I can get casual sex, but it’s not what I want anymore.” She glanced up at Sophie, her heart hammering in her chest.
“I want something more, something real. And then you arrived in my life, and you’re about as real as it gets.” She paused. “What we had for one night was electric and intense. And what we shared in Sturby was incredible, too. I knew that when we came home, and I knew that after we kissed. But then my mum’s words kept playing in my head, my dreams kept coming and I started to worry whether my mum was right, whether I was just like her, difficult to love, destined to go through life alone.”
Sophie frowned at that. “But your mum’s not alone.”
Tanya gave her a rueful laugh. “She might as well be. She exists in her own world and my dad jumps to her tune.” Tanya fixed Sophie with her gaze, shaking her head. “That’s not what I want and it’s not what I want to put on anyone else. I want an honest-to-goodness real relationship, filled with ups and downs, shared triumphs and mistakes, but most of all, a relationship overflowing with messy, stupid love.
“And that’s what I hope we might have the start of, unless I’ve fucked it up by freaking out that I was my mother. I’m not, by the way.” Tanya breathed out, the last sentence coming out in a jumble. “Did any of that make sense?”
Sophie nodded her head slowly. “It does, and messy, stupid love is something I can get wholly behind.”
Tanya hardly heard the words over her heartbeat, but she nodded all the same.
“But it makes me mad you just didn’t tell me what you were thinking,” Sophie added. “You just mumbled something about a dream, and I’ve been walking around all week thinking what happened in Sturby, in the lift and on Sunday was just a dream. You went radio silent, and you have to know what that did to me.”
Tanya closed her eyes hearing that, her soaring hope suddenly juddering in mid-flight. But when she reopened them, Sophie’s gaze was gentle, loving.
“Of course I do. I’ve been a total arse, and I haven’t let you in — just like my mum predicted,” Tanya said.
Thunder filled her ears as she thought about what she’d done and whether or not it was rectifiable. Had she mucked this up for good? Could Sophie forgive her? She sat forward, taking Sophie’s hand in hers and staring deep into her eyes.
“Can you give me another chance? If you do, I promise not to freak out again.” Tanya paused. “Or at least if I do, I promise to share it with you and talk about it. Is that enough?”
Sophie stared at her for a few seconds before she answered. “Before I tell you that, you have to hear my side.”
Tanya nodded, her insides churning with doubt. Was Sophie about to drop a hammer blow on her hopes? “Go ahead,” she replied.
***
“You’ve got your inner demons, and I’ve got mine. Mine stem from my mum, too, but for very different reasons — she walked out and it made me doubt relationships and their validity. How can you trust people so much and then they desert you? I saw the devastation she left and vowed to protect myself from that ever happening to me.”
But what she hadn’t realised at the time was that in protecting herself, she was also shutting herself down from really living. Over the years, protection was wearing very thin as a core life value.
“And I’ve been pretty successful at it,” Sophie added. “I’ve had relationships, but I keep people at arm’s length — and I’ve never been in love.” She paused, letting that revelation sink in. When she said it out loud, it sounded stark, angular. It sounded like she was the unlovable one, not Tanya.
Tanya duly widened her eyes in surprise. “But you’re so warm and genuine. You seem far more sorted than me.” She paused. “You’ve really never been in love?”
Sophie shook her head, avoiding Tanya’s gaze. “Nope,” she said. “But a few years ago I decided this was no way to live, so I’ve been trying to undo the damage, to open myself up. I wanted to give a relationship a try, but I was scared — scared of getting hurt.”
“And I was scared of hurting you — we’re a right pair, aren’t we?”
Sophie laughed at that. “Turns out we are,” she replied. “The last woman I had a thing with before you, she had a girlfriend and I never knew. So I was going to take some time off women after that.
“But then you appeared and blew my plans out of the water. No matter that you were rude, there was something about you. And we kept bumping into each other, and it seemed like destiny — at least that’s what Rachel reckoned.”
“I always liked Rachel, did I mention?” Tanya said, smiling.
“She’s on your side,” Sophie replied. “And what we shared in Sturby — I felt a shift. And then we kissed and you didn’t call. And then we had sex and you freaked out.” Sophie paused. “You can see how I thought this was a repeating pattern, can’t you? That people running out on relationships is normal.”
“I never knew,” Tanya replied.
“Why would you?” Sophie said. “My point is, I do want to give this a go. I think there’s something here — a whole lot of something here.” Sophie stared at Tanya then, wanting so much to close the gap between them, but not quite knowing how to do it.
“I feel it here,” Sophie said, pointing at her head. “I feel it here,” she added, pointing to her chest. “And I feel it here,” she finished, putting a hand between her legs, feeling a jolt of desire underneath it as she did so. The heat she had for Tanya was so intense, she was sure she was burning up. “If I’m honest, I feel it everywhere.”
Tanya’s chest was heaving up and down at that revelation, and she went to say something, but stopped.
“What were you going to say?” Sophie asked.
“I’m still trying to catch my breath and drag my eyes away from your hand,” Tanya said, staring down at Sophie’s fingers, still splayed between her legs.
Sophie smiled, but didn’t move her hand.
“But I need to know you won’t run away again.”
“Cross my heart,” Tanya replied, dragging her index finger across her chest once, twice.
“I’m holding you to that, Tanya Grant,” Sophie said, a smile working its way from her mouth to her eyes.
Tanya reflected it right back. “How can I argue with a girl called London?” She paused, draining her champagne and then getting up, pulling Sophie up with her.
When Tanya pressed her lips to Sophie’s, all bets were off.
Sophie was lost in Tanya, and there was no coming back.
“Are we done talking now?” Tanya stared deep into Sophie’s eyes.
Sophie nodded, guided by her body, every square inch of which was screaming to be touched. “I think we’re done,” she replied, her voice sketchy. “I’m ready for some of that messy, stupid love you were talking about.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Sophie guided Tanya towards her oval dining table, running her hand over the smooth wood, her blood surging as she backed up to its edge. She’d been having lewd thoughts about this table and what they could do on it ever since she’d seen it — and hadn’t they wasted enough time talking already?
As she slipped her hand into Tanya’s, Sophie hoped this was the start of their real chapter, no more false starts. She took off her glasses, then her top, before spreading her legs, grabbing Tanya’s belt loops and pulling her between them.
Tanya said nothing, her face flushed, her breathing sketchy.
“So, how messy are we talking?” Sophie asked, her voice gravelly.<
br />
Tanya backed her right up onto her wooden table, pressing her body to hers. “Super-messy,” she said, cupping Sophie’s right breast and squeezing gently. “You writhing beneath me, and me fucking-you-like-there’s-no-tomorrow messy.”
Sophie’s insides collapsed, wetness pooling in her.
“You can talk the talk,” she said, smiling, pulling Tanya’s mouth to her. She bit her lip, before trailing her tongue along it, then sliding it into Tanya’s mouth. She let it swirl in Tanya’s mouth just long enough before pulling back, staring into her eyes, knowing the power they had.
“But can you walk the walk?” With that, Sophie pushed Tanya back with one hand, reaching around and unclipping her bra in one practised move. She threw it aside, holding Tanya in place with her actions.
Then Sophie leaned back on the table, both arms behind her, and shook her hair like a Hollywood starlet.
Tanya gaped, then stripped off her top, too.
***
Tanya pressed herself to Sophie, wanting to feel her skin next to hers, to finally touch her.
Their kisses were frantic now, a blur of teeth and tongues.
Sophie groaned into Tanya’s mouth, raking her short nails down Tanya’s back.
Tanya shuddered. Everything about this felt messy and delicious.
Just like Sophie.
Just like them.
Tanya knew she had so much to make up for, but the making up started right here, right now.
She placed hot, wet kisses all down Sophie’s neck, onto her breasts, her nipples. Then her hands worked nimbly to undo Sophie’s jeans, pulling at her belt, before standing her up and getting her naked.
Tanya took a moment to appreciate that, before pushing her down on the table gently, Sophie’s pupils blown wide open, her chest rising and falling with speed.
Tanya knew why. She understood completely because she was feeling it, too. Right there, just like Sophie had said. In her head, in her heart and deep inside her. And then, the need to be deep inside Sophie was overwhelming.