Something unreadable flashed across Krishani’s face. “I was half hoping you would tell me that.”
“Tell you what?”
“That I’m here. That this isn’t a dream.” The same unreadable expression stayed on his face. Kaliel glanced into his blue and green eyes and realized what it was: fear. She hadn’t realized how terrible the tasks of the Ferryman were, the kinds of things Krishani had to see, fight. Her heart throbbed at the thought of it, and she instinctively crossed the floor. After inspecting his lap, which was bunched up like a vice, she sunk on the bed beside him and clutched his arm with both hands. Her cheek found the bare skin on his shoulder and she breathed in the husky scent. It wasn’t attractive, but it was him.
“You don’t dream about me, remember?”
He sighed because she was right. He dreamed about death. Whatever she was to him during the day, she was an invisible nothing to him at night. She didn’t want to think about how she disappeared from his thoughts and took a shaky breath. “We should get some food.” She thought about berries, which were about the best food Terra had to offer. She wasn’t sure what Elwen would serve since most of the fields had been picked dry. They were almost finished with the harvest season. Summer came and went too fast for her liking.
Krishani stood and moved to the door. “I have to talk to Elwen,” he said, agitation rising in his throat.
Kaliel recoiled but didn’t show signs of it. She didn’t like Elwen. During her time in the village she’d managed to stay out of his way. “Is something wrong?”
Krishani turned and his eyes trailed over her black dress. She tried not to notice the way his veins jutted out of his neck, the way he looked like he would rather be doing something else with her than going to talk to Elwen. He let out a long breath, twisting his head back and forth to work out the kinks. “Something happened with the Horsemen …” Kaliel thought he was choosing his words carefully.
“Did you…?” She wasn’t even able to say it. She couldn’t ask if Krishani had killed them; she knew there was enough death in his life without him instigating it. Her thoughts traveled to the beach … to the man he killed. There was blood on his hands; he killed someone. Her head wobbled, trying to get the things she knew out of her head, the things she didn’t want to confront him about.
“They’re dead, but I didn’t kill them,” Krishani added for her benefit.
“Oh.”
He sucked in a breath. “I need to tell Elwen what happened.”
“What happened?” Kaliel asked, suddenly curious about it. It wasn’t like Krishani to be so agitated and perplexed, like something was wrong and he was seeing the signs of it but wouldn’t tell her what it was or what it meant. She couldn’t have that anymore. They dealt with enough grief on Avristar, she couldn’t bear him not telling her.
“One of them killed the other three, changed, then left.” He seemed confused.
Kaliel didn’t know how to feel. In part she thought it could be the dust she cast, Cassareece’s magic working its way in the land. On the other hand, it could be something else entirely. “If they’re dead, does that mean you’re not the Ferryman anymore?”
Krishani chortled. It was a low sound and it wasn’t funny. He met her gaze and became serious. “I have to ask Elwen. He knows more than I do.”
Kaliel stood and went to the door but Krishani stopped her. “Where are you going?”
“I’m hungry.”
Krishani narrowed his eyes. “Stay here. I’ll have one of the servants bring you something.” He turned to leave. Kaliel went to follow him but he stopped and twisted towards her.
“Please don’t … I need to talk to Elwen alone.”
Kaliel felt defeated. She backed into the room and closed the door, sinking onto the cot. He was Krishani, but that coldness she felt off of him after he defeated Crestaos returned and she didn’t know how to break him out of his shell. She closed her eyes and twisted her hands in her lap. It was hard waiting, doing nothing, hoping Krishani was okay. The dust worked; it had to have worked because he was back. But he hadn’t kissed her, and that made her more uncertain than ever. She curled up on the cot, letting her thoughts rage on in the back of her mind, hoping she hadn’t done something terribly wrong.
• • •
Krishani didn’t look back as the door closed behind him with a loud snick. He hurried down the hall, his hands smoothing out his hair. His thoughts were on everything but what he wanted to talk to Elwen about. He turned the corner and stood in the wings, staring at the stone arches, wooden pillars, flat stone floor, and red carpet.
Elwen stalked the floor, his brown robes making a lot of noise as he paced. Krishani made a sound and his ancestor looked up; his skin was sallow, brown eyes sunken in, hair disheveled, and his face a scowl.
Krishani didn’t bother with pleasantries with Elwen. He strode forward, hoping the assault would be easier this time. He did the work of a Ferryman and that should have made Elwen proud. Instead the Lord looked nervous. Krishani stopped and their eyes met as Elwen looked him over.
“You’re alive,” Elwen said.
Krishani didn’t want to go there. He shifted and held his hands behind his back. “The Horsemen are dead,” he said, and then he wanted to revise his statement but it didn’t seem entirely necessary, not until he explained.
Elwen stopped chewing on his fingernails and gawked. “I told you not to kill them.”
Krishani stood straighter, pulling his tunic down over his thighs. “I didn’t kill them.”
Elwen’s eyes widened. “You mean they found their deaths at the hands of something worse?”
Krishani shrugged. “They killed themselves.”
Elwen exhaled, aghast, and Krishani jumped back quickly enough to avoid his hand attempting to slap him. “Don’t come in here, spouting lies!” Elwen bellowed.
Krishani sighed. He stepped back far enough and leaned against one of the pillars. He crossed his arms across his chest. “The stone you gave me brought me here.”
“I know,” Elwen said, his face falling. He walked back to the throne and sat on it, stretching his fingers out along the armrests.
Krishani watched him. He wanted congratulations or something better from Elwen, not disbelief and violence. He’d had enough violence to last a lifetime. He smelled bread; they were going to have a feast later. He wanted to be with Kaliel, dance with her, kiss her. He clenched his fist. “I’m here because the Horsemen are dead.”
Elwen pinched the bridge of his nose. “Even if they’re dead, that’s not why you’re here.”
“Do you even care how they died?” Krishani snapped. He tried to control his anger but it got the better of him, spiraling up his arms and laying a heavy weight on his chest. He could have everything he wanted. He didn’t have to worry about the tasks of the Ferryman. He could live a normal life—if only Elwen would stop fighting with him.
“How?” Elwen asked through clenched teeth.
“One of them found a girl he couldn’t kill. The others tried to, and he decapitated them before they had the chance.” He didn’t mention the rest of it, the part about the girl; the delirium taking over his body at the time was too strong for him to trust his senses.
“And so one of them is still alive?” Elwen egged.
Krishani shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said, the words rushing out of his mouth. “The last one turned into a man and took the girl with him. I—I don’t think he’s a danger anymore.” He tried to fight the gnawing emotions in his stomach. He didn’t like the look on Elwen’s face, like something else was wrong and he wanted Krishani to fix it.
“You’ve done well,” Elwen said, even though his eyes didn’t say it. He didn’t look happy; he looked venomous, filled with something Krishani couldn’t decipher.
“So I can stay?” Krishani asked, his heart leaping into his throat. Kaliel was down the hall, near him all night while he tried to digest what happened, compress it, put it into little compartments, sto
re it away in the farthest reaches of his mind. The nightmare was over, there shouldn’t be anything else to discuss. He was a Tavesin, and he should be allowed to live in the village and be like everyone else.
Elwen stood, his lethal expression replaced by complacency. “You can’t stay.”
Krishani felt a lump in his throat. A million curses and threats flashed across his mind, but he held his ground. Elwen gestured to the table and the platter of bread. “You might want to sit.”
Krishani shook his head, afraid to open his mouth, afraid he was going to cross the floor and wrap his hands around Elwen’s neck and choke the life out of him.
Elwen flexed his eyebrows. “Someone stole the Flames. They’re missing from Talina’s chambers.”
Krishani didn’t know how to react. It was like the land was tilting upwards, and he was sliding into a bottomless pit. His vision blurred, his fists clenched and unclenched, and instead of answering Elwen he let out a growl.
Elwen didn’t look impressed but he kept his face smooth. “I know how important they were to you. Even though the Horsemen are dead, or ‘not a threat’ as you put it, the Flames aren’t safe as you so callously told me once yourself.” He reached the table and picked up a piece of bread, breaking off pieces and folding them into his mouth. “You should be satisfied. I agree with you. The Flames will be safer in the Great Hall. That’s where you intended to send them, correct?”
Krishani heard the glee in his voice, the syrupy sweetness running off his tongue and scorching the floor with its acidic poison. He couldn’t hold it in. He reached for the dagger hidden in his boot, ready to drag it across Elwen’s throat. Ancestor or not, immortal or not, he could decapitate Elwen. He wouldn’t have to listen to him anymore, wouldn’t have to deal with his attitude and his disdain.
Krishani was about to do something he’d regret when someone in the wings coughed. His eyes went to the darkness, afraid to see Kaliel there. He told her to stay in her room for her own good. He knew the conversation with Elwen would be like this and he didn’t want her to hear it.
Klavotesi emerged from the shadows and Krishani felt his pulse slowing. He nodded curtly to the Obsidian Flame as he strode towards Elwen. “I don’t think Krishani should go,” Klavotesi said, his voice flat.
Elwen looked like his authority was being undermined as Klavotesi casually grabbed a bun and pulled it into his hooded face. “He’s the Ferryman. It’s his responsibility,” Elwen said.
Klavotesi glanced at Krishani and then back at Elwen. There was tension between them. Klavotesi held power over Elwen. Krishani envied him; he wanted to know the secret to putting Elwen in his place and keeping him there.
“This isn’t a Ferryman concern. It’s about the Flames,” Klavotesi seethed.
Krishani realized Klavotesi had every right to be concerned about the Flames; he was one after all. He let out the breath he was holding in as he walked over to the table and sat.
“Are you naming another to go?” Elwen pressed.
“I’m naming myself. I will find the Flames,” Klavotesi said, his authoritative tone rising above Elwen’s mocking sneer.
“Fine. Krishani will not go,” Elwen said turning on his heel.
Krishani grabbed a piece of bread and began tearing it apart. Klavotesi was still there, but he didn’t know what to say to him. After everything that had happened, all the hard work he had done, the Flames were gone. He closed his eyes, dreams about Morgana drowning his senses. Maybe she snuck into the castle and took them herself. It was what the Valtanyana wanted, and she was good at getting into places she wasn’t welcomed, like his dreams. There was a hand on his shoulder, and Krishani looked up to see Klavotesi looming over him.
“It gets easier. The enemies become less like demons and more like swine.”
Krishani sighed. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Klavotesi used to work with Ambrose in Amaltheia. Ambrose seemed so poised and confident. He acted like death didn’t bother him, like it wasn’t a constant reminder of what he was. He carried out his tasks honorably and with respect. Krishani wasn’t sure he really helped any of the people the Horsemen slaughtered. He tried to make it better, cast a silver lining around the situation by saving them from the monsters they couldn’t see—the Vultures. And yet, if he asked any of them what they thought of the Ferryman, they’d only say that the man on the white horse brings death. They’d run, cast him out the way Rand did at the cove. All they’d see was death, and he couldn’t change that.
“She’s waiting for you,” Klavotesi said.
Krishani remembered the food he promised to send to her room. He stood and glanced around, but there weren’t any guards or servants in the hall. The platter only had a few pieces left so he took it, holding it awkwardly as he turned to the wings. Klavotesi was near the doors when he looked back at him.
“Find them quickly,” Krishani said before ducking down the corridor. He hoped Klavotesi wouldn’t come face to face with Morgana or the rest of the Valtanyana if she’d awakened them yet. He only hoped it wasn’t as serious as he thought it was.
* * *
36 - Courtship
The day passed too quickly for Krishani. It was like a string of mundane events flashing before his eyes. They were gone before he could think about them. Kaliel ate, and he watched her. Klavotesi left after speaking with Kaliel about postponing their lessons. She was slightly distant the entire day. When they took a walk through the village she refused to put her hand in his, always checking the expressions on the villager’s faces when they were together. Krishani didn’t care about the villagers or what they thought. He knew well enough what they thought of him—at worst they despised him and at best they were afraid of him.
Pux strayed, passing back and forth on his daily chores, the ones Kaliel forwent because of Krishani. He was almost happy she chose him over the villagers, but the awkwardness hung between them. She didn’t say much all day until she put a hand on her stomach and mentioned something about a feast in the mess hall. His eyes lingered on her hand and memories of the girl the Horseman took with him skated across his thoughts. She said her name, but Krishani was delirious, unsure if he heard it correctly. Khryannalin.
Kaliel stepped ahead of him, leading the way to the mess hall. Krishani crossed the grassy patch and trudged along behind her. Her arms swung, and he kept trying to catch her hand in his, but it was like trying to catch fish in the stream—slippery and difficult. She twirled around when they were almost there and stopped so abruptly he almost crashed into her.
“Sorry,” Krishani muttered.
Kaliel put her hands on his shoulders, and he couldn’t help but stare into her deep green eyes. He hadn’t really noticed all the subtle differences in her face—a scar on her temple, a tiny red spot on the line of her jaw, light freckles dusting her cheekbones with the faintest of beige-tinted splotches. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through her black hair, tucking a piece around her ear. She tilted her head to the ground at the gesture, her eyes cold.
“Stop it. You’re distracting me.” She didn’t sound the way she usually did—coy, playful, teasing. She sounded like she really meant it. It made him want to pull her into his arms and heal whatever wounds inflicted her.
He frowned. “I’m sorry.” He dropped his hand.
Disappointment flickered in her eyes as she smoothed out the shoulders of his tunic. “I wanted to remind you to call me Aulises in front of the villagers.”
All the color drained from his face. Aulises was a name associated with thieves, traitors, harlots. He didn’t want to call Kaliel by a name that meant so many bad things to him. He completely forgot Elwen kept the knowledge of the Flames a secret from the villagers, to save them from potential greed. Kaliel was mostly human, she could blend in. It was like she was becoming one of them.
“Why?” he asked, his eyes pleading. He needed her to take away the constraints and let him be with her the way he wanted to be.
Kaliel pressed her lips toge
ther and looked away. “They can’t know who I really am. You know that.”
Krishani almost growled at her. He gripped her by the upper arms and leaned towards her, his face inches away from hers, his eyes locked with hers. “But you’re everything, Kaliel,” he hissed, his voice not rising over a whisper. “You’re …” he faltered, unable to find the words. “You’re enchanting and magical and curious and humble and generous.” He cupped her face with both his hands. She jerked away, his hands falling off her jaw as she wrapped her arms around herself. He couldn’t believe the way she was acting. “You’re amazing, Kaliel,” he said quietly, hoping his voice was low enough for her liking.
She stood there for a moment, chewing her lip, holding her own elbows, and twisting her toe into the ground before he touched her arm and she instinctively reacted to him the way she always did. She folded herself into his embrace, and he pressed her head into his shoulder.
“I’m sorry I left you here alone,” he said, trying to guess what was making her so distressed. He hoped she never had to find out what a Ferryman really was. She might have spent the last few moons training with Klavotesi, but she was still as fragile as a bird. He promised to protect her from what was coming. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the war with the Valtanyana. They could strike at any moment, and everyone was so unprepared for it.
Tears soaked his shirt, but she stopped crying seconds after being in his arms. “It’s not that.” She sniffed, pulling away, giving him a faint smile. He frowned, but she laughed and took his hand. “I’m famished, we should get inside before the food is gone.” She tugged at his hand, leading him the rest of the way through the grassy patch.
Krishani hadn’t been inside before, but it was nothing special—a big wooden box with large square arches on either side. Tables were arranged in rows. A hearth fire was near the left side of the hall, a formation of stones peeking out of the roof. The food was set out on a few tables on either side of the hearth, pressed against the wall. Kaliel made a beeline for them, standing behind others and filling up a plate with what she wanted. Krishani lingered, staring at tables full of villagers, all arranged in families. Some of the young ones fidgeted in their seats, whereas others were engaged in long discussions. Everyone was either eating or talking or getting up to replenish the food on their plates. Kaliel returned and pushed him towards a table in the far corner away from the hearth where Pux and Jack were already stationed. Kaliel glanced around like she was looking for someone else before sitting down beside Pux. Krishani sat across from her with Jack as she set the platter down on the table.
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