by Asha Daniels
I was almost exhilarated, the statement freeing. I wanted his firm hand. No, I required his control, his utter dominance. “Yes, sir. Please.”
He led me to the simple bench, one he’d designed for the purpose of punishment. As he eased me over the smooth wood, kicking my legs wide open, I let out a sigh of relief.
Razer remained silent as he shackled my wrists and ankles, making certain the metal and leather was tight, keeping me in place. He patted my ass then ran his index finger up and down my spine. Fisting my hair, he bent over, peppering my cheek with kisses. “You will learn, my love. Soon. Very soon.”
I heard the sound of the cabinet opening and knew he was selecting the perfect implement. I was quivering, but more out of desire than apprehension. He adored me, had protected me from so many. I trusted him implicitly.
“This is going to be severe, but you know what is needed,” he whispered as he moved behind me.
“Yes, sir. I know.”
Crack!
“Shit!” As beads of perspiration trickled down from my forehead, I tried to control my breathing. “What? Did you say something, Stacy?” The vision had taken me by storm, creating a fire in my belly, wetness between my legs.
“Um…” Stacy’s eyes were open wide. “I just said that…”
“I’m fine. Really. Go on.” I was anything but fine. I was in need, the kind of longing that had only increased over time. “Go on!” Hearing the edge in my voice made me cringe. I had no time for daydreaming. I had responsibilities that curtailed any aspect of having a life outside of work and home.
“I’m sorry. I just said that I have the contracts ready for your signature. They’re right there. In front of you. For you to sign.”
“Excellent, Stacy,” I said with as much enthusiasm as possible, although I couldn’t care less at this point. The poor girl was completely befuddled by my actions. Well, she’d seen me at my worst. I should be ecstatic about the ‘win’ at this point. Almost a solid year of performing, cajoling, and politicking with several Boards of Directors in order to obtain what so many on the circuit knew to be prized contracts. After all, I was finally rebuilding several of the companies my father had ceremoniously destroyed during his tenure. However, the win was bittersweet. I had no one to share the celebration with.
“Jamie Sutherland called again. Begged me to convince you to call her.” Stacy remained, fiddling with her long hair, her nervousness riding her with every move.
I’d known since the beginning, after the forced takeover merely two weeks after my father’s indictment that every employee at Wallace Enterprises feared for their jobs. And you bet I’d enjoyed terminating several of them. I must admit, watching Travis Gregory lose his shit in the middle of what had become my office was a joyful day. There was no severance package offered and there would be no marriage. Chuckling, I allowed the vision to remain in the forefront of my mind for a few seconds.
Then Razer’s face pushed away any concept of reality. He was calling to me, beckoning me to come to him, to share in his desires. This was ridiculous. I had to stop thinking with my wet pussy.
“Jamie is very nice,” Stacy continued, moving back and forth from foot to foot. As my assistant, she was efficient and cared for her job deeply, which continued to surprise me after the treatment I know she received under my father’s regime.
The handful of employees who remained were now loyal to me and to the cause I’d taken on. Still, there was concern that I would ultimately clean house at some point. Perhaps I should, but their expertise had been the only reason I’d been able to take the reins without losing extensive time. I had to snicker. Jamie had remained solidly on my side, allowing me to cry on her shoulder night after night.
Granted, the bottles of tequila had certainly helped.
“I will call her back. She’s coming into town,” I said absently, as if Stacy actually cared.
“You should take a couple days off,” Stacy suggested, her eyes twinkling. “You do have another life outside of this office, you know.”
I pressed my hand over the contracts, bringing them closer. The life was daunting at best. “Actually? That’s not a bad idea. We’ve done a hell of a lot of work over the past few months. Some down time is an excellent idea. Why don’t you take a few days off as well?” I grabbed a pen, fiddling with the casing. There was no reason to be nervous signing my name on the dotted line. I had enough experts telling me what the work would entail to feel confident about my decisions.
Then why were there beads of perspiration sliding into my recently purchased and very expensive silk blouse? Stop lying! My condition had nothing to do with a few contracts and everything to do with a man I couldn’t have.
“Are you serious?” Stacy asked, walking closer.
“Very. I can be a slave driver.” When Stacy didn’t say anything, I shook my head. “You don’t have to tell me. I know. This has been very important to me.” I glanced over the various pages one last time. They’d been checked and changed by my attorney more than once. Everything was in order. In less than thirty days, Wallace Enterprises would shift into a development corporation.
Wouldn’t Daddy be proud? May he rot in Hell.
I clenched the pen, the same defiance that had kept me going during the long and arduous trials, the damning press events and seeing my name on the evening news for months. That was long past. My father was in prison, serving three life sentences. Several of his henchmen had received the same and the healing had begun.
For everyone but me.
Stacy continued to fidget, only she’d moved even closer.
“Is there something you need to say?” I wasn’t certain I actually wanted to hear the answer.
“If I may be candid?”
“Absolutely. I wouldn’t want it otherwise.” I signed the first contract and could feel my hand shaking. I knew about Razer’s business. He’d regrouped, working just as hard, and we’d never come into contact with each other after the first three months.
“What you’ve done with your father’s company is amazing. You’ve given all of us a reason to work harder and to care about what we’re doing. I can’t tell you how much that means. You’ve brought the atmosphere of family back into this place.”
Family. I would never have what so many people took for granted. I lifted my head and seeing the sincerity in her eyes was heartwarming. “Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know. We still have a long road ahead of us in order to actually begin to make money, but I do think we’re on the right track.”
Stacy smiled. “We are. Thank you for suggesting time off. I’d like that.”
“Good.” I gave her a genuine smile before shifting the papers, holding my hand over the second contract. I heard her retreating, her heels clipping against the wooden floor as she walked toward the door.
“I know this might not be what you want to hear, but there was a good man inside of your father, at least initially and he did love you very much.”
Swallowing hard, I gave her a nod, trying my best to hold back any emotions. I’d promised myself after falling apart only once that it would never happen again. “Maybe so.”
Stacy walked out, closing the door with a quiet click.
I sat back, swiveling the leather chair back and forth, concentrating on the creaking noise the metal fasteners made. I’d assumed my father’s life, taking over the helm but only because the doors would have shut and in a sense, Daddy would have won. All the businesses he’d taken over, ripping them apart piece by piece, would have had nothing. No money since the assets had been seized by the Feds and no recourse to rebuild. I’d done the right thing.
But I was lonely and tired of living my life through fantasies and sex toys.
Razer. Razer. Why did he haunt my every dream, my entire life?
I groaned then signed the remaining contracts. Taking a few days off was sounding better and better. I stacked them together and grabbed my phone, walking to the floor to ceiling window and dialing
Jamie’s number. Jamie had finished college and secured a well-paying advertising job. She was a go getter and unlike Becca and Pepper, she’d actually maintained a relationship with me. When the chips were down, you learned who your friends truly were. I could count mine on one hand, the majority of fingers cut off. Whoever said it’s lonely at the top should be castrated.
Okay, so I remained full of anger. The two sessions with a shrink hadn’t helped me see the glowing light of day any more than binging on ice cream. Finally, I’d settled into my job, often working seventy hour weeks, even though it was the last thing I should do.
“Hiya, sunshine. I hear you wanted to get in touch with me,” I said before bursting into laughter.
“And you’ve been avoiding me. Bad girl. You caught me in between flights. Do you have any time for your old friend tonight?” Jamie shot back, giving me her usual brassy attitude. “I mean if you can get away.”
“Well, I do have all those boyfriends to push aside, but I might be able to squeeze you in.” I gazed down into the parking lot. Given it was almost five on a lovely early spring afternoon, people were already spilling out of their offices, ready for a Wednesday night drink with friends. Sadly, since taking over, I hadn’t allowed myself regular hours or time spent with friends. Maybe I didn’t want to be reminded of a life I would never have.
“Very funny, but I’m serious.”
“I can manage a night alone. Don’t worry,” I said and realized I hadn’t planned an evening to myself in months, maybe years. Balance. That’s what everyone kept telling me anyway.
“Fantastic! I’ll be there in a little over an hour. I hear there is one hot bar just across the street from my hotel. You game for a few drinks and some girl talk?”
“I think that can be arranged.”
“Good. Then meet me at Salsarita’s at six and we’ll go from there,” Jamie purred.
“Why do I have the feeling you’re setting me up for something wicked?” I knew the mischievous tone in her voice, but in truth, I was happy just to break the routine.
Huffing, she laughed before answering. “Because you might just know me too well. See you soon and looking forward to hearing sinful stories.”
I ended the call and moved closer to the window. Sinful stories. Perhaps it was time to make a few of my own. I folded my arms and allowed my thoughts to drift back to Razer. I’d wondered so many times how he was doing. He’d been gregarious about getting his company back on track, refuting all the nasty claims, the torrid accusations. He’d beaten every odd.
Then he’d all but disappeared.
Again.
I hesitated before making another call. I never liked to impose, but this was a special occasion. “Hi Nancy.”
“Hi yourself. Are you finally coming home?” There was an eagerness in Nancy’s voice.
I trusted the older woman completely and she’d been a godsend. I only hated the fact I seemed to use her more often, at least lately. “I need a favor and trust me, this will be a one-time thing.”
“For you, I can do a favor. What do you need?”
After explaining the situation, we chatted about various pleasantries and I was able to laugh hearing sweet stories. Guilt was never far from my mind, the actuality a reminder that everyone held secrets.
After dropping off the contracts on Stacy’s desk, I headed for my car, a sweet fiery red Mercedes, the only perk I’d allowed myself during the last four years. Sliding inside, I looked through the windshield, studying the almost all glass building. Who would have ever thought that I’d quit college after the horrific scandal and now be considered an up and coming Denver mogul? The irony was claustrophobic at times.
I had just enough time to change clothes before meeting Jamie. I wasn’t going to share stories and margaritas in a conservative business suit. Time to let my hair down. I snickered as I accelerated, moving onto the freeway then yanked the hairclip from the back of my head. As my long hair rolled down, I could feel a certain weight being taken from my shoulders. My biggest critics would be surprised when the announcement about the new corporation was made in the morning.
Take that, you motherfucking assholes.
The drive was smooth, the traffic, light and I walked into my condo with plenty of time to spare. I flipped on music first before heading into my bedroom to change. I hesitated and walked down the hall, standing in the doorway. Everything in the room was almost perfect. The light streaming in, allowing a warm glow, the colors of the walls creating a sense of comfort, even fun. I walked further inside, touching various objects, running my hand across the edge of the bed. I’d only been able to afford the condo recently and after selling my father’s estate. I couldn’t bear to live in a house with so many horrific memories. My mother’s house had been stripped from her.
Just like her life.
Dear God, my heart ached. I closed the door, unable to think about decisions I’d made, ones out of anger, not love. Love. Did I even have the capacity to love any longer? I leaned against the door, wishing now I hadn’t agreed to meeting Jamie. I wanted a quiet night at home, a place where I could truly be myself. Don’t do this. You deserve a night out.
I shook off the memories. I could never take away the agonizing pain and the worst part was knowing my father had had her killed. And I had the mountain man to thank for bringing the information to light.
Stopping short, I realized I had never been able to get Razer completely out of my mind. Then again, how could I? He’d penetrated my very soul, leaving me marked as his. What a joke. He hadn’t tried to contact me since the weeks spent answering questions from various law enforcements. The time spent digging through every aspect of our lives, picking apart every detail had been demoralizing. We became different people, jaded, our relationship toxic. That wasn’t going to occur in my life. Not for any reason. I could stop the madness.
Leaning against the wall of my bedroom, I eased my hand down the length of my neck to the area between my breasts. I missed his intense eyes and his passionate kisses. No. This wasn’t going to do me any good. Loving him no longer mattered. I had to get on with my life.
Then why did every part of my body crave him so desperately?
“You look fantastic!” Jamie rushed toward the table, hugging me as if we hadn’t seen each other in years.
“You don’t look so bad yourself. The advertising business is good for you.” Jamie looked entirely different than she had in college. Polished. Professional. She had such verve for life and kicked butt wherever she went.
Huffing, she rolled her eyes before dropping her bags onto the floor and sliding into a chair, immediately gyrating to the rather loud salsa music. “The hours are killer and I’m traveling way too much, but I love my job.” She tapped her fingers on the table, her soft lips turning into a pout. “However, I love living in Arizona.”
“You, my dear, found your calling.”
“Just like you, Miss Workaholic,” Jamie said, then winked.
“No nagging! By the way, I took the liberty of ordering margaritas.”
“I can see that. A whole pitcher. Now, we’re talking.” Jamie poured a hefty amount in her glass, sliding the tip of her finger through the salt. “What’s new and exciting?”
“New? Contracts were signed this afternoon. I’m going into the development business.” I almost hesitated before telling her the news. I’m not certain why. Maybe because I was so used to being embarrassed telling anyone where I worked. “Exciting? Nothing at this point.” I hid behind the glass, waiting for her words of chastisement.
Jamie gave me a hard look before sighing. “Tough love time.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means, my dear girlfriend, that you need to get on with your life. Plus, this double life is killing you.”
“I’m attempting to do just that, and I don’t live a double life.”
Rolling her eyes, she tsked her finger at me. “You have since the day Razer saved your sorry ass. Lying to yourself is
n’t going to do any good. Half of you is missing.”
“That’s not entirely true.” But I had to look in another direction for fear of giving away my sadness, although Jamie knew every sordid detail, having sworn to keep confidences.
“Honey, I don’t like to see you this way. You just need to unburden yourself of the last four years.” Jamie kept her voice even.
“That may be true, but it’s not going to happen tonight. I just need some relaxation. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Besides, I hope you’re in town for a couple of days, because I’m taking tomorrow and Friday off.”
Jamie snorted and scanned the festive bar. “Such a rule breaker. I can’t handle the excitement.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
She reached over, grabbing my hand. “I know you are, but you’ve waited, pining away for that man for four years. Time to shit or get off the pot.”
“Very funny. And look who’s talking, Miss Corporate Woman. I haven’t heard about a date in at least two years. Maybe longer.”
A shadow passed over Jamie’s lovely face and I knew the memories were biting. She eased back, crossing her legs. “Look around you. What do you see?”
“People enjoying a good time. Drinks with friends.”
“That’s it?”
I lifted a single eyebrow then took another long look, studying the various people in the room. They were all full of excitement, jazzed from being off or with friends, lovers. “They are happy to be here.”
“You mean the oh-so sexy men in the room?” Jamie winked.
An awkward silence settled in and it was time to erase the slate. The elephant in the room we’d avoided with kid gloves, pushing aside the ramifications. “I’m sorry about my father.”
“Everyone is.” She took a sip then seemed to notice my intense gaze. “I cared about your father, or at least I thought I did. I never wanted to hurt you with the fact we shared a few intimate times. It wasn’t planned, and I know that he was just using me, but I enjoyed the time I spent with him. I know that always made you angry and I apologize. I just wish we could get over this.”