“Yeah,” she said. “His mom was friends with my mom.”
Her eyes clouded over, and I knew it was my fault. I’d mentioned her mom without even trying. In fact, I was purposely trying not to. But there we were, talking about a mom she no longer had. It made me feel like the woman at the Community House: Are you looking for your mom? I was worse, even, because I knew what had happened, and I’d messed up anyway.
“Well,” I said. “I’m sitting with him for lunch, and with our friend Chloe Silver. You don’t know her because she’s new, and she’s great. If you want to sit with us, you could. We’d really like you to.”
Serena shifted her weight from one foot to the other, and her bowl of chili slid down her tray. I reached out so it wouldn’t spill.
“Thanks,” she said, and I wasn’t sure if she was thanking me for the invitation or the spillage prevention. “I told Vanessa I’d sit with her.”
“Okay. Well, if Vanessa wants to sit with us, she can, too.”
“I think Vanessa promised Rachael we’d sit with her and her friends. But thanks for asking me.”
We said good-bye. Serena walked over to the It Girls, and I walked back to the Kindness Club table. I didn’t need to explain to Chloe and Theo what had happened, because of course they’d been watching, and even if they didn’t hear the words that had been said, they’d been able to see the important parts: I’d asked Serena to sit with us, and she’d walked to the It Girls table instead. I felt majorly bummed out. There was still half a bowl of chili left on my plate, but I wasn’t hungry anymore.
I twisted around in my seat to look at the It Girls. Serena’s back was to me, so I couldn’t see her face. But I could see Monroe. She had her hands up, gesturing vaguely in my direction as she spoke to the other girls. “It’s like Monroe thinks she’s the star of a show, and everyone else around is just her audience,” I said.
“You could say that about each of our lives,” Theo said. “I’m the star of The Theo Show, and Chloe is the star of The Chloe Show.” Chloe smiled and batted her eyes at him. “And you’re the star of The Lucy Show. We’re each other’s audiences.”
“I guess,” I said. “But I still think Monroe is different from the rest of us. She thinks her show is the most important show in the world. She doesn’t think about anyone else having shows of their own. And she certainly doesn’t care about the audience that’s watching her.”
“I think she cares very much that people are watching her,” Theo said. “She wants to make sure people are watching her all the time.”
“I mean she doesn’t care about what’s going on in their lives,” I said. “She doesn’t care if she hurts their feelings while she’s busy performing.”
“Serena’s a part of Monroe’s audience,” Chloe said.
“Yeah,” I said. “So?”
“Soooooo,” Chloe said, elongating the word, like it had three syllables instead of just one. “Monroe invited Serena to sit at her table.”
“Actually I think Rachael did.”
“Still, Monroe let her sit there, and she let Vanessa, too. They didn’t used to be friends, so maybe it’s because she feels bad for her, same as us. I’m not saying Monroe wants to plan a birthday party for her or anything that big, but she included her. That’s kind, I think.”
Chloe had me there. I didn’t know what to say.
I looked at the It Girls table again. I couldn’t help myself. Whatever Monroe had said had made everyone else start laughing. Maybe it wasn’t about me. Though I strongly suspected it was.
“Does this mean the party is off?” Theo asked.
“No, of course not,” I said. “All this means is we don’t get to talk to Serena beforehand, which maybe is better, because like you said, I wouldn’t necessarily be crafty about getting the details out of her without her figuring out what was going on.”
“So what do we do now?” Chloe asked. “Start inviting people?”
“Yeah.”
“Who’s on the guest list besides us and Vanessa?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But we can make an estimate. I’ll tell my dad to reserve three lanes, or even four to be safe. And we can conference call Vanessa tonight about the guest list. But what if she says we should invite the It Girls?”
“Then we invite them,” Chloe said. “It’s for Serena.”
She was right, of course.
“Okay,” I said. “We’ll call Vanessa tonight.”
“And before that,” Chloe said, “I have a surprise for you guys.” She grabbed the paper bag that she’d stashed on an empty chair. I’d totally forgotten about it. “Homemade pie,” she said, pulling out a Tupperware container.
She peeled off the top, and I took a sniff. “Wow, thanks,” I said.
“Yes, thank you,” Theo said.
“Baked by me and my dad,” Chloe said. “He’s really into baking gluten-free things these days. He says it presents him with a new challenge.”
“You’re telling me this pie is gluten-free?” Theo asked.
“Sage has celiac disease,” Chloe said.
“Yeah, I remember your saying something about that,” Theo said. “But I generally like desserts that are baked with flour. I’m feeling pretty dubious about a flour-free piecrust.”
“It smells really good,” I said.
“I promise you it tastes even better,” Chloe said. “Give it a try.”
She served us each a piece. I was a little nervous as I moved the first bite to my mouth. I didn’t want to hurt Chloe’s feelings if I didn’t like it. But then, I didn’t want to have to eat it, either.
But there was nothing to worry about. The crust was the perfect mix of flaky and crunchy, and the apples were sweet and delicious. Theo and I each polished off a piece, and so did Chloe.
“There’s so much left over,” I said.
“Do you want another piece?”
“I do,” I said. “But I’m actually pretty full from the first one.”
“Good,” she said. “I mean, I would’ve given you more. But I brought extra to give to Gwen and Fernando.”
“Who are they?”
“The people who work in the cafeteria,” she said. “Do you know they’re also husband and wife.”
“No,” I said. “I didn’t even know their names. How did you?”
“I asked them,” she said. “They’re really nice.”
“When did you talk to them?”
“I had a question about how to cook quinoa, and I figured they’d know the answer, since they cook for five hundred kids every day.”
“That’s twenty-five hundred meals a week,” Theo said.
“Yup,” Chloe said. “And it’s not like they’re regular teachers who kids sometimes give holiday and end-of-year presents to. I wanted to do something nice for them.”
Right then I felt a little embarrassed that I’d always taken Gwen and Fernando for granted. I’d never even wondered about their names. “I love how you remember to be kind to everyone,” I told Chloe. “You do way more than three kind things a day, without even trying. I’m really glad you’re my friend.”
“I’m really glad you’re mine, too. And you too, Theo. Want to come with me to bring them?”
Theo and I said yes. We cleaned up our food and headed over.
CHAPTER 16
Chloe, Theo, and I called Vanessa’s house on Monday night, but Mrs. Medina said Vanessa was doing homework and unavailable to talk. We left a message but didn’t hear back.
Now it was Tuesday. T-minus five days till Serena’s birthday. Time was tick-tick-ticking away. We didn’t have an invite list, but we figured maybe we could catch Vanessa during lunch. It would be difficult if she was sitting at the It Girls table again, to say nothing of how difficult it would be if she was with Serena. But maybe she’d break away on her own. We only needed to talk to her for a couple minutes, and we were crossing our fingers that she’d get up to get extra ketchup or some napkins, or maybe bring her tray over to t
he conveyor belt on her own, the way she had on Friday.
“It feels a little bit like we’re stalking Vanessa,” Chloe said uncomfortably. We were at our table, chairs slightly turned to watch her without being super obvious about the fact that we were watching her.
“Yeah, maybe I’ll just call her again tonight,” I said.
But then something completely unexpected happened.
It was Serena herself, approaching our table. She was balancing a tray of today’s special: fish sticks and a side of fries, courtesy of Gwen and Fernando.
“Hi, Lucy,” Serena said.
“Oh, hey,” I said.
She nodded toward Theo. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he replied.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
Serena’s face scrunched up, like she didn’t understand the question.
Or, more likely, she didn’t know how to answer it. Of course she didn’t, because of course everything wasn’t okay. Her mom had died. And just like that, I’d brought up her mom again.
“Everything’s fine,” she said. “I was just wondering—could I sit with you guys today?”
“Yes, absolutely!” I said, a little too enthusiastically, and I took a deep, silent breath to calm down. “Sure you can.”
“Thanks.”
I was next to Chloe, and Serena walked around the table to sit on Theo’s side.
“We haven’t met yet,” Chloe said. “I’m Chloe. I just moved here.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I broke in. “I’m so bad at introductions. Chloe, meet Serena. Serena, meet Chloe.”
“Nice to meet you,” Serena said.
“You too,” Chloe told her. Then she added, “I was sorry to hear about your mom.”
Oh, no! Now Chloe had brought her up, too!
“Thanks,” Serena said softly.
She bent her head toward her plate, studying her fish sticks as if she was going to be tested on them later. I knew I needed to change the subject—stat!
“Just so you know,” I said. “You can sit with us anytime you’d like. We’re always at this table. We have a club of our own—the Kindness Club.”
“Yeah, I heard about that,” Serena said. “It sounds cool.”
“It is,” I said. “It’s totally cool. And we have extra room, as you can see. We have room for Vanessa, if you think she’d want to sit here. Since you’re here, she probably does. Oh, and if there’s anyone else you think of, we can squeeze them in, too.”
But Serena just shrugged. “I’m fine with just you guys,” she said. “Vanessa is sitting at the It Girls’ table again.”
“Did you two have a fight?” Theo asked.
“No. Why would you think that?”
“Because every day the two of you are both in school, you sit together,” Theo explained. “I’ve never seen you guys deviate from that pattern. When an anomaly occurs, it’s usually because there’s been a variant, and a disagreement would be a variant.”
“Thank you, Dr. Barnes,” Chloe said.
“She’s my best friend and we don’t fight,” Serena said. She paused. “But you’re right. There is a variant. The DML.”
“I don’t know what that is,” I admitted.
“It’s an acronym my aunt made up.”
“Technically it’s not an acronym if you don’t pronounce the letters as a word,” Theo told her.
I said the number-one word I always say in front of Theo: “Huh?”
“An acronym is an abbreviation formed by the first letters of other words, and pronounced as its own word,” he explained. “For example, NASA and POTUS, which are the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, and the president of the United States, respectively.”
And then I said the number-two word I always say in front of Theo, usually in response to one of his explanations that I only sort of understand. “Oh.”
“If you can’t pronounce it as a word, then it’s just an initialism,” he went on. “But don’t feel bad. Most people don’t know that. I’d bet a lot of teachers get it wrong, which means their students learn it wrong, and they grow up and tell other people the wrong definition. It’s a vicious cycle.”
“So what does DML mean?” I asked.
“The Dead Mother Look,” Serena said. “I told my aunt everyone was looking at me funny since it happened. My aunt’s mom died when she was younger. Like, older than we are. But still pretty young.”
“That would be your dad’s mom, too, then?” I asked.
Serena nodded. “And Odessa made up the acronym back then—I mean the initials. DML. It was a thing she said to herself in her head. I feel like I’m saying it all day long, because everyone gives it to me. Even Vanessa. She doesn’t even know it. Even Mr. Dibble did. Yesterday, he told me to stop by his office during lunch to tell him how I was doing, and when I did, he gave me that look. And today Mr. Goldfarb asked a question and I raised my hand to answer. Before he called on me, he looked at me like that.”
“Is it possible you’re wrong?” Theo asked. “You know the way we perceive things isn’t always accurate. Our brains constantly try to correct images so that we see them the way we expect to see them.”
“Like seeing water in a desert when it’s not really there?” Chloe asked.
“No, that’s a mirage, which has to do with the speed that light travels through cold and hot air. This is different. It’s your brain trying to make things easier on you.” He turned back to Serena. “I’m just saying, if you were expecting to see people looking at you a certain way, well then, maybe you saw something that wasn’t actually happening.”
“It’s not just a trick my brain was playing, I swear,” Serena said. “Mr. Goldfarb had been asking questions all morning, and he called on a bunch of people. But when he saw my hand raised, he tilted his head, like one of his ears was suddenly heavier. His eyes got squinty. And he waited a couple seconds before he said, ‘Yes, Serena?’ That’s the DML, and whenever I see it, which is all the time, it makes me feel even worse about what happened.”
I checked myself to make sure I was holding my head straight as Serena kept talking. I thought it was, but maybe that was one of Theo’s brain tricks: I perceived my head as straight even though it really wasn’t.
“And there’s something else. Something even worse.”
“What?” I asked.
“I think people want to be my friend because this happened. The It Girls never cared about Vanessa and me before. Now we’re allowed to sit at their table.”
“Maybe they didn’t realize they wanted to be friends with you till now,” Chloe said. “Like I didn’t know you before now, but I’m happy we met.”
“Thanks,” Serena said. “But I don’t want to be more popular because my mom died. That’s not …” Her voice dropped. “That’s not fair to her.”
“I think your mom would want you to be happy,” Chloe said, her own voice dropped to match Serena’s soft tone.
“Yeah, that’s what everyone says,” Serena said. “But how would they know? It’s not like she told them.”
“She told my mom,” Theo said. “I overheard my mom tell my dad that she said it. She was worried about you. She wanted you to be happy.”
Serena nodded. “Okay, then.”
“Anyway, you don’t have to worry about it with us,” I told her. “We’re not popular.”
Serena gave me the tiniest of tiny smiles.
“So that’s why you didn’t want to sit at their table,” Theo said.
“Partly,” Serena replied. “But mostly because of the DML. They do it as bad as anyone.”
“I just want you to know,” Chloe said, “if I give you a look like that, it’s totally by accident. I do feel sorry that your mom died, but I don’t want to make you upset.”
“I don’t, either,” I said. “That isn’t why I invited you to lunch. You know that, right?”
“She’s here, isn’t she?” Theo asked.
“Yeah, but you heard what she just said.”
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“It’s okay,” Serena said. “I didn’t mind with you.”
“You mean, because my mom also died?”
“Yeah,” Serena said. “I’m sorry. I never thought about how hard it must be until it happened to me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I told her, feeling that tingle I always felt when I was reminded that I didn’t have a mom. “It was a long time ago.”
Serena didn’t say anything back, and neither did Theo or Chloe. I picked up a fish stick, took a bite, and put it back down. All around, there were the regular lunch sounds happening, people talking, chairs scraping, trays being picked up and put down. Parallel lives, like Mrs. G said.
“Hey, I have a game we should play,” I said. “It’s called Word Association. Ollie made it up one day when he was babysitting and I was bored.”
“He didn’t make it up,” Theo said. “It’s a relatively common game.”
“Well, I’d never played it before until he played it with me,” I said. “And I’ll tell you how it works. I say a word, and then you say back whatever you think of. Serena first. What’s your favorite color?”
“Green,” she said.
“Favorite song?”
“Hang on,” Theo interrupted. “This isn’t how you play word association.”
“I’m doing it my way,” I told Theo. “You know I’m a crafty girl.”
“Super crafty,” Chloe agreed.
“Yeah, I guess you are,” Theo said. “Carry on.”
“Thanks,” I said. “So, Serena, favorite singer?”
“Taylor Swift,” she said.
“Favorite cake flavor?”
“Chocolate.”
“Oh, good choice. Mine too. Now … what about hot dogs versus hamburgers—which do you prefer?”
“I don’t eat meat,” she said.
“No meat,” I said, committing that to memory. “I’m glad I asked.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Oh, no reason. It’s just—whether or not someone is a vegetarian is something you should know about your friends.”
“I’m not a vegetarian,” Serena said. “I’m a pescatarian. I eat fish.”
“Clearly,” Theo said. “She’s eating fish sticks.”
The Kindness Club: Designed by Lucy Page 9