by Leigh Riker
“Yeah, and I should have caught it sooner. I lost valuable time. I operated on him, but it was too late and a desperation move. I had no antibiotics left to stem the infection that had spread through his system. Maybe by then they wouldn’t have helped anyway.” Sawyer swallowed hard. “And that killed him.” I killed him, she imagined him thinking, but he didn’t say that.
“Afterward, I left all those people, including Charlie and Piper, who’d finally made their way back to the clinic...left everybody in the lurch.”
Olivia said weakly, “Maybe you’ll hear from Charlie tomorrow.”
“I’m becoming afraid I won’t.” Sawyer looked down at his hands again. “So there you have it. I’ve been feeling pretty full of myself here, taking care of a few cases for Doc, but I missed a diagnosis in Kedar that any first-year med student would have spotted.”
“Wrong. It wasn’t that simple. Khalil’s death was a tragedy, but under the circumstances—with so many other people needing your help and with Charlie and his wife trapped at the school—what else could you have done?”
“That’s what I ask myself. Every damn day and night.” He shook his head. “I never seem to find an answer.”
“You did the best you could.” As he had with Jasmine years ago, she thought. That wasn’t the same, but she moved closer to him anyway, knowing she shouldn’t. Who was she to comment on Kedar, when only last week Olivia had chosen safety, security? Even the horrendous video she’d seen was a far cry from what Sawyer had dealt with.
She caught his hand in hers, warming his skin with her touch, willing whatever strength she had into him. She leaned against his shoulder, her hair sliding over his upper arm, and heard his shaken breath.
“Now do you understand exactly why I didn’t want to get near Nick? He’s such an engaging little guy that he won me over. I’m grateful he did, but in a way that only makes what I did over there seem worse...”
Olivia didn’t know what else to say. So instead of speaking, she gently kissed the side of his neck, then his jawline, planting soft kisses along the way like little dots of healing medicine, of comfort and forgiveness. When at last he turned his head to capture her mouth with his, she became lost in the warm brush of Sawyer’s lips, the teasing nips and longer, ever more intense kisses that left them both breathing faster.
This isn’t appropriate, she tried to tell herself. It wasn’t right to lean in, to give in because Sawyer was hurting, but she couldn’t seem to stop. When she drew away, Olivia knew they’d crossed some boundary, and she wondered if, like him with Kedar, she had lost herself in her feelings—for Sawyer himself.
At one point, she’d thought being attracted to Logan’s twin had an element of weird, but she could never confuse them. She would recognize Sawyer anywhere, not by how he looked but by his willingness to take chances. His innate kindness. Yet she’d never dared to kiss him like this before and that changed everything. It was enough to make her scatter caution to the winds, to jeopardize the careful life she’d made with Nick. Almost. But she couldn’t risk that, and would Sawyer want a ready-made family?
Olivia rested her forehead against his—and prepared herself to destroy any chance they might have had to love each other, to be a family of their own.
“I knew you were going back,” she murmured. “But that wasn’t right. You need to go back to Kedar. You have to, Sawyer.”
* * *
“THOUGHT I’D FIND you packing by now,” Sam said the next morning, frowning. Sawyer had been feeding horses when Sam ambled into the barn, and the unhappy expression that had become his signature look around Sawyer tore at his heart again. You need to go back.
Yes, he did. On some level, he’d always believed that, and Sam had a sixth sense like finely tuned radar. The instant he walked down the barn aisle, Sawyer knew why he was here.
“I’m not leaving yet.” Not until Logan returned from San Diego. And Sawyer still hadn’t heard from Charlie. To ease his mind, he’d been doing chores since before sunup. Later he’d ride out with Willy and Tobias to round up some stray bison. Sawyer liked to think he’d won them over doing such routine jobs and working with Cyclone, which seemed to have earned him their respect.
Or was he using the ranch, and Grey’s wedding, as a means to avoid Kedar?
Sam grunted. “Then I guess I was wrong. For now.” What appeared to be a hopeful look flashed in his eyes, then was gone.
Sawyer measured out Sundance’s feed. “I’m just doing what we always do here this time of day.”
The routine had become a comfort to him. Like Olivia last night.
Sam studied the floor between his boots. “I suppose that’s a nice change for you from overseas, abroad, whatever you call it. But I have a right to know when you plan to leave here. I can’t run this ranch if I’m always in the dark.”
“I’m not sure just when I’m going back to the clinic. Soon,” he added. Hadn’t he made that plain enough? Sawyer dropped a scoop of grain into Hero’s feed bucket.
“Then go. Now.” Sam snorted. “If you think you have to babysit me while Logan’s enjoying himself in California—”
“You’ve talked to him. Haven’t you.”
“Yessir. And I know Everett’s staying on to take care of things over at Wilson Cattle while Grey’s off getting married.” Sam dug at the dirt with the toe of his boot. “Some people love the land where they grew up, the place they inherited, built into something. They don’t just up and leave other people to do all the work themselves.”
“Which is exactly why I need to go back to Kedar. Why can’t you understand? I abandoned what I helped to make there, I up and left the people who counted on me. Like you said the other day—I started something, Sam. I need to finish it.” Sawyer’s mouth tightened. He moved on down the barn aisle. “Why can’t you see that? How many times do I have to tell you there were reasons why I left the Circle H back in the day? You’re right, it wasn’t just to finish med school.”
Sam muttered, “One reason. Think I don’t know who that was? I saw from day one she wasn’t right for Logan. I saw how you looked at her then. You still do,” he pointed out. “And I still love her as if she was my own daughter. Why would you leave her a second time?”
Sam didn’t need to say her name, but his insight surprised Sawyer. He’d hoped no one had noticed what had been going on with him and—
“That’s between Olivia and me.”
“You don’t have to go back,” Sam said.
“Yes, I do.” If Sawyer hadn’t acknowledged that before, he did now. “I didn’t realize just how badly I need to until Olivia said it.” He was still trying to figure out, after their kisses, how he was going to leave her behind, even when she’d made it plain she could never follow him to Kedar. So much for seeing where their relationship might go.
“Then you care more about some far-off country, the people there, than you do about her...about us,” Sam murmured.
Sawyer swallowed. They’re your family now, aren’t they? He couldn’t deny that. Sawyer had turned away from Sam, Logan...Olivia, but not to replace them. “I don’t mean to hurt you—though it seems I always do—but I can’t stay here.”
Sam grunted, his mouth set in a stubborn line. “Whatever’s ‘between you’ isn’t one-sided, Sawyer. You really want to lose that?” He didn’t say again, but that’s probably what he was thinking.
And, Sawyer realized, Sam didn’t only mean Olivia.
Sam stroked Sundance’s nose through the bars of his stall. Apparently, this had been on Sam’s mind for some time; no wonder he’d given Sawyer the silent treatment until now, letting his feelings build. “When your folks didn’t come home after that accident, Muriel and I took you and Logan in like our own kids—if we’d had any. That didn’t happen for us. I was a bachelor for most of my life until I met her. She’d already raised her f
amily with your real grandfather. So we had our December romance and we had you boys instead.”
“I’m grateful, Sam. So is Logan. You were both the best.”
“And you repaid me—as if I need any payment—by leaving this ranch? I was mad enough then, and when I heard you’d changed back to your father’s name, that was like another slap in the face. McCord? I won’t go through that again. I admit I’m proud you stuck it out, became a doctor and did some good in the world. But I thought you’d juggle that with the Circle H. I swear, you leave this time—the Hunter ranch, which became that because Muriel McCord Hunter did me the honor of changing it from her first husband’s name to mine—I won’t let you come back.”
“Then that’s your decision. I’ve made mine.” With a lump in his throat, Sawyer turned away. He started toward the feed room, then stopped.
When he turned around, he caught Sam’s face morphing from a scowl into an expression of obvious sorrow, and Sawyer remembered what Sam had said before. My other grand...son. He was breaking Sam’s heart all over again.
“Aw, Sam.” Sawyer gathered him into his arms and just held on.
How could he leave? Yet how could he stay? Unless he went back to Kedar, he would never find the redemption he needed.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
WELL, LET’S SEE how this goes, Liza thought. Less than twenty minutes after Olivia Wilson Antiques had opened for the day, Liza walked in, probably the last person Olivia expected to see. And Liza hadn’t come to buy an antique.
She kissed Olivia on both cheeks. “Is that a new sign on your front window?”
“Yes,” Olivia said. “Since I’m not doing estate sales anymore, I had to change the name of my business. Thank you for noticing.”
“It’s beautiful. I love the gold script. And I know, I’m out early this morning,” she said, then came straight to the point of her visit. “I talked with Grey last night—when I could get his attention while he packed for his trip with Shadow—and he tells me your deal to buy Ted Anderson’s store has hit a snag.”
“More than that. It seems to be dead. I’ve spoken again with his son Craig, who remains adamant about ‘their’ price.” Olivia rearranged a stack of ivory lace place mats on a table, then straightened the Western framed print on the far wall. “I can’t believe Grey was spreading gossip.”
Liza flushed. “I believe he heard that from Sawyer.”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Just as bad.” Her face had turned pink.
No, Liza thought, that was obviously worse and didn’t have anything to do with Ted Anderson.
“I wouldn’t call that gossip—merely a brother and a...friend catching up with one another. Most of their talk was about the wedding.” Liza drew an audible breath. “Is there something I can help with?”
“No,” Olivia said, eyeing the doorway. “I’m sorry to seem distracted, but a client who wanted to ‘think about’ a large armoire she liked promised to come by today.” She paused. “Would you like a cup of coffee? Maybe you’d like to browse. Or both.”
“Thanks, but before I left Wilson Cattle I drank enough coffee to float a boat.” Liza followed her around the room, exclaiming over an elk antler chandelier here, a Sheraton dining room table and chairs there. “I redid our condo when Everett and I moved in and I don’t plan to go through that again—but oh, now I’m tempted. This table would look lovely in our dining area.” She paused. “Except then I’d have to swap out everything else. Right now, we’re ‘contemporary.’”
“Many people like an eclectic look.” Olivia gestured at the shop, explaining that she stocked Western antiques along with Colonial pieces from Virginia and Massachusetts and currently had some art deco items from France. “Really, anything goes. I was talking to Jenna Moran the other day—Shadow’s sister. She’s in the process of becoming a designer and she said the same thing.”
With a heavy silver candlestick in her hand, Liza turned. “Tell me more about Ted Anderson.”
“Nothing to tell.” Apparently, Olivia didn’t want to talk. “I only need to decide whether or not to pursue this deal—as if I actually have a choice. I’ve racked my brain, but can’t think of any solutions.”
“Well, I’m here to listen,” Liza said, “and not because I like gossip. Olivia, you worry me. There must be some way you can salvage things with Mr. Anderson.”
Olivia gave up. “You’re a good listener, and maybe I need to vent. It’s not Ted, it’s his son who’s in the way. He seems to control his father, though Ted did stick up for himself the last time we met. But every time I call him, I get Craig instead. I have to wonder why he’s so set on auctioning off Ted’s inventory rather than letting someone else—me—expand my business to include his.” Olivia told Liza about their meeting at the diner.
When she’d finished, Liza put an arm around her shoulders. “This is an easy fix. I’ll lend you the money.”
Olivia blinked. “Oh. No, I couldn’t take that, Liza. I wouldn’t feel right.”
“Because you don’t like me?”
Olivia glanced at the far wall. “I do like you, but I’ve already had a similar offer. I can’t take your money, either.” She eased away from Liza’s touch. “I’m glad you and Everett are so happy...”
“But what about you, Olivia? Everett needs his daughter, too,” Liza pointed out. “I can’t say how grateful I am that Sawyer was there when Everett choked on his dinner, but that certainly reminded me that life is not only short, it’s unpredictable. If it hadn’t been for Sawyer, you and I both could have lost him that night.”
“Yes. I know. I feel the same way you do.”
Liza smiled. “Then please tell him that.” You only have one father. “If you’re worried about my money being his, you needn’t be. I have my own accounts, thanks to my very generous parents, and I can easily afford to make a loan—to someone I care about.” She named a modest rate of interest, but Olivia shook her head. Did she think Liza was trying to buy her love?
“I can’t, Liza. I promised to prove myself, and I will.”
She didn’t want to be obligated. Okay, then. “Olivia. I understand about your parents. About your marriage with Logan. But sometimes we have to lean on each other, and there’s no harm in that. I could have refused my family’s money—we were never very close—but I decided to accept it, then use it for good. I think that would have made them happy. Please think about this. My offer will stay open.”
“Thank you.”
Olivia walked her to the door but Liza didn’t open it. “Oh,” she said, “one other thing while I’m here. Grey is concerned about Sawyer.”
“You mean because he’s leaving?”
“No. Because, when he does, you and Sawyer may miss out on something special together. I shouldn’t pry into your personal business—”
Olivia frowned. “That’s why you’re really here.”
“Part of the reason.” Liza opened her mouth, but there was nothing else to say. She’d taken a chance with Olivia—and, on two counts, failed.
Without a word, Olivia reached past her to open the door. Liza felt her watching as she crossed the street, stopped on the other side to say hi to Jack Hancock, a chef at the nearby café, and slipped into her car. As she drove past Olivia’s shop, she saw her. And tooted the horn.
I do like you, Liza thought.
Which didn’t mean Olivia would take the loan.
Just as she probably wouldn’t ask Sawyer to stay, even for her own good.
* * *
AS SOON AS Olivia’s SUV stopped at the barn, Nick bounded out of the car. With a wave and a “Hi, Uncle Sawyer,” he blew past him into the barn, shouting, “Hero! Blossom Too!” He ran off to see his horse and half-grown kitten.
Sawyer waited for Olivia to get out before he said, “I didn’t expect to see you this afternoon
.” Or any day, after their last conversation about Kedar.
Olivia smiled at her son’s retreating back. In the barn doorway, he scooped up the cat he’d adopted months ago. “This is all he’s talked about since he woke up. I had some business to take care of—a client who, thank heavens, decided to purchase a lovely armoire before I’d have had to cut the price to move it. I promised Nick a ride today.” She wouldn’t meet his gaze.
“I was just going to get Cyclone, but he can wait.” Nick had already disappeared down the aisle and Sawyer heard Hero snuffle a greeting from his stall. “Unless you have to rush off, we can have a training session when Nick’s done.”
While Nick put Hero through his paces, Olivia stood with Sawyer by the rail. Nick seemed to improve every time, and Sawyer loved seeing the look of pride on his face. When he’d finished, Nick decided not to go up to the house or to look for Sam as he usually did. He wanted to watch them work Cyclone.
That was fine with Sawyer, but it also meant he couldn’t really talk to Olivia. They needed to discuss last night, try to find some meeting ground in far more than shared kisses.
He’d been feeling guilty ever since his talk with Sam, but he didn’t know how to resolve the situation with either of them. What might work for Sawyer would never work for Sam or Olivia. He doubted Logan would see things any differently, but he wasn’t here. That confrontation was coming, too, and Sawyer had all but resigned himself to it.
For now, he tried to focus on the colt.
Unfortunately, Cyclone didn’t want to cooperate. Sawyer became increasingly frustrated with him until, finally, he turned toward the fence, his back to the colt for only a second. He knew better.
Cyclone took his opportunity to scoot off around the arena, building speed until he brushed past Sawyer, knocking his shoulder hard enough to make him lose his balance.
“So much for his being quieted down after his day with the vet.” Sawyer rubbed his shoulder. “I’m no good with him today. Why don’t you take over?”
“Yeah, Mom!” Nick agreed from his perch on the fence, arms crossed on the top rail, his booted feet dangling off a lower board.