Player: Stone Cold MC

by Carmen Faye

They said their goodbyes, which looked a lot like punches to me, and then we walked to Rip’s car. He opened the door for me. We drove to my place. By the time we walked to the front door, my balance was starting to improve.

  I wanted to sit down on the couch, but Rip took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He let me lie down on the bed.

  “Thank you for coming back,” I said.

  “How did you know I left?”

  “You dropped money through my window. If you were going to stay here, you would have delivered it in person.”

  He nodded looking surprised that I knew that, but Rip was pretty predictable.

  “I couldn’t just leave you,” he said. “You make me feel something that I haven’t felt in a long time.”

  I suddenly wanted to cry. I hadn’t felt that something in a long time either. Rip made me feel something, but not just that, he made me want to change. It was ironic that the one person who was in the same boat as I was made me want to get out of it.

  “I don’t want to do this anymore,” I said, and tears welled up in my eyes.

  “Do what?”

  “This life. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to be different. I want to be good.”

  Rip stroked my hair.

  “You are good,” he said. I shook my head. I wasn’t good, not by a long shot. He looked at me for a moment before he nodded.

  “Okay,” he said.

  “Okay?”

  “If you do this, I’m going to do it, too. If you’re going to clean up, then I’ll do it as well, and we’ll be together.”

  I rubbed my eyes. I was pretty sure I looked terrible, and I didn’t care about smudging my makeup.

  “You want to be together?”

  “I don’t want to leave you, Alex. I want you in my life, because you’re fun and you give me a run for my money and you make me feel like it’s worth it. All of this… is worth something.”

  I frowned. “I don’t know how to do it when we’re together. I can’t help you if you spiral because then I’ll stand a chance of spiraling, too.”

  Rip nodded.

  “Then we’ll separate. We’ll sort it all out, and then we’ll get back together and see what happens from there.”

  I took a deep breath. He was right; we could do this. I had Cass; she would pull me through.

  “Do you think we’ll make it through?”

  Rip nodded. “We’ll make it through.”

  He leaned down and kissed me, and it was different from before. Before it had been about kissing, about what we could get from each other. Now it felt like it was about what we could give each other.

  Rip got onto the bed and lay down next to me. He put his arm over my body and pulled me closer to him, kissing me deeper and with more urgency. I turned my body into his. I was exhausted, and the effect of what was still in my system made me feel like I was floating, but I wanted him. And not because of the sex.

  I wanted him because of who he was, and because of who I was with him.

  I sat up and got rid of my blazer. When I lay down again, Rip’s hand slid onto my breast. He pushed his hips against mine and I felt him, hot and hard against my body. My body responded, heat flooding through me.

  Rip didn’t waste time getting under my shirt, and his fingers pushed under the material of my bra so that he was on my skin. He rubbed my nipple with the tips of his fingers until it was hard and erect. I moaned into his mouth.

  I reached for his crotch and rubbed him through his pants. He twitched underneath my fingers and stiffened even more. I fumbled with his belt, undid his pants, and started working them over his hips.

  He tugged the hem of my shirt and pulled it up. I lifted up so he could remove it and unclasped my own bra. This undressing wasn’t part of the foreplay tonight, it was about getting naked so that we could be as close as possible without anything between us. I got rid of my own pants, and he got out of his clothes, too, so that we were both completely naked.

  Rip positioned himself over me. I opened my legs, and he pushed in between them so that his tip pressed against my entrance. I gasped. He hovered over me, his stomach against mine and his chest inches from my breasts. He leaned on his elbows on either side of my head, and he leaned down to kiss me.

  “I’ve wanted this since I met you,” he said.

  “We’ve slept together before.”

  He shook his head. “I meant how this feels. How close we are. Love, not sex.”

  I smiled. “Since you met me?”

  “You were the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen.”

  He kissed me again, and with his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth, he pushed into me. I moaned into his mouth and wrapped my legs around his ass, pulling him in deeper. We paused like that for a moment, and I relished the feel of him, hard and stiff inside of me, stretching me so that I fit around his body like a glove, as if we’d been made for each other.

  Rip started moving. Slow strokes, out until only the tip was in, and then back in so deep that I gasped. He kept up the slow movement, going in and out at a slow pace, reaching every inch of me. His body was on mine almost all the way and his skin was so hot it pushed up my own body temperature. His blue eyes pierced all the way through to my soul.

  I reached up and pushed my fingers into his black hair. It was nice to know that all of this, the hair, the eyes, the body on top of mine, the manhood inside of me, was mine. We hadn’t talked about exclusivity, but somehow it felt like we’d gone past the point where this was just about sex and we could do it with whomever we wanted.

  “I adore you,” Rip said just as I was thinking it. It wasn’t an “I love you,” but it was close enough. Adoring me was still damn special. I smiled, and then moaned when he pushed in at a faster pace.

  “I adore you, too,” I said in a breathy voice. Rip smiled at what he was doing to my speech patterns and started rocking harder and harder. It felt good. The friction made my body feel numb but in a good way. The heat that had flooded between my legs started spreading through my body, and every inch of my body felt like it was on fire. Rip was coaxing it into a roaring furnace with his increased rhythm.

  He started breathing harder and harder in my ear, and my own breathing sped up to match his—in the same rhythm he was making love to me.

  Somewhere nature took over, and we were rocking and bucking against each other. He pounded into me, and I moved my hips against him to make magic that couldn’t be created any other way.

  Rip was first to near his orgasm. I could feel it in how big he got, and the way his breathing became shallow and erratic. My own orgasm was getting bigger, too, and I closed my eyes, focusing on how it felt with him inside of me, with his face so close to mine, his heart beating right against my chest where mine was, too.

  When he came inside of me, it was in giant pulses, liquid that coated and claimed every inch of me. It tipped me over the edge, and I orgasmed, too. My body curled and pulsated and contracted and released in almost the same rhythm as his, my body clamping down around him and milking him until there was nothing left.

  When I finally relaxed, I realized I’d dug my nails into his shoulders and crossed my ankles above his hips. I let go.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  “Don’t be.” Rip was breathing as hard as I was. He kissed me and then slid out and rolled off to the side so that he was next to me. His body was still against me, and he put an arm around me and pulled me closer, so close that nothing else could fit between us.

  “I’m glad you’re safe,” he said. I was glad I was safe and home, too, and I wasn’t under any illusions. I knew that he must have given up a lot and done a lot to get me out of there, to get his past to come to his present and save me.

  And it meant more than he would ever know.

  I nestled against him and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. This was what I wanted. It was going to take time to make it work, but I wanted to do it for him so that we could do this again. So that we could do this and have
nothing interfere like crazy drug lords and muscled bodyguards.

  I just wanted Rip.

  CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

  Saying goodbye to Rip was hard. Harder than when he’d just left. We stood on my porch, and he kissed me and hugged me as if he didn’t want to let go.

  “I’m going to contact you as soon as I’m clean, and you do the same, okay?”

  I nodded. I didn’t want him to go.

  “What if we don’t see each other again? What if something goes wrong?”

  He kissed me again. “We’ll make it work.”

  He broke free from my arms and walked to his car. He looked back at me just before driving off, and then he left. I watched his car until I saw the taillights disappear around a turn, and just like that, he was out of my life. I took a deep breath and walked back inside. I picked up the phone and dialed the number I knew by heart.

  “Cass?” I asked when she picked up. “I need your help.”

  She picked me up from the airport the next day. She’d bought me a ticket and I’d gotten on with just a suitcase. My whole life had been reduced to one little bag.

  She looked so much like Mom when I saw her that I was transported in time for a moment. Her long, brown hair was cut in a stylish asymmetric bob, and she wore a dress that Mom would have loved.

  “You look great, Cassie,” I said and hugged her.

  “You look good too, little sis.”

  I knew that she was being nice. I looked terrible. I had dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and I felt like I’d been beaten up even though no one had really touched me. I was willing to guess it was still whatever John had put in that drink of mine.

  “Come on, let’s get you home and get you some sleep. Dennis is dying to see you.”

  Cass’s place was bigger than I remembered it. I hadn’t been to her place in years, and it seemed like there were so many extra rooms.

  “You can stay in the guest room,” she said. “You’ll have your own bathroom and entrance and a bit of privacy in case… you know.”

  I smiled and shook my head. “I’m not going to… you know,” I said. “Besides, if I’m at rehab, I’m not going to need a place to stay.”

  We walked up to the front door. It swung open before we reached it, and a boy with dark brown hair and big soulful eyes stood in the opening.

  “Aunt Alex!” he shouted and ran to me, grabbing my legs so hard I nearly lost my balance.

  “Who are you?” I asked. “You can’t be Dennis, he was just a little boy when I saw him last. Who is this big man grabbing my legs?”

  He laughed and held on tighter. I tickled him until he let go.

  “I missed you,” I said to him when he got up, as he rubbed his hands over his hair. “Your mom has told me so much about you.”

  “We’re going to have so much fun together. I’ll tell Dad you’re here.”

  He turned and ran into the house.

  “He’s beautiful, Cass,” I said. “He’s grown into a replica of Collin.”

  Cass smiled and let me walk in first. Every room we passed through was elegantly decorated, with expensive things that were placed in the right places to maximize flow. Collin was in the kitchen, making coffee.

  “Hi,” I said. Collin always scared me a little. He was even more accomplished and intimidating than my sister. But that was what Cass’s whole life was like… something I could never reach.

  “Come on, let me show you to your room,” Cass said after we’d said hello. When we were in the room together, her face became serious.

  “I called the rehabilitation center and confirmed your stay. I’ll drop you off in the morning. Are you sure you want to do this?”

  I nodded. I was surer now than ever. She smiled when I did and looked like she wanted to cry.

  “I’m so proud of you.”

  ***

  Rehab was a bitch. I knew it was going to be bad, but it turned out that gambling really was an addiction that was harder to cut than I thought it would be. I had to see therapists and get in touch with myself and do a lot of things that had seemed stupid at first.

  After twelve weeks, I was finally ready to go home. And not ready in the least, all at the same time. During my stay, I had realized three things. One, my life had been a mess more than I’d realized. Two, I wanted to be with Rip more than anything. Three, I was pregnant with his child. The third had been a hell of a scare, and I’d needed more therapy for that than the gambling.

  I wasn’t going to be a good mother. I was a mess, and I knew what a gambling mother was like. Who said that I wouldn’t be like that, too?

  And what would Rip think? That scared me the most. How would he accept me now that I was expecting a baby? I knew when it had happened. The night after the mess had been cleared up. The doctor at the rehab center had said that whatever they’d given me must have messed with my birth control pills.

  Anything was possible.

  One thing I knew…I wasn’t having an abortion or giving the baby up. I knew all too well what it meant to suffer when it wasn’t my fault, and I wasn’t going to do that to a baby.

  When I came home, I was just starting to show a tiny baby bump. Not enough to show I was pregnant, but enough to know that I had to tell someone before they found out for themselves.

  When Cass took me to the guest room I took her hand.

  “Would it be okay if I stayed here a little bit longer?” I asked.

  “Of course, Alex. You can stay here as long as you need.”

  I looked down at my hands.

  “What is it?”

  I looked at her. She looked like Mom but somehow it was harder to disappoint her than it had been to disappoint Mom.

  “I’m pregnant,” I said. “And before you say anything,” I added when she opened her mouth, a shocked expression on her face, “I’m keeping him.”

  “Him?”

  “It’s a boy. I had a scan before I came back.”

  Cass shook her head, fingertips to her lips.

  “I can’t do this now,” she said. She walked around the room, pacing from the door to the bed and back. “How could this have happened? I can’t do this.”

  I walked to her and put my hands on her shoulders.

  “You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to be Mom anymore, Cass. I’m old enough, and I can take care of myself now.”

  Cass’s eyes shimmered with tears, but I shook my head and hugged her.

  “Do you know who the father is?” she asked when I let her go at last.

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s not fair.”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t mean… sorry. I just wanted know.”

  I nodded. “I do know, and I want to be with him. If he’ll have me… otherwise I’ll raise him myself.”

  “How are you going to manage?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t know, but I could figure it out. If I’d made it through all the shit I’d been through the past couple of years and come out on the other end alive, I could do this. Was it going to be hard? Yes. But it wasn’t impossible. Look at everything we’d accomplished.

  I didn’t contact Rip. I was too scared to call him. I didn’t know where he was, or if he’d changed his mind in the time we’d been apart. We hadn’t spoken at all, and it made me doubt myself…especially now that I was pregnant.

  Three days passed, and then he phoned me.

  “Where are you?” he asked. “I want to see you.”

  I didn’t know if I had to say yes. I didn’t know if it was going to hurt.

  “I miss you,” he said. I didn’t know if it was the words or the tone in his voice that made me agree, but I gave him Cass’s address. He promised to fly in and come to see me in a week’s time.

  I was starting to show. I was terrified. If he rejected me, I knew it would hurt. But I couldn’t hide from this, from him. And I didn’t want to hide.

  “What if he doesn’t want me?” I asked Cass the night before he arrived.

  �
�If he doesn’t want you, he’s an idiot who doesn’t deserve you,” she said. And I guessed she was right. It still scared the shit out of me.

  ***

  The doorbell rang at eight in the morning. Cass got it. A moment later she knocked on my door.

  “He’s here. I sent him around to your door so you two can talk in private,” she said. She closed the door again, and a moment later, a knock sounded on the door to the outside. I swallowed hard and opened it.