“You’re incredible,” he whispered. “I don’t care about anyone else right now. You just lost yourself right before my eyes and I want to be lost with you like I want my next breath. Do it again, Seph. Take us away from here.”
His words melted into me, and I found my body obeying before my mind had even caught up. It wasn’t so easy to return to my dream-like haze when I was aware that Cabe was watching me, but I soon realised that it didn’t matter. My body didn’t want to float away with the music anymore. It wanted other things. It wanted to move in a different way. I gave my body what it wanted, feeling a rush of heat drop through me at Cabe’s soft groan.
He tugged the ends of my hair again and our mouths met. I wasn’t even sure who had initiated the kiss, only that the sensation of his lips crushing insistently against mine in that moment was the most incredible feeling in the world. I was technically in the worst position I had ever been in before in my life—and yet I had never felt more liberated. While everyone else was driven to restrict me, control me, punish me or protect me, Cabe only wanted to set me free.
I dug my fingers into his hair, holding on tightly as his tongue scraped against mine. He wasn’t grabbing me in any way, but I preferred it that way because my body was allowed to move however I wanted. My skin was burning and my dancing was bringing me closer and closer to Cabe, pressing and rubbing against him in search of a relief that spun constantly away, only deepening the burn in my limbs.
Cabe tore his mouth from mine with a breathy expletive. “Seph… pretty girl… no…” His head fell onto my shoulder, his hands gliding over my thighs until he was gripping just below the leather shorts I wore. “You need to stop now.”
“It feels good,” I mumbled. “I never get to feel good.”
“It feels too good.” His grip on my thighs turned painful, his fingers clenching. “You’re emotionally overcharged and you want an escape but no matter how badly I want to… I can’t take advantage of it right now.”
“Please,” I whispered, my head ducking so that I could whisper the word against his ear.
My voice sounded husky, needy, and I realised that he was right. I was acting out in some way, chasing whatever oblivion his body was promising mine, but I couldn’t help it. It was addictive, the drive to simply let go, the need to release all of the panic that constantly threatened to suffocate me.
I knew that words weren’t going to sway him, so I took the lobe of his ear between my teeth and tugged on it. His body tightened immediately, his head pulling back from my shoulder so that he could glare at me. I immediately wanted to hide away from him because I knew that I was every bit as messy on the outside as I had become on the inside. My eyes were damp with his looming rejection and my face felt hot with either shame or need, I wasn’t sure. I could feel that my lips had become swollen, and wondered what other signs of my looming insanity showed in my face. His eyes were all over me, taking in every detail, and then more, dipping inside me and knowing me. Just when I thought he would set me aside, his hands were palming my ass and his mouth was back on mine, his hips surging up to meet the slow reaction of my body. I felt immediately feverish, an inescapable quake in my limbs and a liquid fire in my veins; he caught each sound that escaped me, taking control of my body’s instinctual movements and guiding me toward a feeling that swept into me with the violence of a hurricane, leaving only the fluttering of debris to blow through my shattered body as I faced the fallout.
I slumped against him afterwards, trembling fiercely as my rampant heartbeat skipped and stuttered over itself. He cradled me to his chest and I no longer cared how strange this would look to whoever watched behind the cameras. I needed the comfort provided by the solidness of him after feeling as though the very ground had just been yanked from beneath me.
“You released your emotions to us,” Cabe whispered brokenly. “If Silas felt that… he’ll… he’ll be here.”
I blinked at him, the emotion still clogging my throat and my chest. His eyes were burning, his arms shaking as much as mine, but I could feel the coil of need that still thrummed from his body through the bond.
“You planned that?” I choked out.
He made a sound caught between a growl and a groan, his eyes flaring to life with even more heat. “I had to do it, Seph. I had to get you there before you pushed me too far in a room full of cameras.”
Between us, something vibrated. Cabe closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before standing and setting me on my wobbly feet.
“Yes?” he snapped into the phone. “I’m with her. I’m not going to tell you that.” His eyes were still closed and he was now pinching the bridge of his nose, a tight expression taking over his features. “What the hell do you think it was, Noah? I don’t have time for this right now. No, you’re right, I shouldn’t have had time for that either. Are you serious? Of course I didn’t break the rules—you do know where we are right now, don’t you? Fine. No, you can’t talk to her. Not right now. Give her a minute to calm down.” He hung up the call, but then swore roughly and dialed a number, flashing the phone back to his ear. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hang up on you. I’m a little on edge right now. Oh… okay… one second.” He pulled the phone away and faced me, covering the receiver.
“What is it?” Unease curled into me, chasing away the bone-melting warmth that had taken up residence inside my limbs.
“Noah said that Miro wants to talk to you.”
I reached out a shaking hand, afraid because Cabe hadn’t allowed Noah to speak to me, but he didn’t seem to want to refuse Miro.
“H-hello?” I stuttered.
“Walk outside,” Quillan demanded, his voice grave.
The line went dead before I could reply. I handed the phone back to Cabe, hanging my head.
“Don’t,” he said gently, catching my chin. “Don’t feel guilty. We knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but you’ve settled into the bond and there’s no going back now. You can’t hide your reaction to us anymore, and we can’t hide our reaction to you. There’s no moving backwards, Seph, only forwards.”
I nodded, but his words didn’t inspire any confidence in me. Not with the threat of Quillan’s disapproval. In that moment, I hated his compelling personality, because I was helpless to fight my own fear of his censure. I pulled back the curtain and stumbled out of the room. The guard at the end of the hallway held his hand out to me, and I turned to Cabe, who passed over a stack of money that was clearly more than what he should have paid, if the guard’s expression was anything to go by. Clarin was standing nearby, possessively hovering over Poison, who had her eyes fixed on us. I passed by them with my head down and they turned to follow, leaving the club with me as though we had simply been borrowing the facilities instead of begging for jobs.
They seemed to understand that something had transpired, because they stayed silent as we spilled outside. Quillan was before me in an instant, a heavy coat wrapping around my shoulders before the cold air could even graze my skin. He buttoned it all the way, ignoring my fumbling protests, and then he was steering me away from the others.
“Dude,” Noah grumbled, “what the hell?”
I tensed further at Noah’s voice, but couldn’t bring myself to look up.
“You two have already proven that you can’t keep your damn hands off her,” Quillan snapped, all control fleeing his tone. “So she’s coming with me. Silas felt that… what happened… so he’s coming for her. You can be sure of that. We don’t need the club anymore.”
He opened the passenger door of his car and I awkwardly climbed into the seat, casting a single glance toward the others. Cabe seemed troubled and Noah’s jaw was clenched in anger, his bright eyes narrowed. Poison and Clarin were confused. Quillan closed the door, cutting off my view, and I curled my legs to my chest, nudging off the heels.
When he got behind the wheel, he only gripped it, seemingly unable to start the car. “Just so you know,” he gritted out the words between clenched teeth, “I’m not an
gry at you. Don’t get the wrong idea.”
“You look angry.”
“I’m… I… I can still feel it.” He had masked his tone from me again, so I couldn’t tell if he was disgusted with me or not.
I curled myself up tighter.
“Seph… sweetheart…” He released a heavy breath. “I’m not angry at you. You haven’t done anything wrong, I just can’t… explain myself right now. I have to get you somewhere safe. Danny might follow Silas to us. Or Silas might decide to rip Cabe’s throat out.”
“Where are we going?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“The Komnata. Silas will track us there.”
“Should I tell the others?”
“They’re following.”
I turned around, surprised to find that he was right. The others had already piled into Poison’s car, which was pulling up behind us. Quillan had been waiting for them apparently, because he finally turned over the engine and pulled out onto the road.
We drove cloaked in a heavy silence, but the pressure of it lifted after a while, making room for something more comfortable and familiar. Quillan seemed to have calmed down, and the main emotion now radiating to me through the bond was his usual mix of guilt and sadness. I tucked my hands into the pockets of his coat, wondering if he had brought it just for me. He didn’t usually wear coats, which meant that he had anticipated the possibility that he would need to drag me out of the club half-clothed at some point. He had even been waiting outside.
My hands curled into fists inside the pockets, making the material bulge. I tucked my chin down to my chest, breathing in deeply. The coat was beginning to warm with my body heat, and it smelled like him, but it wasn’t much of a comfort.
“I’m sorry, Mir—”
“Don’t apologise,” he cut across me, his tone gentle but insistent. “I overreacted. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“You’re right.” I pulled one of my hands free and raised a finger before his face. It was shaking.
A beautiful smile cracked through his mask and he captured my hand, closing his fingers around my fist and forcing my pointer finger to curl back inward.
“You don’t get to dish out punishments,” he said. “That’s my job.”
He was still holding me, resting our hands on his lap.
“What’s my job?” I asked him, my eyes on his face. I had asked the same question once before, and they had all considered me seriously, before telling me that they hadn’t decided.
“Staying alive.” Quillan’s jaw was set, his fingers tightening around mine.
They weren’t undecided anymore.
An hour later, I sat before the Klovoda. My hands were clasped in my lap as Poison and Clarin claimed either side of me, shifting around in obvious discomfort. It was odd for me to see Poison visibly intimidated by someone, almost as odd as I was sure it would be for them to be seeing her dressed as a stripper. Quillan, Noah and Cabe were standing shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking off the entire entryway. Cabe and Noah were turned outward, their backs presented, while Quillan faced inward, his arms folded over his chest. He appeared relaxed but I knew that he was on edge; I knew, because it was impossible to not be on edge. Every single person currently in the room seemed to be two steps away from an escape.
Yas was looking down at me, her serious brown eyes turned assessing, her sharp features made gentle with the mark of trepidation that pulled at the corners of her mouth and crinkled up her eyebrows. We had told the gathered Klovoda members that we were trying to bring Silas out of hiding, but we hadn’t disclosed the reason why, or the method that we had used to lure him to us in the first place. They had asked remarkably few questions, and that made me suspicious.
The two dark-skinned men—Obasi and Nahab—sat side-by-side again on the same couch, almost as if they hadn’t moved since my last visit. They hadn’t so much as scratched their heads or said a word since Jayden had escorted us inside. Judging by the looks of surprise on the faces of the other Klovoda members when we had entered, Jayden hadn’t cleared anything with them before inviting us into the Komnata. I was sure that if any of the other members had taken such a liberty, it would have been an issue, but nobody seemed to be willing to chastise Jayden. I didn’t blame them. I wasn’t willing to chastise Jayden either… but I wasn’t a member of the Klovoda. They were supposed to be stronger and braver than me, or at least better able to control the other members of their own organization.
Jack and his pair were situated furthest away, their positions oddly deliberate. From where they stood, the faces of every person in the room would have been visible. Jack was watching me. It was unnerving to be his sole focus, free of the mischievous spark that had played in his countenance during our last encounter. This time he was so serious it frightened me. Even the Sophies were frowning, though their focus was on everyone else in the room: Sophia bounced her scrutiny from Poison, to Clarin, to the guys standing in the doorway, while Sophie watched the remaining Klovoda members. I found their unspoken harmonization to be both unnerving and extraordinary. They knew who to watch, where to stand, and how to support each other without even the secret glances that my own pairs used to communicate with each other. They simply knew the thoughts and intentions of the other members of their bond as though they were all the same person.
I had been staring at them as I hastily announced to everyone that we were attempting to attract Silas’s attention, and even as I spoke, the Sophies remained diligent in their examination of the others, not once glancing at me. In the five minutes of silence that followed my announcement, I continued to watch them. I finally concluded that Jack had taken it upon himself to observe me because he was an Atmá, like me. My role as an Atmá was important to them in some way; it was a particular point of interest to them. I wasn’t sure why Sophie had taken it upon herself to watch the Klovoda members, but it was interesting to note that her vantage point gave her the best view of Yas, in particular.
Eventually, the hush that had fallen over the gathered people began to stir; Obasi un-crossed his legs and crossed them the other way, while I was pretty sure that I caught Nahab blinking. Yas tucked her elegant-looking fingers into the pockets of her jacket, while Adie—the giant, red-headed man—scratched at his beard.
“We have some bad news,” Yas finally announced.
I waited for someone else to answer her, but it seemed as though she was talking to me.
“Go ahead.” I swallowed. “It can’t get much worse.”
“It can,” Yas promised. She looked to the others for confirmation, and Alice—the Japanese woman—nodded. That seemed to be all the permission Yas needed, for she turned back to me, pulling her hands free of her pockets and squaring her slender shoulders. “We think Silas has Lord Weston. He’s been missing since the night he brought you to us.”
“He…” I trailed off. Yas was right: it could get worse. “How is that possible? Weston can control people; I don’t imagine it would be that easy to kidnap him.”
“Silas must have drugged him, or worse.”
“He can’t kill Weston,” I blurted. “It would kill his own mother, and Tabby. They’re bonded to Weston. If he dies, they die as well.”
Yas exchanged another look with several of the others, and I noticed that most of them were now avoiding my eyes, with the exception of the Sophies, Jack, and Jayden. I aimed my next question at Jayden, wanting to re-distribute the sense of leadership about the room. I knew that they hadn’t chosen a new Director yet, and though it was neither my business nor my place to hold an opinion… I still didn’t like the way that Yas appeared to be taking over. She was clearly linked to Weston in some way.
“You know him,” I pleaded to Jayden. “Silas isn’t a monster. He wouldn’t kill Weston if it meant harming people that he loved or cared about. He’s been hurt, tortured, manipulated and broken so many times by Weston, but he will always protect the people who mean something to him. Please Jayden, you know—”
“S
he’s right,” he confirmed, his voice edged in an unassuming boredom that seemed to stem only from superior knowledge, because Jayden knew almost everything. “He won’t kill Weston.”
“He might not kill him.” Yas sounded as though she still didn’t believe us. “But there is no end to the things he could do. I’m sorry to say it, but Silas has gone too far this time—”
“He’s one of our best agents,” Alice inserted. “The skills he provides are invaluable.”
“Are they?” Yas snapped back. “Are they really worth so many lives and countless more? He needs to be contained.”
“He needs to be saved.” I pounced to my feet, my limbs trembling with a sudden violent urge to fight, to protect. Silas was mine; they couldn’t have him. It was as simple as that. “You can’t fight bad with bad. That’s what he’s been doing and it clearly doesn’t work. Break the cycle. Give him something good. Don’t hurt him further.”
“She’s right.” Jack finally spoke up, turning away from me to address Yas. “The only way to fix this situation is to break the cycle of violence. You can’t cure abuse with punishment. He’s been pushed too far; he needs help now. He’s been punished his whole life for having simply been born. We all know it—even if we don’t speak about it. Dominic Kingsling is finally dead, and we now have a rare chance to change things. If we break Weston’s hold over Silas and protect him, we’re taking a big step toward reform.”
“Careful.” Yas was now vibrating with anger just as much as I had been. “You’re not the Director yet, Jack.”
“Neither are you,” Jayden intervened calmly. “And in case you haven’t noticed, you’ve royally pissed off the Voda Heir, which isn’t exactly the smartest move for a Director-in-the-running, even if you are gearing toward a reform.”
For a panicked moment, I thought that Jayden was referring to me, but his eyes were fixed over my shoulder. I glanced back to the doorway, finding all three of the guys facing inwards and looking furious enough to cause serious damage. I felt a sharp stab of something inside my chest, but it wasn’t their emotion pushing into me, for once. It was mine… and I was proud of them. My own fury had been appeased by the simple apparition of their fury, because it evidenced their feelings about the threat against Silas. Though I hadn’t actively acknowledged it, there was a small part of me that had been fearing the moment Silas would go too far—not too far for the Klovoda, but too far for his own brothers. They weren’t particularly vocal in their brotherly feelings, and they didn’t often demonstrate the depth of their own bonds with each other, but I realised now that it was because they didn’t need to. It was a given. An inevitability. A simple, unbreakable fact.
Lead Heart (Seraph Black Book 3) Page 28