But soon, she thought. Soon.
Kane watched the dynamics of the Nelson family and felt more uncomfortable by the second. If intimacy was a dance, then everyone in this house had forgotten the steps. Julie clung to Ryan as if he were the only point of safety. Willow put on a brave face, but he saw the pain behind her big eyes and it made him want to hit something…or someone. Marina seemed the only one able to hang out with her father and be relaxed, while Naomi, the girls’ mother, fluttered from place to place in an attempt to make peace.
He’d already berated himself for ever agreeing to join Willow at her less than happy family reunion. He knew better, yet she’d asked and he’d said yes. Because he found it difficult to deny her anything.
He was losing it, he thought. He had it bad for a woman and he knew the trouble that led to. Getting involved could get a man dead.
“Kane!” Jack said jovially. “Come join me in my study.”
Kane would rather have been air-dropped into a piranha-filled river, but he nodded and followed the other man through the family room and into a bookcase-lined study. Jack shut the door behind him.
“I love all the women in my life, but sometimes a man needs to get away.” Jack grinned. “You know what I mean?”
Kane took one of the leather chairs as his host poured them each a Scotch.
Jack stretched out in the recliner opposite Kane’s and raised his glass. “To my ladies. May they always welcome me home.”
Kane didn’t acknowledge the toast. What was the point of making trouble? The visit would end and then he and Willow would leave.
Jack sighed. “Do I have a great life, or what? I love this house. I’m always happy to get back here. Naomi’s a terrific woman. So warm and welcoming. She understands me. The patience of a saint, that woman. And the girls are special. I’m willing to admit I would have liked a son, of course. What man wouldn’t, but maybe it’s better this way.”
Kane sipped the Scotch. It was single malt, eighteen years old. He knew what the bottle had cost and doubted it had fit comfortably in Naomi’s food budget.
“It is better,” Kane said casually. “The way you take off and abandon your family every time you get an itch, there could be trouble. A son would grow up and beat the crap out of you.”
Jack stared at him. “It’s not like that.”
“It’s exactly like that.”
Jack shrugged. “Tell me about your job. Do you like working for Ryan? Weren’t you in the military before? Isn’t this a little boring for you?”
“I was in Special Forces,” Kane said after he put his glass on the small table beside his chair. “Nearly nine years. I specialized in the undetected kill. Get in, get the job done, get out before anyone knows you’re there. I was good at it, too.”
Jack swallowed. “Excellent. Excellent.”
“From there I went into private security. That’s the polite word for it. Basically, I was a mercenary for hire. I’ve survived the most dangerous places in the world. There’s a lot of money in that kind of work.”
“I can imagine.” Jack shifted in his chair. “If I ever need a second career, eh?”
Kane stood and looked down at the older man. “We’re not friends, Jack. We’ll never be friends. I don’t like you or respect you, but you’re Willow’s father and as much as I’d like to change that, I can’t. You’re an ass. You have a wife who worships you, daughters who adore you and that’s not enough for you. You want to go play, so you keep leaving them. Of course they keep taking you back, so they have some responsibility in this, too.”
He moved toward the door, then turned back to his host. “If it had been me, I would have kicked your butt a long time ago. Grow up. Be a man. You might find you actually like it. But whatever you decide, don’t make Willow cry again. If you do, I’ll hunt you down like the snake you are and I’ll skin you alive. Are we clear?”
Jack nodded frantically and Kane left the room.
He made his way to the backyard, where he was able to breathe for a few minutes.
But his solitude was short-lived. The door behind him opened again and Naomi stepped out.
“I know I’m interrupting,” she said. “I won’t take long. I heard what you said to Jack.”
Kane held in a groan. Just perfect. He looked at Willow’s mother. “Do you want me to apologize?”
“Not at all,” she said with a smile. “I was impressed. I know Jack was terrified. I might love the man, but I’m not blind to his flaws. Maybe you’ll change him, although I doubt it.”
“You could stop welcoming him home,” Kane said flatly.
“I could, but I won’t. I’d rather have Jack some of the time than never at all. That’s my flaw. Still, this isn’t about me. I wanted to thank you for defending Willow. I’ve been on Jack for years about how he talks to her, but he would never listen. I think things are going to be different now.”
That was something, Kane thought. “Why her? Why not Julie or Marina?”
Naomi sighed. “Willow had some learning problems when she was younger. Nothing serious, but for a while, school was much harder for her. The doctors said it was just because her brain was wired a little differently. Eventually everything righted itself and she did fine. But Jack can’t or won’t forget those earlier years. I’m not sure why he thinks Willow isn’t as pretty as her sisters, though.”
“She’s not,” Kane told her. “She’s prettier by a lot.”
Naomi’s smiled again. “Not that you’re biased.”
He shrugged.
“I think Jack sees a lot of himself in Willow,” Naomi said. “She’s always been the dreamer. Or at least she was. Lately she seems to have found herself in more ways than one. She loves her new job at the nursery.”
He thought about the army of plants that was slowly filling his place. “I guessed that.”
“I always worried about Willow because of the kind of men she chose. So many troubled souls in need of a good rescue. But I see now she was just filling her time until she found the right sort of man.” Naomi touched his arm. “You’re everything I could have wished for her. Thank you.”
She stepped back into the house.
Kane continued to stand on the porch, looking out on the lush backyard, but not really seeing it. Every cell in his body warned him this situation was dangerous and getting more deadly by the second.
That night Kane lay on his back as Willow cuddled up next to him.
“So did you hate every minute of it?” she asked.
He stroked her pale blond hair. “It wasn’t so bad.”
“The beginning was a nightmare, but later, things got better. I mentioned my new job to my dad and he was actually supportive. I thought maybe the sky was going to fall, but no, he was just being nice. Maybe he’s mellowing.”
The happiness and wonder in her voice let him know he’d done the right thing where Jack was concerned. Kane would still like to take the man out back and break a few bones, but polite society frowned on that. Not to mention how Willow would react if she found out he’d hurt her dad. Her mixed feelings wouldn’t extend far enough to support actual violence.
“Dinner was good,” she added, then went on about the meal.
Kane listened to her sweet voice and felt the wanting take hold of him. It didn’t matter that they’d just finished making love—he still needed her again.
Needed. When had he ever needed anyone? Needing, like caring and believing and all those other relationship words got you dead.
She pushed herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. She was naked and her long hair veiled her bare breasts. She was an erotic vision. What the hell had he done to deserve her?
“I want to say something,” she told him. “I’m going to say it and then you’re going to hold me in your arms. We’ll turn out the light and go to sleep. You’re not allowed to say anything back. I don’t want you to. I mean that. This is about me telling you. Okay?”
Dread chased away desire. Wariness
stiffened his muscles and made him ready for flight. He nodded curtly.
She drew in a breath, then smiled. “I love you. I have for a while, but I’m finally ready to say the words. I love you.”
She lowered herself back onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. “Night, Kane.”
“Good night.”
He turned out the light and lay there in his dark. She loved him. It didn’t matter whether or not he believed her. She believed and that was enough.
How had he let this happen?
Damn stupid question, he thought grimly. He’d let her in and she’d made herself at home. Now she had feelings and expectations and he would never be able to take care of either. He didn’t want her love. Not now, not ever.
He knew she’d meant the words as a gift, but to him they were little more than a trap. He could feel the metal teeth holding him in place. It was either break free or die. He sacrificed himself or he sacrificed Willow.
He might pretend to weigh the options, but he already knew what he was going to choose, and how much it would destroy her when he did.
Eleven
Willow fixed coffee the next morning while Kane got ready for work. She was both happy and apprehensive. Although she didn’t regret telling him the truth about her feelings and was proud of herself for being so brave, she couldn’t help the slight quiver of nerves in her belly. Kane hadn’t wanted a girlfriend, let alone someone to love him. How would he react to what she’d said?
She poured coffee into his travel mug just as he walked into the kitchen. She held out the mug and allowed herself a momentary eye-party as she admired his broad shoulders and narrow hips in his tailored suit.
“Morning.” He kissed her on the mouth, then took the coffee. “I have a meeting at seven-thirty, so I have to run.”
“That’s fine. I’ll feed Jasmine.”
“Great.” He kissed her again.
She grabbed the lapels of his suit and stared into his eyes. “About last night,” she began. “Are you okay with what I said?”
“You’re always going to lead with your heart, Willow. I wouldn’t change that.”
Then he was gone. It was only after he’d driven away that she realized he hadn’t answered her question.
The shooting range stood in a converted warehouse. It was private and exclusive, catering mostly to those with the money to pay for the best. Kane scanned his membership card, then headed for the scored target room. After checking then loading his Glock, he put on ear protection and stepped into the room.
He could still hear the sound of gunfire and see the flash of the shots. Ignoring the other shooters, he walked to the end of the aisle and faced his target. But instead of seeing the silhouette of a man, he saw Willow. He heard her laughing as she bent down to pick up one of the kittens, caught the curve of a hip as she danced in his kitchen to some Country song. He felt the soft warmth of her skin and the breath of her sigh as he pleasured her.
He lowered his gun and forced himself to focus. He came to the club a couple of times a month to stay sharp. He liked his time here and looked forward to the challenge. But not today. Today there was only Willow.
He drew in a deep breath and forced her from his mind, then lined up his gun with the target and fired six rounds, one after the other.
George, the manager of the place, walked over. “Hey, Kane. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“I know. Been busy.”
George eyed the target at the far end of the room. “Did you miss one?”
Kane pushed the button to bring the target closer, then swore. Sure enough, one of the bullets had missed the silhouette completely.
“You’re not usually off your game,” George said. “I guess we’ll be seeing more of you.”
Kane nodded and the other man left.
The target fluttered slightly as Kane returned it to its original position, then he stared down the barrel of his gun and knew he was in real danger of losing his edge. As that edge was the only thing that had kept him alive, he couldn’t risk that.
He didn’t have to ask what had happened—he knew exactly what had changed in his life. Or who.
She loved him. She’d spoken the words with a conviction that left him no way out. He had to believe her and that belief changed everything.
She was love. Her entire existence defined the word. She was warm and caring and giving and impetuous. She was also strong enough to have faith—something he’d never had the courage for.
To give her what she wanted was impossible. She wanted him to love her back, to need her, to have her in his life forever. The thought of that filled him with both longing and terror. Only the longing surprised him.
Was he tempted? Did he really think he could expose himself that way, be defined by and connected to another person and still survive? Hadn’t facing death more times than he could count taught him anything?
He drew in a steadying breath, then faced the target and fired again. This time the shots filled an area not much bigger than a quarter, exactly where the heart would be. Calmness filled him. He knew what was wrong and he knew how to fix it.
In this world, only the strongest survived. He refused to be anything but the one left standing at the end.
Willow arrived at Kane’s with yet another plant. This time she had an ailing orchid. Beverly said it was too late to save it, but Willow was sure she would convince the slender bloom to hang on long enough to get strong again.
As she let herself into the house, she was greeted by three very excited kittens.
“You got out of your box,” she said as she set the plant on a table, then crouched on the floor. “Look at you. So big and tough.”
They ran to her and began to climb all over her. Needle-sharp claws cut through her jeans and raked her skin. She winced and picked up the biggest offender, a gray and white male, with splotches of orange on his face and paws.
“You’re a wild thing, aren’t you?” She nuzzled the kitten. He purred and rubbed his face against hers.
The tabby female kitten stood on Willow’s thighs and batted at her brother’s flicking tail.
“You’re all so cute,” Willow said. “I want to keep you all.”
She couldn’t, of course. In theory she couldn’t have a cat at all. Not at her place. But if she were to have a change in location…
She stretched out on the floor and let the kittens romp around on her. Jasmine came over to get her scratching. Willow let the kitty love wash over her.
Who knew things would work out like this? A couple of months ago, she’d been intent on giving Todd a piece of her mind. Now her entire life was different. She was happy in her work, desperately in love and moving in a totally different direction. Life wasn’t just full of surprises…it was very, very good.
She heard a key in the door and smiled expectantly. When Kane walked in, she grinned up at him. “I’m being held hostage by the cats. You’re going to have to save me. Think you’re up to it, Mr. Big Security Guy?”
But instead of smiling or offering her a hand or even joining her on the floor, Kane closed the door behind him and said, “I’d like to speak with you, please. Can you get up?”
He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t doing anything. As she scrambled to her feet, she fought the nagging sense of the familiar. What was it?
And then she knew. It was his eyes. They were empty again. As empty as they’d been when she’d first met him.
“Kane?”
“This is a mistake,” he said. “I’m sorry for my part in it. I should never have let you believe there was ever a chance for more. There isn’t. I don’t want there to be. I am solitary by choice. You can’t change that. I’m not interested in what you’re offering, Willow. I don’t want any of it. Or you.”
He spoke calmly, simply and with a clarity that left her bleeding from wounds that would never heal. She couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, could only try to keep standing.
“I…” she began.
He cut he
r off. “This isn’t negotiable. I’ll give you two hours to clear out.”
She didn’t hurt enough. Willow knew that was a bad sign. There was plenty of pain, but a part of her was still numb. If she could barely survive this, how would she make it when the real ache set in?
“What can I get you?” Marina carried in tea from the kitchen. “Wine? Vodka? A contract on Kane?”
Willow laughed, then sobbed and reached for another tissue. “I don’t want him dead or even hurt. I can’t. I love him.”
She sat curled up on Marina’s sofa. All of Kane’s plants were still in her car, but her sister had offered to take in Jasmine and her family until the kittens were old enough to be adopted.
“I’m ok-kay,” she said, her voice shaking.
“Oh, sure.” Her sister sat next to her and put a hand on her leg. “I can tell.”
“It’s not that bad yet,” Willow told her. “I think it’s going to hit me later.”
One of the kittens crawled into her lap and curled up, as if offering comfort. Willow patted her.
“It’s not his fault,” she said. “He t-told me what he was. He was very specific about that. I’m the one who didn’t believe him. I just plowed in where I wasn’t wanted. Why do I do that? Why don’t I listen?”
“We all hear what we want to hear.”
Willow shook her head. “It’s more than that. I was so proud of myself. I finally felt I’d moved on from rescuing guys, you know? Kane didn’t need rescuing. In fact, he rescued me in every way possible.” She sniffed. “Isn’t that a line from Titanic?”
Marina smiled, then stroked her hair. “I’m sure it’s okay for you to use it.”
“I love sad stories at the movies, but in real life, it really sucks.” She blew her nose and reached for another tissue. “I thought I was going to have it all. Isn’t that stupid.”
“No. Don’t say that. It’s not stupid. Why wouldn’t you have it all?”
Willow sighed. Her body hurt as if she had a bad case of the flu. Her heart ached and every beat seemed almost more effort than it could muster. Her eyes were burning and gritty.
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