by Lizzie Shane
“No,” she said, conviction ringing in the word. “I still think I should go. If I believe in this show, I have to. I don’t feel connected to Daniel, but I do feel stronger.” She firmed her chin, but her eyes were glistening now, her composure held onto by a death grip. “Coming on this show, facing my fears of what people will think of me and proving to myself that I really do believe I deserve a chance to be the bride someday, rather than the perennial wedding planner—this was incredibly liberating and I’m grateful to you for your part in that. This is the bravest thing I’ve ever done. Even if I didn’t get the guy.”
Her gaze held his and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Daniel wasn’t the guy she was talking about. His brain filled up with words he couldn’t say. Words to make her stay.
Voices buzzed in his earpiece and the SUV pulled around the corner to stop in front of Sidney. The driver collected her symbolic bag and tossed it in the back with the rest of her luggage.
“I’ll see you at the reunion special, Josh Pendleton.” She climbed inside the SUV, where one of the show’s producers would be waiting to film her departure interview—and try to wring a few tears out for the cameras.
Josh stood staring after the SUV as it pulled away. One of the sound techs stripped him of his mic and earpiece. The rest of the crew scurried back inside, off to catch the next emotional breakdown, Sidney already forgotten.
And still he frowned after her, regret, relief and frustration twining around one another in his gut. Miranda came to stand beside him, her arms folded over her tablet as she gazed after Sidney down the driveway. She waited until the rest of the crew had cleared the area before turning to him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Josh jerked, startled by the swift attack. “What do you mean?”
“Did you seriously just tell one of our Suitorettes that no one would love her except Daniel so she should stay?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Really? Because it sounded a lot like that.”
“I just wanted to make sure she’d really considered what she was giving up by leaving.”
“She looked closer to tears saying goodbye to you than she ever got with Daniel. Next time let’s try something other than implying that Mister Perfect is the only emotionally available man in America and she will die alone if she leaves, mmkay?”
Miranda strode off, sharp heels clacking on the pavers. Josh rammed his hands deep into his pockets and turned back toward the Mister Perfect mansion.
He’d been a jerk. That was true. But it had been the right thing to do.
Sidney had a crush on him. That was all it was. She was a romantic. She probably got crushes all the time. She’d get over it. All the faster now that he’d put a stop to her daydreaming.
He had to think of his career—not the hurt that seemed to echo in her eyes. Not the guilt that was burning in his gut.
His job was all he had right now. That and a pile of alimony payments. It was his entire freaking identity. If he lost that, he wouldn’t know who he was anymore.
And even if she hadn’t been a Suitorette…
Even if he had felt something for her, he was a bad bet. Better she find that out now. Better for them both.
Chapter Nine
Nothing.
It was such a horrible, demoralizing word.
Her brain couldn’t seem to make sense of it. Not with the way his eyes would track her whenever they were in the same room together. It certainly hadn’t felt like nothing to her—but was their connection all in her head? Had she been brainwashed to look for love everywhere by the show? Had she let a stupid one-sided infatuation ruin her best chance at the life she wanted? Was she really that terrible at reading signals?
Josh had told her flat out to give Daniel another chance. And for a fraction of a second, a little voice inside her head had said it was because Josh wanted her to stay. Then reality had intruded with that word.
Nothing.
The familiar streets of her hometown flowed sedately by outside the window, but she barely saw them as one of the show’s drivers slowed to a complete stop at each and every stop sign. She’d been eager to get home for the last two days, sitting in her hotel room as the producers subjected her to an endless string of post-mortem interviews and therapy sessions. She hadn’t been able to wait to see Eden, California and Once Upon a Bride again, but now that she was here she almost wished the driver would slow his glacial pace even more.
She’d been calm and collected through the entire feeling-sharing marathon. It was only now, rolling along the upscale-kitsch Main Street of her hometown, that she started to have the first flicker of nerves.
She wasn’t sure she was ready to face her friends and rehash it all.
The show had made her sign confidentiality agreements, but she trusted Victoria and Parvati to keep their mouths shut. She just had no idea how they would react to the knowledge that she’d left of her own accord.
For once seeing Once Upon a Bride filled her with uncertainty rather than pride. The wide display windows were a bridal fantasy, which in the next few weeks would become a tasteful holiday wedding display. Everything about the store, from the sweep of the awning to the cursive etching on the glass door, screamed elegance and taste.
The car slowed in front of the store and Sidney snapped out of her haze. “Could you go around to the back?” she asked the driver.
“Of course, miss.”
As the car pulled into the parking lot behind the shop, Sidney peered down Main Street toward Parvati’s coffee shop, wondering how long she had before word reached her friend that she was home.
Eden, California might be a small town, but it had become a favored hideaway for the rich in the last three decades—with more yacht clubs and country clubs per capita than any other town west of the Mississippi.
The adorable Main Street was perched in the hills above the Pacific Coast Highway, looking down over the massively expensive beachfront properties and four select yacht clubs—all of which made absolutely killer wedding locales. The hills were peppered with wineries and country clubs, for the brides who didn’t want sand getting caught in their lace veils.
It was a wedding planner’s paradise and together Victoria and Sidney had built Once Upon a Bride into the place for the elite bride to come to plan her romantic Eden wedding, whether she was a local princess or the sorority sister of a girl who once was a bridesmaid in a destination wedding on Eden’s perfect white beaches.
They lived and died on word of mouth—which was part of why Sidney had gone on the show. But now, standing on the sidewalk in front of Once Upon a Bride, she couldn’t help recalling the other side of the word-of-mouth coin.
Gossip.
Eden might be a luxury retreat, but it was still a small town and like all small towns it ran on gossip. She probably had fifteen minutes before word got out to her mother that she was back.
If she hurried, she might just have time to haul all her bags up to the attic apartment she kept above Once Upon a Bride before Hurricane Marguerite descended. Though maybe she was lucky and her mother would be out of town on business. She could only hope.
Victoria and her daughter shared the larger second floor apartment, but at this time of day Lorelei would be in school and Tori was undoubtedly inside Once Upon a Bride—unless she was off coordinating a tasting or a fitting for a bride-to-be.
It was cowardly, but Sidney hoped Tori was out. Suddenly she didn’t want to face her best friend—or anyone else who had known how starry-eyed she’d been before leaving for the show.
She wanted to resume her life as if nothing had happened—nothing to see here, folks—but she had a feeling she was more likely to be attacked by a giant squid while standing on Eden’s Main Street than she was to get that wish.
“Would you like some help getting your things inside, miss?” the driver asked as he held her door for her.
Sidney gave him her most well-bred smile, already feelin
g her mother’s rules of behavior closing around her like an iron maiden. “No, thank you, I can manage.” She wanted her last connection with the show severed as quickly as possible—and he probably wouldn’t understand why she was planning to sneak stealthily up the stairs to avoid her best friend.
She tipped him and waited until he’d driven off, leaving her and her five suitcases beside the back entrance to Once Upon a Bride. Tori’s car was in the parking lot, but she would be in the office or with a bride and wouldn’t hear Sidney creep in.
The back door screeched as she pulled it open and Sidney cringed.
“Hello?” Tori’s voice carried down the back hallway from the main display room.
A momentary cowardly impulse almost kept her quiet, but Victoria was as much a sister as a business partner. “It’s just me.”
“Sidney?” Tori came flying around the corner from the front room. “You’re back!”
Victoria was usually the composed one. Calm, organized and controlled in every situation. Sidney could play to the brides’ dreams, but Victoria kept them focused, calm and on budget. But there was nothing calm or focused about her now. She ran down the hall, throwing her arms around Sidney in the doorway and squeezing hard. “God, I missed you. We weren’t expecting you for weeks! Is it Meet-the-In-Laws time already?”
Sidney pulled back, feeling her first flicker of regret at leaving early. “Actually, the Meet-the-In-Laws dates are still a few weeks away.”
“Don’t tell me he let you go already. Couldn’t he see how awesome you are?” Victoria’s ivy green eyes, a striking contrast to her café au lait skin, filled with sympathy and understanding. “Forget about him. If he didn’t know a good thing when it was right in front of him, he was a poor excuse for perfect. What kind of idiot doesn’t know he’s supposed to keep you until at least the In-Law dates when you could show him the business and set us up for life?”
Sidney knew Victoria was just trying to lighten the mood, probably make her feel better after what she thought was a rejection, but all she felt was a stab of guilt that walking away from Marrying Mister Perfect might hurt the business and by extension Tori and Lorelei.
“Actually, he, ah, he didn’t let me go.”
“They’re giving you a break? I didn’t think they did that. Oh God, is your family okay?”
“Everyone’s fine. I just—” Sidney swallowed—she hadn’t expected this part to be so hard. “I have to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone. Not even Lorelei.”
“Sid, you’re freaking me out.”
“I left.”
Victoria took a step back. “What?”
“I didn’t feel a connection to him.”
“But—our plan.” Victoria visibly fought to keep the disappointment off her face and failed. “We were going to make the Veil list. Lorelei was going to have a college fund. I don’t understand.”
Guilt swamped her. “It wasn’t like I thought it would be.” And suddenly all the reasons that had seemed so logical when she was isolated inside the Suitorette Mansion didn’t seem like enough.
Bells jangled as the front door of Once Upon a Bride opened and closed. “Sid?” Parvati’s voice preceded her appearance in the back hall. “It is you! Tammy James saw a strange car pull around back here and was trying to convince me that it had to be you, but I said it couldn’t be because you weren’t due back for weeks.” Parv’s babble carried her all the way up to Sidney. She wrapped her in a hug before Sidney could get in a word edgewise. “What are you doing back so soon?”
“She quit.”
Parvati pulled back, making no effort to mask her own disappointment. “Oh no! Was he a sleaze?”
Another wave of guilt crashed over her. “No, he was nice enough. There just wasn’t anything there.”
Parv frowned, visibly confused. “Nice. As in code for spineless?”
“No. As in a nice guy. Maybe a little shallow and self-absorbed, but it’s hard not to be when everyone is telling you you’re Mister Perfect and competing for your attention.”
“So he didn’t break your heart?”
“Daniel didn’t come close to my heart.”
“So that’s it?” Parv frowned. “You just left? You hate the girls who just leave. You’re always saying they expect love to be a walk in the park and relationships are work. Was he a jerk off camera?”
“He was exactly the same on camera and off.” But he wasn’t Josh. “It just wasn’t there. Sometimes there’s no chemistry.”
“That’s it? No chemistry?” Tori asked incredulously. “This from the woman who’s always saying chemistry isn’t as important as affection and compatibility?”
“And what do I know about it? Since when have I been in a serious relationship?”
“Tori,” Parv said softly, reining her in.
Victoria’s frown stayed etched between her brows, but she waved toward Sidney’s bags, stacked on the ground behind her. “Do you want some help with those? I have a bride coming in at two. We can’t just stand here blocking the back entrance all day.”
The mood was tense and silent as they gathered up her bags and huffed them up three flights to the attic apartment. Victoria left immediately, returning downstairs to await her bride, but Parvati lingered as Sidney gazed around the familiar space.
Part of her had really thought she would be getting ready to move out of the cozy little apartment when she got back—moving in with Mister Perfect en route to living happily ever after.
“Lorelei’s been looking after your plants,” Parv commented from the doorway.
Sidney nodded absently, her eyes automatically going to the ficus in the corner. She’d always been able to talk to Parvati and Victoria, but now she couldn’t find the words.
For the last two days, she’d been waiting for the regret to hit. She ignored the pressure in the back of her throat whenever she thought about Josh’s rejection, expecting an anvil of regret to crush everything else when she realized she’d really done it. She’d walked away from Mister Perfect and her shot at love—not to mention any chance at making the Veil list and earning her mother’s respect. But the regret never came.
Until now.
“I’m sorry I disappointed everyone.”
“Hey.” Parvati pushed away from the door and walked over to wrap her arms around Sidney in a side-hug. “You didn’t disappoint anyone.”
“No. I did. I screwed up. But you have no idea how hard it is to think straight when the only people you can talk to are the ones who are trapped inside the same echo chamber with you. At the time I thought it was empowering—leaving on my own. Defying the conventions of the show that say I have to wait until he kicks me off. Proving that I believe in love, in the process, and that it has to go both ways. I was proud of myself.”
“I’m sure it was the right call. And Victoria will come around. You just surprised us is all.”
“I’ll make it up to her,” Sidney said, making the words a promise. “We’ll find some other way to hit the Veil list.”
Three sharp raps sounded on her door and Sidney felt her spine snap straight in reflex. She knew that knock.
She moved to open the door. “Hello, Mother.”
“So it’s true. You are back.”
Parvati edged around her, making her escape. “I should be getting back to the café. I’ll see you later, Sid. Welcome home.” She nodded to Sidney’s mother. “Mrs. Dewitt.”
“Parvati.”
As Parvati retreated quickly down the stairs, Sidney opened the door wider. “Would you like to come in?”
“I can’t stay. I have meetings in New York in the morning.”
“Ah.”
Marguerite Dewitt’s gaze—the same unusual blue as her daughter’s—raked her from head to toe. “You’re looking thin.”
Sidney felt her spine grow a little more rigid. “Thank you.”
“Did he break it off with you?” Another mother might have been concerned. Marguerite just wanted the facts.
And to know how disappointed she needed to be in Sidney’s performance.
“I’m afraid I can’t discuss it. Confidentiality.”
Her mother nodded, as if she’d confirmed it. “At least it’s over.” She’d never made any pretense of supporting Sidney’s decision to go on the show. The words vulgar display had practically become her catch phrase.
Sidney forced a smile. “I’ll be home for Thanksgiving this way.”
“But we aren’t celebrating this year. Your father has meetings in Switzerland and your brother has to work over the holiday. Very high profile client. He’s been swamped ever since his company got that fantastic write-up in Variety. Did you see the article?”
“I must have missed it. We didn’t get Variety at the Suitorette mansion.”
“The best personal protection money can buy—and that’s a quote. The best. Your father was so proud. I had my doubts when your brother wanted to start a bodyguard service for celebrities, but I should have known Max would make a success of it.”
Of course he had. Max was the golden child who could do no wrong. It was Sidney who drifted through life never quite measuring up, following her heart instead of her head. Not like the true Dewitts did.
Her mother tugged her gloves back on. “I’ll leave you to get settled then.”
Sidney thanked her and wished her a good flight, leaning in for an air-kiss.
She couldn’t say she was disappointed about Thanksgiving. You had to be surprised to be disappointed. She’d celebrate with Victoria and Lorelei—and it would be a better Thanksgiving than she’d ever get with her family.
Provided Victoria had forgiven her by then.
She’d gotten caught up in playing Cinderella and forgotten that she had other reasons for going on the show. She’d squandered her chance to put Once Upon a Bride on the map, but she was going to make it up to Tori. Whatever it took.
She would make it happen. Like a Dewitt.
And when she was contractually allowed to date again, she would do that too. No sense wallowing in the memory of a man who thought nothing of her.