by Charley Case
“What’s your problem, man?” the guy screamed, taking another swing.
Finn batted the fist away with a swipe of his hand and threw a right jab, hitting the drunk in the chest and knocking the wind out of him. The man went down with a wheeze, clutching his chest.
Penny landed on Remmy’s knee, puffed up with dragon’s breath in case the fight went badly.
Finn’s rage demanded he kill these two. However, the tiny bit of his logical brain told him killing them was wrong. He struggled to calm his bloodlust when the guy with the broken nose charged him and took a clumsy swing at Finn.
Finn saw it coming and bowed his head so the guy’s fist hit the hardest part of his skull. The guy screamed, clutching his broken hand.
Finn glared, murder in his eyes. The pair took off running, stumbling into each other and various trashcans along the way to the street.
Finn fought the instinct to chase them. He watched them turn right and slip on the snow, but they kept their feet and stumbled left out of his line of sight.
He breathed deep, fighting with his rage. A small hand filled his, and he peered down at Remmy looking up from inside her hood. Penny landed on his shoulder and soothed his emotions. The combination of seeing his goblin friend with worry in her eyes and the emotional healing from Penny helped clear his vision.
His breathing calmed, and he knelt to give Remmy a tight smile. “You okay?”
She nodded. “I am now, boss.” She had tears in her eyes and threw her arms around his neck. Penny got into the air in time to avoid being crushed between them.
Finn put his arms around Remmy and patted her back. She didn't let up on her hug, and he felt her trembling. “What were you doing out here alone?”
She pulled back, her greenish cheeks wet. She wiped them on her sleeve. “Trying to get some internet. Reception is shit in the sewers.” She pulled her beat-up phone out of her pocket.
Something in his core snapped and came free. People suffered over such simple things because they had nowhere to go. Remmy and her tribe were one example. The selkies had to form a gang to meet their needs. Orcs were forced to group together just to be themselves. Something needed to be done.
He gripped Remmy’s bony shoulders and smiled. “Why don't you come to my place? You can use the internet there, and no one will bother you.”
“Really?”
“Sure. Maybe we can scrounge up some grub, too.”
She hugged him quicker this time but no less fierce. “Thanks, boss!”
They left the alley, and Finn checked the way the two guys had run. To his surprise, Rolf stood at the entrance to the alley. He motioned for Finn to follow with a jerk of his head, then took a long pull from a rolled joint and let the smoke billow up and away into the falling snow.
“Penny, can you take Remmy to the condo?”
Penny glanced at Rolf and shot Finn a questioning glance.
“It’s fine. He’s a, uh, friend,” he said as he stooped to pick up the wooden case and brush the snow off it.
“Shir chi.” Penny flapped to land on Remmy’s head, her shoulder being too small for the dragon.
Remmy giggled, and Penny pointed in the direction of their condo. Remmy saluted and took off at a skipping run.
Finn watched them until they rounded the corner, then he turned to Rolf. Tucking the wooden case under his arm, he headed toward the old man, wondering what this conversation would be like. Judging by the cloud of smoke around Rolf’s head, it was going to be either deep or unintelligible. If it meant more enlightenment to help control his rage, Finn was all ears.
Chapter Fourteen
Finn slid into the red faux-leather booth inside Gormans 24, a twenty-four hour diner a few blocks from the alley. Rolf flopped down across from him, all smiles and looking baked.
A gray-haired waitress in a pink uniform dress stopped at their booth. “What can I get you?”
Finn peered at her nametag and gave her a polite smile. “Hi, Dottie. I’ll take a coffee and a piece of pie.”
She started writing on her ticket book. “What kind of pie?”
“I bow to your discretion.”
She gave a subtle eyeroll. “Apple it is. You want ice cream?”
“No, thank you.”
Dottie turned to Rolf. “You?”
“I’ll take the Grand Slam with an extra egg over easy and bacon. A coffee, black, and a large orange juice.” He rubbed his hands together in excitement.
Dottie smiled. “Be right back with the coffees.” She took their menus and went behind the long counter to put in the order.
Finn and Rolf waited for the coffees before starting. Finn looked at the smiling man, picturing him in a berserker rage. He failed to formulate the image. Rolf was too damned smiley. Maybe that was something berserkers did to keep people from knowing the truth. After all, the man smiled constantly.
Dottie put two cups and a beat-up white carafe on the table, along with a sad-looking slice of apple pie. She turned to Rolf. “Food’ll be out in a few, hon.” She gave him a wink.
Rolf beamed at her. “Thanks, love!”
She chuckled and walked away.
Finn gazed at Rolf. “What just happened?”
Rolf poured a cup of black brew for each of them. “What do you mean?”
“She doesn't like me, but she’s sweet on you.” Finn lifted the cup and inhaled the rich aroma.
“You try too hard.” Rolf took a quick sip and smacked his lips. “You have to know your audience. Dottie works second and third shifts in a twenty-four hour greasy spoon, man. Imagine the shit she has to deal with: drunks, bums, depressed insomniacs, she gets ‘em all. She wants to talk as little as possible and get her job done so she can go home and soak her feet. You go and ask her to make a decision for some guy she just met. Just say what you want, man.”
Finn glanced at Dottie as she leaned into the kitchen window and spoke to the cook. “You’re smarter than you let on, Rolf.”
Rolf smiled, his brilliant white teeth contrasting with his dark skin. “People think I’m an old stoner, but they forget there’s a whole life behind the smoke. I mean, I am an old stoner, but I’m also a Peabrain, and magic and smoke go together, man.”
Finn didn't argue. “So, where the hell did you go? We were talking at the bar and you disappeared.”
“Sorry about that, man. I stepped out to have a smoke and sort of forgot to come back, ya’know?”
“Before you wandered off, you said something about using magic while you were in a rage.” Finn leaned in. “I need to know how you do that.”
“I know you do. But I need to finish my story. To understand the methods, man.” He took another gulp of coffee and refilled the cup. As he was about to open his mouth, Dottie set a huge plate of food in front of him.
“Need anything else, sweetie?”
He looked at the plate with wide eyes, then smiled at her. “This is absolutely perfect, thanks.”
She smiled and turned to Finn, her frown returning. “You good, big fella?”
Finn gave a tight smile and nodded. “Perfect. Thanks.”
She rolled her eyes at his attempt to mirror Rolf and moseyed away.
Rolf chuckled, one of the eggs already in his mouth. “Still trying too hard. Don't sweat it. First impression can be a killer.” He stuffed a fork full of hash browns covered in gravy into his mouth, somehow not getting anything on his face. “Mmm.”
“You were saying?” Finn prompted when Rolf seemed to be forgetting their conversation.
“Oh, yeah.” He swallowed and took another sip of coffee. “So, after I lost my men, I was done, man. I wanted to die, you know? I dropped my gear and wandered into the jungle. I figured if the enemy didn't kill me, the jungle would.”
“I understand that. I’ve been there.”
“I bet.” He pointed his fork back and forth between them, flinging bits of hash on the table. “Me and you, we’re a lot the same, man. Different races, different classes, different
planets, but same.”
“Because we’re both berserkers.”
“Naw, man. Lots of fuckers are berserkers, but they ain’t got shit on us. We’re the same because we’re berserkers who want to be good men. That makes us unique. It also fucks us up when things go bad.” He took a few more bites.
Contemplative, Finn took a bite of pie, surprised it tasted better than it looked. He had never thought about why he couldn't continue in the army when all the other berserkers had no problems with their killing orders. He never considered he was a good man. He was a machine. A weapon. No one called an axe moral or good, it was an instrument for hacking other beings into tiny bits.
Rolf was right. Finn wanted to be a good person. He just wasn't sure how to go about it.
“Anyway…” Rolf swallowed another bite. “I was out there, like, three days. I had trenchfoot, I’d fallen down a ravine, banged up my arm, other painful shit. I never slept, just walked, lost in despair. Then I took another step and found myself in a manicured yard. It was a temple, one of those old ones that should have fallen down a thousand years ago. I collapsed.” He snapped his fingers. “Woke up a day or two later and this little guy in white robes stood over me. Jin. Little fucker saved my life. I was pissed at him.” He drained his second cup of coffee. “Jin was a Buddhist monk, all Zen and shit. So, I ended up staying. I helped clean the temple. Wasn’t even a Buddhist temple. We just cleaned it up, man. After a few weeks, we set off and found another one in bad shape and cleaned it up too. We did that shit for months. Backbreaking work, but ol’ Jin never said a fucking word.”
“Not much of a complainer?”
“I mean he didn't say a word. At all. Ever. As in, we didn't talk.”
Finn raised an eyebrow. “Vow of silence?”
Rolf laughed. “That’s what I thought, man. Turned out Jin just wasn't much of a talker. Sometime around the second month, he asked me to pass the rice. I about fell dead from shock, man. After that, we talked for days. Mostly me. I had shit to get off my chest. Told him about the rage, the magic. Jin didn't bat an eye. Even when I showed him a little of it. He looked at me like I was an asshole for not using magic to make our work go faster.” Rolf grinned at the memory. “Nothing fazed this dude, Finn. Nothing, man. Long story short, he started teaching me about Buddhism. And Zen, in particular.”
Finn frowned. “I haven't the best luck when it comes to religion.” Thoughts came to mind of temples full of insane priestesses trying to kill him as he liberated items from their vaults.
Rolf waved a hand. “Me neither, brother. But from those conversations, I discovered the key to controlling the rage.” He leaned in. “Want to know what they are?”
“That’s why I’m here eating this pie.”
“Okay, well, three things you need to know to control that demon.” He held up a finger. “One. You need to breathe.”
Finn set his fork down. He stared at the old man. “I know how to breathe. I’m doing it right now.”
Rolf shook his head. “Naw, man. You need to understand. The rage? It’s all physical, a reaction your body creates to keep itself alive in bad situations. You can look up the science, but trust me, you can control the physical, no matter how out of control you feel. Breathe slow and deliberate. It slows your heart rate, keeps the blood from rushing around. It gives you an edge. Puts you in control of how much rage to let out.”
Finn wasn't convinced, but he wanted to hear more. “And the second thing?”
Rolf folded his hands in front of his half eaten meal. “The second thing is you have to change the story you tell about yourself.”
“What?” Finn wasn't aware he was telling a story.
“It’s the small stuff.” Rolf took a bite of bacon. “Would you say when you go into a rage you lose control to a degree?”
Finn nodded, knowing that all too well.
“That’s a lie. You’re telling yourself you’re not in control. Change the story. The rage works for you, not the other way around. Change the story and repeat it to yourself. Over and over. Like a mantra, man. Get all zen with that shit. Changing your story changes the narrative.”
“How will that help me use magic when I’m in a rage? The rage blocks it. Hell, it makes you resistant to direct magical effects. That’s not in my head.”
“Different things, man. Using magic is in the mind. Being affected by magic is physical. The rage changes you physically, but mentally you can control the magic.” He shoveled the rest of the food into his mouth and guzzled the last of his coffee.
“There you go. That’s the secret.” Rolf scooted out of the booth. “Give it a shot before writing it off. That shit saved my life. Could save yours. Maybe your friends.” He pulled two crumpled twenties out of his pocket and dropped them on the table. “Pie’s on me. Catch you later, man.”
“Wait!” Finn held out a hand to stop him. “You said three keys. What’s the third one?”
“If all else fails…” Rolf smiled and pulled a joint from his pocket. “Does wonders for your mood.” He put the joint between his lips and walked to the door, waving to Dottie before leaving.
Chapter Fifteen
Danica and Mila surrounded Finn, both with concerned looks.
“Hey, ladies. What can I do for you?” Finn retreated to the kitchen and set the wooden case on the island counter.
“Are you okay?” Mila stepped closer.
Danica pulled his bomber jacket open and began checking him over. “Are you hurt?”
Finn pulled Danica's hands away. “I’m fine. Why wouldn't I be?”
Mila pointed to the couch. Finn followed her finger and saw Remmy bouncing up and down while playing on her smartphone, a bowl of chips and a beer on the coffee table. She looked happier than he’d ever seen her.
“Ah, Remmy. Has she been any trouble?”
Mila and Danica crossed their arms and gave him identical deadpan stares.
“She has, then?”
Mila rolled her eyes. “She’s been a little angel, but who the hell is she?” Her whisper had a growl to it. “She told us you got into a fight in an alley, then wandered off with some other white-haired guy with a long scarf who reeked of ‘weird smoke.’”
Finn laughed. “That sums it up. Goblins aren’t skilled at getting all the minute details across.” He laid a large hand on both their shoulders and gave a comforting squeeze. “I’m fine. Penny saw a couple drunks harassing Remmy. I ran them off, then ran into my buddy Rolf, and we grabbed a bite. Nothing dangerous, promise.”
Mila and Danica glanced at one another, frowned, then lowered their eyebrows at him. “Who the fuck is Rolf?” Danica asked, slender arms still crossed.
“He’s the guy I was talking to at the bar.” He locked on Mila. “Remember? I mentioned him, but he took off before you got back.”
Mila pursed her pretty lips. “I remember you saying something about some rando, but I never saw the dude.”
They followed Finn as he went to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He twisted the top off, not realizing it wasn’t a twist-off cap. With his grip strength, it didn’t matter. He opened it and took a swig. “He’s not some rando, at least I don’t think he is. I don’t know what that means. He’s a berserker, like me. He said he knew how to control the rage, so I thought I should check it out. Turns out he’s just spouting some ‘change your feelings and you’ll feel better’ bullshit.”
He took another long drink, then looked for Penny. He spied her perched on the back of the couch, watching Remmy play on the phone. “Penny been there the whole time?”
Mila smiled and peered at the little dragon and goblin. “No, first thing she did was tell us what was up, but we gave up on that and asked the goblin. Penny brought her snacks and a beer, then found a semi-clean towel and one of your t-shirts in the locker room. She’s been by her side since, cheering her on while she plays.” Mila smiled. “It’s actually been really sweet to watch.”
“Yeah, Penny’s always liked kids.” He chugge
d the rest of his brew and smacked his lips.
At the same time, Mila had paled. “Kid? She’s a child? Penny gave her a beer!”
“Remmy! How old are you?” Finn shouted across the room.
Noticing Finn for the first time, she smiled and waved. “Oh, hey boss. I’m, uh, forty-seven, I think. Why?”
“No reason.” He turned to Mila and in a quiet voice said, “You’re right, shes a little young for beer.”
Mila rolled her eyes and slapped his arm. “Now you’re just being an ass.”
“Actually,” Danica intervened, “goblins are pretty long lived. She’s still in her late teens, maybe early twenties.”
Finn laughed. “Don’t worry. Goblins can eat or drink about anything. They’re like goats. They have a very interesting digestive system that filters anything and everything, including alcohol. Remmy could eat a brick of arsenic and be fine.”
“Okay.” Mila nodded, looking less freaked out. “Not that I mind her being here, but why is she here?”
“Needed a place to relax. Remmy has it rough as her tribe’s main hunter. I figured we could give her a break, let her use the internet for a while.”
Mila frowned. “Then what? Just kick her out?”
“Well, she has to go home eventually. Unless she stays the night. I’m sure she would appreciate that, if you two don't mind.”
Danica pulled a pair of beers out of the fridge, handing them to Finn to open instead of getting the bottle opener. “I don't mind,” she said, “but Hermin will be here in the morning to teleport us to the cabin. She’ll have to leave pretty early.” She took her opened beer from Finn, and they clinked their bottles. “Unless you want her to watch the house while were gone?” She took an elf-like sip.
Finn took a dwarf-like ‘sip.’ “Not a terrible idea, but she needs a shower and her clothes washed. She’s a little on the sewer-smelling side. Probably why Penny grabbed a towel and tee from the locker room. Always thinking, that dragon.” He set off into the living room and leaned on the couch. “Hey, Remmy.”