Still, it was worth the trouble. Kelsey had only known Adele as an older woman. What an amazing treat to meet her on these pages at nineteen. She sounded wise for her years and yet in many ways naive. Several times she referred to America as “the land of opportunity,” but from her entries it was clear she expected that to include opportunities for women in business. What an awakening she must have had once she arrived and learned that many of the limits imposed on women in the United Kingdom prevailed on this side of the ocean as well. At least she would no longer be bound by the class system that had further served to dampen her prospects back in Ireland. In the States she would probably find that a man could become whoever he wanted to be if he was willing to work hard enough for it. She would struggle to make that true for women too, but at least she would eventually prevail, as everyone who was familiar with the legend of Adele well knew.
Kelsey persisted in reading the difficult script. Soon her head was hurting from the strain, but her heart was full with the joy of experiencing Adele’s journey in her own words. The entries grew quite expansive, and her first day on board Titanic merited the longest entry of all. Near the end of that one, Kelsey turned the page and was surprised to see a folded piece of onionskin paper tucked into the margin. Carefully, she pulled it loose and unfolded it to take a look. She realized it was a note from someone else, written on Titanic stationery. At the top left was the logo of the White Star Line, a red flag with a white star at the center. Across from that, on the right, were the words On board R.M.S. Titanic. Below that was a line where someone had filled in the date, April 10, 1912. The note itself was brief and had been written in a different hand, a lovely, flowing script that was far easier to read than Adele’s. All it said was:
Dear Adele,
Pay no attention to the opinions of others.
Everything will turn out fine.
Love,
Your cousin Jocelyn
Smiling, Kelsey returned her attention to the diary entry, eager to see what this was about. She finally came to it near the bottom of the next page, where Adele had written:
This afternoon as we were crossing to France, Tad asked us about our plans upon reaching America. I told him I hoped to attend college in New York, followed by a career in finance. To my surprise, he laughed as if I had made a joke! I am used to the odd looks and discouraging comments whenever I speak of my intentions, but this was the first time I faced such a blatantly cruel reaction. It made me very uncomfortable.
Ever sensitive to the needs of others, not half an hour later I felt Jocelyn press a note into my hand. How does she always know the right words at the right time? It is a skill I lack entirely but one which I find utterly enchanting in her. I thank the Lord for her sweet spirit each and every day. How I will miss her if she ends up choosing not to stay with me in America!
Adele’s diary went on to a new topic from there, so Kelsey paused to reread Jocelyn’s note. Pay no attention to the opinions of others. Everything will turn out fine. With just those two sentences, she had provided comfort and encouragement to her cousin in the wake of someone else’s cruelty. Adele was right. Jocelyn did seem to be a natural encourager.
On a hunch, Kelsey decided to flip ahead and see if there were any other notes hidden within the pages of this book. To her delight, she spotted quite a few, though of course there were none beyond the date of April 14—the day Titanic struck the iceberg.
With a mixture of excitement and dread, she forced herself to wait and read each note in context. She picked up the story where she’d left off and continued reading. Again, it was slow going, but a few pages later, she ran across the next note and soon found its related passage:
This morning while I was out, Jocelyn left a letter on my pillow. As usual, she knew exactly what I needed to hear. Her words were regarding priorities, and I shall take her message to heart. I am so blessed to have someone in my life who is willing to speak the truth in love.
This note looked thicker, and as Kelsey unfolded it, she saw that it covered two pages of the White Star stationery, front and back. She was eager to read it, but she paused first to go to the kitchen for a glass with water and some ibuprofen for the headache that persisted. Glancing at the clock on the microwave, she was surprised to see that it was after midnight. As much as she wanted to keep reading, she told herself that she should probably stop after this letter and pick things up again in the morning. She didn’t have to meet up with Cole until nine, so she would set her alarm for six, knowing perusing the diary might go faster after she’d had some rest, not to mention once her headache was gone.
Yawning, Kelsey returned to the bedroom, settled down against the pillows, and began to read. Jocelyn’s letter was quite heartfelt, filled with lots of underlined words and exclamation points. Already, Kelsey was getting a sense of who young Adele and young Jocelyn were, but this letter opened up another level of understanding for them both. It read:
Dearest Adele,
Today we watched the last of Ireland disappear on the horizon behind us. Now we are only ship and water and sky. What freedom! What excitement! What fear!
And yet I know whatever fate befalls us, perfect love casts out that fear. God holds us in His mighty hands, and with Him we can bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. I know this to be true!
My sweet cousin, as gifted and ambitious as you are, you must promise never to neglect two matters.
One is love. I know you love your numbers and your ledgers, but God’s plan for your life includes far more than just those things. He wants you to live completely, Adele, in a way that has room both for your ambitions and a family. You deserve the love of a husband and of children! Please always remember this! There is room in life for many kinds of blessings. Seek them all, every single day that you live.
Two is God. Mother says that at the center of each human heart lies a hole, one that man forever attempts to fill with all the wrong things. She says that this hole has a unique and specific shape, the shape of God Himself. Please always remember that this place in your heart can never be filled with work or with love but with Christ alone. Allow Him to continue to fill that empty space and be the Lord of your life!
I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 1:7, especially now in this land of ship and water and sky. With this verse in mind, we would both do well to remember what is truly important and what is meaningless under the sun. Whether we live to be 100 or we die within the year, I know that the time we have left is in God’s hands. Let us go forward to this new world embracing that truth, clinging to Him and to each other, and determined to pursue balance in work and love. This is God’s plan for us, my cousin, and despite our occasional differences, I am so thankful that you and I are embarking on this journey together.
With love,
Jocelyn
What special women they both were. Deeply touched, Kelsey got out of bed, walked over to her desk, and turned on her printer, which also worked as a copier. She knew she would be reading this letter again and again, but she didn’t want to damage the paper. Better she make a copy for reference and return the original to the diary for safekeeping.
That done, she put the diary safely away in the bedside drawer and then got back under the covers with a copy of the letter. Reading through it again, more slowly this time, it struck her not just how relevant Jocelyn’s words were but also how much Kelsey really was like her great-grandmother. People had always said so, and even as a girl she’d known it to be true, but only now did she realize their similarities went much further than mere common interests. From Jocelyn’s letter—and from the diary entries that preceded it—it was clear that Adele had had the same tendency as Kelsey did to place work above everything else in her life. Even at nineteen, she was blessed to have someone in her life to point that out to her, just as Kelsey’s mother had confronted her the other day.
Yet there was something about this letter that took the issue so much further than Doreen had. It we
nt beyond a mere matter of priorities and into the realm of faith—real, gut-level faith. And even though these words had been written one hundred years ago, they were every bit as relevant now. More than that, they were relevant to Kelsey specifically—to her situation, her life. Jocelyn Brennan had been dead since 1912, and yet she might as well have been sitting here tonight and telling her these things face-to-face.
Kelsey realized that God really did want her to live completely, in a way that had room both for her ambitions and for love. More importantly, however, was this truth about the God-shaped hole in everyone’s heart. Please always remember that this place in your heart can never be filled with work or with love but with Christ alone.
Her eyes slowly filling with tears, Kelsey read and reread that sentence, its truths washing over her like a balm. How much she’d needed to hear that. How simple it sounded now.
In the last paragraph, Jocelyn referred to a verse in the Bible. Kelsey had no idea where her Bible was or even if she still even owned one, but she wanted to look up that verse, so she grabbed her iPhone instead and checked to see if there was an app for that. Sure enough, there were dozens of Bible programs, many of them free. She picked one to download and a minute later was looking at Ecclesiastes 1:7, which said, All streams flow to the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again.
That didn’t make much sense to her out of context, so she ended up reading the whole chapter—and then she went on to read the entire book of Ecclesiastes. Back in her youth group days, this was a part of the Bible that hadn’t made much sense to her. But now, with added years of maturity, she was able to understand what the writer was saying. Everything in this world was an endless cycle. Life was a drudgery. There was nothing new under the sun.
All that really mattered was God.
With that thought filling her mind and her heart, Kelsey found herself moving from the bed to the floor and kneeling there, almost as if her body were acting independently of herself. Placing her elbows on the mattress, she clasped her hands together, closed her eyes, and bowed her head. There she remained for a long time, simply praying at first but soon listening and thinking and worshipping and confessing as well. Then and there, deep in the night, she could literally feel herself being heard and forgiven and, most of all, healed.
When she was finished, she offered one last prayer of gratitude and a heartfelt “Amen,” and then she slipped back into the bed and nestled under the covers. Soon she was drifting away, sleeping the sleep of the forgiven, dreaming the dreams of the redeemed.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-NINE
April 14, 1912
JOCELYN
In spite of the wonderful food and spectacular service, Sunday lunch was not pleasant as far as Jocelyn was concerned. The O’Connells were avoiding Tad, Tad was avoiding Adele, and Adele was so withdrawn she’d hardly spoken to anyone all day. Jocelyn had no idea what was going on and could not imagine what had changed so rapidly from the lovely time they had all shared the evening before.
As it was, Adele had slept so late that morning that she nearly missed the worship service entirely, slipping in at the last moment and sitting in the back by herself despite the empty seat next to Tad. After the church service, Jocelyn had pulled Adele aside and tried talking with her to see what was wrong, but she merely shook her head and said she was having a bad day.
“You’re not getting sick, are you?” Jocelyn had asked, placing the back of her hand on her cousin’s forehead. It felt cool.
“No, just tired,” Adele replied, adding that she thought she might take an afternoon nap.
“There’s not some problem between you and Tad, is there?”
Adele looked away. “I’m not interested in him, if that’s what you mean.”
“You’re kidding! But everything looked so promising yesterday—”
Adele turned to face her, a new sadness in her eyes. “Some things become clearer in the light of day. He’s…” She hesitated. “He’s not who you think he is, Jocelyn. I don’t want to say more than that.”
After that Adele simply turned and walked away. Disappointed and more curious than ever, Jocelyn headed up to the promenade deck to think things over and review the situation in her mind. What on earth could have happened to destroy such a promising relationship? She knew Tad could be a bit forward, but from what she’d seen, many Americans were that way. Rough edges could be smoothed with time, which Adele surely knew. It had to be more than that.
At the top of the stairs, she was pleased to see young Edith Brown from dinner last night, who immediately waved her over.
“Look, Jocelyn!” she whispered, gesturing toward a cluster of first-class passengers standing at the rail one floor above them. “It’s the film star! Miss Gibson!”
Sure enough, the woman stood at the rail, gazing out at the sea, looking every bit as beautiful in person as she had in her photographs. Then, after a long moment, she turned and went inside.
Once she was gone, Edna sighed loudly and said, “I do so wish we were traveling first class.”
Ten minutes later, as Jocelyn was again alone and walking along the deck, it came to her. Tad had said almost the same thing their first day on board. Suddenly, Jocelyn realized what must have gone wrong between Tad and Adele: the tea with Mr. Williams in first class! Adele had said she wasn’t going to tell Tad about it at all, but he must have found out somehow and become as upset as she had feared he would.
Shame on Tad for being so shallow, Jocelyn thought as she made her way to the stairs. Her dear cousin didn’t deserve this kind of treatment, and someone needed to tell him that!
She found Tad exactly where she’d expected, in the second-class smoking room. As women were not to go inside, she had to stand at the door and wait until she caught his eye. Fortunately, he was facing in her direction at a table not far away. From what she could see, he was engaged in a game of cards with several other young men.
When he finally spotted her, she gave a subtle flick of her hand and he came out of the room. Soon the two of them were together in the vestibule of the aft staircase, near the back side of the smoking room, where they could speak privately.
He sat on a sofa and she followed suit, apologizing for the interruption but saying they really needed to talk.
“It’s not a problem. What’s wrong? You look upset.”
“I have to ask you something, Tad, and I want you to be honest with me. It’s obvious you and Adele have had a parting of the ways. Forgive my bluntness, but I’d like to know if this has anything to do with her visit to first class on Friday.”
He studied her face for a moment. “Her visit to first class?”
Jocelyn nodded. “The reason she didn’t tell you about it was because of exactly this. She knew you’d feel hurt at having been excluded, so she thought it best not to bring it up at all.”
Tad thought for a long moment. “It is hurtful that she didn’t tell me about it. In fact, I still don’t know many details. Do you?”
“Oh, yes. I was quite excited for her and my father after I heard all about it. Mr. Williams is such a nice man, and Adele said the Palm Court was fantastic.”
“So you weren’t invited either?”
“No, for the same reason you weren’t.”
“Which was…”
She exhaled. “Because of the bonds, Tad. What did you think? Mr. Williams invited Adele because of the bonds my father bought on her behalf, and he invited my father because he’d been the one to do the purchasing. The three of them had a lovely time together, talked some business, and then came back. That’s all it was. I certainly don’t think that’s worth ruining a relationship over.”
Tad shook his head. “I’m still a bit unclear, though. I know for a fact that Rowan did not buy any bonds from Mr. Williams on Tuesday.”
“That’s correct. On Tuesday, he did not. But by Wednesday morning he’d had a change of heart. They conducted the transaction the
n, before breakfast.”
He seemed to think that over. “Where are those bonds now?” he asked. “Surely they didn’t bring something so valuable onboard the ship, did they?”
Jocelyn shrugged. “I think he said they are in the ship’s safe, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you forgive Adele for not telling you, and then you accept the fact that you were excluded. These things happen. She had no control over Mr. Williams’ guest list, you know. You can’t expect her to have turned it down just because you weren’t invited as well.”
Tad stood and walked to the nearest porthole, where he lingered for a while. Jocelyn was afraid she had also made him angry, but if she had, well, that was too bad. These things needed to be said regardless.
After a long minute or two, Tad returned to the sofa and sat, an odd expression on his face.
“May we speak confidentially?” he asked, sitting at an angle to face her.
“Yes, of course.”
“There’s a bigger problem than that between me and her.”
“Oh?”
He nodded. “Last night, when I walked Adele to her room, she…” His voice trailed off as he ran a hand across his face. “She said nothing of the interaction between us to you?”
“No, not a word.”
“Well, to be honest, she professed her love for me.”
Jocelyn’s mouth fell open in surprise. “You’re kidding! That’s great news, isn’t it?”
The man shook his head miserably.
“She practically threw herself at me. I like her well enough, and I tried to make a go of things yesterday, but the honest truth is that I cannot love Adele because I am already in love with someone else.”
Jocelyn’s heart sank, realizing he must have someone back home, perhaps even a fiancée. Before she could decide how to respond, he leaned closer and locked his gaze on hers.
Echoes of Titanic Page 33