“I wouldn’t be surprised,” I conceded.
Tavis’s eyes found mine, and he offered a sympathetic smile. “If you want to get washed up, there’s a trough of fresh water out by the stable. That’s what Sam and I’ve been using.”
I shifted my gaze to Sam, who was watching Sanchez and Carlos intently. They were sitting on the worn wood floor, cleaning and inventorying the weapons we’d collected from the black-bands. The boy appeared to be around ten years old, with dark brown, disheveled hair that hung in his shrewd, pale eyes. Like Carlos, Sam’s expression wasn’t that of a child, but of someone much older.
Since we’d arrived, Sam’s excitement and Tavis’s sense of relief had grown stronger, and I felt a stab of guilt. I had a group of companions and a semblance of safety. I’d never really considered what surviving would be like for the people who didn’t have what I did, who were alone or without a means to protect themselves. While Sam and Tavis seemed to have adapted well enough, it wasn’t without a price. I could see their struggles in the lines on their faces and the weariness in their eyes.
“Something wrong?” Tavis asked, and I wondered how long I’d been staring at the two of them.
I shook my head, offering a slightly embarrassed smile, and went in search of something to clean myself off with. I knew there had to be something I could use in place of the one towel and washcloth I’d brought with me. I didn’t want to stain them with someone else’s blood.
“There’s linen napkins in the cupboard,” Tavis offered, pointing to a door beneath the stairs.
“Thanks,” I said before he exited out the front door. I opened the closet to find a propane lantern, along with spare propane, batteries, and flashlights. Yahtzee! Then, thinking of the cold trough water that awaited me, my excitement faded. I sighed, missing the luxury of a hot shower.
I stretched to pull a napkin down from the top shelf, just as an arm reached over my shoulder to grab one instead. I felt the heat of a body behind me. Jake. Steadying my nerves, I turned to face him.
He handed me the folded napkin and watched me, his expression once again unreadable.
“Thanks.” I hated the way my gut twisted, remembering what had happened between us only a handful of hours earlier.
Reaching out, Jake brushed a scraggly strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. His fingers lingered there, and I fought the urge to lean into his hand. In the dim light of the lanterns set up throughout the house, his face appeared grief-stricken. He was going to leave… The thought made my heartbeat quicken with dread, and then with anger. No, fear.
“How are you doing?” I asked stupidly. “I mean, are you going to go after Becca now…or are you waiting until we go in to get Dani?”
Jake shook his head, and I could tell his mind was still a battlefield. “I’m sorry,” he muttered and dropped his hand back to his side. “I know…” His eyes met mine. “I know I was acting crazy. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He searched my eyes, but didn’t seem to find what he was looking for. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was—”
“Were you really gonna leave?” I blurted, wishing my mouth would just stay shut.
Jake’s eyebrows lowered in uncertainty.
He was going to leave, we both knew it, and I was conflicted. I wasn’t only upset with myself for trusting him, but with him for his willingness to risk Dani’s life—to risk all our lives—even if it was unconsciously done. But it is his sister. Although I wanted to hold on to my anger, I could only justify holding on to the hurt.
In spite of Jake’s silence, I put on a brave face, trying to convince myself that even if he would have left, he hadn’t, and we still had one another…at least for a little while longer. “I understand,” I said simply. “Things have been hard lately.” I shut the closet door. “Besides, Becca’s your sister. No matter what she says, we both know that. I wouldn’t expect anything less.” That much was true, no matter how painful.
I was about to sidestep him, to put some much-needed distance between us, when he leaned in, cupping my face in his large, burning palm. He was going to kiss me.
I shouldn’t. My eyes closed of their own accord, and I wanted to melt. I was still covered in blood, but the feel of his rough thumb stroking my jaw made it nearly impossible to focus on anything other than his touch. He eased in for a kiss, giving me time to pull away, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. No matter how devastating, I needed this—the feeling of something other than the fear, anger, and determination that followed me like asphyxiating shadows.
Jake’s lips were hot on mine, and the smell of wood smoke permeated his clothes; it was comforting, and I burned the sensations of his kiss, his scent, into my memory. Before I could comprehend, my body reacted and I rose to tiptoes and reached my arms around his neck, drawing him closer to me. His kiss deepened, excitement and contentment rushing through me like coalescing rivers, and I wanted to drown in them. My fingers explored his skin, my forefinger circling the soft hairs on the back of his neck as I savored the taste of his tongue.
The warmth of his body was euphoric, and I groaned. Though it had only been days, it felt like weeks since we’d been in each other’s arms, since we’d laughed or wrestled or just sat quietly beside one another. I missed him.
Harper cleared his throat, reminding us there were others in the room, and Jake pulled back. His eyes were enlivened again, the flickering lantern light illuminating the red-amber of his irises, setting them aflame.
“That’s something I’ve missed.” The words formed naturally on my tongue, and I almost smiled.
Jake’s brow furrowed. “The look in your eyes,” he said quietly, severely.
“I’m just surprised,” I started to say self-consciously, my eyes trailing down his perfectly imperfect nose to his full bottom lip. I wanted to lean in and take it between my teeth. I licked my lips.
“No, earlier.” His voice was a low rumble.
Oh, right—that. “I told you, I understand.” My voice was detached, despite my intentions, and I made my way to the door. “We’ll get Becca out of there too, and once we have her and Dani back, everything’ll be better.” I struggled to believe my words as I reached out to turn the door handle.
“Where are you going?” he asked, and I heard him take a step forward.
I need space before you do leave and break my fucking heart, I didn’t tell him. I couldn’t bear it if I got closer just so he could leave. “I’m going to wash up,” I said instead. “I feel disgusting. Chili’s in the pot over the fire if you want some. I’ll be back in a bit.” I opened the door, letting Jack and Cooper go out ahead of me for added protection.
When I glanced back at Jake, he looked like he was considering accompanying me.
“I’ll be fine,” I told him. “Tavis is out there, and I have my pistol.” I patted the gun on my thigh. I didn’t give him time to reply before I escaped out the door and shut it tightly behind me. I hurried down rickety wood stairs that looked like they hadn’t been replaced since the house was built, and headed to the stable where we’d put the horses—to the trough water I was going to bathe in. Yay.
“Easy, girl,” I heard Tavis say, followed by a horse snorting. I took a few more steps, watching his form come into view around the side of the stable. He was talking to one of the horses that had already been here when we’d arrived. The trough was inside the paddock, but within easy enough reach for me to access.
Tavis was slumped, leaning against the nearly rotted log fence, his arm draped over the top and his fingers playing with the brown mare’s mane as her head hung heavy with sleep. Propped atop one of the fence posts, a propane lantern burned bright, attracting moths to its steady glow.
Tavis’s expression was thoughtful, his brow pinched almost into a scowl.
“Hey,” I said, hoping I wasn’t interrupting his reverie. “Is she your favorite?” The lilt in my voice sounded a little more jovial than I felt, but I was okay with that.
His head shot up, and his
posture straightened. “Zoe.”
I smiled, enjoying the way my name rolled off his tongue. “I figured I’d take you up on your offer,” I said, pointing to the trough. “Dry blood isn’t my color, you know?” Unzipping my filthy bomber jacket, I hung it over a fence post to clean later.
The mare’s ears angled toward my voice, but she didn’t stir from her sleeping trance.
After dipping the checkered cloth into the frigid water in the trough, I started scrubbing the exposed skin on my neck. “How long have you and Sam been staying here?”
“Since we saw those three blokes killed. I wasn’t sure what to do afterward. I’d been so determined to get to the Colony that I didn’t think about what we’d do if it didn’t work out.” He shook his head. “Until you all showed up, I was considering how long we could survive here.”
“Well, you’ll probably regret letting us stay,” I teased. “We tend to have really shitty luck.” I laughed bitterly.
“I like your laugh,” he said, taking a step closer and leaning against the fence to face me.
“Yeah? Thanks. My friend always says that, too…though she also says she doesn’t hear it enough.”
“I haven’t heard anyone laugh in a long time.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You should laugh more.”
There was something intriguing about Tavis, and it wasn’t just his accent. He was open and easy to talk to, like Harper, but not closed off and complicated like Jake and Jason. It was refreshing.
I flashed him a wistful smile. “Gladly,” I said. “But it’d be easier to laugh more if things weren’t so—”
“Fucked,” he answered for me.
I chuckled and rinsed the napkin out in the water and started scrubbing my hands before moving to my face. “Exactly.” I wrung the cloth out again. “How’s Sam doing with all of this?”
Tavis shrugged and sighed. “I dunno. Better than I would’ve expected, to be honest. That kid’s been through hell and somehow he’s managed to use it to stay focused and to learn. I may be the adult, but we make our decisions together. We’re a team.”
“You’re lucky to have each other,” I mused.
He looked at me in surprise and nodded. “Yes, we are.”
“Has it always been just the two of you?” I pulled my hair from its snare to gather it again and knot it into a bun atop my head so I could scrub behind my ears.
“No, there was another bloke I met by Vegas, but there was an accident right before I found Sam outside of Flagstaff, so now it’s just the two of us.” Tavis took another step toward me. “You missed a spot,” he said, pointing to his jawline.
I scrubbed harder along the edge of my face and behind my ears and tilted my face to show him. “Better?”
He shook his head and took another step before he reached out to touch my cheek. “It’s right here,” he said quietly. The tip of his finger was cool and soft against my skin. “You want me to get it?”
Crunching gravel startled me, and I pulled away from Tavis’s touch. Jake approached, stopping a few yards from me. He stood there silently, and my heart raced.
“We need you inside,” he said coolly, and I couldn’t help but feel his anger simmering beneath the surface.
I flashed him an innocent smile. “Okay.” I rinsed and wrung out the linen once more before I grabbed my still-dirty jacket and headed for the house. I paused and glanced back at Tavis. “You coming?” I asked not wanting to abandon him outside…with Jake. When he nodded slightly, I shifted my attention to Jake, giving him a cautioning look before I continued on to the house.
Flinging the door open, I called, “Give me just a minute!” I ran upstairs to change out of my bloodied clothes. Falling clumsily multiple times, I struggled to pull on my pajamas. Finally warm and clean, I ran back downstairs and ladled some chili into a bowl. I curled up on the old, barely-padded sofa in front of the fire, welcoming the softness of my sweatpants and the comfort of the oversized Army hoodie I’d commandeered from Jason’s bag when I was helping him into the room an hour or so before. He was too drunk to notice it was missing anyway. Pulling my hair out of its messy bun, I ran my fingers through it, letting it fall around my shoulders, and then scooped myself a hearty spoonful of chili.
Chris, Harper, Sam, Carlos, and Sanchez were resting lazily by the fireplace, empty chili bowls beside them.
I glanced around at them. “Am I too late?”
“For…?” Sanchez asked, looking up from her book.
“I thought…” I was confused. I thought they needed me in here? There were no maps lying around and everyone seemed barely able to keep their eyes open. “Did you need me for something?”
Chris looked at me askance. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “Um, your brother is passed out upstairs. Harper said he’s doing fine. That’s about it.”
“Jake said you needed me.”
A knowing grin spread across Harper’s face and he leaned back, sprawling on the floor with his arms folded behind his head. “We do. We need you and Chris to keep your feelers out, Baby Girl. Let us know if you feel anything strange. Just as an extra safety precaution.”
“I can help,” Sam added.
“Perfect,” Harper said with a warm smile and a wink at the boy.
The door opened and Jake strode inside, making a beeline for the pot of chili. Tavis entered after him and crossed the room to Sam, who was nestled on his pallet of blankets in the corner. Neither looked at me. In fact, it seemed they purposefully avoided my gaze.
“So, tell us about your friend inside the Colony,” Tavis said, sitting and leaning against the wall beside Sam. “What’s your plan?”
Chris shook her head. “We’re not sure yet. For now, the plan is for her to gather as much information as she can.”
“But she’s still in there all alone,” Carlos said. Like me, he clearly didn’t like the fact that she was still in the Colony.
I swallowed a bite of chili. “She said she’s okay,” I offered, trying to reassure him. It was senseless for both of us to worry. “She said that MG—I mean, Gabe”—I rolled my eyes—“is helping her, but I still don’t—”
“What did you say?” Jake asked, his hand suddenly gripping my wrist. I looked from his white-knuckled grasp up to his scowling face. He emanated a ferocity that made my hands tremble. His chili bowl clacked against the small table beside the sofa as he set it down. “What did you just say?” he repeated, eerily calm.
“Um…that Dani said she’s okay, and that Gabe is helping her?”
When recognition registered on Jake’s face and his eyes flashed with rage, I suddenly understood. I instantly lost my appetite and lowered the bowl to my lap.
Jake shot to his feet and laced his fingers together behind his neck. He stalked away from us, his anger whipping around him wildly. We all stared at him, taken aback by the sudden, dangerous shift in his mood. None of us had ever seen Jake so angry, but between my killing someone for the first time, Dani sending me into a debilitating dizzy spell, being attacked by Colony soldiers, and pretty much everything else that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, the day had been filled with a lot of firsts.
He flung the front door open and stalked out into the darkness. Not even Cooper trotted after him. Jake’s hatred and fear burrowed into my heart as he pictured Gabe at the Colony with his sister. When he pictured Gabe visiting me in my dreams, he could no longer contain his rage.
There was a loud crash outside, followed by another, and everyone turned to me, waiting.
It took me a moment to realize what they were waiting for. “Gabe’s the one responsible for Becca’s death…he’s the guy who’s with Dani.”
~~~~~
My little-girl body was broken. The featureless woman who haunted my dreams stood, looming above me. Even without eyes she was watching me…waiting for me to die. I could feel hot blood covering me. My head felt dizzy, and my vision was blurring. Where am I? The faceless woman reached for me and I squealed,
trying to get away, but my body remained paralyzed and nothing but sobs escaped my little-girl lips.
“There you are,” a familiar voice said. The faceless woman was gone, but I knew I wasn’t alone. “I was wondering when you’d die.” My eyes were glued open, but my vision was blurred so I couldn’t see who it was—but I didn’t need to see her. I recognized the hair-raising lilt in her voice: Clara.
I gulped for air as my heart lurched. Grabbing at my throat, I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. “Finally,” was all she said as I caught a flash of her blue eyes and blonde hair. But it was too late.
I started awake, snapping my eyes open. I was lying on my back, and I felt suffocated and disoriented. Nothing smelled familiar. Not the scent of fabric softener on my sheets or the comforting smell of leather and hay from the barn…where am I? I sat up. My eyes darted around in the darkness, gradually discerning my surroundings as I recalled the musty-smelling house we were staying in…and the feel of Jake’s inferno-like body beside me. His presence eased my mind a little, and I exhaled. It was just another stupid fucking dream.
Rubbing my toes against the flannel lining of my sleeping bag I’d rolled out over the bed, I let the feel of the soft, well-worn fabric distract me from my rapid breathing and sweaty hands. Moonlight shone through the narrow windows on one wall, and Jake’s long, deep breaths soothed me.
As my mind calmed, I could feel Jake’s emotions churning: concern—regret—uncertainty. He was awake.
“I tried to wake you,” he said in a quiet rumble.
“Jake,” I breathed, looking down at his shadowed outline. I wanted things between us to be normal, comfortable, even if it was just for the night.
He seemed to know my question without me having to ask it. He raised his nearest arm, welcoming me to tuck myself in beside him. I lay back down, my head resting perfectly on his shoulder. Snuggling into him, I hoped the feel of his body would drive away the unsettling memories of my nightmare and make me feel like there was still something good in my life, still something worth holding on to.
The Ending Series: The Complete Series Page 64