He knew I saw it. He knew it shocked me. But why show me now? Why? I had no idea how to process that knowledge. It threw me. Like a sucker punch to the gut. I nearly panicked. I pushed it down deep with the other emotions I never thought about. Way down. I trembled with the effort it took to control it.
Alec put his arm around me and pulled me close. “I’ll make sure we contact you when its time.”
He never saw what passed between us. Alec never knew. Mal nodded and looked away but not before his eyes met mine. A flicker of pain crossed over them before he suddenly whistled and it was gone. He was back to his happy and carefree attitude. The Mal I knew. Confident and caring. All business. But what he revealed had opened something inside me. It placed a doorway in my path. One I never knew existed. I was almost frightened. Not only did he show me the truth but he let me see the pain associated with it. Why? Why do that to me?
I wish that I could say what I saw with Mal never entered my mind again. Or the night he kissed me. I wish I could say that life and love were perfect. That they were easy. I wish I could say that loving someone meant you never wanted anything else. Ever. But anyone who has ever been in love knows that is not true. Love is never simple. It complicates everything in your life.
The heart is multi chambered and multi-faceted. It categorizes those you love from the moment you are born. Your parents. Your siblings. Your grandparents and cousins. All of your extended family. Your best friend. Your first crush. Your boyfriend or girlfriend. Even your spouse. A child. A stepchild. It layers the love and stacks it, never running out of space.
I realized that love was a consistent part of my life, as with all life, from the very beginning. My parents had loved me deeply. So did my sister. I had loved Angela, my best friend. Alec had fallen in love with me the night we met. Mal had loved me like family. That love had grown. Alec’s love had grown. I loved them all. Now I had a new life that I loved, nestled in my womb, growing in intensity and strength.
On the verge of a life changing revelation, I quickly blocked it from my mind, shutting it down before it could get far. I did not want to entertain thoughts that I would not and could not follow through. I did not want to dwell on matters of the heart, especially where Mal was concerned. It was too painful. Too close. I loved Alec. That was that.
I had made my choice. He had my whole heart and he deserved nothing less. It was traitorous to let my thoughts linger this long. I would not open that door. I simply could not.
Later that night in bed with Alec’s arm hugging me close, I did not think of anything except his devotion and love. I kept a tight rein on my thoughts. No one else entered my mind. It was only us. The three of us, all our hearts mingling into one.
Our little son moved in my womb. Alec talked to him, delighted when he would kick or my stomach did a flop. We spent hours huddled together, love covering us in a protective cocoon. Safe and cared for, loved and adored, I drifted off to sleep, but not before my traitorous thoughts drifted to the one person I had successfully avoided all afternoon. To the one whose eyes had held such emotion and pain. To the one who left me with more questions than answers…
Chapter Twenty
Bombing. War. Casualties. Injuries. It increased all around us, the war claiming more fatalities, more victims, and more innocent lives with every passing day. Refugees came pouring in to the militia hospital and I was overwhelmed and overworked, trying to help as much as possible. I spent extra time on the weekends, whenever I could break away. Alec indulged me, knowing it was futile to refuse me. I would have gone anyway.
One morning I was on the fifth floor again, helping triage new patients. Most of them had minor injuries, and many were hungry and dirty needing a place to get well and fed. The hospital provided that, never turning anyone away. The chaplain pleaded with the militia to allow sanctuary and the military had agreed reluctantly. The peace held but it was tentative.
After helping with the patients in triage, I was asked to check on patients in their rooms, offering fresh water, hot coffee, and other items as necessary to keep people comfortable. Warm blankets were needed in the hallways and waiting rooms. The cold outside seemed to seep in through the walls. I entered the C-wing of the hospital and started knocking on doors. It had been a busy morning. In the third room, I entered and stopped dead in my tracks.
Big Dog was laying in the bed. His arm was in a sling, bandaged up close to his side, and his head had bandages that were soaking through with blood, wrapped in layers that half hid his face. My mouth opened in surprise, not believing who I saw. He recognized me right away, his eyes darting to my belly and then back to my face.
“Lizzie! I thought you were kidnapped! How are you here? You’re pregnant? What’s going on Hun?” His words tumbled out in a rush and he winced, unable to hide the pain.
He was just as surprised as I was. Darren’s stories were all that he knew. I explained, in a hurry, anxious who might walk in through the door.
“Hi Big Dog. I’m not kidnapped…obviously. I got married and I’m having a baby. He is an officer…Alec. Remember?”
He nodded, slowly figuring it out. “Yes, the supplies. Are you ok?”
I walked to the bed slowly. “Yes, I am very happy. How are you? How is everyone?”
I looked around nervously. I needed to get out of here. Fast. This wasn’t good.
“We all survived the bombing but the last attack separated us. Darren found us a new place. It’s good for now, more primitive than we are used to but that can’t be helped. I got injured on a supply run and came here for a quick recovery. Darren will be happy to hear you are alive and well.” He told me, clearly not knowing the truth about how I left.
I almost panicked. My promise to Alec to leave if I saw anyone popped back into my head. I had to get out of this room, especially before something happened. I didn’t want Darren to know anything about me or where I was. It could put all of us in danger. I knew Darren would do something. He might try to kill Alec. Or worse, try to kill me.
I shook my head and backed slowly out of the room. It was already too late. Big Dog knew I was here. He would tell Darren when he saw him. What could I do to prevent it? The next time I saw Mal I would ask him to talk to Big Dog. Maybe I could stop Darren from finding me. I would leave Mal a note. For now, I had to go as quickly as possible.
I managed to exit the hospital and make it outside, my side aching with the fast speed I was walking. Relief washed through me as I realized I had made it without bumping into anyone else. I quickly crossed the street and started walking toward Alec’s office. He would want to know what happened right away. I could see his office window from the sidewalk.
In my hurry I neglected to pay attention to my surroundings. If I had, I might have been able to prevent or at least delay, my imminent capture. Of course, hindsight is twenty/twenty, and I was careless. My mind was on escape. Nothing else.
Leaves rustled in the bushes straight ahead. The noise should have clued me. In the amount of time it took for me to become surprised, a lone figure jumped in my path. Nearly colliding with me and grabbing my arm, he dragged me toward the side of the brick façade. One hand reached high enough to stroke my cheek.
I had run into the very person I dreaded seeing and had avoided for all these long months. The one who terrified me and haunted my dreams. The man who almost killed us both over the summer. The man that would never let me go. In an instant my whole body started shaking, fear making my eyes wide and I gasped.
“Hi Lizzie, long time no see.”
Darren.
Thank you for reading!
If you enjoyed Alec and Lizzie’s story please leave a review to help others decide on the book.
Keep reading for a sample of Nikki Landis’ The Guardian, the first book in a new series.
This is a work of fiction. Names, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales
, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Also by Nikki Landis
Freedom Fighters Series:
Refugee Road (Book 1)
Available Now
Midnight Surrender (Book 2)
Coming fall 2016
Fight for Light Novels:
The Guardian (Book 1)
Available Now
The Harbinger (Book 2)
Coming fall 2016
The Meridian (Book 3)
Coming late 2016
The Imposition (Book 4)
Coming 2017
The Covenant (Book 5)
Coming 2017
The Reckoning (Book 6)
Coming 2017
The Awakening (Book 7)
Coming 2017
The NightWalkers Series:
Dark Promise (Book 1)
Available Now
Dark Vengeance (Book 2)
Coming late 2016
Dark Persuasion (Book 3)
Coming 2017
The Transitions Novels:
The Gift (Book 1)
Coming fall 2016
Keep reading for a sample of The Guardian by Nikki Landis.
The Guardian Sample
A Fight for Light Novel
Preface
It was bright outside, dazzling and vivid in intensity. Standing in a patch of thick, tall grass, I lifted my hand in front of my squinting eyes trying to shield them against the early afternoon glare. It was so bright I could have been anywhere. In the back of my mind I felt a prickle of recognition, a faint nudging, but no image conjured to give me clarification.
Blinking a few times, I tried to see through the light in front of me, between the fingers held before my face. I had difficulty making out any shapes or distinguishing inanimate from sentient objects. My eyes squinted against the bright afternoon light. I could just make out the familiar bunch of trees standing nearby, casting their foreboding shadows, reaching across the ground.
Recognition slowly dawned on me. I knew where I was, my reading spot. It was a pretty little glade a mile or so into the forest, a few miles from my house, just outside my neighborhood. I went there frequently. It was the only place I could be alone and think, surrounded by flowers and free from inquisitive family. It was my sanctuary.
I looked all around me, still shielding my eyes from the glaring and brutal sun. It really was bright, much brighter than I had ever seen in my glade before. I started to feel uneasy, sensing a deviant shift in the familiar green surroundings. Something was off. The hair on the back of my neck felt prickly and I started to sweat. It was early, much too early for the heat of the day to reach high enough to make me uncomfortable.
It was something else. An intuition. A feeling that brought a sudden flush to my cheeks. I couldn’t shake the sensation that something wasn’t right. I glanced nervously around me again when a tiny movement out of the corner of my eye made me freeze.
I was not alone. I realized at just that moment that it was not quiet. I could hear deep, shallow breathing. Something waited for me just beyond reach. I say something because it was not a person. I could make out a large shape in the distance, partially hidden just inside the trees, mostly obscured. It was almost completely out of my view.
I blinked again, straining my eyes in the light to get a better look. Was it a bear? I couldn’t tell. Terror suddenly gripped me and I started shaking. It didn’t help that the blinding brightness in front of my trembling hand suddenly seemed to dance violently in front of my eyes. I bit my lip to keep from screaming. I was sure that wouldn’t help.
I had almost completely dismissed the feeling as paranoia when I heard another sound, sending a single terrifying shiver up my spine. It was a growl. I frowned, confusion clouding my mind. Did bears snarl like that? I wasn’t sure. The sense of danger combined with evil pervaded my thoughts, sinking into my flesh, and causing my breath to come in quick gasps.
The growl, the snarl, was unlike any sound I had ever heard. It was animalistic and low and completely frightening. The deep rumbling only lasted a few seconds, but long enough. It gave me goose bumps up and down my arms; raising the hair and making it stick up in funny spikes. My knees started shaking harder. I was vaguely aware that my breathing was accelerating at an alarming rate. If I wasn’t careful I was going to hyperventilate.
I had only heard a dog’s growl before. There were a lot of dogs in my neighborhood. Sometimes if someone got too close, especially young kids, you could hear my neighbor’s dog go off. This was not a dog, nor to my utter fear, was it a bear. It sounded bigger. Frightened at the thought, I stopped breathing. I only noticed because suddenly my chest felt like it was going to explode and I sucked in a shaky, gasping breath. I saw dark spots flickering in random succession in front of me, dancing in my peripheral, accelerating the panic in my chest.
My fight or flight response kicked in and I started to pivot on my left foot. I was going to run for it. I could feel the sudden surge of adrenaline as it coursed hot and heavy through my veins. Somewhere, deep in my subconscious, I understood that I was dreaming. It had absolutely no effect on my decision or the extreme terror that gripped me. I had to get away from here… now.
I turned around and took off running as fast as my legs could carry me. Snapping branches and twigs filled my ears like the pounding waves of the ocean. Stumbling, I tried not to lose my footing. Tree branches scratched my exposed skin, leaving streaks of thin blood to rise on the surface of my arms and face. My heart was racing in my chest, slowly drowning out every other sound.
I could hear my pursuer behind me, getting closer. I could almost feel the heated and exhilarated breath of the one that chased me. Capture was imminent. Whatever it was, it was coming; and it was gaining…
Chapter One
Nightmares have always plagued me. For as long as I can remember, even as a small child, I have suffered from the terror of being left alone in the dark. It frightens me. Alone, out in the world, left to my own devices, without anyone to guide me. I wander, aimlessly, recklessly, hoping to recover my connection to humanity and yet unable to obtain that which I seek.
In my dreams I am always haunted by loneliness, by memories of a past I cannot remember, and regret. A lingering sadness pervades my being, separating the comfort and warmth of the familiar and plunging me into cold empty darkness. I reach into the still air, searching for what I have lost, aching, grasping, yearning for a different result, and a peace that never comes.
It is not fear of the dark itself. I am not afraid of the ebony night. The actual darkness holds no terror for me. I find the solitude and quiet almost welcoming. My nightmares do not originate from the night or what lurks within it. Instead, they come from a history I cannot escape, even when I wish that I could. A history that snatched the two most important people in my life away from me.
My fear comes from my deep rooted issue of abandonment. My parents died in a car accident when I was an infant. I was too young to remember many details, but the experience was enough to instill the memory of their presence. A memory of their voices and love. Snippets and flashes of sporadic moments that now defined my entire life. After they died, I had suffered from night terrors for months. I remember waking up, drenched in sweat, calling out to my parents, crying and screaming into the night. Since then my nightmares have been a regular part of my life.
It hurt sometimes that I never had a chance to know them. They had left me, together, alone in the world without their love and guidance. Without their wisdom and affection. Their loss had ripped open a gaping wound, raw and festering, inside my aching chest. Even now I could hardly stand to think of them. The pain was too much. Too vivid. It never led me down a good path.
My nightmare this night was not about my parents. It was not about abandonment or the loss that never left my mind. This dream had been a different experience altogether. A sense of doom and evil that penetrated the protective barrier of my mind and sought to claw at my t
enuous grasp on normalcy. I sought after it constantly. I wanted a life without pain and haunting memories. To fit in. To have what everyone else had…but I did not.
I did not live with my parents, or even one parent. I was raised by my grandparents in the same little town my parents had grown up in. It was quiet here. Normal. Life moved at a slow but consistent pace. It’s the kind of town where everyone knows who you are and who your family is. I couldn’t get away with a thing growing up, much to my chagrin.
I was lucky to have my Gran. I was very close to both of my grandparents. My relationship with Gran, though, was special. I guess you could say we were kindred spirits since we were so much alike in personality and temperament. Gran could tell what I was thinking just by looking at me, and she always knew my mood.
Everyone knew my grandparents. They were a permanent fixture in our town. My grandmother had taught Sunday school at the local Christian Church almost every Sunday for the last twenty years and my grandfather had retired from the largest law firm in the area. Nearly everyone remembered my parents too. My mother had graduated from the same high school I went to now. My parents had been very involved in the community. When their accident happened, it shocked our quiet little town.
I had asked Gran about it once. She told me that loss is inevitable because it’s a normal part of the cycle of life and death. People are born, they live, and then eventually they die. People experience loss every day. Somehow, this knowledge is supposed to help you through the grieving process. I’ve never experienced loss myself. At least, not the loss of anyone really close to me. Since I didn’t remember much about my parents, it didn’t seem to count.
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