“We don’t know what’s beyond it, though,” King wisely argued.
“But it’s solar panels or nothing.” I didn’t know if I was being reckless because I craved electricity like an addict or if it was intuition that pushed me toward the decision to stop. Either way, we could be walking into a Zombie trap. Of course, that was potentially a problem wherever we stopped. So it was either now or later. We weren’t in a hurry to get to Mexico. And I could charge my iPod. “If we stay on these back roads we’re going to stay at a place like this anyway. But it probably won’t have working electricity.”
“Haley’s got a point,” Vaughan agreed softly. He slowed the van to a stop in front of a long, gravel drive. We sat idling in the road, staring up at the seemingly empty farmhouse.
We stayed there for a long time, waiting for movement, waiting for Zombies to pop out of every unseen place at the sound of the engine rumbling, waiting for a holed up, half-insane farmer to come barreling out of the front door spitting tobacco, angry shotgun in hand.
Nothing happened. Not for fifteen full minutes.
All of our nerves pulled tight with apprehension. Now we were wasting precious gas, now we were sitting ducks. A decision had to be made.
Finally, Vaughan took a deep breath and announced, “Anywhere else could be just as dangerous. We check it out. If we don’t like it, we get back in the van and keep going. It’s still a little early to settle down, so if this doesn’t work, we find a better place. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” we agreed in subdued voices.
This was our plan. Our plan potentially included electricity. And now I was smiling and couldn’t stop.
“You are really excited about those solar panels aren’t you?” Nelson asked quietly as Vaughan drove the rust-bucket van up the driveway and around to the back of the house.
“Maybe,” I grinned.
“We don’t know what we’ll find inside,” he reminded me somberly.
“True,” I agreed. “Still, it’s the possibility of what’s inside, isn’t it?”
In a deep rumble of fierce agreement, Nelson answered, “I can’t argue with that.”
I turned my attention back to the house, not able to have that conversation with him. Was he talking about me? Or trying to convince me to give him a chance? Or was he seriously just talking about the house?
Suddenly I did not feel very smart anymore.
Thanks a lot, Nelson.
Not that I’d ever really tried at the super brain powers thing anyway. But there was something painfully frustrating about a simple boy making me feel stupid. Is this what happened when a girl truly started to fall for a boy? Our brains turned to mush and we resorted to giggling and blushing?
God, that could not happen to me.
I was not that girl. I was not that girl. I was not that girl.
I shivered noticeably when he pulled his hand from underneath my shirt, brushing his fingers gently against my skin on the way.
Maybe I was that girl just a little bit.
Vaughan turned off the car and instead of the noise from the engine, the clicking of clips and magazines filled the silence. Page woke up by stretching on Reagan’s lap and tumbling to the floor, on top of more ammo and a few packs. Her grunt of pain had all five of her brothers scowling down at her in concerned uneasiness.
She was a lucky little girl, even in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse.
She smiled sheepishly up at everyone and brushed her hair underneath her stocking cap. General rule of conduct had Page pretending to be a boy whenever there were potential humans around. Reagan and I were beyond the years where our figures could be confused for the opposite sex, but Page was still young enough to be convincing. And every time she got away with it, we breathed a little bit easier and whispered grateful prayers, unable to stop ourselves.
“Hendrix and I will go in first, Nelson, Harrison and King on the outside of the van, Reagan and Haley stay with Page inside.” Vaughan snapped out his commands with the authority that came naturally to him and a half-second later we were following obediently.
Nelson pressed a hand to my neck, holding me possessively for a moment. His thumb rubbed against the hollow of my throat, and his fingers pressed into my skin before slipping out from underneath me. My skin felt singed from his touch, branded and marked. I ignored the frantic pattering of my heart that whispered all kinds of hopes and secrets. That was more than a simple gesture of affection.
That was one of those things that couldn’t be explained, that seemed so unassuming and easy, but I felt it in every single one of my extremities, in the marrow of my bones. That was a goodbye if it was necessary. That was an emotion so deep and serious that I couldn’t put a name on it.
That was a promise to protect me.
And if he could manage that- a promise to continue to pursue me.
My mind swam in a tumultuous ocean of thoughts. I didn’t know how I felt, or how I should feel. But I recognized the way my blood felt on fire, how my skin tingled and pricked at the memory of his touch, how my heart pounded away in my chest, beating a rhythm of excitement and anticipation.
Even if in my head I was confused about my future with Nelson, my body seemed perfectly attuned to where this was going.
And that scared me more than the potential Zombie threat lurking just a few yards away.
The van door slid shut with a creaking bang and then Reagan and I were left alone with Page. She seemed sleepy still and a little bit cranky. She didn’t get irritable often, but every once in a while she acted her age.
And I thought that was a good thing.
“So,” Reagan, started, shooting me a smile although her eyes remained tense.
“So,” I echoed, flashing her my own version of a “what the heck” look.
“What’s going on with you guys?” She mouthed to me.
“How should I know,” I grumbled, staring after Vaughan and Hendrix as they disappeared into the house. Their guns were raised, their shoulders positioned to shoot on sight. “He’s just…. staked his claim or whatever.” Then silently so she had to read my lips I said, “We barely know them.”
She nodded, laughing a little because she was in the exact same predicament. “And things could go bad fast, yeah?”
“What could go bad fast?” Page asked, sounding a little dazed.
“With the Zombies,” Reagan lied boldly.
I hid my smirk when Page looked back and forth between us.
“You’re talking about my brothers,” she deduced with her eyes shrewdly narrowed. “They would never go bad.”
Reagan looked scandalized by Page’s ability to perceive, but I recognized it. Page needed to be in school.
“You don’t know that, little girl,” I warned her as gently as I could. “Your brothers will never be bad, but relationships can go bad. And that’s what they’re asking for.”
She shook her head slowly, as if we were the ones having trouble understanding, “Not with my brothers. They don’t do things badly.”
Now that I couldn’t argue with her.
“What if they get to know us better and stop liking us,” Reagan argued.
“They wouldn’t like you if they thought that was going to happen,” she rolled her eight-year-old eyes and puffed out an annoyed breath.
This was the most upset with us I’d ever seen Page get and I kind of loved it. Most of the time she was perfectly obedient and lovable; I liked that she had a sassy side.
“How do you know so much?” I asked, unable to stop an indulgent smile.
“I remember what it was like when we had to leave my mom,” she admitted with only a slightly trembling chin. “I remember what they were like after we left home. Vaughan told me when we love something we love it forever. And when we love someone they know we love them forever. Even if we can’t tell them anymore. If Nelson loves you Haley, he will always love you.”
I closed my mouth, because it had fallen open. I fought back tears for the memory of thei
r mother I didn’t own. And I decided Page, eight-year-old therapist extraordinaire, was much smarter than me, the failed genius and relationship avoider.
“Kind of sucks to get shown up by a kid,” Reagan laughed.
“No, kidding,” I grumbled.
Page finally broke out into a smile and wagged her finger at us, “Remember that.”
“We will,” Reagan sobered dramatically. “Always.”
Vaughan kicked in the back door with a clever foot and disappeared into the dark house with Hendrix on his heels. We quieted immediately and watched in tense anticipation for them to resurface with a thumbs up or start shooting up the place in an effort to escape alive.
Minutes crawled by while we sat inside the silent van. Nelson, Harrison and King surrounded us like true soldiers of freedom. I felt safe inside the van and that thought rocked me.
I’d spent years feeling unsafe, completely vulnerable to death, disease or Zombie-ism. And here, out in the relatively open with only glass and rusted metal to shelter me, while three boys with limited ammo and a pure, focused goal to protect their baby sister and us, I felt absolutely safe and cared for.
What was I going to do with that?
A moment later, Hendrix reappeared in the door way, waving us inside. His bright blue eyes
were still tense with anxiety, but his gun hung limply at his hip. We were cleared for entry.
It must be safe.
And that meant an entire night with power!
Chapter Two
The house was dusty, choking with stagnant air from lack of use. Vaughan and Hendrix walked around with guns lowered and a kind of casual ease that seemed out of place for them.
The rest of us, kept our loaded guns at our sides down, but ready. We stood in the kitchen and surveyed the clean counters and empty sink. The refrigerator was running, the appliances plugged in and not a dirty dish in sight. However, there was also no food, except for some random canned goods in the pantry.
Either the owner just stepped out for a minute to find some dinner, or this was the most organized evacuee in the former United States of America.
Who thinks, “I have to leave my house now, the Zombies are on their way. Better make sure the dishes are done and I took the trash out?”
Reagan and I left our own houses in complete disarray. Why would this person be any different?
“The house is empty,” Vaughan declared in a low voice. “But that doesn’t mean it will stay empty.”
“I think it will,” I piped up. All eyes turned to me and I put my observational skills to work. “There’s a thick layer of dust on everything. Look at the top of the cabinets, for one. And the blinds. If the person that lived here had enough sense to do the dishes, they wouldn’t let dust collect on every surface and there would be fingerprints or upheaval somewhere throughout the house. Plus, the house is relatively safe, but not safe enough to stop a horde of Feeders. If they wanted in, all they would have to do is break through any window or door.”
“So you think the owner ran?” Nelson asked from across our tight circle.
“That, or they just lived a clean life but died somewhere outside of the home or on the property. I can’t imagine making the dishes a priority when faced with Zombies, but that’s just me.” I shrugged and stepped back into the dining room. Same thing- meticulously clean, well, except for all the dust everywhere. “They were here within the last six months or so though. There’s just not enough deterioration for it to have been longer.”
“We should find out,” Hendrix declared in that rough voice he used sometimes, like sandpaper over freshly cut wood. “There are a few outbuildings. We need to explore, find out if something happened.”
“We’ll go,” Nelson volunteered immediately, giving me his “intentional” eyes. I rolled mine, but didn’t argue. “Haley and I will go check out the barn.”
“And Reagan and I will check the shed,” Harrison announced quickly then challenged Hendrix with an eyebrow raise.
I let out a snicker before I could stop myself.
“I’ll go with you guys.” King looked bored standing there; and a little oblivious as he missed the daggers Hendrix was glaring into Harrison.
I didn’t blame Hendrix, though. This was one of those scenarios where we stayed together as a group all the time. There weren’t a whole lot of opportunities for alone time, which was fine for Reagan and me. But not so fine for any of the older boys and their general relational aspirations. Nelson, Hendrix and even Vaughan seemed to capitalize on moments like this whenever they could. The fact that Harrison stole this one straight from Hendrix in an effort to either spite him or amuse himself, was equally hilarious as it was ballsy.
“I guess, I’ll just stay here,” Hendrix growled.
“Good idea,” Reagan teased, slapping him on the stomach so that his t-shirt rode up and revealed taut, golden muscles. “Someone needs to hold down the fort. I think this is a great job for you two.” She turned and winked at Vaughan.
That girl was asking for so much trouble.
And I loved every minute of it.
The rest of us headed to the backyard and split in different directions, Reagan and the boys toward the huge metal shed and Nelson and I toward the fading red barn.
This was a pretty large farm, and had probably been relatively successful at one point. The outbuildings seemed to have been taken care of probably up until the infection, and the fields that stretched out beyond appeared never-ending.
The air was a little chilly and smelled like fall even though it was late spring. The sun was bright in the sky, making the leaves glimmer in the warm light. It was one of those perfect days that reminded me of football and bonfires.
When we were far enough from the other guys, Nelson threaded his fingers through mine and swung our hands back and forth a little wildly. This was a perfect moment, one of the most perfect of my life.
It was easy to forget that we were constantly trying to outsmart an evolving Zombie population, or avoiding humanity with their greedy, untrustworthy intentions. With butterflies in my tummy and a chest-clenching warmth spreading through my body, it was easy to forget we didn’t have a home, or really a future; all we really had was an unreliable minivan, a few, but not nearly enough firearms and each other.
When I let myself give up my fears and doubts about Nelson, having him felt like enough.
He looked over at me and out of my peripheral I could see his big smile. I turned toward him and took in his wide, perfect smile, his dark blue eyes, sparkling with something promising and his more brown than blonde hair that hung messy and long over his eyebrows. He was too handsome for this ugly world we lived in, too male perfection for this upturned adventure we were on.
“What?” I asked when his smile just grew.
“You’re not pulling away,” he answered. His shoulders were naturally relaxed, his gun lazy at his side. We were supposed to be on alert, but it was hard with this private moment wrapping us in mutual attraction and heart-stuttering affection. My overly observant brain quieted and soothed next to Nelson.
“I don’t always pull away.” I turned forward again, holding in my smile.
He was silent for a moment and then confessed, “It’s not just our circumstances, Haley. If I would have seen you anywhere, any time, I would have wanted you.”
I glanced at him, surprised by his flippancy. I laughed. “Nelson, I’m not going to be easy just because I don’t have other options. A girl can still have her standards at the end of the world. And you are so not charming my pants off anytime soon.”
“Not what I meant.” He tugged on my hand, pulling me in front of him. Taking two steps forward, so I was forced to take two steps back, he walked me straight into the barn siding. My backpack was still on and I felt the cushion of it as he pushed me against the faded red wood. “I would have wanted you, yes. You’re gorgeous and that’s just the man in me. But I meant mine, Haley. I would have wanted you to be mine.”
; I swallowed; there was nothing else to do. I couldn’t respond to that or even think through what he meant. My heart hammered into overdrive and my vision narrowed until I could only see his face, the intent in his eyes.
I managed to shake my head and press my lips together, but nothing I did was very convincing. I wasn’t exactly a skank in my old life, but the idea of commitment was more than overwhelming. Just because I was officially living out the Apocalypse as an independent adult, or that Nelson was literally my only option at the moment, didn’t mean I was ready to give into monogamy just yet.
“We’ll go slowly,” he promised in a low voice, sending a shiver straight from my spine to my toes. He was close to me, his body just a few inches from mine, his face lowered so our mouths were just a breath apart. “I’ll take my time getting you to fall in love with me. But I am going to kiss you today, Haley. That will happen.”
Before I could even think of a response, he tugged me off the wall and into the barn. My mind spun now, no longer pacified with the drugging effect of Nelson’s presence. I tangled in circles as I worked to sort out my feelings for Nelson. Did I even want this? Him? Was I prepared to be as serious as he was about the whole thing?
Could I let him kiss me if I wasn’t?
The inside of the barn was dark and cool. Streams of light filtered in through windows near the roof and sprinkled light on the hay-covered rafters and dirty floor that stretched out in front of us. This wasn’t a barn for animals, just mostly farming equipment. Instead of stalls and feeding troughs, the barn opened into one big room, with an office of sorts, or maybe a little apartment in the back.
We stood silently for a few moments, just listening to the rustle of birds and creaking sounds as the cool breeze whipped around the structure outside.
There was nothing in here. We could tell immediately. At least not a Zombie. There could be a human hiding anywhere within, but the dust on the floor appeared untouched and the cobwebs surrounding rafters screamed solitude.
Nelson let go of my hand and started walking around the border of the barn slowly, looking for anything useful. His steps kicked up dirt as he went, but he seemed focused on perusing the remains of someone’s former life.
Love & Decay (Season 1): Episodes 1-6 Page 20