Spencer's Face (Buckeye Hawks)

by Autumn Brown

  At the door, he opened it for me to let me out, then kissed me again.

  I went to bed thinking about Spencer that night. He was such a nice guy, but I really didn’t know why I was so totally into him. He was smart, and really good looking, and he treated me so well. Still, I’d had a few guys who fit that bill. Why did Spencer have me doing flips for him?

  The next day after practice, I showed up with the barbecue roast beef sandwiches. I knocked on the door, and Spencer opened it with a smile. We walked to the kitchen together. Janel and Todd were standing inside the kitchen doorway, about to leave through the garage. They said hello and goodbye almost in the same sentence. Oh boy. I was going to be here alone with Spencer. I did that with Jose once, the first and last time. He’d asked me to sleep with him that night, and I told him no, then he dumped me the next day.

  “You okay?” Spencer asked suspiciously.

  “Of course.”

  “You look a little sick. I put on a shirt so I wouldn’t gross you out.”

  “I told you that your chest wasn’t grossing me out. Your chest is amazing, too amazing for me to look at without getting weak.”

  He laughed, then kissed me. Harder and longer than he did yesterday.

  “It doesn’t hurt as bad today.” I teased him.

  I started feeling a bit uneasy again. He noticed right away. “What’s going on? You’re acting like you’re scared of me.”

  “It’s not you.” I confessed. How much could I confess? “I don’t usually stay in a house with guys alone. It usually turns out bad for me.”

  “You lost me. We were alone in my bedroom yesterday. Do you want to go to the living room?” he asked to appease me.

  I nodded. He led me to the living room. It was the first time I’d been in their living room. It was gorgeous. It looked like it belonged in a catalog. “Your mom and dad.” I said as I looked above the mantle to see a pretty picture of his parents.

  He nodded.

  “Does it make you sad to see that picture?” I asked him.

  He shook his head. “No. It just makes me think about them.”

  “Do you think about them a lot?” I asked.

  “I do. Not all the time, but probably most of the time.”

  “So you’re sad a lot?” I asked.

  “No. I only get sad when I think about the day they died, or going to their funeral, or when I miss them, and really wish they were still here. Most of the time, when I think about them, it’s good memories.”

  “Like what?” I asked, digging further.

  “Like our trip to Disneyland, our trips to the beach, playing basketball, baseball, football, soccer, Monopoly, playing the guitar with my dad, picking oranges with my mom, building a birdhouse with my mom, mowing the yard with my dad, silly things, funny things.”

  I could tell he had a way different childhood than I had. I’d never done any of those things with my parents. “That’s cool to have so many good memories.”

  “Now tell me what’s going on. And, be honest. Are you about to bolt on me?”

  I shook my head. “Of course not. The last time I was alone with a guy in his house, he was really pushy. I said no, then he dumped me.” I tried to gloss over the harsh parts.

  “Which guy was that?”

  “It doesn’t matter. They all ended kind of like that.”

  “Even Zane?” he asked in disbelief.

  “No. But we only dated about thirty seconds.” I laughed at him.

  “I will never push you, Taylor. And, I won’t dump you because you don’t put out.”

  “How did you know I didn’t put out?”

  “Every guy in school knows you don’t put out.”

  I was slightly embarrassed. Even Zane hadn’t told me that. If they all knew it, then why did they date me for a month, then ask me to put out? “Can I ask you something personal?”

  “Am I a virgin?” he laughed. “Yes.” He answered his own question. “Big surprise there.”

  “You had a girlfriend in California. I thought that might have evolved into something.”

  “I lied about her. You’re the first girl I’ve ever kissed.” He slid the words out slowly.

  It was a slight surprise to me. I automatically believed him when he said he had a girlfriend. I didn’t think he had a reason to lie about that. I knew that guys did that sort of thing to save face though. I nodded my head.

  “You knew?” he asked me, embarrassed.

  “No. I didn’t know, but I’m happy to be your first.”

  “You’re the first girl I’ve wanted to kiss.”

  “Now that makes me feel really special.” I said as if I was really impressed.

  He looked in my eyes, then kissed me. A really good long kiss that melted my entire body. “Tell me if I’m doing it wrong.”

  I swallowed hard and caught my breath. “No.” I finally breathed the single word out. My body was pulsing all over. I’d never been this excited about a kiss before in my life. And, his hands were staying on my waist. Usually I had to chase hands all over my body to stop the guy from going too far. I was glad he was restraining, because I wasn’t so sure that I would be able to with this guy.

  After staying on the couch for a few minutes, Spencer pulled away. “I’ve been waiting to do that all day.”

  I laughed at him. He was really good at turning my entire world upside down with only a few words. I turned toward the television set. Man that was a nice television. I had to get a grip on myself and my body. I looked at him and smiled. “When are you going to take off the bandage?” I asked him, more to distract myself than a need to know thing.

  “I was thinking tonight. The doctor said I could tonight.”

  “Tonight, while I’m here?” I asked. “Or should I leave?”

  “I’m really nervous. What if it’s worse than before?”

  “It can’t be worse than when I first saw you after the crash. It looked terrible then.” I told him.

  “Do you promise not to run?” he asked me. He was asking for reassurance.

  I knew he needed me to be strong for him right now. I kissed him on the lips, then the hand. “I promise I won’t leave.”

  He walked to his bedroom again. I followed him. He faced the mirror and began removing the bandage from his face. It took several seconds to remove all the tape from his face. He held the bandage on until all the tape was removed. Then he slowly removed the bandage so he could see his face underneath it.

  “Oh shit!” he yelled out in a panicked voice, then put the bandage back on. “Get me some tape out of that bag. I don’t want to see it.”

  “You’ve already seen it now.” I tried to tell him.

  He took a deep breath and removed the bandage from the right side of his face. Oh my god, it looked terrible. Not quite as bad as right after the wreck, but it looked bad. It was swollen now and scabbed over, and very bloody looking even though there was no blood. His beard was growing on just that side. It looked funny because of that. He stared at the mirror.

  “You need to leave.” He told me firmly. I could tell when a macho guy was about to cry. I’d seen it too many times after losing football games.

  I stood behind him, staring at his face in the mirror. I maneuvered myself around in front of him, between him and the mirror. I stood on my tiptoes and I kissed him.

  “Cut your losses and run, Taylor. You can’t possibly want to stay with me now.” he said firmly still.

  “I want…” I stopped. I wanted to throw him down on the bed right now. I don’t know why. Maybe I wanted to make him feel better. Maybe I was just so ready for sex right now. My body was turning against me. I had been so strong in the past. I’d had some really good looking boyfriends that wanted sex with me, but I’d always taken pride in being able to resist them. “I want to stay. I want to be with you.” I finally said. That’s all I could say out loud to him.

  “I don’t see how.” He continued to look in the mirror.

  Maybe this was a bad i
dea. Maybe he should have done this alone with his family here. Maybe they could have been more supportive. “Honestly. It doesn’t look good. But it doesn’t look too bad. I mean, you were in a really bad accident less than two weeks ago. You can’t heal that fast. My butt and the back of my legs were worse than that when I wrecked on my motorcycle.”

  “Worse?” he asked me.

  “Worse. And, look at it now.” I said as I lifted my shorts a little in the back to show him my tiny scars that were apparently never going to fade, even though the doctor promised me they would.

  He took a deep breath and let it out as he sat on his bed to get a better look at my legs. “That must have hurt.”

  “It did. You remember Dale? The guy you met at the party?”

  “Yes.”

  “Don’t ever ride motorcycles with him. He’s dangerous. He brought us all down.”

  “All?”

  “Him, me, and Sandy.”

  “Was anyone else hurt?” I asked her.

  “Dale was skinned up really bad for a while. Sandy was skinned up some, but she landed on me mostly. No broken bones. A few cuts, and a lot of bruises. It’s really embarrassing to go to the doctor to get gravel picked out of your butt. Sandy and I wear leather pants now. Everyone thinks it’s because we think we look sexy, but it’s because we don’t like gravel picked out of our butts.”

  He laughed at me.

  I sat down on his bed. I wanted him to sit with me, but he’d returned to the mirror and staring at his face, still in total shock. I watched as he continued to look at himself. He turned around toward me. I looked up at him and smiled.

  “Do you honestly want to kiss this?” he asked me as he sat down beside me. “I will totally understand if you want to bolt on me now.”

  The look on his face caused me to lose all control. I pushed his shoulders backwards until he fell back onto the bed, then I straddled him, and leaned in to his face. I kissed him with everything I had buried within me. With everything that had been buried since the first day I’d seen his nice ass. I had no clue what was coming over me, or within me. I kept kissing him with a hunger like I’d never felt before in my life.

  I lifted my face just a bit, then said. “Yes.”

  He rubbed my thighs up and down. It was driving me crazy. Something was happening between my legs. I could feel my heart beating. I could almost hear my heart beating down there. Oh man, what was I doing? I kissed him again. He pulled my face closer to his and kissed me even deeper. Oh he was so good at kissing. I could feel my entire body molding to his.

  Then I felt something in his jeans move. I knew what it was, but it startled me. No, it excited me. I felt my heart jump. I wanted to pull his jeans off. I wanted to pull my shorts off. I wanted to put his hands on me. I wanted everything about him, but I had no clue what I wanted. I wanted it all, but I didn’t know what I wanted. I was confused, almost to the point of being delirious. I was lightheaded from the panting and heavy breathing.

  “Taylor. We need to stop.” Spencer said between our kisses.

  “No.” I countered.

  “Taylor. You’re a virgin.” He argued with me, but then kissed me again.

  “So are you.” I said. What was his point? I kissed him again.

  “You’re not acting like a virgin right now.”

  “I don’t think I want to be a virgin anymore.” I said slowly, then kissed him again. I felt his jeans expand even more.

  “Are you testing me?” he asked, pushing me up and away slightly.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  Spencer put both hands on my shoulders and pushed me away from him. “We need to talk about this. We can’t just rush into this. Were you talking about tonight?”

  “No. Yes.” I was confused.

  “We need to talk first. I want to. Oh believe me, I want to. But we can’t let you get pregnant.” He said, as he pushed me to his side, off of him.

  I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Pregnant? Why hadn’t I been thinking about that? I could have gotten pregnant just now. Oh man that was close. I nodded my head. I was so glad he had such a good head on his shoulders. I’m so glad that one of us did. Damn. It was usually me. Now I knew exactly how all of my boyfriends felt when they were saying yes and I was saying no. It was physically painful to be turned down. Oh man! Did he just turn me down?

  “Are you okay? You look sick again.” he said. “This is what was wrong with you the other day. Wasn’t it?”

  I nodded.

  “If you’re serious about this, we need to plan it. Not just do it. We need birth control. Condoms. And a place. I don’t think my aunt and uncle would appreciate me having sex in their house.”

  I nodded again.

  “Taylor? If you can’t talk about sex, how are we even going to think about sex?”

  “I’m trying not to think about it right now.” I told him. I kissed him again. That wasn’t helping my throbbing thighs right now. We were still facing each other. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him over on top of me. It felt so good to have him on me.

  He kissed me again intensely, as he held my face between his hands. I could feel the bulge in his jeans growing again. How big would it get? I had no clue. I spread my legs so his bulge would touch me where I needed it most. I needed to be touched so badly. I breathed hard into his mouth, as his tongue entered into my mouth. He was such a great kisser. Even better than Jim, who I thought could never be beat.

  “Taylor.” He said in a breathy whisper. “Oh, Taylor.” His voice was shaky and growing more urgent. He pulled his face away from mine. He gasped for air, then he turned his head away from me as he panted several times. He closed his eyes, then pressed his forehead against mine. He was really still after that. I felt him relax on top of me.

  Did he just come? I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t going to ask. His breathing returned to a normal rate, as did mine. I was too scared to even speak to him. Sandy told me that this happened to her a few times. She counted it as some kind of a triumph somehow. I wasn’t so sure I liked it. I wanted sex so badly only a minute ago, and now I didn’t want it any longer. I was so embarrassed that I acted like that, like a whore.

  I waited for Spencer to move off of me. Instead, he kissed me. “I love you.”

  I melted at the sound of those words. I returned his kiss with so much enthusiasm. I’d never heard those words before and they caused me to rethink my entire being. I didn’t think I could recite my name right now. “I love you.” I said the words to him. They felt so good coming out of my mouth. I wanted to say them again and again at the top of my lungs.

  Just then we heard the garage door open, and a car pull inside. Spencer jumped up and sat on his bed. Then he decided it would look more convincing that we weren’t just almost having sex, if he were to stand up and look in the mirror. When he caught a glimpse of himself, he was shocked. I think he’d forgotten that he’d taken the bandage off. I stood next to him and started rubbing his arm.

  “It’s still swollen.” I said as I looked at his face closely. “Can I touch it?”

  He nodded.

  Janel stepped into his room about that time. “We’re home…Oh you took off the bandage.”

  Todd came in about that time. “Oh, let’s see.”

  I stepped back so they could talk. I caught Spencer looking at me in the mirror. He wasn’t looking at his face any longer.

  “Hey. It’s not bad. Not bad at all, considering it’s still fresh.” Todd tried to reassure him.

  “It looks good. It really does. I didn’t expect it to look this good so soon, Spencer.” Janel told him.

  “Hey! Your birthmark doesn’t show up any more. Did it get scraped off?” I asked him as I stared into his eyes through the mirror.

  He looked in the mirror then at his own face. “I guess it could have. I still see some purple. It looks like part of it is gone. Maybe I’ll look better when this is healed.”

  I smiled at him. It was good to hear him excited about his
face. “That’s not possible. You were perfect before.”

  Oh god. Did I just say that out loud? I sounded so mushy, and I’d said it in front of Todd and Janel. They were going to guess that we were having sex, even though we weren’t yet. Oh god. Was I about to have sex? Was I ready to have sex? Yes, I was ready to have sex.

  Todd and Janel gave each other a look. I could tell what they were thinking just by the look. They’d never leave us alone in their house again. That’s what the look said. Boy did I just screw up.