She fingered the plastic wrapper around the neck of the bottle. With the edge of her nail, she tried to cut it away, but her hands felt thick. She put the cap in her mouth and scraped the wrapper with her teeth. A little piece of it tore. She tugged at the flap and finally pulled it free, unwinding it like a ribbon. That small success felt like a huge victory.
Valerie squinted to line up the arrows on the cap in the darkness. She tried to pry off the cap with her thumb, but her skin was damp, and her fingers slipped on the ridged plastic. Finally, attacking it with both thumbs, she popped the cap off the bottle, and it flipped like a coin into the air. She punched through the foil seal, and the bottle squirmed in her numb fingers. A dozen tablets spilled on to the ground around her legs. She didn't care about losing them. They weren't enough to make a difference.
She put out her left palm. Her arm trembled. The bottle shook as she overturned it, tumbling a pyramid of white pills into her hand. She balanced the open bottle in her lap and stared at the tablets. It wasn't hard. Put them in your mouth. Grab a handful of fresh snow. Do it over and over until the bottle was empty.
But she couldn't. She wanted to, and she couldn't.
'Oh, Callie, I'm sorry,' she said.
She was angry with herself for hesitating. Her baby needed her. Her daughter was alone. All it would take to rescue her was one small, meaningless step; all she needed was to do the right thing, and they would be together. Even so, she couldn't bring herself to die like this. Giving up felt like a selfish and faithless act for which she would never be forgiven. It was as if she could hear a lonely voice talking to her grave and shaming her: How could you give up on me?
Valerie listened to the voice and spread her fingers wide. The aspirins fell and bounced and made dimples in the snow. The wetness began to dissolve them into paste. She got up, limping as the blood made its way back into her legs. She wandered until she was nearly in the water. Ice crept from the shore like a foggy window. She put one foot down in the water, cracking the ice with the heel of her boot, and then again, making jagged holes in the surface. She turned the bottle upside down and let the tablets cascade through the ice and disappear into the river. Finally, when it was empty, she flicked the bottle end over end beyond the ice. It floated for a while, and then, as water leached through the neck, it turned over and sank.
She knew she should feel like a failure, but she felt a rush of adrenaline instead. A new sensation washed over her, coming from nowhere, making her feel restless. Somewhere, somehow, something had changed, like a shifting in the earth under her feet. She felt drawn away from here. When she touched her face, she found warm tears streaming down her cold face again. Pouring. A waterfall. A deluge. It didn't matter why. She only knew she had to go. Go now. Go fast.
Valerie walked, and then she stumbled, and then she ran. She clawed her way up the slope away from the river. Her breath hammered in her chest. She couldn't go fast enough to satisfy the impatient urge that had taken hold of her brain. She heard them again, louder and closer as she neared the street: people calling for her, shouting her name.
She burst from the low brush near the parking lot where police had surrounded her car. Red and blue lights lit up the street like fireworks. She saw Denise. She saw Serena. Everyone looked everywhere in the empty town, except at her. She was invisible. She stayed where she was, catching her breath, unable to move or to shout, 'I'm here.'
Then Serena turned. Their eyes locked on each other, thirty yards apart. Valerie watched Serena's face erupt into a smile and heard her yelling excitedly, the same words over and over. The wind drowned her voice, but it didn't matter, because she already knew what Serena was saying. She knew the impulse that had drawn her away from the river and back to her life.
She knew who had saved her. She knew.
'We have her,' Serena repeated, running toward her. 'We have her, we have her, we have her.'
Valerie crumbled to her knees and wept for joy.
* * *
Chapter Fifty-six
Kasey still had the key.
The key that Regan had given her. The key that had let her inside the Glenn house. She had used it once, and she would use it again tonight, and then she and Callie would drive west and disappear. They would lose themselves in the small towns of the desert, where they would both be safe.
She still had the gun, too. Maggie's gun. It was shoved in the waist of her jeans, and she felt the hard metal when she breathed.
She had avoided Highway 2 and used the twisting back roads on the drive from Duluth. She had stopped only once at a roadside convenience store, where she'd broken into the dark shop and cleaned up and bandaged her wounds. The bleeding had quit for now, but she was exhausted and weak.
Her mind and body were both fraying. But she couldn't give up.
Nieman's car was parked in the trees on the shoulder of County Road 76, out of view from the highway. From there, she had plunged into the woods and hiked half a mile to her hiding place fifty yards from the Glenn house, on the shore of Pokegama Lake. She hunkered down near the water and studied the activity around the house.
Police officers patrolled the backyard, and she knew they were hunting for her. She didn't care. Her goal was the side door leading into the garage, where the yard was unlit. No one would see her breaking from the woods, and she only needed a few seconds to get inside. Then she could wait for the right moment to move deeper into the house.
With the snow silencing her footsteps, she zigzagged to the edge of the forest bordering the rear lawn of the mansion. Despite her care, she flushed a rabbit that shot noisily from the brush and made tracks across the open snow. She froze, sheltered behind the bushy arms of a spruce. A policewoman near the corner of the house spied the rabbit and scanned the forest where it had emerged. She studied the darkness, staring right at Kasey. Her hand rested on the butt of her gun.
The policewoman wandered closer and stopped twenty feet away. Kasey tensed. In her head, her breathing sounded loud. The cold made her shiver, and the branches swayed where her body touched them. Water dripped from her red hair. Behind the policewoman, she could see the dark recess of the doorway leading inside the garage. It was only a few steps away across a trail of flagstones.
The policewoman lost interest in the rabbit. She dug in her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, then blew her nose loudly and unleashed a hacking cough. She took a last look at the woods before turning on her heel and disappearing around the front of the house.
Kasey waited to make sure the cop didn't return. The strip of ground between the woods and the garage was dark and empty. The lake wind had blown the snow into drifts by the side of the house, leaving most of the stonework clear. Taking a breath, she bolted from the trees and across the flagstones and ducked inside the doorway. When she looked back, she saw that she had left two footprints near the edge of the forest. They were barely visible, but if she looked closely, she could see them in the snow near where the policewoman had stood. Two boot marks four feet apart.
She couldn't worry about them now.
Kasey slid the key from her pocket. It was warm in her hand. With a cautious glance in both directions, she pushed the key into the dead- bolt on the side door and turned. The key didn't budge. She jiggled it and tried again, twisting furiously, but the key didn't fit. She yanked it out and squeezed it in her fist and shut her eyes. In frustration, she threw her shoulder against the door, but it was locked and solid.
She cursed silently and spun round. She had to retreat to the woods, but she ran out of time before she could move. As she stood in the doorway, paralyzed, she heard the scrape of footsteps on rock. The policewoman was back.
Kasey squeezed her body hard against the door, but she couldn't hide. As soon as the cop glanced in her direction, she would see her, no more than six feet away. She watched the woman get closer, and she slid the gun out of her belt and nestled it in her sweaty hand. The policewoman's eyes were focused on the forest. If she looked closely at the
snow, she would see the footprints emerging from the woods. And then she would turn around and spot Kasey in the doorway.
Kasey held her breath. Her mouth was open. Her eyes were scared and wide. The cop's body swung toward her, and Kasey coiled like a spring, ready to pounce. She had to be on top of her before she could shout.
Then, in the moment before their eyes met, the cop stopped and sprinted back toward the front of the house.
Kasey knew why. In the driveway around the corner from where she was, a woman was screaming.
'Where is she?'
Valerie didn't wait for the car to stop. The wheels rolled as she scrambled out of Serena's Mustang. She screamed Callie's name and ran for the door and pounded until a police officer let her inside. Serena got out of her car and held up both hands to calm a policewoman who appeared from the side of the house at a run, her hand on her gun. 'It's OK,' she told her. 'Everybody's fine. Don't worry, this is a good thing.'
She followed Valerie into the house. Upstairs, through the open door of Callie's bedroom, she heard wrenching sobs of relief. Serena made no move to join her. It was a private moment for mother and child. It was also one of those rare moments in her life when she believed that there really was some justice in the world.
Marcus Glenn, still dressed in his bathrobe, joined her in the foyer. He heard the noise of his wife upstairs and glanced at the bedroom door. 'So she didn't go through with it,' he said.
'You must be relieved.'
'Yes, of course.'
Serena didn't hear relief or joy in his voice. He frowned, as if he could read her mind. 'I'm trained to consider what might go wrong,' he told her. 'I didn't think this situation would end happily for any of us.'
'But it did,' Serena said. She wanted to add: No thanks to you.
She stared at the surgeon as he waited by the banister at the stairs and realized that the naked outpouring of emotion they could hear above them was painful for him. He preferred an environment that was as sterile as his operating room. Clinical. Passionless. That was what made him so easy to dislike. That was why he was capable of doing so much damage.
More quickly than Serena expected, Valerie reappeared in the hallway. Callie was in her arms, wrapped in a heavy coat, her small hands in mittens and pink boots on her feet. Valerie carried Callie with an easy grace, as if she were floating. She never took her eyes off her daughter's face, and the girl, who was wide awake now, stared back at her mother with delight.
Valerie took each step slowly and carefully until she was at the bottom of the stairs. She carried a duffel bag over one shoulder, which she laid at her feet. She handed Callie to Serena long enough to grab a winter coat from the hall closet and slip her arms into the sleeves.
'Where are you going?' Marcus asked. He looked genuinely surprised.
Valerie ignored him and looked at Serena. She took back Callie and picked up her bag. 'I know it's late, but can you drive us to a hotel?'
'It would be safer if you stayed with me,' Serena told her. 'We can keep police around the house. Will that be OK?'
'Yes, that's fine. Let's go.'
'Valerie,' Marcus interrupted them. He reached for Valerie's shoulder, but she shrugged away his touch. 'What do you think you're doing? Don't be rash about this.'
Valerie hugged Callie to her chest and marched through the open door leading out of the house. She didn't look back. She deposited her bag in the back seat of Serena's Mustang and fitted Callie into the car seat with tender hands. The police on the lawn watched her, and no one moved or spoke.
Marcus followed her as far as the porch and called after her. He folded his arms over his chest in anger and annoyance.
'Do you want me to say I'm sorry?' he said. 'All right then, I'm sorry. But remember, I was innocent in all this.'
Valerie stiffened. Her back was to him. She turned around slowly, and her eyes were like stone. 'Innocent?'
'You know what I mean.'
Valerie didn't say anything more. She waited in silence. Her breath came and went in clouds of steam that dissipated into the cold air.
'Oh, for God's sake, come inside,' Marcus told her. 'What do you want from me?'
Valerie shook her head. 'I don't want anything from you,' she replied. 'I'll have someone come by to get my things.'
'You're not in any shape to be making decisions,' Marcus insisted. 'Take a few days with Callie. It's been a difficult week for all of us, and you need some time. When you come back home, we'll talk.'
Serena joined Valerie outside and climbed into the driver's side of her car and started the engine. Valerie stood by the open passenger door.
'I'm not coming back,' Valerie said as she got into the car and reached for the door. 'Goodbye, Marcus.'
* * *
Chapter Fifty-seven
The two of them drove in silence as the town gave way to the empty lands and the bright lights gave way to darkness. The highway felt familiar to Serena now, as if she had gone back and forth so many times that the distance to the city had grown smaller. It was still hours from dawn.
'Are you OK?' she asked finally.
Valerie twisted round and stared at Callie, who had drifted back to sleep with the motion of the car. She reached out a hand to touch the girl and then pulled it back so she didn't disturb her. 'I'm perfect,' she replied.
'Did you mean what you said?' Serena asked.
'About not going back? Yes. I'm done. I'm free.'
'Good for you.'
Valerie reached out and put a hand over Serena's on the steering wheel. 'I owe you my whole life.'
'You don't owe me anything,' Serena said. 'I should thank you. Seeing the two of you together restores a little of my faith.'
Valerie smiled. 'I used to think about all the terrible mistakes I've made in my life. Now I realize, without them, Callie wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be together. That can't just be an accident, can it?'
'Maybe you're right.'
'At least I won't wish I could go back and change them. Not anymore.' She added, 'I appreciate your doing this for me. Will Stride mind my staying with you?' 'It's fine,' Serena said. 'We'll both feel better knowing you and Callie are safe.'
She didn't say anything more. Instead, she thought about Stride and wondered where she would sleep herself tonight. It wouldn't be in their bed. It wouldn't be beside the man she'd loved for the past three years. They had both made their share of mistakes, and now she wondered where their mistakes would lead them and whether, like Valerie, she would be able to live with her regrets.
'Tell me something,' Valerie said. 'The woman who took Callie, this young cop, did you know her?'
'I met her this week, but I didn't really know her.'
'She escaped?'
'Yes, but don't worry, we'll find her. We won't let her get near you.'
'What was she like?' Valerie asked.
Serena glanced across the seat. 'What do you mean?'
'I mean, what was going through her head? How could she do this? I just want to understand.'
'It doesn’t really matter, Valerie.'
'I know, but I don't want to hate her.'
'She put you through hell,' Serena said. 'You can hate her if you want to.'
Valerie shook her head. 'That wouldn't accomplish anything.'
'All I know right now is that her own baby died,' Serena said. 'She couldn't deal with it. She became obsessed with Callie.'
Valerie was quiet. 'So she was desperate,' she said finally. 'I know what that's like.'
'Don't put yourself in her shoes,' Serena told her. 'She crossed lines you can't cross. It doesn’t matter how many bad things happen to someone. You don't do what she did.'
'I know, but I've been at the end of my rope, too.'
'That's the past,' Serena said.
She watched Valerie's face and saw exhaustion and emotion catching up with her. The roller coaster of the night was taking its toll. 'Why don't you get some sleep?' she suggested. 'We won't get to Duluth for another
hour.'
'I'm not sure I want to sleep,' Valerie admitted. 'I want to be sure this is really happening. I'm afraid I'll wake up and it'll be a dream, you know?'
'It's not. You're both safe.'
'I'll sleep when we get there,' she said, but she leaned against the window anyway, and her eyes blinked shut. When Serena looked over again, Valerie was sleeping peacefully.
Serena was tired herself, and the dark highway was hypnotic, but she had plenty of adrenaline to keep her awake. Part of it was the knowledge that, like Valerie, she was about to be free, even though it wasn't a freedom she had sought or expected. Part of it was the knowledge that Kasey Kennedy was out there somewhere, and she didn't know how far Kasey would go or what she would do next.
I know what it's like to be desperate.
She followed her high beams down the lonely road and thought about Kasey on this highway as the fog gathered in a cloud around her. A young cop who was blind and reckless, toppling a set of dominoes that would leave so many people in ruins. She would have been alone on the road then as Serena was alone now, alone with the deer, lakes, and trees of the northland.
Except as Serena drove, she realized she wasn't alone.
As the road flattened into a long straightaway between the swamplands of the Indian reservation, she glanced into her mirror, and there they were again, a mile behind her. She had first spotted them five miles outside Grand Rapids, coming and going behind the shelter of the curves.
Headlights.
Kasey leaned against the wall of the old house, almost too tired to stand. She knew she had to keep going, but she didn't know how. She was bleeding again under all the bandages. When she touched a finger to her neck, it came away sticky and red. Her head throbbed. She was dizzy. She could barely hold the gun in her hand.
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