When they were finished and before they took to the residents’ bar, Cara excused herself to go to the toilet. She shut the cubicle door and slid down it until her already sore back hit the hard ground and she cried her eyes out.
Chapter 22
“Wasn’t it all just a bit too fast, though, Cara?”
Esther had stood gripping onto the back of her chair tightly as Cara told her the whole tale while trying to keep her voice steady. The kitchen table was set for tea and Cara was sitting at it. Alex hadn’t come with her.
“I suppose it was, Mam, but I love him and he loves me so why wait? I’m only sorry you weren’t there. I’m so sorry you weren’t there.” Cara was trying to convince herself as well as her mother and well she knew that.
“God, I can’t believe it, love. You are married.” Esther took an éclair from her apron pocket but put it straight back in again. “I wasn’t there to see you get married. It was the one thing I always held out hope for. Lar couldn’t be there but I always hoped that I could. And you never even rang me!”
Cara couldn’t bear the hurt look on Esther’s worn face. “I didn’t plan it, Mam – as I told you he surprised me. I still have no phone and it was all so fast. What could I do – say no?”
The two women looked at each other. Esther moved towards Cara now and tried to smile. Her fake smile. “Of course not, love, and I wouldn’t expect you to do that for me. I’m just disappointed, that’s all. Sure I’ll get over it – all that matters is that you are happy.” Esther turned back to the cooker and began fussing with the frying of her sausages. “Are you not going to go back to work then? Or what about that idea of college you were so excited about?” She lifted the sizzling sausages onto two plates and scooped on her home-made chips.
“I’m not sure yet, Mam. I’m looking into lots of different options for myself right now.” Cara peeled off her fleece.
“Eat up now, love. Jesus, Cara, but in such a short space of time I’ve seen you fading away before my eyes!” She pulled her apron off and sat down.
Cara was suddenly starving and started to wolf down her mother’s home cooking. The chips were burnt and crunchy, just the way Cara loved them. She laced her sausages with vinegar and ketchup and she wrapped them in a slice of thickly cut white bread.
“I’m really sorry, Mam – and I couldn’t call or text you as I still have no phone.” Cara struggled to swallow.
“Shush now, love, eat your food and let’s relax for a while, yes? I’m sure it was a beautiful day and that you looked stunning. That Pattie woman sounds really nice. You have photographs, I presume?”
Cara nodded.
“Sure you can tell me all about it after dinner. I’ve a lovely flaky pastry rhubarb-and-apple pie we can take into the front room.”
Cara glanced at her watch. Alex would be waiting – she didn’t have the time. “No, Mam, I don’t really have the time for dessert. Alex is waiting for me to get back. But I do want to tell you all now while I’m on my own with you.”
Esther clicked her tongue off the roof of her mouth, sausage flying everywhere.
“What, Mam?” Cara asked but really didn’t want to hear the answer.
“It seems to me, missy, your wonderful Alex is a tiny bit bossy. I don’t mind telling you I think this is a mistake – it’s too rushed!” Esther wasn’t able to control her tongue a minute longer. She folded her arms, glad she had spoken her feelings at long last, and pushed her plate away.
Cara wasn’t upset at her mother’s words. In fact she found them strangely comforting. “He is, Mam, a bit, but he really means well. He is kind and generous and caring but, yes, a bit bossy and possessive.” Cara stuffed the food into her now as she was running out of time. She knew Alex was cooking for her at home and she had to be back by six o’clock on the dot. She couldn’t tell him she had eaten in Esther’s so she’d have to eat two dinners. Alex’s idea of a good meal just wasn’t hers. He had made a comment that they both needed to lay off the junk as they both had too much junk on their trunks after Scotland. Now Alex was a gym maniac so she knew deep down he was referring to her weight and not his own. He was watching her weight. He was making a Chicken Caesar Salad tonight so she’d manage to eat that too. Cara had never really watched her weight before. This was all new to her and she hated it. It was so bloody boring. Counting the calories on this and the fat content on that. Her usual chocolate after dinner was no more and Alex still didn’t “do” bread despite her protests so that was gone from her diet too.
“See, you’re starving! Why are you horsing the food into you like that? Relax and eat slowly. Jesus, he has ya like a nutter! Surely he can wait until you’ve finished your tea?” Esther pulled her plate back in and stabbed four chips with her fork. “I don’t want to be the overpowering mother-in-law, Cara, but I need you to be open with me. Please, love, please stop shutting me out. It’s just so unlike you that it concerns me greatly. He needs to chill out a little, don’t you agree? Whatever you do, start as you mean to go on – don’t be running after him like a gobshite. Stand your ground. Do not let him walk all over you because as far as I can see that is exactly what he is trying to do, young lady!”
Cara felt a massive lump rise in her throat. Of course Esther had noticed she wasn’t in contact as much as before. “Mam, I love you and I am sorry you weren’t at my wedding.” Tears fell down her cheeks and now they fell down Esther’s too. “It was wrong but I couldn’t stop it and . . .” Cara sobbed and sobbed now and Esther pushed back her chair and went to comfort her daughter.
“Now, now, come on, love, it’s okay. I’m sure he’s going to be a great husband, don’t mind me. And don’t you have loads of pictures you can show me? And I was talking to Ann who suggested sure maybe we can do a little celebration here? I mean, maybe you could bring the pictures and we could have a few drinks?” Esther handed Cara a paper towel.
Cara nodded and wiped her nose. “Yes, I’d love that, Mam.”
Esther hugged her daughter tightly and Cara didn’t want to leave.
She ate the pie too afterward and was so sorry she had to rush off.
“Ring me later, won’t you? Just borrow his phone!” Esther waved her goodbye at the door with Victoria nestled cosily in her arms.
***
As she entered the apartment she felt stuffed. Her stomach must be shrinking.
“In here, Cara Charles!” her husband called out from the kitchen and began whistling.
He was wearing his grey Paul Smith tracksuit. His pilot’s uniform hung in the dry-cleaner’s bag in the living room. He was set to go to Dubai in the morning and she was slightly relieved she would have the place to herself.
“Where were you?” He turned, licking his home-made Caesar Salad dressing off his fingers. Virtually no calories in it.
“Oh, just looking for – looking for gloves,” she stammered. Why was she so afraid to say she’d been to Esther’s? It was ridiculous.
“Gloves?” He approached her and made a look of revulsion. “Cara dear, you have cake all over your chin.”
She wiped at it frantically and went bright red. She tried to laugh although his expression told her not to.
“You let me cook all this and you have already eaten?” He waved his spoon at her. “So I’ll dump all this food then, shall I?” He went over to the cooker, flicked off the gas and pulled the baking skinless chicken out from the oven.
“No, seriously! I dropped into Esther’s for five minutes and had a tiny slice of her rhubarb-and-apple pie – I’m still starving.” She made smelling actions around the kitchen.
“Why did you lie to me? Why didn’t you just say you dropped in on your mother?” He was angry now and she was nervous.
“I don’t know, Alex. I suppose because I know you don’t like that.”
“Why on earth would I not like you dropping in on your mother? What do you think I am?” He wiped his hands slowly with the white tea towel and threw it into the sink. She followed him out into the
living room. He stood staring at his uniform for moments before smoothing, the plastic making a crackling sound. Then he turned and went back into the kitchen. Again she followed.
“I’m sorry, look, it’s me, I don’t know . . .” She couldn’t think of what to say next.
The silence was deafening. He was mad but was he mad because she had seen Esther or because she had lied? His hand was around her neck before she had time to ask. He pushed her from the kitchen to the end of the living room. She couldn’t breathe.
“What else are you lying about?” His blue eyes were no longer beautiful but menacing and bulging. The veins in his forehead were a dangerous blue too and trying to escape the confines of his skin. She pulled at his hand but he didn’t release his grip. “What else? A little affair with Steve perhaps? Is that where you’ve been? Fucking barman Brady?” He smelt her neck now.
She pulled harder at his hands and he loosened his grip as she wheezed and coughed hard and fell to the ground. “Stop, Alex! Please!” she gasped as he backed away. “What are you doing?” She crawled along the floor. “How dare you!” She burst into huge sobs, gulping to catch her breath.
He stood still over her, looking down at her. “You aren’t all that special, Cara, you know that? I don’t know the real you. Who are you? Why do you lie? Liar! Filthy liar!” He spat the words at her as she sobbed again and again.
She screamed now as he pulled her up by her hair and dragged her to the bathroom, her feet trailing along the wooden floor. He pushed her face right into the bathroom mirror.
“See? You are no fucking beauty queen, are you? I could have had my pick of women out there but I picked you. Look at yourself, covered in fucking cake and your arse the size of a fucking house. You’re not in Harold’s Cross now, Cara, you are my wife. Take some pride in yourself for fuck’s sake!”
She didn’t try to move – his grip on her hair was way too tight.
“Well? Say something? I suppose you think I’m overreacting and I suppose you’re going to try and run a mile from me now? Well, don’t, because you’ll be sorry. I can hurt you in more ways than this. In more ways than you can ever imagine. I can do more than just poison a dog, you know!”
Time stood still.
He eventually loosened his grip and she slumped to the toilet seat. He didn’t move. She cried until she could cry no more. Then she looked up at him and pulled herself up slowly and painfully by the cold black tiles. She stood by the bath. This time he wasn’t sorry, this time he was still angry.
“Fucking lying whore!” he started again and his face reddened once more and his blue eyes changed colour. He came at her now, his foot high in the air and it caught her straight in her stomach and knocked her flying over into the bath. Her head smashed off the taps and she could see the white of the ceramic turn red from her blood. If she blacked out he could kill her.
“Alex!” She tried to reason with him as she tried to get a breath. “I love you! Come on, stop all this nonsense!”
He towered above her, his breath like a speeding train and white spittle gathering at each side of his mouth. She knew she needed to calm him down. “Please, love?” She held her shaking hand up to him, her engagement ring glittering in the light, and after what felt like a lifetime he took it. She was becoming dizzy and seeing white flashing lights but she had to stay with him. She suddenly thought of her loving father. She hoped Lar wasn’t watching this from wherever he was – it would break his heart. He’d kill Alex stone dead, she knew that for sure.
He pulled her out of the bath now roughly and held her in his arms – if he let her go she would collapse. She tried to breathe slowly.
“You’re bleeding.” It was as though he suddenly snapped out of some sort of trance and came back to reality with a bang. He held his hand in front of his face and examined the warm blood, turning his hand round and round.
“Yeah, I think I caught my head off the tap. Can you help me?” She smiled at him. “It’s okay, Alex, I deserved that. I lied to you, it’s not on, you are completely right.”
He took a deep breath in through his nose and scratched his head viciously. He picked her up and carried her to the bed and ran for water. He held the cup ever so gently to her face as she sipped. Then he soaked a wet towel and pulled it tightly around her cut head.
“It’s not too bad – not as bad as it looks actually – the blood loss, I mean,” he said. “It will stop as soon as I apply pressure here.”
She nodded.
They sat in silence for a while. Cara could hear children laughing and playing outside the window down on the green. Life was normal out there.
“I need to use the toilet, Alex,” she said now and he gently helped her up.
She moved slowly to the bathroom and he closed the door behind her. She stood and ran the cold tap. She washed her face and hands and tried to slow down her breathing. What was she going to do? She had to run. She had to get out of here. Who was this maniac she had married? She stood rooted with fear. He had nearly killed her, she knew that, and he had threatened her mother. Had he really poisoned Victoria? But why? She gathered her thoughts: because he’s a fucking psychopath. He knocked on the door now as she cowered. He opened it slowly, tears streaming down his face.
“Go, you should go, leave me, I’m no good!” He fell to his knees now, sobbing. He rocked back and forward on the bathroom floor, hitting his head hard off the wall every time.
She wanted to run but she knew she shouldn’t. Not yet – he was too dangerous.
“I can’t leave you, Alex, I just can’t,” she managed as her heart almost leapt from her chest. She hesitated and then asked: “Did you really poison the dog?” For some reason, to her that action was worse, more vicious than the attack he had just carried out on his own wife. She remembered distinctly his words that night: “Wow, what kind of a person would poison a helpless animal?”
“Yeah, well, I couldn’t get you on the phone so I thought you must be at Esther’s. I crept over there and that stupid dog kept barking when I tried to peer in the windows. I flew down to Tesco and got some rat poison.” He said it all so matter of factly.
“But you were the one who suggested we get her in the first place.” She smiled at him.
“I know but just to keep the old biddy happy and hopefully keep her away from us.”
She nodded, struggling to conceal her feelings.
“I’m cancelling my flight chart, I can’t go now!” He jumped up.
“No!” she almost screamed and then tried to cover her panic up. “Don’t be a ninny! I’m fine. It’s all fine, love. You go – it’s your job, love!”
“Are you sure?” He held her face in his hands. “I am so, so sorry, Cara! I want to kill myself for doing this to you. It will never, ever happen again. Is that okay? You believe me, don’t you?” He stood up.
Damn right it will never happen again, she repeated over and over in her throbbing head. “I know that and I do believe you, love.” She reached up and kissed him on the lips, swallowing the bile that crept into her mouth.
Chapter 23
“Big cake!” Jonathan hid his laugh and Cara giggled as she looked around the crowded room full of smiling faces.
“Yes, well, only the best for our Jenny, and actually, Jonathan, she’s a pet.”
The wedding cake stood tall and proud on its silver podium.
“If you must know, the tiers are as follows. Bottom tier: carrot cake. Next up: chocolate biscuit cake. Next up: lemon drizzle cake. And the top tier is traditional wedding cake. Louise really is a wonder in that kitchen of hers!”
“Ah yes, the Apple can really cook and put away copious amounts of cider and yet I have never seen her drunk!” he said. “Excellent. Great day, Cara. They are having such a good time. Well done!” Jonathan put his hand on her shoulder and she jumped.
He stood back, bemused.
“Sorry, Jonathan!” she said and then she slowly put her hand on his shoulder with a mischievous grin. He held he
r eyes for seconds. “Are you dating?” She shocked herself with her question and removed her hand hastily. She felt her colour rise as Jenny and Max cut into their new life and a riotous round of applause exploded. Max’s speech had been wonderful, heartfelt, and he was beaming with happiness now.
“No.” He clapped with the others and then looked back at her. “I don’t date staff, Cara, I’m afraid . . . it’s just . . .”
She burst out laughing. “I wasn’t asking you out, Jonathan! I was just wondering, just being nosy.”
He laughed now too. He shuffled from one shiny shoe to the other. “You know what, Cara, I’ve given up, I honestly can’t be arsed any more – comes with age, I imagine.”
She nodded, staring at his shiny shoes. “I agree. In fact I feel the exact same way. I won’t ever . . . well, what I mean is . . . I don’t want a relationship with a man ever again.” She was starting to blush now – what on earth was she talking to him like this for?
“Oh!” His eyes bulged. “Oh, are you . . . you’re a . . . so you like . . .”
She raised her hand and laughed. “No, Jonathan, unfortunately I’m not a lesbian – just happy to be on my own, that’s all. Well, not on my own. I’d love to have my mother down here with me. I have asked her time and time again but she doesn’t want to impose on me and no matter how many times I tell her I want her, that she would not be imposing, she doesn’t believe me. So I’m going to get settled into the job properly and then look around Knocknoly for a place for us to buy – ideally I want to buy Mr Peter’s cottage.”
“Are you serious? You want to settle here for good?” he said, looking slightly shocked.
“Why do you say it like that?” She looked into his kind eyes.
The Other Side of Wonderful Page 25