Sing a Song of Love
By Sian O’Grady
Text copyright © 2013 Sian O’Grady
All Rights Reserved
To my husband and kids for their constant love and support.
Table of Contents
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Jess
Mack
Epilogue
The end
Jess
It had been the right choice having a break up at Mum and Dads holiday house. I could feel the tiredness of the past year washing away and my old energy levels returning. Matapouri Bay had this effect on me and I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of coming up here sooner.
Every morning since I had arrived I had started the day off with a swim. Bobbling around in the waves and drinking in the view.
The beach was deserted at this time of year and my only companions were the ample wildlife that resided in the trees. Their squawking and carrying on never failed to bring a smile to my face.
The cliffs above the bay were surrounded in Pohutukawa trees that had mostly finished blooming but there was still the odd dash of ruby red that blazed out from among the deep green foliage. On the left and right hand sides of the bay, gentle rolling hills emerged above the cliffs where you could see herds of cows quietly munching on grass. As a child I had sat out the back on my surfboard for hours drinking in that view and wishing for summer to go on forever.
My parents had inherited the holiday house from my Dads parents and for as long as I could remember we had been coming up here for family holidays. I had so many great memories of this place that usually any problems I had just melted into perspective.
I was still waiting for that to happen though as the thought of next week was terrifying me.
I had an audition for backup vocals for a Scottish band that we had been hearing good things about. They were due to tour Australasia but first needed to record their new single. If our audition went well we would hopefully get both gigs which would keep us in work until the end of autumn. And would look fantastic on the CV!
It had been a real honour to be asked and Cam, who was the other half of our backup duo and my business partner, had shipped me up north to get my head in order so that I didn’t stuff this up. It was well known in our local music scene that I had been off my game and it had been a tough year but we were both hoping this would change things. If the recording went well then this would put us back on the map. And I really owed it to Cam to make this work seeing how he had stuck by me over the past twelve months with not one word of incrimination.
I had separated from my husband Jay about twelve months ago and it had left me feeling like a failure and my self-confidence had taken a big wallop. You see the thing with singing is that you need to lose yourself in the moment but if your mind is going a hundred miles an hour well you just end up sounding terrible. My voice was still good but the performance was stilted. Crap basically! Cam had been a huge support and kept telling me how I was feeling would pass. But now I had a deadline to be fully functioning by; talk about pressure!
I had met Jay in my last year of school when I had auditioned for a band that was after a lead singer. I had got the gig and was drawn to Jay straight away. He was full of life and fun and he helped me forget all the sadness of the last few years and the stress of shifting to the city after living in the country all my life.
Jay’s attire reflected his take on life and I loved his stovepipe jeans and colourful, crazy shirts and he seemed so comfortable in the chaotic city environment that I had hoped some of his confidence would rub off on me.
We started dating within months and soon did everything together. The easy camaraderie we had reminded me so much of my Mum and Dad’s relationship that I was positive it had to be love. So when he proposed it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to say yes.
We had a small wedding at my parent’s farm up north and everyone brought tents and pitched them in the front paddock around the marque we had hired for the reception. It was an amazing day and like a Cinderella movie the sun was out and the sky was picture perfect blue with the odd white fluffy cloud; the birds were singing and life seemed perfect. I was surrounded by all my friends and family marrying this great guy whom I loved with all my heart and soul, just not like that. I just hadn’t realized that yet.
I had assumed I wasn’t an overly sexual person and it wasn’t until a few years after I was married that I realized that there were different types of love and I was actually capable of very strong sexual responses.
About two years into our marriage we got a new drummer and soon as I saw him I had it bad. I couldn’t stop fantasising about all the things I wanted to do with him. My stomach would churn and talking to him was nigh on impossible. I felt like a star struck teenager instead of the married woman I was supposed to be. I tried to stop the feelings but nothing seemed to work.
It culminated in a drunken kiss after months of us skirting around the attraction and he honourable left the band shortly after. The experience left me shaken even though nothing more than a kiss had happened and I tried hard to put it behind me. Unfortunately turning back the clock isn’t as easy as that and my new found doubts started to affect the relationship I had with Jay. There was a tension that had not been there before which spilled over into every aspect of our life together. The worst part was that Jay didn’t even know what was going on and the hurt that I saw in his eyes made me just want to crawl up and die with shame.
Eventually in an attempt to save what we had I fessed up to the kiss and I think Jay was so relieved to have answers that he forgave me in a heartbeat. For the next four years I poured all my energy into making the relationship work but the cracks I had created were becoming wider. Every day I felt like I was slipping deeper into the muddy cesspool I had created.
I don’t know what finally precipitated my decision to end things. Perhaps the combination of continually feeling like a louse hurting Jay and that it wasn’t fair to either of us to keep up this pretence. Anyway, Jay was amazing about the whole thing and said it was not unexpected. That was even harder as part of me wanted him to yell and scream and punish me for what I was doing. I felt like I was getting off scot free and it just didn’t seem fair. But I got my karma later; my best friend Kel said it was self-inflicted but whatever it was, it sucked. I was full of self-loathing and felt bereft and sad. Kel kept pointing out that Jay was ok, and he was which only seemed to make it harder but I wouldn’t listen. It was like I had lost my best friend and the only person I could blame for it was me. And worse still, everyone else seemed ok about it!
So here I was at the Bay putting my life in order and after three days of reclusive activity I thought some human contact might be a good idea. I decided to head to the local pub for dinner.
My parents were close friends with the owners who had brought the pub about twenty years ago when they had first emigrated over from Italy. Angelo and Mara were like second parents to me and I hadn’t felt ready for their concerned questions until today. I knew they meant well but sometimes not thinking about things could be the best medicine.
They spotted me as soon as I entered and rushed over with big smiles and hugs and led me to my favourite spot on the deck overlooking the bay. They sat with me chatting until the dinner rush began and they were called away. It had been nice to sit and reminisce over a glass of red and by the time they had left I was feeling pleasantly relaxed
and optimistic. It was always good to catch up on their children’s news and whereabouts as they were like cousins to me. Also talking about their kids kept the topic off me!
After about twenty minutes Mara brought out some freshly baked bread that made my mouth water and asked if I would mind sharing my table with a friend of theirs. Apparently there was a visitor to the area who had been staying here for the last few nights who Mara and Angelo had taken a shine to. They thought he might be good company for me since I was eating dinner alone.
I looked up at Mara’s kindly face beaming down at me and realized I didn’t really have an option so graciously agreed to a bit of well-intentioned meddling! Mara walked away purposefully to return a few moments later with what can only be described as a whole lot of man and after making introductions, vanished but not before subjecting me to her brightest smile and a big wink. I couldn’t help but smile back as I liked what she had brought over!
Mack had clean cut good looks which contrasted with the tattoos on the top half of each arm. I didn’t usually fancy tattoos but on Mack they just accentuated how broad and tanned he was and somehow gave his classic good looks a rougher edge. He had dark hair and by the look of it would be capable of growing a beard to be proud of; he had five o’clock shadow which I always thought looked sexy and vivid blue eyes that were alive with curiosity.
“I hope you don’t mind Mara throwing us together. She means well and I’m planning on eating and running so it should be fairly painless.” I looked up at Mack with what I hoped was a welcoming smile and was rewarded with a grin that seemed to say he didn’t mind at all.
“Actually I am pleased to have some company. Mara and Angelo have been wonderful over the last few days but tonight looks like one of their busy nights so I’m glad not to be a distraction. Mara said you are here staying at your parents holiday house for a few days?”
Mack sounded just like Ewan McGregor and coupled with his strong masculine presence was a force to be reckoned with. I was usually wary of men this good looking but there was a quality about Mack that put you at ease albeit with a few flutters in the stomach!
I looked up at Mack watching me and was glad that Mara had introduced us. It was like someone had waved their magic wand and given me a large dose of abandonment. I felt young and carefree and very glad to be here. I leant over closer to him so that he could hear me over the dinner crowd and asked if he was here on holiday. He smelt warm and earthy with just a hint of cologne and I felt my body respond in appreciation.
“Kind of, I promised my sister I would look after my nephew while he was over here working to make sure he didn’t get up to any mischief. He is twenty two and a smart boy but you know what Mums are like!” I nodded and Mack added that he had come up here for a couple of days to recuperate and to give the boys a bit of breathing space. His nephew was over here with his two best friends so he had decided it would be safe enough to leave them to it for a few days while he saw a bit of the countryside.
“And right now I am thinking what a great decision I made. I sure wouldn’t want those three muscling in on my date,” Mack grinned at me and I couldn’t help smiling back.
“If it’s a date then I guess it’s your shout!” I picked up the menu and pretended to study it. Mack had changed the dynamics with that statement and my stomach which already had flutters went into over drive. I tried to hide my nervousness with a bright smile but one look at Mack and I knew I wasn’t fooling anybody. He was fully aware of the effect he was having on me and was staring back with open appreciation. I could feel his eyes taking in not so much what I was wearing but what it concealed and I felt my cheeks start to burn.
“You have turned a delightful shade of red Jessie. I’d say a penny for your thoughts if I wasn’t worried about being shocked,” said Mack feigning innocence. His face pulled it off but the twinkling eyes were so full of mischief that I couldn’t help but laugh.
Mack leant over and pushed a stray curl behind me ear and his touch left me tingling and wondering where I was going with this. Other than Jay I hadn’t slept with anyone else and after six years of marriage the only orgasms I’d ever had where those that involved just me! I longed to experience the mind blowing sex that you read about in books and my inner thoughts were persuasively saying Mack was my man! No wonder he thought I was having naughty thoughts, I so was!
I had always thought I was an old fashioned girl who liked to take it slow but it was like someone had flicked a switch. I was mortified by my flirting and powerless to stop. My hands had a life of their own and one destination. I might as well have had a flashing neon sign on my head saying I’m available and keen!
I could feel the blush deepen and was glad when the waitress turned up with our meals as I could see Mack was finding the whole blushing thing highly amusing! I changed the subject to safer topics and asked him what he did for a living.
Mack was quite general in his answer and I decided not to probe and instead we talked about some of our hobbies and quickly found that we both had a love of the outdoors and anything adventurous.
We bantered our way through dinner and by the time we finished the local band was starting up. It became hard to hear each other over the music so Mack suggested a walk on the beach. I liked the idea of being alone with him and agreed. It felt like I had known him so much longer than the couple of hours over dinner and I didn’t want this night to end just yet. I wanted to spend more time with this Scottish enigma who was so strong and manly on one hand yet soft and caring on the other.
Mara wouldn’t accept a cent for dinner. She gave me a warm hug and strict instructions not to head back to Auckland on Sunday without saying goodbye. I laughed and kissed her on both cheeks and said I wouldn’t dream of it.
Mack guided me out of the pub and I was delighted to find my hand inside his large one as we wandered in silence down to the beach below. It was a clear night and the stars away from the city lights were extra bright and the moon was low over the sea lighting up the beach. It was magical and we both stopped half way down the hill to drink in the view. Mack was behind me and he gently pulled me back into his arms so that my back was nestled up against him.
“I want you Jess.” Mack whispered so softly that I barely heard him over the waves below and he turned me around and pulled me to him. I could feel the heat of his chest through my blouse and I felt breathless as he lowered his lips to mine. It felt like I had been waiting for this moment all my life. Or for at least three hours! His lips were warm and firm as he gently explored my mouth and I could feel my body responding. My hands found their way to his hair before they ran down the length of his back and finally found their way under his shirt to his chest. He felt warm and strong and I longed to get his shirt off and for our bare skin to be touching.
Urgency arose in my body as I felt Mack’s arousal pressing against my stomach. It had been so long since I had been held by a man.
There was a tug on my shirt as it was pulled from my leggings and I felt his hand move up my back before, deftly undoing the clasp on my bra. He pulled me in even closer as he deepened the kiss and his hand came round to cup my breast as he gently rubbed my nipple until it was hard and aching for more. I wanted his lips all over me.
Mack pulled back fractionally and looked down at me, his eyes asking me if I wanted more and I wordlessly grabbed his hand and led him round the path towards my parent’s holiday house. I pushed down the niggling doubts that this was insanity and we had just met. For once I was determined not to overthink things. I wanted to go with what my body was feeling and this felt so right!
It took just five minutes to walk home and as soon as I opened the door Mack pulled me towards him as he pushed the door closed with his foot. His lips found mine and I felt that drugged feeling return to my body. My legs went weak from the pleasure I was feeling as his hands pushed down my leggings and my stomach filled with anticipation.
“I wanted to be doing this from the moment I saw you.” Mack was murmuring
in my ear as he continued to undress me and I soon found myself naked in front of him.
“You are even more beautiful with your clothes off!” And what I saw on his face made me forget my usual insecurities at being naked.
“You can quit the compliments now Mack, I’m a sure thing!” And I grinned at him as he pulled me forcefully back to him.
“I’m going to give you a night to remember my sexy nymph, starting with kissing you all over. So if you have any objections you better tell me now.”
I started to giggle as his hands cupped my ass pulling me to him and I felt his warm breath on my face, “None from this corner!”
He effortlessly lifted me up onto the hall table, and then dropped to his knees in front of me as he pulled my legs apart. I felt him draw me towards him and then his lips found my clit and I felt a bolt go through me. He teased and sucked it in ways I had only dreamt about and the waves of pleasure building in the pit of my stomach made me grab his hair as if I was about to fall.
My body arched up at the pleasure his fingers where giving me; it felt like every nerve was alive with sexual energy and I knew my orgasm was near. I could feel the waves getting stronger and when Mack drew a nipple into his mouth and started to suck the lights went off. Never in my wildest dreams had I believed sex could be this good.
Mack lifted me up and carried me through the rooms looking for the bedroom. When he found my room he laid me on the bed and started to kiss me and I could feel my body waking up all over again.
I wanted to give him pleasure like he had just gave me. I rolled him over and straddled him and undid his belt. His hands reached up to play with my breasts and his eyes sparkled with appreciation that made me feel desirable and brave.
I eased his trousers and boxers down and dropped my mouth onto his erect cock and was rewarded by his sharp intake of breath. I started to suck and lick and slowly draw more and more of him into me.
I was so lost in the moment that I didn’t feel Mack’s hands on me until he had flipped me on to my back. He deftly put a condom on before he pushed my legs apart and with his eyes firmly locked on mine, entered and started to gently move inside me.
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