The Other Side of Wonderful

  “Well?” Dermot sat, pulled off his tweed cap and pushed his blond hair back out of his face. It didn’t stay and flopped back down over his eyes.

  It had grown wild over the last few weeks, she noted. “Well, Dermot, my gut instinct was correct. Neil is having an affair. Not only that but he wants out of the marriage and out of the house. Tom’s going to do a deal with the bank and pay off the mortgage. He’s going to ‘compensate me for my loss’ by paying me one hundred thousand. It was all settled before I even got there. I had no say and no choice in any of it.”

  Dermot was quiet as Louise put the pot down with two cups. He winked at her. “Thanks, Apple.”

  She smiled at him and moved off.

  “Can he do that though, about the house I mean?” He took the lid off the pot and stirred the tea leaves with the teaspoon.

  “I don’t know. I need to see a solicitor, I suppose. But Neil can’t keep up his payments and I can’t do it on my own. I don’t want to be in that house anyway. It suits me to leave if I’m perfectly honest. I want out but where am I going to live, Dermot?”

  He twisted the ceramic lid several times before it slotted back into position. “And what about the marriage?” he asked.

  Sandra put her head in her hands. “It’s been over for ages, Dermot. I feel like I’ve been living in some sort of bubble. I fell in love with Neil and, yes, we married very quickly but I was sure, totally sure. But now that I think about it, I just saw the future. The family. I saw the house and the children, the family Christmases, the family holidays. I never in my wildest dreams just saw me and Neil – that was never in my mind. So stupid of me, I know, but that’s the truth.”

  Dermot poured her tea now as Louise placed the food down and slipped away again. “So no kids equals no marriage, is that what you mean?” He spooned sugar into his tea.

  Sandra watched it dissolve as it hit the hot liquid. “It’s as though there was always something missing. He had an affair very early into the marriage and I forgave him. I know what was wrong – I should never have married him. We had been already trying for a family but, you know what, Dermot, I didn’t do it on purpose. I just didn’t think. I was supposed to get married. I was the right age. I didn’t want to be the odd one out.”

  He sipped the tea and broke an edge off her croissant and handed it to her. She nibbled at it.

  “But now, Dermot, he’s doing it again and this time it is the deal-breaker and he knows that. In fact it’s as if he did it on purpose to get away from me. He had no shame in telling me, not like the last time. He said he had to tell me – that if he didn’t there was someone else who would. I feel, I don’t know, somehow guilty.”

  “You feel guilty?” he asked, kind eyes wide open.

  “Yes, I feel guilty. I know a lot of it is my fault because I wanted the baby so much. I wanted the big house and I didn’t ever think about the money aspect. I was pregnant, for a very, very short moment and when I lost the baby I barely told him about it. You see, Dermot, it was only ever about me the second time we did IVF. He really didn’t want to know. I used him.”

  Sandra dropped her head and Dermot didn’t answer. He sipped his tea, giving her time.

  “I mean, he was horrible to me.” She lowered her voice now as Mike and Tiffney came in. “He was really cruel about the IVF and he turned off a switch in me. I just never imagined he could be so nasty, but then again he didn’t want it and I forced him.”

  “But you wanted it, Sandy. It’s okay to want kids – that is okay, you know? And it’s okay to do whatever it takes to try and get what you want out of life.”

  “Yes, but what if your partner really, really doesn’t want what you want? He loved me, Dermot, I know he did. He was perfectly happy with just the two of us but I wasn’t and I drove a wedge between us and it’s too late now. I would never go back to him.”

  “Two affairs doesn’t say ‘perfectly happy’ to me, Sandy.” Dermot cut the rest of the croissant in half now and the steam rose up. He handed half to Sandra wrapped in a white serviette. “Let’s walk.” He pulled on his cap and he helped her into her coat. “I’ll grab that bill later, Apple, okay?”

  Louise waved him away.

  “No, Dermot, here let me!” Sandra rummaged around in her bag.

  “Your purse is behind reception.” He smiled at her.

  “Of course it is!” She pulled her long black hair out from under her collar and had to laugh. She’d left it there after she nipped out to buy the cakes for Neil earlier. “I am such a scatterbrain these days. Thank you, Dermot.”

  They fell into step and walked towards the Moritz. The birds were singing and it was a beautiful clear December day. Dermot had the right idea living the outdoor life, she thought as she took a welcome bite from the warm croissant.

  “I don’t think you have been in love with Neil for a long time, Sandra. I don’t think you ever knew Neil. I did. I’ve known him since we were boys. He’s always been a tough guy. Don’t get me wrong – he’s a good man, but he was never honest with you. I saw the way he treated women here in Knocknoly back when you were busy flying around the world. Tom came up and set up Darragh Electrics for him when their old man retired. I knew he was seeing that au pair Kelley behind your back and it killed me.” He took a deep breath in through his nose and exhaled slowly out through his mouth. “It was me who knew about this latest affair too, I told him before the crash to tell you or I would. I went to the house that morning. I guess he was going to tell his fancy lady they were caught out when the car hit him in the estate. He’s always been . . . a bit of a boyo. That’s why I was so taken aback when you started to fall for him.”

  “I guessed it was you all right. Thanks, Dermot. How on earth did I not know this about him though? It makes me look like the biggest eejit in the world. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have still married him – I know I would – it’s just I’d have seen a very different side to him and I could have treated it differently. I wouldn’t have pushed the baby on him, I –”

  Dermot held up a hand and stopped her. “Like I said inside, there’s nothing wrong with trying your damnedest to get what you want, and if that was IVF or something else I say you had to go for it. Don’t blame yourself, Sandra. I think you should happily wave that gaff and Neil goodbye. I just think you’ll be happier. You deserve better. You deserve the best and there is a place at mine for as long as you’d like until you find a new place of your own.”

  They had reached the end of the driveway to the hotel and he stopped and looked at her.

  “Are you serious?” She looked up into his kind warm eyes.

  “I am totally serious. Come and go as you please. I have a spare room. It’s not the tidiest house in the world but sure you can solve that!”

  She playfully swiped at him and he jumped out of the way.

  “You are saving my life again,” she said. She let out a slow sigh of relief.

  “Anytime. Now come on, it’s time you were back on the desk – there’s a wedding in full flow up there.” He leaned in and gently picked a piece of pastry from her chin.

  “What would I do without you, Dermot?” She looked up at him as she put a hand on his arm.

  He looked uncomfortable before he said, “G’wan outta that!” and they walked on.

  Chapter 20

  The weeks after the attack had been hard for Cara. She relived it every night in her sleep. Alex, true to his word, had looked after her and he had been amazing. He had asked for personal leave and was given three weeks off work. He did everything for her. He waited on her hand and foot.

  “I thought we could go for a spin today,” he said as he gave her breakfast in bed again. “Get you out of the house.”

  “I’d love that,” Cara smiled. “Maybe we could drop over and see my mam?” She hadn’t seen Esther all week as it was quite a distance by bus from Harold’s Cross to Sandymount. Esther had come over on the buses the week after she left hospital but the journey was hard on her and Cara told
her not to do it again.

  “Do not come all the way on the bus!” she had warned her mother as she spoke to her on Alex’s phone. “We will drop in to you next week. I am fine. I just want to stay in bed and rest my back.” They hadn’t dropped in though.

  “No, I was thinking we could drive out to Dalkey, have lunch in the Queen’s and take a walk along the beach after?”

  “Sure, okay, that sounds lovely.” Cara cut into her scrambled egg with salmon drenched in lemon. If she was honest a bowl of Rice Krispies was all she really fancied. Alex went to so much trouble when he cooked breakfast for her but sometimes it was all too exhausting.

  She dressed carefully after breakfast and slowly made her way down to Alex’s car. He helped her in as she was still really sore. They put some classical music on and she enjoyed the warm relaxed drive. She wondered how Esther was. She had still not got a new mobile since the attack and she desperately missed texting her mam. She smiled as she remembered the lessons every evening teaching Esther to text. They would light their little fire and lessons would begin. “Go easy with me now,” Esther would say as she whacked each letter on the phone. “Gently, Mam, stop over-pressing!” Eventually to her credit Esther had stuck with it and got it. She always sent texts in capital letters as though she was always shouting which was odd as she did really shout down the phone. Cara would ask Alex again in a little while if they could drop in to visit her on the way home.

  “How’s the pain level today then?” he asked as he kept his eyes on the road.

  “Ah, I think it’s improving a little but still sore.”

  “We’ll be getting a visit from Guard O’Neill this evening, you know.”

  “Really?” she asked, eyes wide open. “Why?”

  “Well, it seems that asshole Steve had a credible alibi – an Aoife Someone said he was with her from the moment you left – they left the bar together soon after you went and he spent the night with her in her flat on Dorset Street.”

  Cara looked out the window. Men. Hilarious. It didn’t take Steve long to get over her, did it? Minutes in this case.

  “So they haven’t a clue who attacked me then? I guess they wouldn’t though, would they? Attacks like this happen every day – it’s just when it happens to you . . . well . . . you want to know who did it.”

  “Well, we can talk to him later and see. In the meantime relax and enjoy the day, yeah? I will never let anything happen to you ever again. Ever.” He leaned over and rubbed her thigh.

  “Yeah, I know, you told me,” she nodded and tried to relax.

  Alex ordered for her as the waitress rushed from table to table in the busy pub. Cara missed work, she realised. She felt very much out of her own body and mind lately and she hated the feeling. She just wanted to get back to normal.

  It was a warm day and the tables outside were full also.

  “Can we have the garlic mussels to start, please, and two medium-rare steaks?” Alex asked the waitress.

  Cara grimaced as she shifted on the seat.

  “That sound good, Cara?” he asked her as the waitress jotted it all down. She nodded.

  “And to drink?”

  “We’ll have a bottle of Faustino V red, please. Mainly for you, Cara, but sure I can have a glass with all the food.”

  “Ah, just get a half bottle then,” Cara suggested but Alex shook his head and the waitress moved away.

  Alex cupped some crumbs on the table in the crook of his fist and swept them to the floor. “Listen, Cara, I really want to talk to you. I know how tired and upset you have been. Not that you don’t know it at this stage but I just want to tell you again how madly in love with you I am and that I admire you so much. I wish I could have you at home with me 24/7 like this all the time.”

  She looked at him. He was gorgeous and generous and kind but the possessive streak was still worrying her. “I’ve enjoyed it too, Alex, but I do really want to go back to work again.” She rushed on before his mood changed. “Oh, not to The Law Top but maybe, you know, a different career. Actually, I always wanted to – to go to college.”

  His blue eyes lit up. “What a fantastic idea! You would be a great student. I can just see you now in your cords and cowboy shirts and cool Converse runners!” He laughed and leaned back on his seat.

  The waitress brought the wine and Alex tasted it expertly.

  “That’s lovely, thank you,” he said. “You can pour away there.” He dazzled her with his blue eyes.

  She stood motionless for a few seconds. “Oh right, yes.” She poured now then placed the wine on their table and slipped away.

  “So any idea what you would like to study?” He warmed his wine in his hands.

  “I always thought the hotel business would be something I’d love to learn about. I think I mentioned that to you before, did I not?” She began to feel happier now for the first time since the attack.

  “Yeah, you did, of course you did. I could really see that would suit you perfectly, Cara.” He pushed the salt and pepper to the side as the waitress laid the garlic-smelling bowl of mussels on the table. “Hmmm, smells divine!”

  “My dad always said it would be something I could do well.” She sipped her wine.

  “I wonder which college runs courses in hospitality?” Alex said as he dipped in for a mussel.

  “Would I even get a place, I wonder?” she asked him as he handed her a mussel and she leaned back in her chair.

  “Of course you would, you’d be incredible. I know that much! You have to go for it, Cara!” He nodded at the uneaten mussel in her hand as he swallowed one.

  She decided to be honest. “Sorry, Alex, I know I ate them with you before in Dun Laoghaire but I really didn’t like them at all.”

  He grinned at her. “I’m so sorry, Cara, how bloody rude of me to order them! I just thought after the last time you oohed and ahhed when I got you to try them that you loved them.”

  Cara pushed her hair out of her face and tried to knot it out of her way. She crossed her jeaned legs and opened the top buttons on her overly starched green shirt. She felt uncomfortable. Why was she always so uncomfortable lately? “I did. I tried, Alex, but . . .” She shivered now and he burst out laughing. “The thought of them sliding down the back of my throat again – urhgh! I can’t bear it.”

  Alex put his hand up and the waitress was back like a cannon ball.

  “Sorry, would it be possible to get a portion of spicy chicken wings as soon as possible?”

  “Sure, not a problem,” she nodded.

  “Thanks, Alex, you’re so good,” said Cara. “I suppose I should speak up. I’m just getting used to all this boyfriend stuff and I’m finding my own feet, I suppose. It’s all been so fast, hasn’t it?”

  “Quite all right. It has been ridiculously fast but we are in love and that’s the way love happens. Don’t forget we are still getting to know each other. I’m no expert on this either, you know.”

  The chicken wings and the main courses arrived together but Cara didn’t mind and she picked at her wings and the underdone steak. Cara liked her steak well done.

  She began to relax as the wine took hold and they chatted easily. Alex wasn’t looking forward to going back to work.

  “You know, I might have to do a long stint in Dubai soon. It will mean I am away for a few months.” He looked hurt and she took his hands.

  “Don’t worry, it’s your job. I understand that and I will be fine. I won’t move back in with Esther if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “No, you should if you want to. It’s just this job is so unsettled at the minute, that’s why I’m so concerned about our relationship. I saw it all with my dad being away so much, how much my mam missed him and when I think of him carrying on with other women it just hurts me still so much, Cara. Sometimes ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ quickly turns into ‘out of sight out of mind’.”

  She understood. Alex needed full commitment from her and she was ready to give it.


  He refilled her glass.

  “I love you, Alex.” She leaned over now and through the back pain kissed him softly. They had a terrific afternoon. Cara enjoyed his company and the wine just as she had on that very first date. He wooed her all over again. When Alex drained the last of the bottle into her glass he looked at his watch.

  “I have an idea! Why don’t we order another bottle and book into Fitzpatrick’s Castle for the night?”

  “No, don’t be mad!” Cara looked at him. “Sure I’ve had enough and to be honest I’d like to drop in on Esther on the way back.” She really hoped this didn’t bug him. It didn’t seem to. “And don’t we have to be back for the guard calling?”

  He raised his hand. “I insist. The Guards can wait. We can take Esther for lunch tomorrow to make up for it. Call her when we get to the hotel and have a good ole yap with her.” He took her two hands in his now as he looked up and ordered a second bottle from their waitress. “I’m a bit of a force of nature, Cara, I know that only too well. I know I haven’t opened up to you about my family but I will. Ask away?”

  She sat bolt upright now. This was worth staying for. “Well, okay, I suppose I want to know how many brothers and sister you have for starters.”

  “One sister.”

  “Are your parents divorced now?”

  “No, not yet, but like I said Mam has decided to divorce him after all these years – it’s under way.”

  “Do you see him?”

  “No.”

  “Where does your mam live?”

  “Here in Dalkey.”

  “Here?” Cara was amused for some reason. “Are we going to see her today?”

  “Absolutely not.” His blue eyes sparkled with the wine and he was having fun. “Cara, I don’t get on with my family – well, okay, I do get on with my mother but she’s the only one. I have no time for my sister.”

  “Name?” she interrupted.

  “Beth.” He drank some wine before placing it back down carefully.